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Monday, 1 March 2004

Between the Lines


Now Playing: Velvet Underground: 'Perfect Day'

Topic: Hurtling to Obscurity
Quick exchange with Cyn yesterday, via blog, underlined the fractured, distorting nature of understanding others through this refracted lens of an online journal. Cyn's a solid silver superstar, so she kept my identity anonymous, but I freaked out a little.
Typically. Cuh.
Here's what Cyn wrote:

Between The Lines

Last night (or more accurately this morning, as I keep a vampire's sleeping schedule) I spent several hours perusing the archives of a blogger whom I've only known of for a few months.
In that time, I've read of her continuing emotional and financial recovery from the dissolution of a relationship of nearly a decade.
The writer has not detailed what happened that caused the relationship to founder, so in hopes of gaining perspective I went searching though her blog's archives to get some background.

One sentence.

That's what she wrote initially and for some time thereafter of the break up.
What she did write of in a rather profuse manner was of virtually drowning in food and drink--an attempt she later acknowledged, at getting though this bleak time. Her writing during this post break-up period to be charitable, was unremarkable. She alluded to having often been either hung over or drunk when making some of the entries so this sums up the why of it pretty neatly.

The writer I know of--the writer of the present--is easily among the best of the bloggers I've read. Her writing is of a caliber far beyond that of many scribes who are regularly published in books or magazines.

So in reading of those dark days, I was rather surprised that despite having had so much material for her blog, that she used none of it. Only months later did she write in an overt way about how much she didn't reveal of herself--ever.
This acknowledgment came within an entry that mentioned the emails she'd received in the previous months. Some of her readers made allusions to her being a "party girl," while others looked deeper, connected the dots, and saw that she was in great pain.

Thankfully, the writer seems to be past the worst of her recovery from becoming single again.
Having waded through so much of her documentation of her life, I feel I "know" her better. She seems more vulnerable--there's less bravado (though her kind of bravado must be read to be appreciated). I know more of what she wants me to know.
Though I lack her sharp writing skills, we do have in common a desire to not document the depths of our psyches and only apologetically do we offer the mundane details of our lives. Sometimes I wonder if I'm shortchanging myself by not exploring my feelings in more depth. I've come to the conclusion that what I write is within my comfort zone.
And I strongly concur with the writer--one only reveals as much as they wish--the blank spaces are for the reader to fill in.


(I added the link to the post I think she meant)

Here's what I replied:

My blog's relation to truth is allusive; I have a row, I write about the Iraq war; I feel deserted by all my friends, I write about the noises in the attic; if I want someone to know that I've slept with someone else, I blog about everyone I ever shagged, and leave a telling gap that they'll notice. You can bet your life that if it's truly truly important, I can't put it on my blog, because it would hurt people.
For one thing, my job is emotionally and physically consuming, but if I blogged about it, it would break the terms of my contract, and I'd be disbarred. So two thirds of my life becomes unbloggable, right there, just like that.
At least three exes read the blog, and so do their friends, as well as my entire family.
There is a recording of the penultimate conversation I ever had with the ex, and publishing it on the blog was her supposed excuse for splitting up with me, but we both know it was a catalyst - knowing all the inside info of how much you can grow apart in a year means that many of the entries for the two months prior to that indicate unease and conflict in my relationship with her. She always always had a problem with my level of self disclosure online. I couldn't say to anyone that it wasn't their right to object to that. But one of the many splinters of glass that opened the wound was the blog, and her reading into it what I hadn't meant to put there.
She was the one who thought that my blog described one long party. And her friends, too. What my blog is actually documenting is my journey between two nervous breakdowns, but apparently I'm not supposed to say this in public arenas. Another splinter. One of millions.

So, there's no blog entry that comes right out and says what happened with my ex partner. There's two that I find most revealing, but you'd have to be me and know the code to feel what they're saying. Life is in code, and nobody knows anyone else's key.
This one I wrote at some godforsaken hour of the morning, when I was rolling drunk. I had the feeling I was about to be dumped, but was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt for 14 days. Unfortunately The Doubt wasn't going well, and I felt like an actor in someone else's drama. Fortunately, I was so drunk you can barely tell.

This was a coded message to someone whom I'd rejected, whose absence I couldn't bear any longer, whose lack in my life was, for me, so painful it was physical, wholly engrossing, blocking out everything else with its enormity.

D'you see what I mean? I know which post tells more of a truth, but you couldn't hope to without that background, that swell of emotion behind the words. There's no way a reader could read meaning into the second post, yet for me it represents a flood of emotions I can barely comprehend, let alone verbalise.
If I haven't told it to my closest friends because it's too threatening, too sodding scary for me to confront what happened, then it's damn stupid of me to blog it.
The only realistic record of my relationship online is the one that my memory unlocks.

The trouble with blogs is that for the reader they're entertainment. For the writer, they're anything but - attention seeking is the closest it gets. I frequently want to shake Creepy Lesbo, hug her, or take her out to the pub. But if I did that, if I turned up in real, offline reality and presumed to know her, she'd probably never blog again. I know lots of people from (usenet) online whom I've met in real life. I'd hate to meet fellow bloggers, somehow.
For me, the blog isn't entertainment.
It's practise. For reality.
For a life that's in part not being lived if one is spending so much time blogging. For the day that the obstacles that prevent me from going out and living it without a safe, online buffer zone arrives.

Anyway, I wanted to give a response to your post. I'd noticed that someone had read the archives (there's actually text files of them on the site, because I didn't want anyone to worry I'd notice - okay, by anyone I mean exes, yeah.) I clicked onto your blog today as usual, as it's one of my top daily reads. I read a paragraph, realised who it was about, felt my heart leap into my throat with panic and went off to get a valium inside me so I could continue. I was grinding my teeth involuntarily all the way through reading it.
When I did, it wasn't so bad as I'd expected. Thanks for that. [?] Ack, I'm probably a paranoid fucker anyway. You're probably talking about Wil Wheaton.

I'm publishing this on here because I need to be less cowardly in the line I tread about what I allow to get out there. It's cowardly to pretend that nothing happened, or that I wasn't equally at fault in the general disintegration I was trying not to blog.
I don't want Cyn to think I minded her post - I'm glad of it, it made me think. It was more than a little flattering, too - always good. But more than that; replying in my usual paranoid fashion to Cyn's post reminded me of a few things. Firstly, it reminded me it's always good to post a regular disclaimer - "The truth is vague, incomplete and embellished, and subject to all of my usual distortions. So are the lies."

But mostly, it reminded me of what I've been reading lately of disturbances between cliques* in Brit Blogpuddle (only the yanks have a blogosphere), and the hurt feelings that have ensued as all parties have felt themselves judged, and critically at that.
* Oooer, hope they don't mind me calling them a clique - not very nice, is it?
Made me realise something: all these blogs are crap. I mean that in the kindest sense ... they're not truthful in the slightest. They make sense, if ever, only to ourselves.
And, conversely, if we publish our personal crap on the interwebnet, we deserve to dissected.

Blogging: At Your Own Risk.

This page graced by sarsparilla at 11:36 PM GMT
Updated: Monday, 1 March 2004 11:40 PM GMT
Post Comment | View Comments (42) | Permalink | Share This Post

Tuesday, 2 March 2004 - 9:25 AM GMT

Name: Sue

Blog and be blogged.

Tuesday, 2 March 2004 - 1:12 PM GMT

Name: Creepy Lesbo
Home Page: http://creepylesbo.blogspot.com

I think it's something we all wonder - how much to give, how much to take things seriously on other people's blogs, how much we are missing. I don't know how people can meet up with each other after reading blogs - they can be so deeply personal and yet the readers get everything - I don't tell my real friends even 5% of the stuff I blog about. And now I have a strange contradiction where I wonder 'which bit is the REAL me'? The bit who is shy says wonderful things and writes poetic prose to BigSmile or the extrovert joker she sees in drama every week. Which is all terribly confusing. But if it weren't for me writing it down I think I'd be in a far worse place and when you get the feedback - even if you know you can never take them up on the offer of a beer and a hug, it does make you appreciate humanity again. Which makes me think 'maybe I should start telling my friends more than that 5%'. But the fear of rejection is a big factor.... and I've never been much of a risk taker.

Tuesday, 2 March 2004 - 4:04 PM GMT

Name: Kat
Home Page: http://www.mostlyfluff.blogspot.com

I use the blog thing pretty much as an exercise in writing. Even if it stinks (and some days it really does) I know I should write something. That part is self-imposed.

I have also posted some very personal things and will do so in the future whenever the need arises. I'm not worried about friends and family reading it because 1) they don't read blogs and 2) I don't give them the site address.

From Cyn's piece: "The writer I know of--the writer of the present--is easily among the best of the bloggers I've read. Her writing is of a caliber far beyond that of many scribes who are regularly published in books or magazines." How very true, Vanessa.



Tuesday, 2 March 2004 - 5:32 PM GMT

Name: Winnie
Home Page: http://fastmixer.blogspot.com/

Oh it is utterly fantastic that you hide yourself even from your blog. I felt the same way when I started mine. I still feel twinges of worry and guilt that just maybe someone will discover the real me, the one I keep hidden only to bring out in the dark of the night when I can't sleep. This brings me to the conclusion that I am normal and that others in this world hide their true selves for fear of hurting and angering others, or being judged by others and found lacking.
You are a good person with a wonderful imagination and I think the blog helps keep us sane in a world of insanity.
Peace.

Tuesday, 2 March 2004 - 5:59 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

You're right, it's another form of validation, one that carries less psychological risktaking than actually letting your friends know that you need their support. It's made me much braver about asking people for help, though, and made me realise how we all fear the same things: insanity, criticism, loneliness, uselessness.
And it's nice to feel there's something you can do - it's fun practising writing, finding a style. I'm never going to write a novel, but I'd write a much more interesting letter / diary / postcard / speech / email, now. If I ever had some time away from the damn blog.

I'm utterly sure I don't want to meet fellow bloggers - the illusion that you know someone deep down is just too strong. Having said that, people I knew socially who happen to have blogs (ie, everyone in the first load of links on the left) - I feel like I trust them more because I 'know' them more, because of their blog.

It's a bit like finding someone at work who you don't much like, in the bogs crying. After that, you feel like you have an in to who they are, and you can't help but project a different character on them. But they're still that @#%$! who didn't pay you your overtime the other week.

Now I'm rambling. And you do take risks, Creepy, even if you worry that it's only on your blog, you have some guts. It's the most intensely personal I've ever read.

Tuesday, 2 March 2004 - 6:01 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

My name is Maximus Aurelius Bloggicaius, leader of the five blogtallions. I live by the blog and die by the blog.

(Case in point: family member commenting on blog; and this is after my mum told me off for saying she whinged on the walk to Dulwich last week.)

Tuesday, 2 March 2004 - 6:04 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

I don't think my writing's all that, although it's cool of you guys to be nice about it. What I do think is I'm a ten trillion times nicer, more worthy and honourable person than any journalist I've ever known, and I have a greater sense of my value and impact in the world. I don't want to be a writer; they come across as the lowest life form bar estate agents to me.

I better apologise to my journo friends now. Sorry, folks, but you are, you're arse licking egotcentric wheedling wankers. Get a real job. Heh.

Oh. That wasn't an apology, was it?

Tuesday, 2 March 2004 - 6:07 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Of course they do. It's an irrational way of dealing with the world, just as collecting Star Wars figurines, getting smashed with your pals every Friday, or exercising obsessively. We all need to retain an illusion of control, and we all need to believe we have feedback from others.
It's far far healthier than howling at the midnight moon, imho.

This post has now officially gone so far up its own arse it has no light left to read by.

Tuesday, 2 March 2004 - 7:40 PM GMT

Name: sarah

I could now comment about this post, but I think everyone else will say it better than me. Press repeat and pretend it was me laying down some praise. Me and lemonpillow were talking about you in the pub last weekend. It was interesting; it added a new dimension seeing what someone else gets out of what you write

(I have no idea why I started writing, why I continue, who I'm writing for, who's reading, or, indeed what my point is.)

Tuesday, 2 March 2004 - 8:11 PM GMT

Name: billy
Home Page: http://billyworld.typepad.com/

...my blog has been "most excellent dude" in giving me a chance to share some of my really tough decisions with people who don't know me...if I'm feeling crap and a useless member of society, what better than to get a bunch of people who don't know me to tell me that I am "a most excellent citizen"...and then I find that having asked their opinions they think they can tell me what to do next...this has to be wrong - I was just using them for my own foolish needs...
...and so I find you don't want to meet me - which is cool...but, you know, I suddenly discover that your opinion of me is important, your opinion on my writing means a lot to me, deep down I find that I really, really want you to be my friend...blogs - they're a bit crap aren't they...

[realising that you might never speak to me again can I just finish with 1) @#%$! off, you are not fat and 2) I'm really jealous of jabt...I'll go now :^)]

Tuesday, 2 March 2004 - 8:32 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Oh, way to make me paranoid, Sar! What did you two say? Erk! Did she happen to mention a certain wager?

Tuesday, 2 March 2004 - 8:32 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

I was actually most worried about you reading this post, Billy - I know some of the bloggers I mentioned are real life mates of yours, and I worried that you would think I'd been harsh or too judgemental.
Re: my opinion of you - I did a post way back last summer saying that the writing on your site and Pob's was often so good it hurt, because it made me jealous, Billy. I often find I have difficulty giving praise to people I'm jealous of, actually. So if I haven't said it lately, I like your writing.
I think if I were going to meet anyone from a blog, the writers of the American blogs I read (Eurotrash, fridgemagnet, sarahspace, muddyblog, friendly stranger, lactose incompetent, shy lux, cyn city, paul of noxturne, pimpress, boz) and yours, Creepy's and Sarah's are the people I would be intrigued about meeting. However, I dunno, I think the relationship the blog provides is quite positive and symbiotic, for all its errors, and I'd be scared of losing that. Things do change when bloggers meet up, and I'd be scared of being absorbed into some group story. What I really like is when bloggers meet up then *don't* blog it, and you can spend ages wondering what they would have said to each other (like Sarah and lemonpillows!).
And, jatb is up your way fairly regularly, so you ought to ask her to a meet.

Tuesday, 2 March 2004 - 8:47 PM GMT

Name: Cyn
Home Page: http://cyncity.typepad.com

I can safely retire now. A quote from my blog has been quoted in V.'s comment section.

Actually my head is spinning. I followed the links you posted to the Brit Blog Bashing contest. Hooo--thought I got melodramatic. Got nothing on these folks. I'm gonna have to work on my whinging.

Just by-the-by, I thought twice about praising you as "better" than many journalists. Knowing you are a self-professed literary snob, I guessed that you'd consider mostly all journalists shite.

I'll revise then and put it in American. You write good.

Off to work on my disclaimer now. ;)

Tuesday, 2 March 2004 - 9:02 PM GMT

Name: sarah

aww, I didn't mean to make you paranoid - I think that me and Lemonpillows have very different life situtations, and garned a completely different view from your site.

We also both admitted undying love, wrote lots of poems to you, did that love percentages thing on the back of our History books, and then giggled lots.

.. or similar :D It is interesting, and I've met a few other bloggers now, talking about someone you've never met as if you know them. I'm incredibly glad that I met the (5? 6?) people I've met so far; it was as if we'd gotten past the awkward first meeting and could concentrate on getting to know each other properly. But I'd never demand to meet someone, or get hurt if they telt me to eff off, and I know a fair few other bloggers who are very "God, I really wish I'd never agreed to meet that person"

It's a weird subject; down to the individual. I'm uber-glad I met Lemonpillows because I need a Real Life lesbian friend, I struck lucky - she's lovely, I found her dead easy to get on with, in a way not what I had expected. I think I was expecting her to be much shyer...

I never thought that not knowing any queers would bother me, but that was at Uni where the scene was a snap away and I had plenty of gay friends. But now I'm stuck out on my own, my mother calls me names and my straight friends get a bit embarrassed by the gay thing, and I find it does bother me. Blogs like yours and creepy's and lemonpillows really, really, *really* helped me not feel like a big freak o'nature. I always meant to thank you for that..

Tuesday, 2 March 2004 - 9:27 PM GMT

Name: sarah

oh, and no, she didn't mention the wager. Does it have anything to do with a twenty pound note that mysteriously disapeared from my pocket?

Tuesday, 2 March 2004 - 10:17 PM GMT

Name: Lux

damnitalltohell, I'd just written a really long comment and now it's gone... gone with the wind and the antebellum South.

There will be no Reconstruction, no forty acres and a mule, just this reminder of the comment that Once Was.

Wednesday, 3 March 2004 - 12:53 PM GMT

Name: The Rev
Home Page: http://friendlystranger.servebeer.com/blog

I've tried to comment on this 3 times now, but it always ends up being this long rambling incoherent babble about truth, lies, facades, and smoked almonds... don't ask.
Anyhow, I'm going to cut myself off and just say "Thank you for this" and "Damn you for this."
It's been rattling around in my head and causing me to think - a lot - about a lot of things and not all of them pleasant. So, thanks for the kick to the head to get my juices flowing and some truths faced, and damn you for the kick to the head because... well, thinking is no fun sometimes.

Wednesday, 3 March 2004 - 1:15 PM GMT

Name: Creepy Lesbo
Home Page: http://creepylesbo.blogspot.com

Yes, I think a similar thing runs through my mind - another thing I wouldn't be able to talk about.
It almost tore me apart that I didn't feel I could blog about the ExWife and TwoTimingCunt situation in the way I wanted to. The London scene is far too small and as it is I've met people scattered around and I recognise them from forums where I've spoken to them as 'Creepy' etc. Which is one of the reasons I'm not fond of going out on the scene too - just it's far too intimate and gossipy, even in a large city like London.
Of course the major thing which worries me about meeting people is them just 'not liking me' as who I am in real life. I'm not poetic, I'm loud and crass, I'm a joker and I'm not trendy or beautiful. There's an Airhead song which goes on about how a bloke moves up North and wears a balaclava and some shades for the first 6 months and how everyone is really disappointed when he takes them off - even though they really liked him when he was a little bit mysterious. "Oh. Your eyes are green I thought they would be blue". I'd worry that I didn't live up to people's expectations and that they wouldn't want me to offer them the support I'd want to give and vs versa.

Wednesday, 3 March 2004 - 1:25 PM GMT

Name: Creepy Lesbo
Home Page: http://creepylesbo.blogspot.com

I think it goes both ways - I've been utterly reassured by people emailing me saying 'ooh! me too!' about some of the randomist things. (Although not the arm rush when I pee thing which still upsets me..)
But anyway - that sense of 'thank GOD! I'm not a complete freak after all!' (just a bit of one) is a wonderful feeling to experience. It's like the first person you come out to who is gay too and you didn't know it, or just says 'Oh, yes, my sister is too' or similar - that 'It's not just me!!!' feeling is just fantastic when you are feeling isolated.

But ever so nice to read that I've helped others too!
:-)

Wednesday, 3 March 2004 - 2:17 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Yeah, it's actually the nicest thing anyone's ever said about my blog.

And, Creepy, yidaho gets the arm rush. I bet she hasn't said anything because if she ever mentions it in real life I start screaming 'freek freak!' at her.

Wednesday, 3 March 2004 - 2:26 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Yeah, I think you were right about that. I don't really go out on the scene that much, and nor do any of the London dykes I know, but if you had blogged that then I'm fairly certain it wouldn't have taken much sniffing around amongst the people I do know on the scene to find out. And I know what you mean, there are at least two people who are really important whom I've never even mentioned on this blog.

Sometimes I'm halfway persuaded to start making extra people up, so I can transfer some problems from the 'main characters' onto them. In fact I tried it in January, did a blog about 'a friend', and got phone calls from mates saying how incredibly recognisable it was, how hurtful the intended would be if they ever saw it, and had to delete the entry.

I don't worry about not living up to my writing style in real life, though. I used to feel a little like that when I drank, but now I don't, I have more confidence, and feel a little 'take me as you find me'. If people don't like me, I assume they're projecting, mostly. It's my real friends' disapproval that matters the most.

Wednesday, 3 March 2004 - 2:27 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

What?! You paid her for sex?!


[ KIDDING, alright?! ]

Wednesday, 3 March 2004 - 2:32 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Aw, I wrote out the voting comment on your site three times, an all!

I think the problem is that you have to confirm the comment twice. Sorry!

Wednesday, 3 March 2004 - 2:33 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

I'm not really sure what you just said, but it sounded heartfelt. Almonds?

Wednesday, 3 March 2004 - 4:51 PM GMT

Name: The Rev
Home Page: http://friendlystranger.servebeer.com/blog

Yes... almonds.
And forgive the morning rambles as I was still a bit unnerved by running into a very large and ugly man with a very large and ugly gun barely concealed inside a very large and ugly suit jacket.

Wednesday, 3 March 2004 - 10:35 PM GMT

Name: lemonpillows
Home Page: http://www.lemonpillows.com

Hmm.. Very interesting post.. I kinda know what you mean. I can be brutally honest sometimes in my blog, but it's never the whole truth. I always keep something back. There are people and things you can't blog about because you know that they'll read it. I've had to delete a few posts simply because I got too many awkward questions.. And it does lead to people online getting a really interesting perspective on me - about who they think I am.

Secondly, you DO write really well. And I AM jealous. Was saying to Sarah that I wish I could write as well as you do..

(and no, I didn't mention the 'wager', and that disappearing 20quid was NOTHING to do with me! - I'm worth more than 20quid anyway)

Wednesday, 3 March 2004 - 11:03 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Down payment?

Wednesday, 3 March 2004 - 11:22 PM GMT

Name: lemonpillows
Home Page: http://www.lemonpillows.com

>:oo you're a cheeky blighter, you are!

pffffffffffft! Down payment indeed!

*storms away trying to think of something witty to say... fails, so stomps away anyway* ;op

Wednesday, 3 March 2004 - 11:51 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

You're cute when you're angry.

Wednesday, 3 March 2004 - 11:56 PM GMT

Name: lemonpillows
Home Page: http://www.lemonpillows.com

Ha ha ha ha... Me? Angry? But, darling, I don't *DO* angry apparently lol..

I must learn...

*pulls out book of pulling tips - writes 'angry is cute' in bright red pen - must be true coz Vanessa said so. pulls tongue back in*

fnar fnar

Thursday, 4 March 2004 - 1:04 AM GMT

Name: Blue Witch
Home Page: http://blue-witch.co.uk

The thing I despise most about blogland is when people post opinions on subjects, and about people, they know little about.

Particularly when they involve other (named) people, in a negative way.

*I* don't do it to people, and I'd prefer that they didn't do it to me. I'd be obliged if you'd remove that link in your post, please.

Thursday, 4 March 2004 - 11:49 AM GMT

Name: Vanessa

You just posted an opinion about me, though. So you do do it, and I've seen you do it often. If you despise me, then there's no reason for me to be co-operative. Why don't you try remembering that a blog isn't that important in the scheme of things?

Thursday, 4 March 2004 - 5:56 PM GMT

Name: sarah

hahaha. Yes, kidding - I was down #20 at the end of the night and couldn't work out how. even I can't drink #56.

I think..

Thursday, 4 March 2004 - 6:00 PM GMT

Name: sarah

*bitchslap*

MINE.

Well, while she's north of the Humber.

Thursday, 4 March 2004 - 6:59 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Saw her first! *right hook*

Thursday, 4 March 2004 - 7:22 PM GMT

Name: sarah

At this point, I'd like to say I smashed a bottle of dog over the bar then ran at you screaming "AAAAHAWYYESUVANA! HA WAY! YE MACKAM OR WHAT YE SHITE" but if I did that for real I'd just start going "oo, I cut my finger! ooO! Look! A shard!"

*cough*

*headbutt*

Thursday, 4 March 2004 - 8:35 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

We headbutted for fun back in our shoebox full of glass chippings on the motorway, aye...

*tickles*

Thursday, 4 March 2004 - 10:30 PM GMT

Name: Pete C
Home Page: http://peteconnolly.co.uk/blog

Don't do yourself down, Vanessa. I've been looking through blogs in the last few days (in work time - I'm getting paid for it!), just looking at styles etc. You do have a really, really good style of writing - it's a pity I'm so dense that I didn't pick up on half of what you were writing.

Friday, 5 March 2004 - 8:47 AM GMT

Name: lemonpillows
Home Page: http://www.lemonpillows.com

*duh*

Did I miss something???

*wanders off scratching head*

Friday, 5 March 2004 - 12:42 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

These padded walls are comfy.

*beats head*

Sunday, 18 April 2004 - 3:16 PM BST

Name: Fluffy
Home Page: http://brain-spasm.blogspot.com

Hey Vanessa.
Just thought i'd add my view point for what its worth.

'Made me realise something: all these blogs are crap. I mean that in the kindest sense ... they're not truthful in the slightest. They make sense, if ever, only to ourselves.
And, conversely, if we publish our personal crap on the interwebnet, we deserve to dissected.'

I agree that if its published online then its open to critisism, and if people dont want an audience then why dont they make it a private blog.
But i'm wondering how crap can be in a good way. Again... i agree all the backstabbing and shite is a load of old bollocks which as far as i know is what spawned your opinion of crapness. So maybe you are right, personal opinion again aint it.
But to say i'm not truthful in what i write. Well thats upsetting. And frankly if my crap didnt make sence to more than just me then how come i get over 160 odd hits a day?
I have been blogging for a hellova long time now, and i pride myself on my blogging persona being as close and as truthful to myself as i can make it. Albeit fragmented. (and sometimes a little ranty due to domestic problems)
So i guess i understand and agree with some of your points, but dont appreciate being called a liar.

ALSO,sorry to rant on here but i fancied getting my point across. Besides, you dont even link to me anymore. and i cant believe you would read me, so how do you know anything about me?

Monday, 19 April 2004 - 10:30 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

You've misread the post. I've emailed you a response.

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