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Thursday, 15 July 2004

Yeh, so about Not Watching BB, right


Now Playing: Jason singing on the live feed - He Just Wants To Feel Real Love, apparently

Topic: BillyWorld
I love the nervous pre-eviction night chats - suddenly they switch out of their delirium and start to ask each other questions. Jason and Victor are like those comedy cockney blokes talking shite on Smith and Jones years ago.
And Ahmed chips in just to be talking, completely missing the point:

Jason: Do you feel like home is just an hour away, or is it another world?
Victor: It's another world.
Ahmed : Ees not an hour. Ees thirty minutes. Forrim. Ees haf' an hour.
Jason: Aye, even from Manchester.
Vic: It's half an hour.
Ahmed: Unless it's rush hour.
Jason: It's another world.
Ahmed: (firmly) Haf' an hour.

Then they chat about London.
Jay starts repeatedly mouthing "It's a harsssh worrrrld, London, a harsssh worrrrld."
Inbetween the dips in sound caused by the potential for the entirety of London to take offence at Ahmed's suggestion that people who live as near to Heathrow as Elstree Studios must endure a living hell (sic), you garner the information that Jason's worldly knowledge of London comes from a journey once where the bus was rather crowded.

Vic, of course, sticks to unintelligible "pfft", "pshaw", and lip sucking responses, thus coming across as 'street', as 'London', and simultaneously being careful never to challenge Jason's interpretation that complete bollocks-talking is justified.

Ahmed proffers the wisdom that you should never buy a woman a drink because all women earn more than men, who are all on the dole. Jason points out that he only buys people drinks for twenty minutes of chat, or if he really really fancies someone. Vic says he doesn't buy people drinks (the charmer), and Ahmed goes on to issue his direst warning of the evils of the female species yet - if you buy a woman a drink, she will expect another drink the next time (unless you warn her, buts in Victor - nice technique, you smooth talking lad you), and before you know it she will be used to you opening the car door for her. Jason points out that it's only gentlemanly to open a car door, and the others dissolve into giggles at this break in ranks from the pussywhipped pompadour. "Doorman! Doorman!" they giggle.

Even the jungle codgers get bored of their own mutual wank society, though, and fall into mumbling and gently singing their favourite songs. And what a choice of songs! Jay's off in his own world, singing Madonna's latest, enthusing about her past albums, then quietly segues into Kylie Minogue's early hits. Can he act any more gay?
Victor tries to rescue Jay's masculinity by gently crooning a little R&B, but the Jungle Codger is oblivious to Victor's subtle remonstrations - he fires up the Kylie, and turns up the volume on his voice.

Brilliant. Please please please vote out the boring ones, and leave these self deluding nutters where they are this week.

Best Blo'te of the Day So Far: Breakfast Any Time
"There's a lot of things I've been meaning to tell you, but I lost my notebook and now I can't remember how to spell any of those things. If you're in the Chicago area, be on the lookout for a small black notebook. Then start your own website where you just keep posting the things I've written down in my notebook. Then give me the address. Seriously, it'll save me alot of time."

This page graced by sarsparilla at 9:34 PM BST
Updated: Saturday, 17 July 2004 4:06 PM BST
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