been ages man! *AH* need to come here more often. neraly forgot that i have this man...

see diaryland

the email
Keefkeef:

Heyhey. Bleh, me shall go straight to the point. Hmmm, I didn’t have much peace when I slept. Sigh. When the lift door had to close and the lift moved away, my heart tore into pieces. Why did it end up this way? But yes, I’m still thankful and grateful that at the very least we are each other’s best friends. Am happy that you shared to me, and would like very much to have you continue to do that, and of course me will still share (bleh). But my heart is still aching a lot, sigh. Shouldn’t have expected so much from you, thought that you could take more than you really can… Like I mentioned, if I had known what depending on you to take care of me when I was extremely depressed would lead you to think and feel the way you do today, I would rather have hurt a lot then…cos this is kind of the worst case scenario…that you and I are a definite no to you. What a headache that gives me. Thankfully I know that things can only get better, my depression can only improve, I can only grow everything was as low as things could have gotten. So in the future I am not sure that I won’t be the person that I am today. I know that the person I am today doesn’t have a chance with you in the future at all. So that’s the tiny spark of light claudia can still hold. Claudia loves Keith, claudia will always do, my heart was already won by you some time ago, even during the time when we were growing further apart, with my irrational and irritating behaviour. Claudia wants very much and sees a future with keefkeef, (haHA) devastated that keefkeef thinks he would remain single. Claudia doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t know what to feel, doesn’t know what to say. There’s nothing I can do and say anyway. All I can do is to wait and see how God will make things turn out. But devastated that I had a hand in it, big one somemore… sorry for being such an incredibly huge burden in your life, sorry for all the pressure and stress I put you through. However I want to tell you that when I believed in nothing and am totally disillusioned and devastated with life, you and a possible future with you that I would forgo was the reason that kept me alive till today. (war distracted by the stupid tv) Claudia is a very shy girl you know…Claudia would wait for keefkeef…even if it takes more than ten years…claudia doesn’t want to be keefkeef’s burden either. Claudia doesn’t eye guys one…claudia is beyond satisfied with happy keefkeef that knows how to make me smile no matter how depressed I was and keefkeef who at least for a long period of time could stand the worst side of claudia that I am ashamed of myself as long as half a year…I cannot imagine myself meeting anyone who can do these as much as you. I have never allowed nor trusted anyone as much as i trusted you, if not you wouldn’t have known me as much emotionally psychologically physically…probably I should have saved some part of my heart for myself…claudia believed everything keef said… now claudia feels absolutely lost in this world…but thankfully everything can only get better right? Claudia doesn’t know, claudia wants to finish this email unedited, claudia just wants to speak her mind, unclutter it, empty out my thoughts that’s making so much noise, but always was on a second priority to the ministry issue. Claudia wants her heart at peace. Claudia’s heart and mind has gone through too much for the past one year. Somehow claudia knows that she can trust her heart with keef…but what keefkeef wants to feel is not within my control, what the future will be claudia doesn’t know as well. Claudia parking her heart with u… claudia got nowhere to go… claudia doesn’t want to go anywhere… claudia doesn’t know doesn’t know doesn’t know… claudia only knows heart painpain… claudia knows that it’s her fault for pushing keefkeef to his limit…claudia doesn’t know is she should be happy that she exchanged her heart with her life or not, really don’t know… sighsigh… knows she has nothing she can do, guess claudia would continue to live…at least there’s still best friend keefkeef…at most claudia also don’t get married lor hah… bleh. But claudia wants baby keefkeef…haha… crazy.. stupid la…love you too much too early arr… stupid conflicting destructive behaviour and personality…stupid depression stupid situations… sigh sigh… claudia doesn’t know… haha…claudia’s mind is at more peace, but claudia thinks that her heart is in turmoil now… claudia doesn’t know doesn’t know doesn’t know… sister home… sigh…talk another time…
Claudia doesn’t know doesn’t know really doesn’t know… sighsighsighsighsigh… claudia doesn’t know what to say already… haiyah…keefkeef just be keefkeef… heyhey shrek two coming leh.. *hAH* distracted again… anyways claudia is entitled to feel and think the way claudia does right? *hEHh* claudia will love keef… keefkeef just needs to be happy. Happy keefkeef nicenice… me really don’t know what to say again…give claudia another chance in the future okay… bleh… claudia go prepare sep stuff liao…

Love,
claudia

my exams' over!! =D
over!

me wont update this one leh you know, *hA* not password protected *HAH*

seating plan
PS2237
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GEM2900
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EC3223
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EC2231
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EC3208
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This is new! =D
*haHA* miss claudia decides to give Angelfire another chance. *hAH* oh since miss claudia loves to have photos in her blogs anyway! =D so *heheEH* Lala but miss claudia is still too busy to edit everything yet. *heHE*