nachos
There comes a point in every man’s life, (and maybe a woman’s life too, but I can’t speak for women since women hate me) where you realize that you are a loser. It’s true. Some men are stubborn, and it takes many years, till you wake up one day, your teeth are falling out, you have ear hair, and it just occurs to you. To others, it comes much sooner, like to me, when my drawing of “super watermelon man” was discovered by a much cooler guy than me, and was ridiculed in front of the class. Actually, superwatermellon man was pretty cool.

Anyway, the point is, when you realize you are a loser, you have two options: to accept being a loser, or to go on pretending you’re not. I chose the latter.

So I am cool. For the last two weeks, I’ve been neglecting most social contact in order to finish this paper I’m writing for the last class in my journey to get a masters degree in education. And it’s kind of weird. I’m like, wow, so this is my life. Today, instead of going with the crew to watch one of our buddies perform in a salsa dance show, I’m writing a paper.

But let’s say I did go to the show and take an “F” in my class. Here’s what’d happen. First I’d complain about my job on the train into downtown Osaka, and most people would kind of respond, but mostly listen passively and change the subject to something like why Japanese people eat tiny little dried fish with the eyes still on them.

Then we’d get there, find a seat, and my friend Mr. C would like start hitting on this girl who has a thing for guys that can’t speak her language, even though he’s sleeping with someone right now.

Mr. M would start fighting with his girlfriend, and they’d get so loud, one of the salsa show ushers would ask them to leave. Of course, Mr. M’d be all up in his face since he was worked up from the argument, and finally get to remain in the show, but everyone around us would be pissed.

Then Mr. Mi would want us to go grab a beer after the show, which everyone knows will turn into ten beers, and riding the last train home the night before work.

So I’ll just stay in my apartment, continue to lose touch with whatever friends I had in America, and eat nachos. Man, I could really go for some nachos. And like a good, funny movie. Not an annoying funny movie, but I mean like Office Space or Family Guy, something that doesn’t make you feel like a worse person when you’re done watching it.