Been meaning to write this up for quite some time, but the copious amounts of homework have prevented me from getting around to it. This could go into the Quotations Journal, but I think it more so belongs here. If you've read Tad Williams'War of the Flowers, you may already have an inkling of what I'm talking about. In case you don't, the goblins in the story are supressed by the 'higher' folk of Faerie. Their word is their bond, and they all adhere to an ancient treaty made with the faerie folk. Their names of secret despair are sort of like a middle name. They give it to themselves, the name they call themselves by at their lowest, most despairing moments. They are supposed to be a secret. The only goblin who dared reveal his in the story dubbed himself 'Bug'. My name of secret despair is different. It's not a name I call myself, but rather a name I use on MSN Messenger. That way, every time I say something to someone, I see it. It's not so much a name, really, it's a couple lines of lyric from a song. It reminds me not to give up and to try and think positive. It reminds me to keep moving when I'd like to just lay down on the floor and cease to move. Since the name is supposed to be secret, I will keep mine so. But think about it. What's your name of secret despair?
It is official! I am going to Japan in the fall of 2005 for two weeks. I am actually going to Japan. I'm not sure at the moment what to write about it. I mean, I was upset that I didn't get to go this fall, but this time I really get to go! Bar severe accident or illness, bad grades or drug/alcohol problems, I am going to Japan!!!! I AM GOING TO JAPAN!! OMG!! I offer up my proof: here! *Deep breath* OMG, OMG, OMG!! I'm sorry if anyone was expecting this to be an intelligent post but, OH MY GOD!
It's 2:48 am. I was just about to go to bed. Everything's shut down, and I'm tired enough to drop. But a thought struck me, and I had to write it out. So here goes. If it's muddled and inarticulate, blame it on lack of sleep and caffeine.
You connect with people on different levels. Strong connections, weak connections. But it doesn't matter if you connect with them in a positive way, or a negative way. When that connection is an extremely strong one, good or bad,it transcends many things. One of them is names. When you have a strong love or hate for a person, I have found that when I think of them, I think of them not in terms of the name they have been given, the names by which they are known, or their relationship to me. In my mind, when I think of a person, they are defined by feeling, and the memory of feeling. Like each person with one of those special connections has a secret name that isn't a word, or a phrase. A name that cannot be spoken, only felt, or thought. I've sat, trying to imagine a word for even one of these 'names' but to no avail. These connections transcend language, too.
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