BMT SCHEDULE
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: T-minus 3 days and counting...
Topic: Update
My Intake-Nurse called this afternoon to tell me I should report to the U of M hospital at 9:30 AM this Friday.

First order of business is a visit to the Radiology Department where I'll have (minor) surgery at 11:00 to have the "line" (a Hickman catheter-port) placed in my right shoulder.

I'll begin 5 days of chemotherapy on Saturday, 3/10, & finish Wednesday, Mar. 14, followed by full body radiation on Thursday. Brother Warren will report Monday, March 12 & continue each day until Friday, March 16 when they'll collect stem-cells from him. Shortly after wards, I'll receive his stem-cells through transfusion on Friday, & Warren should be released, unless they need to collect more, which is unlikely, we're told.

I can have up to 3 visitors at a time, if healthy, but NO plants, flowers or balloons allowed in my
room. Since my immune system might be near zero for a few days, I can't promise I'll be up to many phone calls and/or visitors during my second week in the hospital? I will not have my cell-phone in the hospital, as they're not allowed, but calls to my siblings or my sons will give you information on my status:

Al & Becky = 218/863-8112
Verna & Jerry = 218/736-4864
Warren & Lynn = 701/235-7063
John = 612/670-3958
Joel & Dori = 612/961-6857

My e-mail address (wesonlida@loretel.net) can be used, as Becky will check it at my home, & I will try retrieve messages from my laptop, which will use the same e-mail address.

My room during recovery will be on PCU 4B, U of M Medical Center, Fairview Hospital, 500 Harvard Street SE, Minneapolis, MN, 55455

Hospital telephone: (612) 273-3042

Below each new blog is a "post your comment" as an easy way to respond also!

Thank you!

Wes

(After I'm discharged from the hospital I'll have an off-site mailing address & my own cell-phone (612/240-3934) will be available for making & receiving calls! When? A month?)

Snow-rific!
Mood:  cool
Topic: Update


I thought you'd like to see how I spent part of Sunday afternoon... Great weather: 32F & lots of new snow!!

Maybe the U of M will call me this week about admission date?

Copy of email from Wes
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: Update
It's noon Saturday & sunny...no new snow, but colder outside today! Al, Becky & Bonnie are picking me up in an hour to attend the 2:00 funeral for Helen in Fergus Falls. There's a gathering at Jerry's & Verna's home afterwards, so not sure what time I'll get home tonight? I might "do" church tomorrow, depending on weather & my alarm clock? We got at least a foot of snow here... over the 3 days!

Joel and Dori bought a new house in Faribault next to Legacy golf course. They close (and move) by April 15th, so will be busy with that and a trip to Cabo San Lucas.

If I hear something from the U of M nurse coordinator about the week ahead I'll let you know.

Love & hugs from me,
Dad :-)

Email from Wes
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: News and notes...
Topic: Update
It's Wednesday afternoon/early evening. My checkup appointment at the local PR clinic today showed that my white cell count was near normal so my sinus infection was affected positively by the antibiotics I've been on since a week ago. My doctor was going to call the University of Minnesota BMT staff people to tell them I've "mended" enough to re-schedule the the transplant procedure again.

They had called a week ago to tell me to report last Thursday, but my sinus infection put that on hold. Whether I'm told to report before the weekend, or after this weekend depends on what their next telephone call says about availability, etc. With another snowstorm predicted for our area tonight, & through Friday may not allow me to travel very far from home, so I'll stay here trying to (completely) clear my nasal & throat passages.

Yes...I will update some of you on my status in regard to proceeding with the BMT.

Also, I wanted some of you to know that my brother-in-law's mother died early yesterday, at age 98, in a Fergus Falls nursing home. This would be Jerry's mom, & my sister Verna's mother-in-law, Helen Johnson. The past two weeks she had stopped eating, & not too responsive to either family members or staff. Today, my brother Al & I had lunch in PR with Verna, since she brought some of Helen's clothes to be given locally to a shop that sells used clothing. The funeral will be at 2:00 p.m. Saturday,
March 3, at Bethlehem Lutheran Church in Fergus Falls.

Jerry's & Verna's address is: 605 South Union Avenue, Fergus Falls, MN 56537-2710 (Telephone = 218 / 736 - 4864)

My best, for now, Wes

Gettin' better...
Mood:  chatty
Now Playing: By John
Topic: Update
Dad's sinus infection seems to be getting better. He'll know more after his Wednesday doctor's appointment in PR, but if he gets the 'green-light' that he's OK, he may head to the Cities for the BMT as early as Thursday. Of course, that depends on their schedule too.

Otherwise, he's just hanging out at home and spending time with friends and neighbors at the lake: wine-n-cheese parties, cooking family favorites (and freezing leftovers for us when we visit), playing cards, digging out from snow storms, etc.

More news Wednesday...

Ready or not, here we don't come...
Mood:  down
Now Playing: Copy of Dad's email
Topic: Update
My U of M NURSE CALLED THIS MORNING TO TELL ME THEY'RE READY FOR ME, LIKE TOMORROW?

When she heard my voice (raspy) she said I didn't sound well. She told me to get in to see a local doctor and call her back after wards. I had an appointment at 1:30 and it's a sinus infection, so I'm on an antibiotic for a week. I should touch base with the nurse and the local doctor next Wednesday, Feb. 28, to see where I'm at health-wise. Maybe next week I'll get a BMT appointment?

Copy of email from Wes
Mood:  down
Topic: Update
I have a cold so won't stay UP very late tonight! I woke up Monday with sneezing and a runny nose, so am doing all I can to "cure" it.

I've attached my recent e-mail note to Joel so you can use some of it in the next blog. I have NOT heard from Kathy Hodgins or anyone else at the U of M hospital, so don't know what to think? There's snow for 3 days predicted here, starting Friday, so hope driving conditions are favorable, if I'm expected at the U on Friday. I think Al will take me down and we'll both stay over - whether he takes my van or his SUV will depend on the weather, I'm sure. If there are more "sporting activities" at the University, getting a motel room nearby might be difficult (again). I don't dare call the Days Inn 'til I know when I need it. I'm trying to get things ready here, but this cold is NOT conducive to many projects, I'm afraid.

Speaking of the hospital, my meeting last Friday morning with the infectious disease specialist went OK considering what might have been. She showed me the Cat-Scan "pictures" from both those done in Fargo on Jan. 19, and those at the University on Jan. 30, to illustrate some "spots" on the lungs and liver. She concluded that it was probably scar tissue left from the staph infection experienced
in November. She recommended I continue with the transplant procedures and mentioned something called Hysto-plasma which is common recently, so they took a urine sample, in addition to 4 vials of blood.

They said I've gained about 14 pounds since I weighed 161, and my heart, lungs, eyes, ears, throat, etc. seemed okay. I saw the same doctor John and I had met with two weeks ago (Dr. Majhail). He agreed with the findings of Dr. VanBurick, the specialist I met with earlier. The nurse coordinator told me she would call me as soon as there's available "openings" to begin the process. I told her I need to find a driver to get me to the University hospital so I will need more than a couple hours warning before I'm able to be there. She said she only has control over so much scheduling.

BITS AND PIECES
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Copy of email from Wes
Topic: Update
As many of you know, Mary helped to start the BITS AND PIECES Newsletter for Northwest Airline flight attendants. Here is a copy of the most recent email from Karen Schmit, who is now in charge it. I think Karen includes recent news about Dad in there also!

Dear BITS AND PIECES Subscribers:

Hopefully I've made some improvements to BITS AND PIECES.

First: I've found a way to send an e-mail alert to our large mailing list with the website link each month. Items I receive in between editions of the newsletter will be posted on the Bulletin Board Page of the website. The latest edition BITS AND PIECES Newsletter, February 12, 2007, has been published to the website. Also, new photos on 2007 Photo Page.

Go to: BITS AND PIECES

Second: If you are on a dial-up connection and are finding the download too slow, I have a 'work around' for you for the newsletter. Please let me know.

Third: I am very happy to inform you that Kay Kurtz will be our Back-up BITS AND PIECES Person (BBPP). Because it's a large and important list it will now be held in two places. The integrity of the list will be maintained, so please don't worry about your e-mail address being used without your permission. For all of you who have offered help, I thank you. I went in seniority order and Kay won!! Congratulations and THANK YOU, Kay.

Cheers!
Karen
karenschmit@dishup.us

Copy of email from Wes
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Update
I'm cooking tonight (Saturday) for Al, Becky, Bonnie & myself (chicken breasts, cheesy diced potatoes, brussel sprouts, etc.). We all went to THE CLUB last night. Becky says she's making spaghetti for Sunday night.

It's +7F outside now at 6:00 p.m. but not very sunny today.

The procedures I was referring to begin with inserting the Hickman, according to my last call from someone at the U of M BMT clinic. She didn't think it would be Monday, but couldn't say which day
it might be? She implied that Kathy would call me after she returns from her week away?

Not much news...
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Hurry up and wait.
Topic: Update
Looks like the BMT Center wants Dad to go to the Cities for his Infectious Disease appointment rather than Fargo. And it also looks like he won't start the transplant immediately after that appointment either. At this point, he's not sure exactly when then want him there semi-permanently...

So, the tentative plan is for him to drive John's Expedition down on Thursday, stay over, swap cars, get to the Friday appointment, head back to the lake, and wait to hear on a go-date. Joel had offered to chauffeur him back-n-forth on Thursday (as did the Mannings, his summer lake neighbors), but it looks like that won't be necessary.

Maybe he'll want to take the cats back for a while...?

Tentative schedule
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: Update
Dad heard from a person named Donna at the BMT department yesterday. She said he should be there for a FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 16 appointment in the morning for lab work and an appointment with an infectious disease specialist. He's waiting to hear if he can see the same type of specialist at Merit Care in Fargo instead. My guess is they want to assure he doesn't get another infection from the catheter (Hickman port), so they'll probably insist he sees the doctor at the U of M.

Not sure yet if that means he starts the transfusion immediately after this appointment or what. We were told by the Nurse Coordinator that "most of the staff there will be at a conference in Keystone Colorado from Tuesday the 6th through the 13th, so we assume that's one of the reasons for the delay.

The cats, Shadow and Crystal, made the journey on Sunday to John's place in Chaska with relative ease. They were let out of their travel cages once we hit the freeway and they kept Cortnie, Megan and Samantha warm and occupied the whole way back. They (kitties) weren't too sure about their new surroundings for the first couple of days - lots of meows, increased ankle rubbing, and more bed switching than Goldilocks - but they seem to have acclimated well enough. The downside (for John) is having to take allergy medications for the next 3-4 months. The girls are excited to have them here, which I immediately used to get their commitments to help clean the litterbox and cat hair off the furniture. The upside is that I have to dust less because cats explore remote places and come out covered in cobwebs, so it's like having a robot Swiffer-Sweeper. I know Dad misses them dearly and wishes he'd kept them there a bit longer...

Copy of email from Wes
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: Update
Although son John wrote an update yesterday to the website "blog", I'll add to it since I'm home for an extended weekend, waiting for the telephone call from the nurse coordinator at the University-Fairview Hospital in Minneapolis (soon) to tell me when to return there for my bone-marrow transplant.

A week ago my twin brother Warren & I drove to the Twin Cities for the preliminary tests scheduled for him on Monday, Jan. 29, & for me the remainder of the week. Warren returned to Fargo Monday night & I came here with son John & his 3 daughters Friday evening, following a two-hour consultation with my "workup" doctor, Dr. Majhail, a hematologist at the University hospital. As John's "blog" reports, all those necessary test results were satisfactory, except for some heart damage, which the doctor thought minimal enough to warrant going ahead with the transplantation procedures. It's referred to as BMT, & there is a backlog of patients waiting, so I was sent home & will know which day I'll need to report back, sometime this coming week, according to my nurse.

On day #1 I will receive the Hickman catheter inserted into my right shoulder, followed by 5 days of chemotherapy & other (facilitating) drugs, followed by full-body radiation. Day 7 is the day of transfusion, giving me stem cells from my brother Warren, which I discovered is actually DAY #1 of the 100-day countdown, NOT beginning on discharge day. I will be hospitalized for approximately 4 weeks, depending on my recovery time, the success of the transplant, etc., but with a suppressed immune system & isolation in my room will be a part of my stay in the hospital.

I was told the telephone # I'd given you all earlier may not be very direct to the floor, so until I know more, calls to the nurse's station are discouraged, &
you'll have to call my siblings at the telephone numbers I'd given you on January 22, okay? My cell-phone is NOT allowed within the hospital, & plants or flowers aren't allowed, due to mold, etc. I'll be encouraged to walk (treadmill or in halls), bike on a stationary bike, eat regular but small amounts of food & drink plenty of fluids during my hospital stay. Visitors are welcome, but restricted (3 at a time) to those who are well, & children not allowed under a certain age. Washing ones hands before entering the room is required, & I might have to wear a mask at times? I'll use my laptop to receive messages more than to send them, so this may be my last update until sons John and/or Joel send updates again?

It is a scary time for me, but I'm hopeful & thankful for the option of renewed health soon, & a life ahead that is free of cancer.

Thank you for caring concern, & prayers for me!

Wes

It's a GO...
Mood:  incredulous
Now Playing: By John
Topic: Update
"The good news," said Dr. Majhail, "is that both your bone marrow biopsy and spinal tap show 0% blasts, meaning the cancer is still in remission."

Dad let out an audible sigh of relief.

"Your twin brother is also an 8-by-8 donor match, the best possible through HLA blood protein-typing," he continued. "However..."

We waited for the other shoe to drop.

"Your heart has suffered some damage," the turban-wrapped hematologist stated matter-of-factly. "

I was attending Dad's final meeting after his week-long screening process of test upon test upon test. The purpose was to determine his overall "fitness" for a Bone Marrow Transplant. The risk factors and procedure percentages the doctor threw out at us were mind-numbing.

- Four to five out of ten BMT patients live and are Leukemia-free in one year.
- Twenty to thirty percent of BMT patients die in the first six months.
- Fifty percent get "early" or acute Graft-Versus-Host-Disease.
- Twenty-five percent develop life-long, irreversible chronic GVHD.
- The donor marrow may fail to "take" or engraft, which may be fatal.
- The bone marrow may recover too slowly, or not at all, and infections or bleeding may not be able to be stopped resulting in death.

Possible side-effects from the combinations of drugs include fever, skin rash, nausea, low blood pressure, vomiting, diarrhea, malaise, fluid retention, wheezing, seizures, hair loss, mouth sores, sterility, kidney failure, coma, brain damage, irreversible damage to vital organs, hemorrhagic cystitis, cardiomyopathy...

"What if he waited to see if the Leukemia comes back," I asked. "Or went with the old method of consolidation chemotherapy treatments?"

The doctor ran his fingers through his thick, black beard. "It would probably come back within 4-to-8 months," he replied. "And when it eventually did return, the cancer would be more aggressive and much harder to treat."

In Dad's favor: his relatively good health (for a 66-year-old), best possible donor match, the reputation of the U of M BMT transplant center, the intermediate chromosome verifying the AML versus CMML diagnosis...

Against his success: side-effects, percentages, some lack-of-oxygen damaged tissue in the apex of his heart, the septic infection he developed from the last Hickman port they installed...

Probable. Possibly. Likelihood. Slight occurrence. Chance of. Risk of. Tendancy... His answers had all these words mixed in. Ultimately, we got the picture. Do nothing, cross your fingers, hope and pray. Or go through with the BMT, cross your fingers, hope and pray.

Nobody spoke for a minute while Dad pondered everything that had been presented to him.

"So, do you understand everything I've explained to you?" he asked both of us.

I glanced over at Dad. He nodded. I followed suit.

"And do you want to proceed with the transplant?" the doctor posed.

"Yes," Dad said, then paused. "I've thought about it, and I think it's the best option."

Immediately the room actually felt brighter, the air a bit less weighty, the lump in my throat dissolved, and I blinked rapidly while having to look away. I don't know how to explain what happened, but for the rest of the 2-hour appointment, Dad and I laughed, shared, joked, and talked with the doctor like we'd known him for a lifetime. He listened intently to Dad's questions. He complimented me on the research I'd done about the transplant. He actually seemed interested in our stories. He was patient and kind trying to explain complicated procedure in layman's terms. He was optimistic, confident, humane, personable, and gave every impression that he cared about Dad's condition and concerns.

In the end, he helped Dad feel like he'd made the right decision.

Mid-week news
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: By Wes through John
Topic: Update
I've been at the Days Inn University (612-623-3999) since Sunday night. Brother Warren and I drove down and followed Joel and Dori part of the way.

Monday started at 10:30 am sharp with a meeting, some tests for Warren and I, and background info from everybody involved. Warren's daughter, Kelly, joined us for dinner before he headed back to Fargo. I'm learning the shuttle schedules back-n-forth from the hotel and the complex tunnel system from building-to-building.

Tuesday was very busy. Bone density test, blood tests, irradiation test, pulmonary function test, tests with letters and acronyms I can't remember... Meetings with doctors, nurses, social worker, and aides. Moved from one hospital to another, from one clinic to another all day. Finding my way around this massive complex slowly but surely.

Can't believe how tired I am at night...

Wednesday will be another full day of tests-n-meetings too, but Thursday is free and open. Ed Karels and I plan to meet for lunch sometime that day. Friday's last meeting with the main transplant doctor is at 1:00 pm. John will attend and then drive me to Chaska to pick up his girls prior to us heading back up to the lake for the long weekend.

I don't know the actual day I need to be back to start the transplant - they are "backed up." Looks like maybe Tuesday, more likely Wednesday, or possibly Thursday.

Joel & Dori's Weekend Visit
Mood:  happy
Topic: Update
Saturday we drove up north to spend the day with Dad. Arrived just before supper time. As usual, Dad had dinner guests which included: Al & Becky, Dori and myself, Bonnie Hanson & Pastor Jim McBride. We had a wonderful ham dinner and apple pie for dessert. We played 18-holes (two games) of the card game Golf. Really enjoyed the evening and I was especially happy to see Dad enjoying himself. He never use to play cards or games with us much, so is was great to see him playing and have so much fun!
Sunday uncle Warren arrived in the afternoon to pick up Dad for their trip to the University of Minnesota. Al & Becky sent us all off and we followed each other most of the way to the cities. We stopped a Culver's (one of all of our favorites)for dinner and parted ways for the remainder of the trip.
The weekend went quick, but we spent some quality time with the family. Pastor Jim said a wonderful prayer Saturday evening after cards that really gave me hope and encouragement for Dad and his upcoming bone marrow transplant. I thank god for all the support Dad has up north and I'm very thankful for all the sacrifices friends and family have made.
Lastly, I'm so proud of my Dad and his courage at battling his cancer & I really think he's made the right choice at doing the bone marrow transplant, because it gives him a much better chance at living a longer, normal life and beating the cancer.
God Bless you All-
Joel & Dori

More BMT Details
Mood:  chatty
Now Playing: Highlights of Wes Email
Topic: Update
The nurse coordinator at the U of M medical center, Tim, called again with more information. As did the social worker, Leah, whom we had the initial meeting with that Friday morning after meeting to Dr. Linda Burns. The answers I got yesterday were vague, but they said get specifics back to me today or tomorrow?

Tim's first statement was that he was waiting for my call about which sibling would be the donor, so they could schedule that person along with me for next week. I did tell him last week it would probably be my twin brother, Warren, since he really wanted to do it, was first to get approval, and probably in the best health. After covering this, he said he'd schedule Warren for next Monday (half day of blood work, etc.) and that I was to report at 10:30 a.m. that Monday, coming in each day as an out-patient. I will know each day what the next day's schedule is, but there wouldn't be a bone-marrow biopsy on Monday - probably another day in the week? He implied that I might be done as early as Thursday and it would then be that day I'd meet with the doctor(s). He also said they are "backed up" and my next procedures might not start until mid-week of
that week beginning February 5th. I said do you mean Wednesday instead of Tuesday and he said I would know when I got to the clinic on Monday, January 29th, as would Warren about his schedule for the second week.

This may all seem confusing now, but Warren and I will plan to drive down Sunday afternoon, check in to a motel, and be "ready" for all our tests Monday morning. I'm still waiting to hear about housing for my 100-day stint after the initial hospitalization. Tim was able to answer some of my questions about the outcome of my tests at Fargo, but most were medical terms that made little sense to me.

I might attend Wally Redmann's memorial service in Fargo Friday morning with Verna, depending on her schedule and the weather that day.

Copy of email from Wes
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: By Wes
Topic: Update
It's Monday noon, Jan. 22, & I received notice from a nurse coordinator at the University of MN clinic-hospital that (1) all 3 of my siblings were a "match" as donors for the blood-marrow transplant. It appears that my twin, Warren, will be the one to donate, with brother Al & sister Verna as back-up donors, if his physical & other tests don't measure up? I also was told (2) that I am to report to the University hospital on MONDAY, January 29, for preliminary tests & procedures, so Warren & I will drive down together on January 28.
The only telephone # I have is 612 / 273 - 2800, which is NOT a direct line to me. While hospitalized, mail can be addressed to me, c/o U of M Medical Center, Fairview, PCU 4A or 4B, 500 Harvard Street S.E., Minneapolis, MN 55455, which should be good for 4-6 weeks. After being discharged from the hospital, I will move to an off-site apartment for the next 100 days, with checkups daily at the clinic & 24/7 "care" from a family member or friend. While in isolation, visitors will be restricted, I'm told? Prayers welcome! Wes

All quiet on the Western front...
Mood:  quizzical
Now Playing: From John
Topic: Update
Not much new news to report from Camp Lida:

Still waiting on final details and logistics from the BMT Center at the U of M.

Finally got the Thanksgiving meal he'd missed while in the hospital in Fargo.

Cards and updates nearly all mailed out.

Joel (and Dori?) coming up this upcoming weekend.

Dahdada-dahdada-dah.

T minus 12 and counting...
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: BMT timeline and schedule
Dad got a call from the BMT Center yesterday...

Turns out Al and Verna also were also donor matches, so now it's up to them to decide who is the best candidate. Paper, scissor, rock anyone?

They also informed him that his "paperwork" is complete and they'd like Dad to start his pre-screening on Monday, January 29th. The donor will also have to be down there sometime that week to get a once-over.

From what we've been told, the donor will be given a shot (or pills) that will 'trick' their bone marrow into over-production and release the needed stem cells into their bloodstream. They will then be hooked up to a "blood filter" that pulls out exactly what they need for the BMT and pump the remaining blood right back into them. This filter-via-machine process could go on for a period of several days until they have enough. Worst case scenario, they will have to sedate the donor and perform minor surgery in the pelvis area to extract the necessary volume of transfusion material.

The actual Bone Marrow Transplant is scheduled to begin on Monday February 5th. That week Dad will get two different chemotherapy drugs, three "study" drugs to reduce potential rejection of the transplant, and a full-body irradiation treatment. This 'Reduced Intensity' BMT is specifically designed for older adults (56-70) and instead of 'killing off' a patient's immune system, it is intended to just 'suppress' it instead, thus reducing some risks of a traditional BMT.

Then, they will 'transplant' the donor material and wait. There are many potential complications (20% of BMT patients die) and a host of side-effects (rejection, host-vs-donor syndrome, infection, etc.), but Dad has faith that the probable result (a cure and longer life) outweighs the risks. He's heard stories from many BMT patients who are living happy, productive lives many years after their procedure.

He will be confined to an environmentally enhanced isolation room for 4-6 weeks once the BMT starts. He cannot leave his room. No cell phones allowed. They will deliver meals to him. Family who wish to spend short visits with him must be virus and infection free. Everybody who comes in contact with him must wear a surgical mask, latex gloves, and take extra precautions.

So, other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?

My suggestion is that, if you've thought about calling him, do it. After the 5th, it may be a while before he's up to par again.

Bargaining...
Mood:  crushed out
Now Playing: By John
Topic: Update
Dad lay motionless in his hospital bed in the ICU at Merit Care, surrounded by beeping machines and tangled in numerous tubes. In an effort to lessen the load on his heart, they had forced nearly 30 pounds of fluid retention and he looked eerily like his father, Walt. He'd been there nearly five days and had been unconscious for most of that time. It had been about 24 hours since they decided to give him a "sedation-vacation," but there was still no sign of him improving, much less waking up. His vital signs teetered near critical stages and his white blood cell count was dangerously low. The heaving sound of the respirator drowned out the relaxing music we had playing in the background. To describe the mood as somber would be a vast understatement. Even the nurses, who were normally chipper and chatty, dropped their eyes or found something else to do when entered his room.

We'd just come back from a family meeting with the Critical Care doctor who had informed us that "it doesn't look good..." A septic infection, compounded by fluid around the lungs, pending kidney failure, heart damage, and a low immune system had combined to put Dad's fate beyond the care of modern medicine and into the hands of God.

It was a defining moment for me.

My upbringing and personal walk of faith had taught me that, when I talk to God, I should focus on being thankful for the blessings I already have (Prayer of Jabez, 1 Corinthians 4:10). Nevertheless, as I stood next to Dad in that gloomy near-dark room, I found myself asking (and begging) for His help and promising Him I'd do certain things or make specific changes to my life if He came through. Many of my prayers started with, "Dear God, if you make Dad better, I will..." Psychologists and counselors refer to this as "bargaining," one of the five stages of dealing with death.

It's now time for me to make good on those promises. God came through, big time! And as hard as it may be, I'd be a fool not to live up to my end of the bargain, because Dad is about to enter yet another high-risk phase of his treatment for Leukemia, the Bone Marrow Transplant. As the Attending Physician, Dr. Burns, told us during his initial consultation at the U of M, "this will be much more intense than what you've already been through."

I'd hate to find myself standing next to him again in a hospital room where complications put him once more in a life-or-death situation. Especially if I haven't yet made good on my promises to God, and specifically if I might need to call on Him again sometime soon. I'd hate to be the only one who hasn't made good on my "bargains" because miracles do happen...