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Saturday, 14 February 2004

Manglement Bollocks

Mood:  caffeinated
Bastard sodding work kept me doing 14 hour days for the latter part of this week, so I couldn't get to the internet cafe before it closed at eleven. I had my first (crap Sarf East Lahndan equivalent of) 360 degree appraisal. (ie, loads of important interviews where I invite feedback within a 24 hour period, not an actual HBS type manglement bollocks appraisal. The place I work is still lagging in about 1982 in manglement terms...)

So anyway, my superiors think I don't do that much, I'm idle, and shiftless. They note my unkempt attire, my poor punctuality (one verbal warning) and my laughably high sick rate (one verbal, one written warning, on an annual basis, over the previous decade). They feel frustrated at my inability to prioritise bureacratic paperwork over getting the job done well. (They said this! Don't they see how foolish that makes them look?)
They suspect me of failing to do even the basics correctly, and think there may be some merit in investigating my records. However, in public, they prefer pretend that I'm faultless and a paragon of civic virtue from whom my colleagues could learn a thing or two. They find me deeply frustrating when I pass on promotions I don't want, and think I should believe in myself more. Sheesh. Cheers, madhippyboss.
My colleagues think I'm a workaholic who tries to do too much. And fails. They think I'm married to my job, but wish I were more empathetic. They think I interfere too much and realise that I never delegate because I don't trust them to walk and chew gum at the same time. However, that gives them less work, so they don't mind in the slightest. Because of this, they mostly forgive me for never fulfilling any request which might be difficult or cause me inconvenience (symbiotic relationship, see?) They're fully aware of my governing precept that if you don't want to do a job, do it supremely badly (you'll not be asked again), and find it ridiculous. Which I think is a fair cop.
My junior colleagues think my content and delivery is top hole, old bean. They frequently think when I train them up, my presentations can't be bettered, doncha know. However, when I set up projects, they frequently can't understand what I want them to do, because my verbal instructions are so painfully contorted, even (especially) when they ask for clarification. I'm disorganised, apparently, and in high pressure presentations they think I panic and give out way too much pointless paperwork. All true, I have to say, although I do regret saying 'damn, be brutal in your evaluations, I'm never doing this crap again' a little, now.
My suppliers think I'm without parallel, the only person at my company who gives them any hard data useful to work with, or positive feedback; however sometimes they're surprised to note that I can't recall who they are.
My customers prefer dealing with me to other colleagues, but think I'm disorganised, and I don't set out projects and expectations clearly enough. They think it's somewhat out of order that I can't be bothered to get to work on time in the mornings. Also, they don't like to tell me that they like dealing with me, because I might get smug, so in face to face dealings they enjoy pretending that I'm twenty times crapper than the previous faceless operative. Gee, thanks for that, guys.

Pffft. Like I give a shit.

This page graced by sarsparilla at 3:03 PM GMT
Updated: Saturday, 14 February 2004 3:14 PM GMT
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Sunday, 15 February 2004 - 8:20 PM GMT

Name: yidaho
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My boss called me a 'stalwart' last week.. Not to my face, but to Boss #2. I should be pleased, but he said the same of my co-worker three weeks before she got the boot. :-/ And, anyway, I think the word 'stalwart' sounds kind of yucky - I'd rather be a 'teamplayer'. :)

Monday, 16 February 2004 - 2:59 AM GMT

Name: e
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I reckon "stalwart" is one of those double-edged compliments, like "salt of the earth" (annoys the hell out of me that one). It has connotations of dispensible indispensibility- ie someone that everyone thinks they can't do without, but who verges on sticking in the mud, and is only kept out of habit. Don't mind me, I'm both paranoid and cynical when it comes to empoyer-employee relations (bad experiences). I just think there's always a hidden agenda in every word they utter. The best method is not to give a damn. It gives you a lot more of a free rein to follow your instincts, and not worry what your boss thinks, and perversely probably makes you a better employee. Vanessa, were you due this appraisal, or are they investigating you to establish whether or not to give you the boot? Beware the beady boss eye!

Monday, 16 February 2004 - 1:16 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

They're looking for redundancies, but I'm cheaper than others they could boot first, and I have more imagination of the manglement type, so possibly. However, it takes a good five years to sack someone from my job if they decide not to go quietly, so they generally attempt to either seek your approval first, or make things uncomfortable enough for you to go elsewhere instead.

Wednesday, 18 February 2004 - 10:26 PM GMT

Name: Pauly D
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I think, if you just stay positive, like you did in this last post...everything will turn out OK. You know, like for Bridget Jones.

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