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Wednesday, 14 January 2004

Portrait under Lock and Key


Well, that's my PMS done with for another month. Now I can delete the post slagging off my friends, regain a normal relationship with caffeine, stop loudly proclaiming my abhorrence of deodorants, pretend I didn't do that last irrelevant post at all, blink as I realise I did an enormopost that started and ended with manky tits, and get back to the swearing and cussing as usual.

In the last few days, almost everything I own has disappeared from my flat, spirited away by the engine that is Wickedex; the walls have changed colour, and I can see out of (some) of the windows for the first time in three years. My kitchen is now blue, my hallway is brown, and I possess no music, nail varnish, perfume, tights, dvds or nasty messy videos.
Suddenly, I only have a few books, and they're only one row deep on the suddenly visible shelves. There isn't a small dark hole that opens directly into the attic and makes weird windy rustles any more. My bathroom tiles look like they could be white and not grey. I only have four hair products, and they're kept in a silver box - there's no space in my cabinets for five year old Nurofen or half used shampoo. There's bits of rubble, plaster and boxes over many many floor surfaces, but my cupboards are all empty, or colour coded and regimented.
My back yard contains the smashed remains of a three seater sofa, a cupboard, and a six foot high furry cat tree. Somewhere in the depths of Big Yellow Hell is a cabinet containing carboard box after box after box after box of my mistakes, but for now, it's padlocked, alarmed, and I don't have to open it again till I've spent a hundred and seventy five thousand pounds more.
Sounds like a deal to me.

This page graced by sarsparilla at 5:46 PM GMT
Updated: Wednesday, 14 January 2004 5:49 PM GMT
Post Comment | View Comments (9) | Permalink | Share This Post

Wednesday, 14 January 2004 - 7:17 PM GMT

Name: cacoa

so i started blaming PMS for my moods, then I realized i was moody all month..

Wednesday, 14 January 2004 - 7:52 PM GMT

Name: cyn
Home Page: http://cyncity.typepad.com

The pidgeon photo is absolutely priceless!
It made me chuckle.

Good juxtaposition of images (bomb/birds). Quite jarring.

Wednesday, 14 January 2004 - 8:02 PM GMT

Name: cyn
Home Page: http://cyncity.typepad.com

Obviously, I meant for the photo comments to go in the section above. How does one say "I'm a dumb-ass" in non-American English?

Wednesday, 14 January 2004 - 8:12 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

"F u c k me, what a t w a t".

But it was a nice comment, all the same. Thanks.

Wednesday, 14 January 2004 - 8:13 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Hurrah for Sunday walks to the park wishing I had a half of the artistic talent of jatb, then!

Wednesday, 14 January 2004 - 8:18 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Yeah, someone once asked me 'when exactly are you NOT pre-menstrual, then?'
Made me feel like a total b|tch! :-)

Friday, 16 January 2004 - 12:27 PM GMT

Name: Lux

hahaha. Teach us more about British swearing, Vanessa!

How about: Laura Bush is a steaming pile of dog s h i t.

Friday, 16 January 2004 - 5:44 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Lux has foul mouth, because she said: Teach us more about British swearing, Vanessa! How about: Laura Bush is a steaming pile of dog s h i t.

Lol - Very British, very good! Well with a name like that, she'd have to be called bush-pig or bush f u c k e r. And the pile would most definitely be steaming, but it would be a festering mound of cack, in my opinion. [Although I'm sure she's a very nice lady, ahem, please don't track my blog Mr Shady CIA Operative.]

Saturday, 17 January 2004 - 11:30 AM GMT

Name: Lux

lshtacdmf (laughing so hard tears are coming down my face)

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