hypochondriac swb
today, at the Accident & Emergency dept. of the Eye Hospital.

swb: well, they're kinda bloodshot

doctor: and you've had this for about 10 days

swb: well, maybe a week. but I've never had it before, and my eyes do feel kind of dry as well, gritty, you know... and I just thought

doctor(reversing my eyelids): it is all perfectly healthy

swb: well, they ARE a bit red. It's not very attractive, I think, and I want to go out tonight, you see and I thought maybe it might be a symptom of something systemic, you know...

doctor: systemic?

swb: you know... maybe acute liver damage, or hepatitis or something?

doctor: then your eyes would be jaundiced, or yellow

swb: oh right, yeah. so...

doctor: your eyes are slightly dry. The weather has been dry recently. I will prescribe some eye-drops, though you do not need a prescription for them.

swb: oh. so not even conjunctivitis then? I mean, my eyes don't look as soft and dewy as normal, that's for sure...

doctor: there is no sign of infection

swb: right. so, eh... how embarrassing (slinks out of surgery and through waiting room thronged with infants who have emptied bleach into their eyes, workmen with nails protruding from their eye-sockets, and many many elderly people whose retinas have disintegrated)


Thank God I have STD clinics as an outlet on which to burn out my hypochondria. If I were celibate God knows how much I'd fork out getting moles checked, ears tested and CAT scans done on my brain...