There are things I should know by now, but don't, no matter how often I 'learn':
1. Putting the hot chocolate in the microwave will make it explode.
2. Agreeing to go out for a drink with four dykes is less scary than when it suddenly explodes into fifty, and I will suddenly not feel like going.
3. Doing huge favours for the boss will not be redeemed by any favours I should require.
4. Eating two pints of seafood will always make me throw up.
5. The persistent sound of my neighbour's nintendo and bad Scandinavian eighties pop can induce homicidal rage.
6. The neighbours don't like it when I take photos of them.
7. Just because I've driven to JatB's house a zillion times over the last five years doesn't mean I won't get ridiculously lost in Kilburn.
8. Saturday night, half past eleven; most of the other drivers are drunk. In fact that one's drunk and getting head. I should calm down and stop cutting them up.
9. Most people have pretty boring lives. It's only that we use Hollywood to pretend we don't.
10. There's never going to be a movie where Judi Dench has an impossible affair with Josh Hartnett, that gets wonderful reviews and doesn't merit a single solitary comment on the fact that old trouts don't pull fresh meat like that.