Now Playing: nothing
It struck me between the eyes when Friendly Stranger wrote:
I haven't felt anything intensely in a long time. That realization is kind of shocking. Joy? Elation? Where's the pain? Hate? Anger? Lust?
A person does feel those, yeah? They do feel those types of emotions on a regular basis, right? I don't know when the last time I felt those was. It's different from the numb drone of day to day. The slow deadening of self that comes from the Singular Routine.
Yesterday I deleted seven and a half thousand emails. Then I threw away all the music I'd collected in my teens and twenties. Every bit. After that, I listened to an orchestral piece that was left in my car, that I can't stop listening to again and again.
Currently, my day is all pain, hate, anger, upheaval, loss, separation, denial - all extreme emotions, and it's the most wearing thing. I spend every minute of my day trying to numb and deaden everything back into that droning routine, because too much drama is exhausting to the emotions, the spirit and the self. It has the same effect. I blog to get away from it.
Sorry, that's completely irrelevant, I know, it just struck me that we were both feeling emotionally anaesthetised, but for the most separate of reasons.