feeling yukky
October 11/03
I feel yukky today. Depressed, empty. what the heck is this? I just feel like something is being kept from me, like my brain is trying to tell me something.

I didn't write anything new this week, except for a book review on Revolt in the west.

I think my brain is starting a revolt. Sure isn't co-operating. Hey brain, co-operate!

the sabateur
September 13/03
The sabateur in my head says You can?t write anything anyway. You?re a phony. You
aren?t a writer.
Why does a person sabatoge their abilities, their own potential? I want to know that. Are
these messages from childhood which in parents minds, kept our heads from swelling?
Anyway, the sabateur is busy today. I haven?t written anything new this week.

writing rut
August 17/03
It has been a better week for subs. Sent out an article to a religious pub and also an article to a bird zine. Hope they take the articles. I have been in a writing rut. Maybe will break out of it this way.

birthday; wasps; a printing
July 26/03
Today is Mom?s birthday. She would have been 92 had she
lived.
Wasps are taking over our lives. There is a nest of them
under the sidewalk. We have been squirting foam under
there, but they keep coming. Now I see a nest of them on
the caragana bushes. What should I do? What works on
these characters?
Finally a printing. A christian writers? zine printed my
article., No Time To Write. It is such a blessing to get
something printed when I was having self-doubts.

printings
July 16/03
It?s so nice to get 2 papers in the mail with my writing in
them. One is a newspaper; the other is a literary newsletter.

Now I need to get something ready for next month for each
of them. I always feel better when my writing gets printed.
The other writers inspire me too. It?s so interesting to see
what they write.

finally; then another problem
June 28/03
The computer is finally working after lengthy work. At one
point there was just a big red page that wouldn?t allow me in
at all.

I found out that Norton antivirus had been disconnected by a
virus or whatever. What fun. I had to uninstall then
reinstall antivirus. Aggravation. Today everything seems to
be working okay.

Except for wordpad. I downloaded some info to disk, to be
opened in wordpad. When i try to open that, it says:
Wordpad has caused an error in MSWRD832CNV. Wordpad
will now close.
Is wordpad now corrupt? I have stuff on there. How do I fix
this?

love the colors
June 27/03
Oh my goodness! I love the colors. After last entry I changed the color scheme. Love it.

I spent yesterday trying to get puter to work. It all started when I tried to run scandisk and defrag. Defrag kept saying to run scandisk first. When I ran scandisk, it froze up. Then I would shut down, round and round.

A large red page appeared saying it could not initiate blah blah. I phoned puter store. He said to bring in the tower. I probably have a virus.

I didn't feel like taking it anywhere so I managed to go to symantec site. Downloaded some tool fixes for several viruses. After checking the puter, the notice said I do not have that virus.

I noticed my norton was disabled. So I had to uninstall then re-install norton. Things improved a little from there.

Finally, this morning, I could run defrag and scandisk and actually finish the programs.

I keep reminding myself that these computers are to SAVE us time, right? UHG...........

I saved myself 50 to $100 anyway.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

phone sadists
June 25/03
Yesterday I had to do something I loathe to do. Phone co cut me off. Had to pay a dragging bill that is not mine, in order to re-establish service. With my health problems, I need phone. So I paid the extortion fee. It was all from an error, THEIR error.
But anyway, I have service again. At some inconvenience too.

looking for inspiration
June 21/03June 21/93
I?ve written absolutely nothing new this week.
How can I improve my writing production?
I?m not reading anything inspiring either. When I have a
book around, or a new literary quarterly, there?s always some
inspiration and ideas from what others write.
Of course, it doesn?t help that there are certain matters
unsettled, and my mind is on those matters.

First entry
June 20/03
This is the first entry here. To be honest, I am surprised I could get going here. sometimes I get frustrated with complicated directions, etc and just go back to paper.
It's cool & cloudy today, unlike the 90 degree weather yesterday.