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Friday, 8 August 2003


Woke up at the crack of 1.30 in the afternoon. Dammit, wanted to go see some architecture near Southampton this week.

Yesterday's first London flashmob sounded somewhat unspontaneous - perhaps the British need a bit more time to practise such things. And a few less reporters, but they could mostly do with a quick cull anyway.

I'm the worstest cat owner ever. Sophie is not speaking to me, and Megan stares at me in quiet shock at my cruelty.
First off, I removed four - yes, FOUR - of Sophie's favouritest toys ever from the house (these would be: I removed the spare bed, which is for hiding under when people try to lock it back down under the other bed; I removed the six foot four inch cat tree, which was somewhat difficult to manoeuvre around in a one bedroom flat, and hadn't been touched by paw nor whisker for two years - oh but that's not the point, not the blasted point at all; I removed the daily bin-emptying ritual, which allows strictly indoor cats to escape out of the front door, run down the stairs, and to roll in the crap in the yard, before the main point of the escapade, being caught; and ultimately, I removed the DH, the sucker, the favoured owner, the one who lets cats sleep on her head, gives them fresh salmon treats at ten am everyday, and plays the 'high up' game, where you throw annoying cats into deliciously dusty cupboards somewhere near the ceiling on a regular basis, then walk away and leave them there. Who knows where I've put the DH, but they're pretty certain by now that I got rid of her.)
Then, in the blistering heatwave, I developed an irrational dislike of small extremely badly balanced animals climbing out of third floor windows and sitting on outside window sills in the blistering heat. I've been so utterly inhumane as to pick them up off the hardly dangerous at all 2.5 inch exterior window ledge, make loud, insensitively cross noises, and then sleep all night in a total oven, with all the windows closed firmly shut, mumbling about bloody untrustworthy animals.
Finally, today, Sophie managed to climb further out along the ledge than previously, to the point where she couldn't get back into the window. (but of course, hours of watching the pigeon in the tree and daydreaming have convinced her this is no issue to a cat that can no doubt fly, if only her stupid owner would let her.) Not only did I have the temerity to grab the dumb cat, drag her back inside against her will, but in trying to escape the huge raw scratches I now sport across my chest, I shut the window on her left paw.
Appalling. (There is of course, nothing wrong with the paw, but that doesn't stop the Guilt Trip, whereby cat runs away from me when I approach, carefully hiding left forepaw from view at all times.)
I have a feeling only carefully chopped helpings of premium tasty cat nibbles will repay this grievous slight to feline honour.

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This page graced by sarsparilla at 1:34 PM BST
Updated: Saturday, 16 August 2003 12:37 AM BST
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Friday, 8 August 2003 - 4:04 PM BST

Name: Chris B
Home Page:

Not to be pedantic or anything, but it looks like you're missing a * at the end there (*but spelt american. I dunno if comments can understand html). Haven't actually read the entry yet, but needed to point that out. It's against health & safety on the web initiatives.

Friday, 8 August 2003 - 4:43 PM BST

Name: Vanessa


Saturday, 9 August 2003 - 8:48 AM BST


You now have 3 comments! which is far better than 0! But I enjoyed reading your blog.

Saturday, 9 August 2003 - 11:16 PM BST

Name: Vanessa


I think! :?/

Sunday, 10 August 2003 - 11:43 AM BST

Name: Alex Buell

You cat monster! :P

Monday, 11 August 2003 - 4:34 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

I tried to cover my shame by applying Sheba premium cat tasty nibbles, which seemed to work for a while, until the poor cat puked all over my bedroom.
It's all fun and games.

Wednesday, 13 August 2003 - 3:02 AM BST

Name: Vic Jameson c.u.m Chris B
Home Page:

It's amazing what you can do with a copy of Cosmo though. Truly indespensible.

Wednesday, 13 August 2003 - 4:50 AM BST

Name: Vanessa

Yes, it certainly helped cover over the cat sick on your pillow when you came to stay.

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