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Tuesday, 1 June 2004

Screaming Searches

Topic: Belle de Jour

Latest Searchengine Queries

30 May, Sun, 02:00:06 little twat
30 May, Sun, 08:18:19 time seeping vanilla bean in liquid
30 May, Sun, 09:11:40 Sarsparilla
30 May, Sun, 12:24:29 vanessa's blog
30 May, Sun, 15:24:09 bst starbucks beverage
30 May, Sun, 17:32:41 helen mirren's birthdate
30 May, Sun, 17:40:49 costa coffee mushroom bethnal
30 May, Sun, 18:02:06 sarsparilla
30 May, Sun, 18:47:52 alcoholic bevarage cat piss
31 May, Mon, 00:46:25 rod stewart + epping green
31 May, Mon, 01:51:14 Ophelia dahl
31 May, Mon, 02:40:40 "Ancient Taxi" serial
31 May, Mon, 03:44:24 "no voice"+"totally gone"
31 May, Mon, 12:05:30 lidl in london,catford
31 May, Mon, 17:13:02 helen mirren's big tits
31 May, Mon, 18:54:48 "scent of a woman" +essays +ethics
01 Jun, Tue, 04:05:22 "ophelia dahl"
01 Jun, Tue, 07:43:23 enema sex pictures
01 Jun, Tue, 11:48:12 I want to be vanessa's boyfriend
01 Jun, Tue, 12:11:14 vanilla
01 Jun, Tue, 16:48:40 evil dead a fistful of broomstick walk through

Best Blo'te of the Day So Far: Lost in Hype
"Obviously she'd been there before. Obviously she was smarter than me.
Then in the space of a second the following happened:
1. I realised where I recognised the girl from.
2. I remembered her face from her book.
3. I remembered her photo in City Life.
4. I remembered her voice from a radio interview.
5. I remembered her smile from a TV interview.
6. I knew that the girl was Gwendoline Riley.
7. I remembered that I actually had her first book, 'Cold Water', in my Technics bag.
8. I considered talking to her.
9. I remembered another interview with her where the journalist called her a 'sourpuss'
10. I considered asking her for help with the terrifying Easy-Internet ticket machine from hell.
11. I considered some sort of lame 'oh hello aren't you Gwendoline Riley?' sort of greeting.
And then, finally, 12. I completely bottled it, imagining that I would probably sound like some sort of deranged stalker, incapable of working the ticket machine, and Gwendoline would quote a line from a Russian classic at me and I would be forced to retreat to the Disney store and find solace with a life-sized Tigger."

This page graced by sarsparilla at 2:02 PM BST
Updated: Tuesday, 1 June 2004 7:16 PM BST
Post Comment | View Comments (9) | Permalink | Share This Post

Tuesday, 1 June 2004 - 10:38 PM BST

Name: Kat
Home Page:

You should have just gone for it. Finding solace with a life-sized Tigger can't be all bad. :0)

Tuesday, 1 June 2004 - 10:57 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Lol, I agree, Kat, but Victor wrote that part, not me!

Wednesday, 2 June 2004 - 7:42 AM BST

Name: Fluffy
Home Page:

'enema sex pictures' ??????????????????

Wednesday, 2 June 2004 - 8:55 AM BST

Name: Sarah
Home Page:

Ewwww! Suddenly my 'recent search' list seems so much more respectable.

Wednesday, 2 June 2004 - 10:37 AM BST

Name: Vanessa

I was far more disturbed by alcoholic beverage cat piss, and the suggestion of mushrooms in the coffee at Bethnal Green Starbucks (what Starbucks?)

Wednesday, 2 June 2004 - 5:41 PM BST

Name: Kat
Home Page:

I know, but didn't snap until I'd already posted the stinkin' comment.


Thursday, 3 June 2004 - 3:51 PM BST

Name: Saltation
Home Page:

that fourth query is weird

i get buggerall google hits according to my freeby referral tracker that seems to pick up about a third of the hits. although, i feature very highly on any google search featuring farting, based on some bemused trial clickthrus on the searches.
what an honour.

Thursday, 3 June 2004 - 3:51 PM BST

Name: Saltation
Home Page:

it just occurred to me that i could become the hit monster from hell if i changed my blog's name to "anal sex with jennifer aniston in iraq through my fingertips"

Friday, 4 June 2004 - 10:49 AM BST

Name: Vanessa

You don't already read "Gay Nazi Sex Vicar in Schoolgirl Vice Knickers Disco Lawnmower Shock!", then?

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