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Wednesday, 7 January 2004

Why the Shit Days?

What's been going on that has been making my life so shit so far this year was trying to parcel up stuff from my home, and put it into storage, so I can sell the flat I bought five years ago with Wickedex.
I tried all last week to do it, but it was too depressing. Immobilising. The furthest I got was renting a storage container in a warehouse nearby. I had to get Wickedex to promise to come over and accompany me to pay the rest of the fee, because I was pretty sure that if she weren't there holding me to ransom, and calling me to account, I'd have spent the day under my duvet feeling sorry for myself instead.
Now, she's taken two weeks off work to clear out stuff from the flat, for me to put into the storage container. So she's here every day, when I'm not.
None of this stuff will ever be entering this house again, so it all has to be sorted into boxes that are mine and hers. When she fucks up or doesn't do it fast enough, or stays in bed half the morning instead, I have to bite my tongue, because one doesn't criticise people who aren't one's partner. I have remind myself that it took me a whole week of moping to do nearly nothing.
So if she packs a box that would be too heavy for two blokes to carry, let alone me unaided, I have to do polite bloody things: like ask her to pass it to me, before I take it down four or five flights of stairs. If she doesn't bother to tell the estate agent the house will be ready for viewing in a week: instead of snapping grumpily at her about it, I have to put on a kindly face, and wonder when she thinks it's best to ring the agents?
It's also a huge strain having to see her every single day. Knowing that she's been in my house alone. Going through all my stuff. My stuff. Making decisions about whether my stuff is worthy of me keeping or should be thrown away.
She gave me a break from the constant contact that was grinding my soul into grit over Christmas, and it was ace - I could stop being angry with her, and get on into the next stage, where I miss her, and I've lost my best friend.
If she's here every day, I can't afford the emotional leeway to miss her. Which makes it harder yet again to move on. And it's gruelling to keep having to remind myself that although she's someone I get on well with, whom I can talk to so easily, I shouldn't get too comfortable. She's not really my friend.
Added to that, nine years of irritating habits can't be forgotten overnight. Excuse a short whinge here: I can't gripe about this one anywhere else. Although she still owes me #200 for groceries from before she left, although she got right on my tits for never doing enough housework, particularly for not washing up once since last June.... when I got home I saw she'd helped herself to a meal, to a chilled drink, to my coffee. This in itself would have been reasonable, had she said something about it. But, to leave shit all over the kitchen, shit on the floor, shit on the chopping board, shit on the hob, on the kitchen surfaces, then go home again, leaving all my stuff in fucking stupid pissy boxes in the hall that I hate and that I trip over, and to not wash up or clear the dishes she used ...... that was really fucking hard not to rake up old arguments then.
Two weeks of this. With five extra projects at work starting at the same time. Anyway, that's why I have shit days, and shit blogs at the moment.

This page graced by sarsparilla at 6:53 AM GMT
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Wednesday, 7 January 2004 - 7:58 AM GMT

Name: Lux

Hugs: ((((Vanessa))))

Wednesday, 7 January 2004 - 11:36 AM GMT

Name: Terry
Home Page:

That sounds really @#%$!. I went through something kind of similar myself, some number of years ago, so I've a (very small) idea of what that's like.

Interestingly, the woman involved is herself going through this kind of thing now. Ha.

What goes around comes around.

Wednesday, 7 January 2004 - 1:39 PM GMT

Name: sarah

whinge away. But also book some holiday time in soon and get away - small tropical islands are nice at this time of year!

Wednesday, 7 January 2004 - 2:40 PM GMT

Name: billy
Home Page:

..feel free to moan away - it makes my life seem better :^) there is a positive side to all this..

Wednesday, 7 January 2004 - 2:54 PM GMT

Name: wifflewiffle
Home Page:

Wow, it must really hurt to @#%$! days and @#%$! blogs!

Err, I'll go get me coat now.

Wednesday, 7 January 2004 - 4:10 PM GMT

Name: wifflewiffle
Home Page:

What the... they censored the word s h it! Well, that's a perfectly bad joke KILLED then.

Wednesday, 7 January 2004 - 4:21 PM GMT

Name: Jack
Home Page:

Might be a good time to break out in song: "Always look on the bright side of life (whistles)..."

Wednesday, 7 January 2004 - 4:25 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Hah! Swearing may be thought big and clever in Singapore, young man, but over here in the UK, we pooh pooh such profanities.

Nah, actually, it's cos I can't turn the censor off. I've been trying to progressively swear more and include ever more obscene content in my blogs, to obtain the 'sexual overtones' rating that JatB's blog enjoys, but nothing works. Cursed by the Mary Poppins comments page.

Wednesday, 7 January 2004 - 6:39 PM GMT

Name: paul
Home Page:

Are you being nice to her becuase you still have feelings for her, though you know her habits are disrespectful and @#%$! you off? Or are you just that nice of a person? Why don't you criticize someone who isn't your friend and isn't your partner? You could jsut box up all her @#%$! and kick it downstairs. WHy are you bothering to help her at all? Why not throw it out a window? She needs you to be nice to her, she doesn't live there anymore. You could tell her to quit being a bitch of @#%$! off.

Wednesday, 7 January 2004 - 6:40 PM GMT

Name: em
Home Page:


Found my way here thru Billy's place. You've got a wonderful blog and not at all sh!t. you know, this may come out of the fact that i am a sick and damamged old girl, but i would have definitely taken that eat-your-food-and-leave-the-sh!t-all-over-the-kitchen act as a passive-aggressive cannon-blast of provocation. and then risen nicely to the bait. forget polite. it's all sneering sarcasm after something like that.

Wednesday, 7 January 2004 - 7:23 PM GMT

Name: Legomen
Home Page:

Oh is that what it means. Well pull my ears!
The first time I saw it flash through on the menu bar I'm thinking it's about fast enough to send me a blip-vert. I monitored my language for the next hour just in case it was but nothing slipped out in dollar signs, exclamations and hyphens.

Wednesday, 7 January 2004 - 7:27 PM GMT

Name: Vicky
Home Page:

Shit blogs? Most definitely not! Using other people's food, though, is a right c*nt.

Wednesday, 7 January 2004 - 8:27 PM GMT

Name: cyn
Home Page:

Sorry darling, on your shittiest day, this is not a shit blog.

My heart aches for you. The dividing of the stuff when a relationship ends just rips away at one's guts.

Stay here. We'll try to help you get mended. {{hugs}}

Wednesday, 7 January 2004 - 8:33 PM GMT

Name: jenn
Home Page:

there's a song called Breathe by Telepopmusik that i listen to when @#%$! gets rough. this is my gift to you. i'd pass it to you in a box, but i don't want you to get mad if it's too heavy.

:P i'm just messing with you girl

Wednesday, 7 January 2004 - 11:51 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

You know what? You're right.

Wednesday, 7 January 2004 - 11:53 PM GMT

Name: V


Friday, 9 January 2004 - 6:30 PM GMT

Name: cacoa

hey *hugs* ..and thankyou so much for your comments, they were really useful:)

Saturday, 10 January 2004 - 3:22 AM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Oh good, I'm so relieved! (((hugs))) back to you, Cacao. And if you meet anyone at work that might be Wickedex, could you perhaps trip them up, on the offchance?

Saturday, 10 January 2004 - 8:52 AM GMT

Name: Looby

I'd almost feel like I'd been burgled in that situation, I think.

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