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Monday, 5 April 2004

The Whimpering


Now Playing: Anything I can ever find anywhere by Sidsel Endreson
Topic: Hurtling to Obscurity

So much for sleeping early - I don't call 7am on the first day of my holiday any kind of a lie in.

I was going to blog about my feelings of unrequited rage, a post called 'The Loathing', which was largely about:

a. I don't like pretending to be nice all the time. I'm not fucking nice even some of the time. It gets wearing;
b. The spurious (and ultimately doomed) idea that blogs have to have manners about each other (as FM puts it, one of the killer apps of the web is libel);
c. The London Blogmeet. I mean, really. Capping the munbers unless you're 'Someone Important'? Pfft;
d. (mostly) Tybalt.

But jatb proofed it and inferred I'd gone over the top.

So I'll do some sort of diary post to cover the last week, and the events leading to the loathing instead. Later.

This page graced by sarsparilla at 8:51 AM BST
Updated: Thursday, 8 April 2004 2:57 AM BST
Post Comment | View Comments (48) | Permalink | Share This Post

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 9:13 AM BST

Name: NC

"I'm not @#%$! nice even some of the time." - that's ok, I'm never nice and I'm always rude in the best Caribbean style so you must look like an angel in comparison!

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 9:33 AM BST

Name: JonnyB
Home Page: http://www.jonnybillericay.blogspot.com

Naah... go on... go with the original idea...

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 9:41 AM BST

Name: e
Home Page: http://www.purplepen.net

Don't be pissed off about the London Blogmeet, there's really no cause- a couple of people are just worrying about the effect the advertising is having and are just a tad scared, is all. No-one ever mentioned capping numbers unless you're someone "important". They are just anxious that about 1000 people may turn up to what they thought was to be a gathering of about 20- they made the mistake of assuming they were evolving in a closed environment. You live and you learn.
Ultimately, they're just going to have to relax about the whole thing and let it happen organically. The date and venue are chosen, and that is enough. Do not be put off going at all- there will be many people there that you read.

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 11:09 AM BST

Name: Vanessa

Tactfully done, e. Thanks.
The reason I didn't post it in the end is that previous experience of bloggers being hypersensitive about how much you lurrrve them meant I had an ominous feeling everyone would assume the post was about them, when in reality it's about Tybalt. I actually just came on here to delete this post now.
I'm not joking about how bloody angry I feel all the time at present - it's a daily battle not to write a load of hate-inflamed rantation on here. So if the London Blogmeet gets caught in the cross fire, well ... I'm unlikely to give a @#%$!.

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 11:42 AM BST

Name: Terry
Home Page: http://www.upsaid.com/morecoffee/

"Say what you mean ... mean what you say" blah de blah.

Is that easier to do in my case as I have a blog with *very* few readers? I don't have to worry so much about consequences, as there'll never be any comeback.

Maybe you're just too good at this, and have lots of readers (and potentially people to upset) because of that.

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 12:00 PM BST

Name: PB Curtis
Home Page: http://www.itsfunnybecauseitsshit.blogspot.com

You have your other secret blog, why not write about it there? Or would that not be enough?

a) If being weary of being nice is related to dealing with your ex, then: am there, doing that, no sign of a merchandise stall - it's a thankless task, but I firmly believe that the energy it would require you to be - ahem - frank and earnest, AND deal with the fallout from that, far exceeds the energy required to grin and bear it. So while it may not seem like it, you're protecting yourself. It's as horribly simple as "there is no easy way to cope with this".

b) Yes. Yuck. That way blandness lies, but bitching about other people's blogs would make for extremely dull reading. Save it for e-mail.

Or: you wrote I know these people do want feedback, because they invite comments. Somehow I also know they don't want brutal feedback, or honest-but-unfriendly comments. I disagreed with that at the time, and if that's what you're talking about now, then why not try it on for size? After all, you'd call out a friend for saying or doing something stupid. I wouldn't - don't - apply this to blogs I don't "know", in the same way I don't go up to strangers and tell them their clothes are crap.

c) I read that. Laughed a lot, in what was probably a very unpleasant way. HERE BE JOURNALISTS in particular made me howl, and oh, all right, I feel a bit ashamed of myself. 'Someone Important' is stretching what was said: I can see how you got there, but only because you said it. Because, e is right: it's just excitement and nerves. God knows the thought of meeting a bunch of strangers would make me extremely uncomfortable, so I'd probably blurt out similar nerviness. If I wasn't JUST TOO DAMN COOL to meet ANYONE, EVER, that is.

d) As a), sort of, I think. Gah. Wishing you strength.

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 12:39 PM BST

Name: Creepy Lesbo
Home Page: http://creepylesbo.blogspot.com

So does that mean they'd let ME in if I said I wanted to go??
Ha ha.

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 1:35 PM BST

Name: Jane
Home Page: http://aspotofblog.blogspot.com

...previous experience of bloggers being hypersensitive about how much you lurrrve them meant I had an ominous feeling everyone would assume the post was about them...

If other bloggers' egos happen to be inflated with an industrial bicycle pump it's not really your problem. IMO blogs are for writing whatever you like. Everyone does enough hiding of what they feel IRL so why bother carrying on hiding it online.

...I'm not joking about how bloody angry I feel all the time at present - it's a daily battle not to write a load of hate-inflamed rantation on here...

I suppose it's all about whether you know these people in real life. Whether they can find you and do something nasty to you with your computer mouse...

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 2:49 PM BST

Name: e
Home Page: http://www.purplepen.net

Vanessa, I believe that going from being passive and withdrawn to being furiously angry is a VERY positive step. It's very energising to be angry; now you start to reclaim yourself and your personality from the grips of Tybalt and depression. Celebration is in order I think.

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 3:31 PM BST

Name: Paul
Home Page: http://noxturne.blogspot.com

Nice? Who wants to be or has to be nice? EVER? Fuck that.

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 3:43 PM BST

Name: lemonpillows
Home Page: http://www.lemonpillows.com

Anger is the second stage. The first is depression and hopelessness. It *is* a good step. You become more forceful, more able to communicate what you want (when you work out what you want).

This is *your* blog. Why can't you write whatever you want to? Everyone gets angry. Everyone spouts now and again - Goodness knows I've done it plenty of times! Just go ahead and do it.

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 4:54 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

I'm angry because I have no other outlet for the emotions that stem from the break up of my relationship some time back. I'm not angry at bloggers. I'm just permanently angry.

Anyway, I had an outlet today when I went out to an art gallery and cried all the time. There's progress.

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 5:13 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Thank god for Paul. See, this is why you're on e of the greatest bloggers ever, you know.

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 5:14 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Doesn't feel like it. I hate self-discovery; it makes one feel so stupid.

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 5:14 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

I've never seen you in full flow, though! I vote for mpegs, NC! ;)

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 5:15 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

You first...

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 5:17 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

I think PornyBoy has it closer to the truth, with the possibility of hurting people just to feel slightly better, and possibly worse. Doesn't do in the end, really.

Does that mean you've finally updated that rainy webcam picture of Leeds, Terry?

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 5:33 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Porny Boy said:
You have your other secret blog, why not write about it there? Or would that not be enough?
My 'secret' blog is only secret in the sense it's about my job, which I swore to keep out of this weblog here. Should anyone want to read it, they have only to mailio me and ask. Correspondingly, it's about nothing but work.

a) If being weary of being nice is related to dealing with your ex, then: am there, doing that, no sign of a merchandise stall - it's a thankless task, but I firmly believe that the energy it would require you to be - ahem - frank and earnest, AND deal with the fallout from that, far exceeds the energy required to grin and bear it. So while it may not seem like it, you're protecting yourself. It's as horribly simple as "there is no easy way to cope with this".

Bingo. Spot on. And thank you. You're right, unleashing this stuff isn't going to help anyone, much less the people I'm most likely to unleash it on, who don't particularly want to hear anything rotten or unfair about their good friend Tybalt.

b) Yes. Yuck. That way blandness lies, but bitching about other people's blogs would make for extremely dull reading. Save it for e-mail.
I didn't mean bitching, I meant in a rather roundabout way that I don't like it if I dislike a blog, and I get pressurised to like because others do. Ack, it's too hard to explain.

Or: you wrote I know these people do want feedback, because they invite comments. Somehow I also know they don't want brutal feedback, or honest-but-unfriendly comments. I disagreed with that at the time, and if that's what you're talking about now, then why not try it on for size? After all, you'd call out a friend for saying or doing something stupid. I wouldn't - don't - apply this to blogs I don't "know", in the same way I don't go up to strangers and tell them their clothes are crap.

Damn you for recalling that. I got into so much damn trouble for writing that on here - caused no end of tantrums from other bloggers. But, yes, I did write it, and I did mean it, but at the time I was referring to 3 particular people, 2 of whom I have braoched the subject with in my own roundabout way, and the third of whom I don't care to communicate with. No my irritation today was merely that I didn't like being told who I should or shouldn't like or link to or what I should or shouldn't say on here. All very teenage, i'm sure.

c) I read that. Laughed a lot, in what was probably a very unpleasant way. HERE BE JOURNALISTS in particular made me howl, and oh, all right, I feel a bit ashamed of myself. 'Someone Important' is stretching what was said: I can see how you got there, but only because you said it. Because, e is right: it's just excitement and nerves.

Yes, now e's explained her take on it, I've gone back and re-read it differently, and can see that it could be read innocently as stupid off the cuff remarks. I like my version, though - after all the internet is all about conspiracy.
And here are the culprits.... you can see how comments like these can become misinterpreted as farther along the dark passage:
** blogvertising has been rather *too* effective, and we could end up being "victims of our own success"
** Nip it in the bud now by stopping all blogvertising (remove our lovely buttons etc) and not "allowing" any further attendees
** what we should think about is if there's anyone obvious missing who should be there? if so, we make srue they hear about it, if not we take off the buttons...
** I feel I might've earned a place at the table. Maybe
** i think it's maybe tough to 'pull up the ladder to the treefort' as it were
** You could always have some sort of "reality show" blog where people could be voted out of the blogmeet
** personally i think it should be just the regulars otherwise know as the 'followers of ray'
... nuh?

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 5:37 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Oh god, Creepy, please maintain your mystery. There's an advantage to blogs being fairly anonymous that will disappear if blogs go all Friendster on us.

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 5:40 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Actually, it feels pointless and hopeless more than positive. Meh.
Anyway, cheers. Your advice is as always, appreciated.

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 5:51 PM BST

Name: sarah

true, but I just spent a highly enjoyable weekend bitching about my last ex. it was great, esepcially when everyone else started joining in - like heck I'd ever *write* about it though.

The only self discovery I participate in is the one where you wake up and try to discover where/what you are.

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 5:59 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Yeah, I really miss that shared feeling of 'yeah, DAMN you were right to get out of that hole', cos after a certain amount of time, friends become shared, and I wasn't the person doing the aggressive friend reclamation programme.

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 7:16 PM BST

Name: NC

I will keep a tape recorder on me at all times:-) I used to be a mouse, honest!

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 8:31 PM BST

Name: Gary
Home Page: http://thefinalbroadcast.blogspot.com

Argh! I hate your comment system - making me preview first :( I had a whole long thing about the Blogmeet and how I was going to go, but then I decided I didn't want to, and that I probably wasn't eligible living in Kent.

But that's all gone now, isn't it? :(

Blog about what you want, and screw the rest. It's your life, and you need to make sure you do what you want.

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 8:42 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

I think there are people coming from all over to go to it; I'm fairly certain you don't have to come *from* London, or Billy wouldn't be able to go.
Yes, I hate the comments system, too.

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 10:03 PM BST

Name: Jane
Home Page: http://aspotofblog.blogspot.com

New anonymous blog? Join a gym where they have punchbags and stuff? Easy on the art galleries. You pick up some piece of Kleenex mid blub realising two seconds too late that it was part of some modern piece of art. Then you get chucked out and billed for the #2000000. Could be a tricky situation...

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 10:24 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Lol! Yes, I kept well away from the Tracey Emin. Blubbed at the sweet pics of men holding hands in the late Victorian times.

Monday, 5 April 2004 - 10:39 PM BST

Name: sarah

what blogmeet? what f8cking blogmeet? Christ, sometimes it feels like if you don't live in london, you're just a wannabe, because you can't possibly have your finger on the pulse of the nation blah blah...

..and then I remember it's blogging, that's a load of crap, and none of it really matters in the real world. Na, it durn't.

also, I've had some beer tonight. Seriously though, can I please have the url of the meet site? I can't see any of the london people I read linking to it and I'm interested.

Tuesday, 6 April 2004 - 12:07 AM BST

Name: Vanessa

The people who are going all have little buttons linking to it - it's something like londonblogmeet.blogspot.com. Billy will have a link. I wasn't going anyway, so I don't!

Tuesday, 6 April 2004 - 11:52 AM BST

Name: Creepy Lesbo
Home Page: http://creepylesbo.blogspot.com

It's OK, despite me getting occasional invites to various things I know I'd actually have to stop blogging if I turned up to anything. Although part of me does wish I could turn up anonymously and hear what people all say about each other I think I'm better off keeping my foot out of that little clique.

And yes, it's much easier for me to boot people off my links or whatever if I don't have to see them in real life and get nagged for not reading them as much as I should etc. I don't know how you real time types do it. Hiding behind my anonyminity sometimes makes me feel like a coward but most of the time just makes me think 'Just as well, if I met them none of us would probably get on and we'd all think 'they aren't what I imagined at all!''.

Tuesday, 6 April 2004 - 12:39 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Exactly. Although I had a convo with several people yesterday where we were halfway to all gatecrashing the London Blogmeet and all simultaneously pretending to be you, in 'I'm Spartacus too' style. Then you could turn up and just pretend to be Belle de Jour. Heh.

What's real time types?

Tuesday, 6 April 2004 - 3:28 PM BST

Name: e
Home Page: http://www.purplepen.net

I would add that the people organising it are essentially the people who "chat" on a particular site (we're talking a comments box of 100+ comments every day), so they are basically in touch with each other 8 hours per day. I think they've become so immersed in their smallish group of people that they forgot that the WWW is not private, that their sites may be accessed by anyone, and that information put up anywhere on the interwebthingie is information shared with the world. Add to that the fact that many in the "group" (used very loosely) have only been blogging for a few months, and I think that most of what you are resenting should be put down to inexperience. I can assure you most emphatically that none in the "group" feels in any way superior to anyone, quite the reverse in fact, and that they are not the publicity-seeking kind of bloggers at all- hence their fright at what the initial venture is becoming. It is all completely innocent, really.

Tuesday, 6 April 2004 - 3:57 PM BST

Name: Sarah
Home Page: http://www.kitchensunk.co.uk

I see your point, Vanessa. The 'problem' with a London Blogmeet was that it was always going to get too big if it were a true London Blogmeet.

The idea that certain bloggers should be there suggests that the meet, rather than a London Blogmeet, is a blog clique (for want of a better phrase) get together in London, for my idea, your idea and others' idea of who should be there will differ, naturally. And that's not meant as a put-down in any way.

Just my #00.02 :)

Tuesday, 6 April 2004 - 4:34 PM BST

Name: JonnyB

Sorry - that sounded flippant, didn't it. What I meant is that I generally think that people should say what they mean. Which is hypocritical of me, as I generally run scared of that sort of stuff.

And (c) struck a chord, although reading on through the comments I think that's been cleared up now.

Wednesday, 7 April 2004 - 11:03 AM BST

Name: Saltation
Home Page: http://go-blog-go.blogspot.com

Well at least you've discovered yourself. I've got no idea where I am. I could have sworn I put myself down just there just last night, but now I can't find me anywhere. Maybe I rolled under the couch or the cat ate me or something.

Wednesday, 7 April 2004 - 11:09 AM BST

Name: Saltation
Home Page: http://go-blog-go.blogspot.com

>Just my #00.02 :)

good point and clique intercourse there guys

Wednesday, 7 April 2004 - 11:24 AM BST

Name: Saltytongue
Home Page: http://go-blog-go.blogspot.com

> what f8cking blogmeet?

sarah, your U key is broken, fucking sort it out

>Christ, sometimes it feels like if you don't live in london, you're just a wannabe, because you can't possibly have your finger on the pulse of the nation blah blah...

yeah but all these people with all their fingers on the pulse it can get stifled, die.

or else fight back with (causing) really high blood pressure

and living on the pulse is not all it's cracked up to be. all the bloody time, all night long, you hear that bloody pulse.
Boompa boompa, boompa boompa, boompa boompa
Do you mind? Some of us are trying to get some sleep up here!
boompa boompa, boompa boompa
OI! Pack it bloody in!
boompa boompa
Right! That's IT! [door slams, feet pound down stairs]
boompaboompaboompaboompaboompa

Wednesday, 7 April 2004 - 12:17 PM BST

Name: Creepy Lesbo
Home Page: http://creepylesbo.blogspot.com

Ha ha. Of course I should be terribly worried about Trademark misuse etc etc but I find that amusing. I don't think I'd fool anyone if I said I was Belle du Jour though. I'd have to say I was a famous London anonymous male blogger instead. In fact, it would be much funnier if some fat old bloke turned up and claimed to be me. Miss Fluffy is already convinced I'm one called Bert.

Wednesday, 7 April 2004 - 12:21 PM BST

Name: Creepy Lesbo
Home Page: http://creepylesbo.blogspot.com

Sorry - Real Time types - Real Time is the 'world outside of the internet' - so real time types I meant you meet up with bloggers in real life and all chat about other bloggers etc. You all know each other - and not just as online pseudonyms. You have real names and faces to put to people and are 'friends' who know about and probably read each other's blogs.
Coming from what I write I think 'I couldn't do that'. It's bad enough some have. I sometimes wonder how I look people in the eye every day being that they know I had a dildo up my arse the day before yesterday etc.

Wednesday, 7 April 2004 - 12:32 PM BST

Name: billy
Home Page: http://billyworld.typepad.com/

...the london blogmeet...
...is a meeting in "that" london for bloggers - not necessarily bloggers from london...it is a group of friends who wanted to put names to faces, meet each other and actually "hear the voice" - I don't know about you but I tend to read blogs with a voice in my head, yes I am weird :^P...many of us have met bloggers, some of us might have already had "blogmeets"...that's all this is, a group of people meeting up - they've organised a date and a venue...
...the mistake they made was by advertising it - suddenly it became open to all and this is where the "fear" has set in...up until that moment everyone knew everyone and each person knew at least one other person - hence, there were no possible axe murderers turning up...as the thing has mushroomed there is now a potential for axe muderers, tory mps and scousers turning up...
...if you want to go, go...if you don't want to go, don't...if you feel a desperate need to leap into the middle of a group of bloggers and reveal your secret identity, I'm sure that you will be welcome with open arms...if you do go though, please leave the axe at home :^)...oh, and don't expect to keep you anonymity either :^)...they *will* all blog about the day...they *will* be taking pictures...
...unfortunately I probably won't be there...this is unfortunate because I went to the last blogmeet in london and it was good fun - I meet new people, got introduced to two new blogs and we managed to shut down three blogs as well :^)...

Wednesday, 7 April 2004 - 2:15 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

*weg*

Hi, Saltation. If my cats had anything to do with it, I'd be edible, and have a permanently twitching tail.

Wednesday, 7 April 2004 - 2:16 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Everyone's a clique to someone.

Wednesday, 7 April 2004 - 2:19 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Lol!!! The bloggers I know are by and large people whom I knew already, and we all copied each other by starting blogs one day. Half of them are already abandoned, and we're on ly at the six months mark.
I'm not sure if that makes us Real Time, but we certainly have 'blog' conversations at one point when we meet. Perhaps we're Time Share?

Wednesday, 7 April 2004 - 2:22 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

You're scaring me now.....

Usually angelfire censors @#%$! / f u c k on the comments. Though yours seemed to squeak through!

Wednesday, 7 April 2004 - 5:53 PM BST

Name: sarah
Home Page: http://nytoo.rumandmonkey.com

fuckity @#%$! @#%$! @#%$!.. ah, that's better. I'd missed the key in my semi-perma alcohol-haze.

honest, I'm just jealous because my only friend in London has gone Missing Presumed New Girlfriend and I think the chances of getting my Big Brother to go round Soho with me are minimal. wah.

Wednesday, 7 April 2004 - 7:05 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

I would add that the people organising it are essentially the people who "chat" on a particular site (we're talking a comments box of 100+ comments every day), so they are basically in touch with each other 8 hours per day.

Blimey, how you supposed to know that, then?

Add to that the fact that many in the "group" (used very loosely) have only been blogging for a few months,

Like most British bloggers, myself included...

and I think that most of what you are resenting should be put down to inexperience.

Yes, I'd said that a day or two ago, nuh? Just up there. And I don't think resent is the right word for it, I just find it ... well, perhaps I don't know the right word. Wouldn't be the first time.

Final coda: fifty-third repetition; this post was NOT ABOUT THE LONDON FUCKING BLOGMEET, as they say. Haven't people realised yet, that this place is my ultimate expression of self-love? It's all about Me. Sigh. Bloggers are so hyper-sensitive.

Thursday, 8 April 2004 - 12:46 PM BST

Name: Creepy Lesbo
Home Page: http://creepylesbo.blogspot.com

What about cuntymints?

Thursday, 8 April 2004 - 1:51 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Tch. This was cuntymints virgin territory till you said that.

Despoiler.

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