~ Nyx, Myself & I ~

I have lots of odd phobias. Heights. Going really fast. Not being in control. Being in pain. Add up those four factors, and you come up with snowboarding, among other things. Okay, so each one of them can be avoided. If you don't like heights, take the t-bar. But I can't use those things to save my life. Speed is controllable if you know what you're doing. And if you know what you are doing, you are in control most of the time. And if you're in control, you're not going to get hurt. Unfortunately, the thing about learning a sport is that you don't know what you're doing. An in all my forays out onto the ski hill, never once have I manged to completely avoid more than two of these things. Looking at it, it seems sort of like an attempt to face a bunch of my fears in one go. Only, I have to say, my fear of heights is the only thing that I am able to deal with any better than before. Every time I am going too fast, every time I am not in control, and every time I fall down, I wonder: why the hell am I doing this. Is it even worth it. Even as I type this I have a very sore neck from my trip to the ski hill on Saturday. I spent over twenty dollars, and yet I only managed to do three runs, thanks to the fall during my second one. That's certainly not getting my money's worth at over $7 a run. Unlike most of my friends, I wasn't born into a pair of skis. Sliding down hills on planks is not something that comes to me as easily as breathing. If you step back from it and take a look, sometimes you have to wonder about the sanity of such a thing. Why on earth would I want to do that when I could be reading, or drawing, or working on my website. I've never been at one with the outdoors. I hate bugs, I hate being too hot, I hate being too cold, I hate being uncomfortable. So what the hell am I thinking? Your guess is as good as mine.

SPOILERS!!

The flutter of a butterfly’s
wings in Asia ultimately
could cause a typhoon
halfway around the world.

-Chaos Theory

If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back to you, it is yours.
If it does not, it was never yours to begin with.

-John Mains

Sometimes the best helping hand
you can give is a good, firm push.

-Joann Thomas

Those three quotes--with slight modifications--are the foundations of the movie The Butterfly Effect.Now, I don't exactly go to the movies a lot, especially not during the school year. Also, I don't have a lot of respect for Ashton Kutcher as a serious actor. He's damned funny in That 70's Show and Dude Where's My Car? but any pretty fool can do that. However, when I saw the commercials for this movie, I was more than slightly interested. A sort of psycho-drama-turned-love-story type thing. And a definate effort on his part to be taken seriously, but who can blame him?

I love popcorn. When I go to the movies, I usually eat a damned lot of it. At this movie, I forgot about the food maybe twenty minutes in. I was so caught up in the movie that I didn't even thing about it. For once, I was actually impressed with Ashton Kutcher's performance. He didn't make a fool of himself, and he went through the entire film without doing that really stupid laugh. The child and teenaged versions of his character (Evan) were pretty good, too.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. A pebble in a pond, even placed there carefully, will inevitably send ripples. All things affect other events. This theory is generally applied to the physical world. The Butterfly Effect applied this theory to Time. A great idea if I've ever heard one. Another masterful touch--in my opinion--was the note to Kaileigh: 'I'll come back for you.' The irony of it made an impression on me. The explanation for the young version of Evan's blackouts is very fitting.

The Butterfly Effect were wonderful. If you've got $10, head down to the theater and see it. I guarantee it's worth your time...If you're into movies that get bad reviews. I seem to like those.

February 13, 2004
Quotations Journal

Contrary to popular belief, I am not dead. Indeed I am very much alive, and have simply been rather busy.So, without further adue, my post:

I have an insane thing about quotes. Apparently it's genetic, since my father is the same way. Both of us collect quotes in Word documents, in seriously massive ammounts. For the most part, I use them for ideas for poems, stories, or school assignments. I also use them as display names on MSN, or witty responses to people's remarks. And that's about it aside from personal enjoyment. So I've decided to make a Quotations Journal for them. The purpose of which will be for me to display my favourite quotes, and record my thoughts on them. I've already logged two quotes and attached commentary there, and you can expect many, many more to come.

February 14, 2004
Rainbow

I can't say how happy I was to read this. Since I'm Canadian, it doesn't compare to the sense of pride I felt when Canada declared same sex marriage legal, but it comes pretty close. The part that made me mad was the quote "No one made the mayor of San Francisco king; he can't play God. He cannot trash the vote of the people," from the Campaign for California Families director. Heterosexual people (myself included) shouldn't have any right to even vote on the matter. Fuck the people who want to 'keep marriage pure'. That's just bullshit. We don't have that right any more than we have the right to enslave African Americans.

February 19, 2004
Marriage is Love

My boyfriend is the world's biggest Matthew Good fan like, ever. Seriously, I kid you not. Hence I came to be reading Matthew Good's blog. The other day, I read the best thing there:

What is do you suppose that makes other people feel the need to involve themselves in the love lives of complete strangers? Even worse, what makes them think they have the right to say how love is represented? If you believe that God is responsible for us all, then God doesn't make mistakes. And if you believe that God does make mistakes, what's to say that you're not one of them?

Okay, so Matthew Good is now officially the coolest.

February 21, 2004
Paranoia

Sometimes I'm an absolutely paranoid freak. Some days I worry about nothing, and the next day, or even the next hour, or minute, I worry about everything. Apparently it's a family thing. My father always says that when my grandmother had nothing to worry about, she worried that there was something she didn't know about that she should be worrying about. And sometimes my mother is a worry wart beyond the usual maternal mode of paranoia over her precious angels. Sometimes it just gets really annoying. Sometimes I have a legitimate worry over something, but so much of the time I'm worried about stupid, ridiculous things. For most of my school life (10 years of it) I took a bus. And since I can rememeber, I had this stupid, paranoid fear that I would miss my stop, leave something behind, trip over something, hit someone with my bag, or trip over a person who was sitting in the seat beside me. Sitting on the window seat was never something I liked doing. Where do the ridiculous fears stop? Why do I worry about things that I have absolutely no reason to worry about more than I do the things that are a legitimate cause for concern. It's frustrating, and I don't know what the hell to do about it.

February 22, 2004
Proud

I was reading posts on the blogs I usually read, and was pleased to come across Big White Guy's post Happy Together. Most of the blogs I read don't have a expressed opinion about homosexuality. Excepting Little Yellow Different. So whenever I find that a blog I'm reading has an author supportive of homosexual rights, it makes me happy to know that the people whose opinions I find of interest agree with mine in what I consider to be a very important regard.

February 25, 2004
Yay Trekkie?!

Today I get to stand up and say bravo to another of the blogs that I read on a regular basis. Wil Wheaton posted his support for the rights of homosexuals. Anyone who reads or knows much about his blog knows that he was an actor on Star Trek. I can profess to being the absolute opposite of a Star Trek fan. But I read his blog anyway, which means I must already hold him in pretty good regard to aside his Trekkiedom. So today I, Nyx, will actually stand up and say 'Yay Trekkie', and mean it! Let's all just pray this doesn't set the universe off balance.

One more quick note: Matt Good also posted in regards to this topic on his blog.

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