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Tuesday, 29 June 2004

She theenks you ah straight, Jason, heh?

News from the Web Feed - The Med is palayyyyyyying the game

The Med trips up Jason.

(a.k.a. when in a dry patch, rip off your own material.)

Vic, Med, Stu, Jay, Becki, and Dan in the garden.
Med: "she theenks you ah straight Jason, heh? eh heh? heh heh heh? She say there are only three straight guys."
Becki: "oh are you gay? are you bi?"
{ tweets }
Jason: {'fuck that' interlude}
Dan: "You told me you were bi."
Jason, hurriedly: {'fuck that' interlude}
Vic, Stu, Med: uproarious laughter.
Dan: "We were talking and you said that."
Jay: "Yeah, in yer drrrrrrrreeeeeeeams, mate."
Vic, Med, Stu practically pee themselves laughing, and Dan covers his face with his cap.
Jason, gruffly, to his audience at large: "I dunno where the fuck youse guys kip ge'in the idea tha' ah'm gee fram. Fuck tha'. "
Vic, Stu, Med: laughter becomes very blokeish and nervous.
Dan, a look of pure vinegar crossing his face, and enunciating: "From your fucking mouth, darling."
Jay, Stu, Vic, Med: blokeish laughter for ten beats too long for complete heterosexual comfort.
Becki, trying to change the subject: "what sort of woman would it take to turn your head, Dan?"
Med: cackles.

Twenty minutes later, Jay, Med, Stu, Dan still present. The Med decides he hasn't finished milking this one yet.

Med: "Dan? Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrru offendied?"
Dan, overenunciating: "By h-wh-hw-what?"
Med: "Arrrrrrrrru offendied by wha' he say? By he ssssssssexu-alitay?"
Dan, in the sort of studiously clipped posh tones that indicate absolute offence: "No I'm not offended."
"I've just lost a bit of respect for him, that's all."
"I'm not a liar."
{tweet tweet tweet tweet}
Jay, without his testosteraudience present: "You mosta misonderstooooood, thassall. Doant be offindid."
Dan: "Yeah."
Jay: "Wha' people purron their application form, thassall. It's nor really true."
Dan: "Yeah."


Jason attempts to tickle Daniel's nips roughly (in Manhandling Vanessa fashion - TM): "so ye've loast respick for meh, big man, eh? eh?"
Daniel remains absolutely motionless, not least his facial freeze.

Footnote: Duch fancies Jason. Won't hear a word said against him. Snee-hee.

Best Blo'te of the Day So Far: Looby
"It does piss me off a bit that no-one seems to write as a truly disaffected parent. There's these wanky Guardian columns from Reluctant Dad, where Nicolas Lezard pretends to be pissed off with his children, but when you actually read it it's basically the same sort of mystifying mumsy conversation that I hear constantly from girlf and her pals. "Oooh, I'm so tired", "Oooh, he really wound me up the other day", "Oooh, they've been horrible today." I really have to bite my lip to say "Well, it was you that fucking wanted them - you deal with them. Have you never thought of attempting to overcome your biology and this fatal womanly flaw of wanting children with the same right-on man who loves you, which, you know, is a bit optimistic in this day and age?" "

This page graced by sarsparilla at 1:32 AM BST
Updated: Tuesday, 29 June 2004 2:10 AM BST
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