The Crittas+Grubb Team News
The following is a press release from team spokesman and starting quarterback of the Crittas+Grubb, Aaron Doran:
First, we would like to comment on the preseason scrimmage. The scrimmage marked the end of a productive offseason and the beginning of a strenuous preseason. We have already begun strength and conditioning camps and our team is as fast as ever.
We have started making progress with our offense. We have been in the process of creating a silent system of communication between receivers and the quarterback.
On Defense, we are working on coverage and tackling. Our front office has begun making the right moves for a winning season. Chris Mitzak is the first. He scored very well during the scout combine but is showing a less than average field awareness at both offense and defense. Since Mitzak is a decent tackler he has been retained and resides on the practice squad.
Greg Cooke is another front office move. Cooke was a pleasant surprise last year, in a game where starter Jordan Grubb was unavailable due to contract restrictions. Instead of releasing Cooke, we have asked him for a resignation. The terms of his resignation are still being negotiated but the one clause that will definitely be included states that "cooke will be required to return when called upon by the Crittas + Grubb."
Our final front office move deals with Tony Sciabarassi. We are in the process of negotiating the terms of a trade which would leave the Crittas+Grubb with Sciabarrassi and give the Fighting Salukis wideout Sean Fourney. Sciabarassi is being sought after for his speed and his awareness which the team desparately needs.
-July 30, 2003 10:35 pm


The following is a press release by starting quarterback and team spokesman of the Crittas+Grubb, Aaron Doran: Before you read the press release below the FTBYFL strongly suggests you read this disclaimer.

Disclaimer-The FTBYFL and the rest of the Crittas+Grubb is in no way responsible for the inaccuracies and downright stupidity presented in the following press release. Any questions, remarks, and comments should be addressed to the issuer of the release, Aaron Doran. Read the following press release at your own risk. It may negatively affect your intelligence and thought process.

"Our hearts and prayers go out to both Nicholas Spidale and his family. We all wish you a speedy recovery. We have begun preparing for the first game of the season, through heavy protest. We were hoping that the return of Nick Spidale, would hail the begining of the year but due to the timeframe of his injury, that's not possible. The Crittas + Grubb would like to adress problems with veteran center Kobe Bryant. The team was not given knowledge of his stay in Eagle County and nor do we accept any responsibilty for his actions. Since his incarceration, he has been released and we as a team feels it was a necesary cap penalty to eliminate the troubled lineman. His replacement is probably going to be Tiger Woods or Andre Agassi."

-August 26th, 2003 6:53 p.m.



The following is a press release from Crittas+Grubb team spokesman and starting quarterback Aaron Doran. The FTBYFL once again urges you to read the disclaimer above the previous press release before reading this.

"There comes a time when all teams need to address their inadequacies. We are now coming to terms with a huge looming problem, speed. We have Sean Fourney and Tim Wikert who are equipped with speed. Also on our roster, we have Mike Kline, who is the perfect blend of speed and power making for the perfect work-horse. After Kline, our speed depth chart hits an embarrassing low. Jordan Grubb is a halfback who has intermediate speed, but his stamina is below league average. Aaron Doran, who used to run conditioning practices with Mike Kline, is caught in the grip of a pulled groin. The injury causes a huge problem to his acceleration and top speed which were both severly diminshed. The last member on our team is Mike Stahley, who runs a 7.6 40, making him the slowest player in the league. Although Doran was cleared to play after extensive physical therapy seesions, it doesn't look like he'll be back to form in time for the season.

As a result, we have begun to exorcise our demons by putting Sean Fourney on the trade block. We lose a lot of strength and upper-level speed, but we're looking at a possible prospect in Tony Sciabarassi. After working out with the team we see his field awareness and speed is unparelleled. Losing Sean Fourney isn't very appealing but we need to put more speed on the field. After his workout Sciabarrassi showed us exactly what we are looking for in a player. If the trade goes through it looks like he'll be a good fit starting on defense."