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Friday, 30 April 2004

Chill' Sos

Mood:  d'oh
Topic: Hurtling to Obscurity

In other news, I finished work at midnight today, and got a kebab on the way home. Slavering and wolfing, I spilt a drop of chilli sauce on the back of my hand. I was at that messy, wet, meaty tasteamonguous bit where you can't stop to lick up what you drop, you have to keep on shovelling, so I allowed it to sit there.

Four minutes later, the stinging of the raised, purplish weal gets my attention. Did I cut myself? A scratch? Inspection. It's the sauce.
Angry red welt forming on the back of my hand, swollen and painful.

The stuff is smeared all over my mouth, nose and chin, that sauce. Uh-oh.

This page graced by sarsparilla at 12:34 AM BST
Updated: Friday, 30 April 2004 12:37 AM BST
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Friday, 30 April 2004 - 1:56 AM BST

Name: lemonpillows
Home Page:

Your facial area seems to have been mightily desensitised, Miss Vanessa.. I wonder how that happened...

Is it the daily waxing and shaving? Or the daily sandblast? Or the daily hoovering of the blackheads? I always find that the hoovering does the most damage, personally....

*wanders off to look for a new hoover*

Friday, 30 April 2004 - 2:13 AM BST

Name: Jen
Home Page:

OK, so 'and lesbians' I get.

'full frontal snogging', even.

But... 'angus thongs'?

Friday, 30 April 2004 - 2:40 AM BST

Name: Rev
Home Page:

I must relate a somewhat off-color story involving hot sauce...

A few years back I was home visiting the parents. A friend who lives in the same town stopped by and my mom was making her version of Mongolian beef - with habeneros. We had our share of food and sitting around the kitchen, Dick dared me to eat a habenero.
"Ten bucks," he said.
"Deal," I said.
I threw the thing in my mouth, chewed quickly, swallowed, and bellowed for milk and bread. I did it, though. I ate the bast*ard and won my ten bucks.
About a half an hour later, all of that milk had to come out and I found myself standing over the toilet taking a leak. Fine and dandy, no big deal. I sauntered back out to the living room where Dick and my parents were sitting...
Slowly... ever so slowly... I felt my happy lil camper down below start to get warm. It felt like I was standing near a fire and slowly walking closer, crotch first. It got hotter and I slowly began to double over as it felt that I had actually walked INTO the fire, happy lil camper first.
I can't tell you the excruciating pain I felt in that most sensitive of areas and I knew immediately what had happened.
I took a piss and held my happy lil camper with hands still covered in habenero oil... which was absorbed by the delicate skin down below...
Moments later I stood naked from the waist down in the tub alternating between soap and tepid water and cold milk.

Careful, chili oil bad.

Friday, 30 April 2004 - 6:17 AM BST

Name: Vicky
Home Page:

What the hell is a 'motor triangular wanker'? Is it some kind of erotic fetish with a hazard sign, I wonder...

Friday, 30 April 2004 - 7:00 AM BST

Name: Vanessa

'Angus, Thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging' is the title of a teen book (quite funny, too). I don't get the 'and lesbians' on that one. I want porno stuff of women doing things while reading my kids favourite book? Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Scuse me while I recoil sharply from that one.

Friday, 30 April 2004 - 7:06 AM BST

Name: Vanessa

I like to think there'd been an altercation on her Maj's highways, and some poor irate chap had decided to look up the barsteward who back ended him *despite* his very regular safe and orderly makeshift hazard sign, so he could stalk, hack and attack, in a passive-aggressive fit of geek rage (oh come on, we all use 192 if someone really fu cks us off, don't we?) ... but the fury and impotence temporarily stalled him from effective googling, and in his knuckle clenching rage, he bashed out 'motor triangular wanker', as after all, that's what the bastard was.
And google brought him tales of sad, ignored, put upon drivers, whose hazard triangles had also been cruelly abused.
And he was happier, and had a cup of tea, and felt better.

That's how I envisioned it panning out. I wonder if the same guy did 'tosser abuse flame useless'. That last word seems to show self-knowledge.

Friday, 30 April 2004 - 7:07 AM BST

Name: Vanessa

I'll have you know, I'm an extremely hairless person, like a laboratory mouse. Nah, I think it's the kebab effect after a bloody hard week. Which won't end till 9 o'clock down the pub tonight. I think it might have the same anaesthetising effect, somehow.

Friday, 30 April 2004 - 7:10 AM BST

Name: Lux

Oh dear. sweet. jesus.

Friday, 30 April 2004 - 7:12 AM BST

Name: Vanessa

Ouch. I'm glad I don't need to clutch anything to pee.

(I *knew* you'd have a chilli tale, Rev... :D)

Friday, 30 April 2004 - 7:18 AM BST

Name: Lux
Home Page:

There's a way to take your site off Google and Yahoo, if you want to do it.

Friday, 30 April 2004 - 1:03 PM BST

Name: sarah
Home Page:

it's also very effective - works on all search engines, had mine for years. You have to physically write to yahoo to get them to take you off their directory, however.

Friday, 30 April 2004 - 3:59 PM BST

Name: Kat
Home Page:

Gah, you poor thing!

Vanessa, you might not have to clutch anything to pee but it is still possible to get pepper oil on the puddin'. Maybe the wet lets it soak right through the toilet paper or something.

Have you ever watched someone hop around who'd accidentally gotten pepper oil on the puddin'? Amusing for the watcher, unforgettable for the injured.

Friday, 30 April 2004 - 5:49 PM BST

Name: Sarah (Another)
Home Page:

Does it only prevent the caching? I ask because I noticed, whilst stalking looking for my own ranking, that your blog appears on the second page of Google results for "Sarah" (and higher on some others).

Friday, 30 April 2004 - 6:21 PM BST

Name: sarah
Home Page:

ahaha. thankyou for pointing that out, I hadn't realised that. It's not listing me by anything on my site, but probably because lots of people say link to it with the word "sarah"

now I get to spend a techie hour figuring out how to stop it...

Friday, 30 April 2004 - 6:36 PM BST

Name: Lux
Home Page:

When I had my site taken off Google last summer, it disappeared from Yahoo as well, dunno why. I can't use the txt file cos I'm on Blogger, but I have the meta tag which keeps Google and Yahoo away. I still get hits from the more obscure search engines.

I'm #5 on msn search for "Lux".

Friday, 30 April 2004 - 8:07 PM BST

Name: Saltation
Home Page:

slightly worse, believe it or not, is dencorub.

every aussie guy does it sooner or later. you come in after a hard game or training session, puttin' the hot cream on various strained muscles, then go just that inch or so too high so that when you stand up contact is made.
that look of terrified horror on people's faces when they feel the first ominous scrotal scorch is unmistakeable....

Friday, 30 April 2004 - 8:22 PM BST

Name: Saltation
Home Page:

i had a laugh at this too, buti can reckon i can see where he got the query from.
you see, the wankel rotary engine has a single triangular rotor which rotates asymmetrically to capture the power.

waddya reckon? sound about right?

Saturday, 1 May 2004 - 1:11 AM BST

Name: Vanessa

R's nowhere near L ...?

Saturday, 1 May 2004 - 1:15 AM BST

Name: Vanessa

Sarah / Lux / Sarah:

I don't geddit. Why have a blog - basically a call for attention - and court stranger's interest - then make half hearted attempts to deny them access?

If you guys really didn't want google access, you'd shut down and write your diary on e-mail (or god forbid on paper), would you not? It seems somehow so ineffectual an attempt at privacy as to be more of a gesture/affectation than anything useful.

Mind you, when the hell was 'useful' a word associated with blogs? :)

Saturday, 1 May 2004 - 11:45 AM BST

Name: Sarah (Another)
Home Page:

Because blogs are only of interest to someone who is particularly looking for a blog, surely? And of course there are those that claim that blogs are interfering with the accuracy of Google's seach results, which kinda makes me feel like an unwanted guest at a party.

Saturday, 1 May 2004 - 11:51 AM BST

Name: Sarah (Another)
Home Page:

Ooh, let us know if you work it out, please? I've been meaning to do the disallow/noindex/nofollow thing myself.

Saturday, 1 May 2004 - 12:43 PM BST

Name: sarah
Home Page:

Because people were searching for "[my full name] + [where i live] + lesbian sex pictures" and variations thereof. You can still find it through blogwise and those directories, and links from other bloggers

Wednesday, 14 July 2004 - 9:13 PM BST

Name: sarah (in Ellada)

finito? drat

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