This time of year is the time of harvest, and I pray that all of us will soon find ourselves reaping in an abundant harvest of joy -- with merry laughter, jubilant songs, and loud rejoicing -- after all the prayers we have sown through so many sleepless nights of heartache and tearful prayers.

This week, may you and I recall with thanksgiving all the many lavish and timely answers our Heavenly Father has graciously granted to our lisping prayers in the past. Let's not wait until November 27th to thank Abba for His loving and providential care.

Abba, You are a lavishly generous Father. You squander Yourself on us and pour out treasures upon us even as we sleep. We thank You that for every prayer we have sown in tears, You will answer us and give us things even far better and more wildly ample than what our feeble little minds and sometimes faint and faithless hearts dare to ask or even to imagine. Thank You that You love us so much, Daddy! Jesus, we trust in You! Holy Spirit, continue to make intercession for us in our weakness; give us holy courage and fortitude to help us to persevere in prayer.

To You be endless glory throughout all ages, dear God! You are worthy!

Psalms 126,1-6.

A song of ascents. When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion, then we thought we were dreaming. Our mouths were filled with laughter; our tongues sang for joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The LORD had done great things for them." The LORD has done great things for us; Oh, how happy we were! Restore again our fortunes, LORD, like the dry stream beds of the Negeb. Those who sow in tears will reap with cries of joy. Those who go forth weeping, carrying sacks of seed, Will return with cries of joy, carrying their bundled sheaves.

Copyright ? Confraternity of Christian Doctrine, USCCB

Lord, give me the boldness - the audacity and courage of Bartimaeus, when the people and circumstances in my life rebuke or seem to rebuke me when I am asking You for miracles.

And, when Satan and his minions seek to discourage me from continuing to ask You for my heart's desires, give me the discernment and holy chutzpah to renounce his lies of discouragement and despair. Don't let me take discouragement lying down. Help me to put up a holy fight. Amen.

Holy Gospel of Jesus Christ according to Saint Mark 10,46-52.

They came to Jericho. And as he was leaving Jericho with his disciples and a sizable crowd, Bartimaeus, a blind man, the son of Timaeus, sat by the roadside begging. On hearing that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out and say, "Jesus, son of David, have pity on me." And many rebuked him, telling him to be silent. But he kept calling out all the more, "Son of David, have pity on me." Jesus stopped and said, "Call him." So they called the blind man, saying to him, "Take courage; get up, he is calling you." He threw aside his cloak, sprang up, and came to Jesus. Jesus said to him in reply, "What do you want me to do for you?" The blind man replied to him, "Master, I want to see." Jesus told him, "Go your way; your faith has saved you." Immediately he received his sight and followed him on the way.

Copyright ? Confraternity of Christian Doctrine, USCCB

This week, Jesus is speaking to me of the need to persevere in prayer . So, I am taking it upon myself to declare (for myself and for anyone who cares to join me) that this is International Perseverance in Prayer Week 2003.

It is my hope that my implementation of Operation Perseverance will become more than just a week-long event. In short, I hope it will be something that will snowball into an every day habit and charism, infused with Holy Spirit power (for without Him and His power, I cannot even desire to stick-to-it.)

It would be nice if the Holy Spirit would "infect" us all with the desire and grace to perservere, and that we would be contagious to others until there was a veritable epidemic of miracles, signs, and wonders on this sad planet.

It says in the Old Testament that: "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a wish fulfilled is a tree of life." My heart is sick right now with deferred hope. I know mine isn't the only one.

So, please think of all the things you have been asking your Heavenly Father to grant you, which you have been losing heart over, and join me in a week (maybe a month? A remainder of the year? An entire New Year?) of storming Heaven.

One of the things that Jesus is speaking loudly and clearly, firmly and tenderly to my heart and to my head is this:

I do not have to "do" *every* thing.

More specifically, I do not have to do everything excellently

Some people were born to "do" great things.

Some of us were born to be the receivers of those great things, and to appreciate them and to appreciate those who do those great things.

What if the entire world consisted of Cordon Bleu chefs, but there wasn't anyone to appreciate their skill?

What if everyone had a giant intellect... who would do the laundry and clean the bathroom? Who would bake chocolate chip cookies? :)

What if everyone vacuumed and dusted and polished furniture... who would invent penicillin?

What if everyone was a brilliant painter or sculptor... who would appreciate each one's work of art?

I'm not making my points as clearly as I'd like, but I do know one thing: Jesus isn't calling me to be a concert pianist, a Latin scholar, a movie star, or a lawyer.

What He is calling me to be (in part) is to be an appreciator of the virtues and talents of others, and to build others up in the gifts which He has lavished upon them (and upon the whole world).

While I'm on the subject of those who "do" things, and those who *appreciate* those things and people, I'll bet God is up there reading my blog saying to Himself: "The kid is getting the message a little better! I wonder when she'll learn that she doesn't have to be Me ... I wonder when she'll appreciate the things I do?!"

It is good being and doing what He calls me to be and do. I'm so glad that I don't have to be someone else!

"If I'd ever learn
what my heart already knows..."

Like my maternal grandmother (may she rest in peace) I love to crochet. May I, like my grandmother, continue to crochet to my dying day -- come arthritis or high water!

Today being the Lord's Day, and it being a day that I needed to rest, I decided to quietly crochet -- with no music and no television to distract me.

It took me approximately 3 hours to crochet a whopping four snowflakes, and I was going at the stitching at a pretty good pace.

The thought occurred to me: I wonder how many snowflakes the Lord God makes on an average day?

Wow. Blows my mind just thinking about it!

Today, let's trust in the Maker of Snowflakes together to take care of those "big" things in our lives which seem so impossible, unchange-able, and undo-able to us, and let's watch Him change our situations and hardships with astounding ease, in the twinkling of an eye.

If He takes such great care to make each individual snowflake so unique and beautiful, will He not all the more take even greater care to make rare and unique diamonds out of the lumps of coal in your life?!

Cast your cares on Him, for He cares for you!

I am a critical person, especially when physical pain rears its ugly head. I am also an appreciative person who savors the different flavors and fragrances that each of my friends and acquaintances bring to my life... but when I'm sick, I can be quietly and severely critical.

I come from a family of critical people -- good people --loving people -- kind people -- but opinionated and perfectionistic people, too. They've left scars on me... and I've left scars on them. I would hazard the guess that you, my reader, come from a similar background.

Today, during my Communion with Jesus, I sensed Him showing me something important I need to do.

I need to stop being critical!

I need to look beyond the things that irritate and exasperate me about my parents and family and neighbors and church family, and I need to start more earnestly and keenly appreciating them as God's handiwork -- as marvels and wonders and masterpieces.

I also need to finally come to grips with the fact that they are human .

Oh, I do this already... on days when I feel good, and when I'm mellow and feeling oh so benevolent. How very generous of me!

I need to sit down -- with pen and paper -- and list the many wonderful attributes of my parents, family, neighbors, friends, and church family.

I need to savor the glories and wonders of these precious gifts whom God has placed in my life.

I need to THANK GOD for each person, and for just exactly who they are, and accept them right where they are.

This is so much easier for me to do about my email friends than it is for me to do about my family.

Sometimes our harshest critics are our own family members. Most of the time the people who have caused us the greatest pain and anguish and lack of love are our own family.

For true peace to come to this troubled world, we need peace inside our own hearts.

For true peace to come to this troubled heart of mine, I need to stop criticizing and start appreciating those around me -- especially those who have hurt me most, those who have criticized me most. Not easy!! I need to see them through the loving gaze of Jesus.

My favorite saint is St. Therese of Lisieux. Like me, she was tempted to being (acting) irritated with people who did irritating or unloving things.

Do you know what she used to do to combat this fault in herself? She used to offer that most irritating person's virtues up to God as an act of praise and thanksgiving for His handiwork in that person!

I need to do this!

Of course God is pleased when we admire His handiwork! And everybody, and I do mean everybody has at least one virtue.

Please pray for me to be able to truly and sincerely appreciate those who have hurt me... and I will pray for you to be able to do the same. Let's bring joy to Abba's heart by learning to love with our whole hearts those who have hurt us!

Teach us to count our days aright, that we may gain wisdom of heart. Relent, O LORD! How long? Have pity on your servants! Fill us at daybreak with your love, that all our days we may sing for joy. Make us glad as many days as you humbled us, for as many years as we have seen trouble. Show your deeds to your servants, your glory to their children. May the favor of the Lord our God be ours. Prosper the work of our hands! Prosper the work of our hands!

Now that I am getting over the dreaded and infernal flu that held me in its iron grip over the past couple of weeks, I have been taking more pictures with my new digital camera. This (digital photography) is so much more fun than film photography for me at this time, because I get to see "instant" results. Also, it helps me hone my photo composition skills, etc. I look forward to learning more and more and MORE about photography. I just hope that my ankle and Achille's heel will heal in time for me to do some leaf peeping and picture taking this autumn.

Here is a picture I took of myself this week.

Psalms 86,3-6.9-10.

You are my God; pity me, Lord; to you I call all the day.
Gladden the soul of your servant; to you, Lord, I lift up my soul.
Lord, you are kind and forgiving, most loving to all who call on you.
LORD, hear my prayer; listen to my cry for help. All the nations you have made shall come to bow before you, Lord, and give honor to your name. For you are great and do wondrous deeds; and you alone are God.

In less than three months, barring a miraculous healing (which I do continue to pray for!), it will mark my 23rd anniversary of becoming ill with (and disabled and challenged by) an insidious, enigmatic illness called by a pathetic name: chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome. Believe me, the name does NOT do the pain or the overwhelming, mind-numbing exhaustion justice at all!

I am descended from a long line of perfectionistic over-achievers. I have felt the back-crushing weight of high expectations placed on me by family members and other authority figures.

As far as personality types go, I am a chronic people-pleasing-peacemaker. If I were in the work place, I would no doubt be in middle management, suffering ulcers and nervous breakdowns.

It is my strong conviction and opinion (oh, and having an opinion is a whole 'nother topic that I could launch into a veritable hurricane of a diatribe about!) -- I digress. It is my strong conviction and opinion that even though God did not cause the evil of this illness, still He permits me to have it that great, wildly unimaginable good might come of it -- for me, for my family, for my children should I ever be blessed with any.

In short, I think that my having CFIDS is the Lord God's way of saying to me and to my family (and perhaps to some of my friends who suffer from similar tendencies) that THE BUCK STOPS HERE .

No more basing my self-worth on "doing" all those things that my grandparents and parents and aunts and uncles, teachers, et al. deemed critically important.

In the eyes of the world, I am an utter failure. It is impossible for me to do any of the things that The World thinks makes a person a "success".

In Adolf Hitler's way of thinking, I would be considered a "useless eater".

But, in the eyes of the Lord God, Maker of Heaven and earth, of all that is seen and unseen... I am precious and beloved. He has adopted me and taken me to His Heart and He has sung a million songs over me.

What mother among you, when her baby is weak and feeble and crying from illness, despises or disdains her child? Doesn't a mother all the more hold her infant to her heart? Isn't the child all the more precious, beloved, and dear to her because of its utter helplessness and dependence upon her? Of course it is!

And so it is with the Lord God, Who is the Maker of Mothers.

He knows better than anyone that all of the "good" things we do are as filthy rags.

He knows better than we do (oh! how we delude and fool ourselves by failing to remember this!) that we can do absolutely nothing apart from Him.

He knows better than we do when we need to rest and to just simply "be" , even when simply "being" is very, very painful.

When we are quiet and simply being, we can't drown out the noise of our pain and misery with being "busy".

When we are simply "being", we have to be quiet and stop clutching at "earning" our salvation by "our" works. We learn the meaning of salvation being a gift from God, an absolutely unmerited grace . It's really God's mercy (albeit a severe mercy, as C. S. Lewis put it) that He allows us to suffer, and that we find ourselves having to rest and be quiet and empty our hands of all the many un-necessary tasks and busy-nesses which we cling to foolishly as to a life rope.

Our Daddy will have us know that we are precious, beloved, and oh-so-dear to Him -- but not because of what we do , but rather because of what we are ... His adopted children.

It is very, very, VERY difficult for us Productivity-Obsessed Americans to get a handle on the fact that we are special to our Heavenly Father simply because He chooses to love us.

We have raised productivity to the level of a religion, a false god, an idol. Is it any wonder that we Americans suffer so much stress and so many physical ailments, so much lack of peace?

We need to learn how to be God's children. And being God's children means learning to be still and to know that He is God -- that He is our loving Daddy, and that He loves us ... just "because".

Humbling, isn't it? :)

Our Daddy loves us when we are sleeping!

Our Daddy loves us even when we aren't earning college degrees!

Our Daddy loves us even when we aren't making a six figure income!

Our Daddy loves us even when we don't do NECESSARY things, like washing dishes, cooking dinner, doing laundry, and cleaning the toilet!

Our Daddy loves us even when we are emotionally miserable and cranky and in general a great pain in the rear to the rest of our family and to humanity in general!

Our Daddy loves us when we are in pain - whether that pain be physical, emotional, or spiritual (or all three, as all go together)!

Our Daddy loves us when we are spinning out of control!

Our Daddy loves us when we turn to Him and say, "I need You, Daddy!"

Our Daddy loves us when everything we try to do right ends up all wrong!

Our Daddy loves us every day,every hour, every minute, every second, every nano-second!

In other words, our Daddy loves us ALL OF THE TIME!!! In other words, our Daddy loves us ALWAYS ... not just if, when, or because we are "doing" good things and "feeling" good feelings.

Today, know and fix in your heart and in your mind that the Lord God -- your Heavenly Daddy -- the Maker and Sustainer of Heaven and Earth -- loves YOU radically because just the fact that He choose to create you and give you life means that He loves you. He has chosen to love YOU. Don't argue with Him 'bout that! You'll just lose! Why prolong finding out how madly in love He is with you?!

Today, I warmly encourage you to give yourself permission to let God love you just for who you are, without casting stones at yourself for failing to be "productive". And I ask you to pray for me to be able to do the same.