Back again, as previously stated. A month after my last post. So much for a blog getting me to write more often. But then, I've always been more inclined to write whenever the whim or Inspiration strikes me rather than because I feel like I should. Odd to note that I capitalize Inspiration. My friends refer to their creativity as their Muse; sort of a mental incarnation of their creative side. They even apparently have mental pictures of what their Muses look like. Seems sort of silly to me. Inspiration is more like an essence; it's worthy of capitalization, but not of visual incarnation, not that that makes it any less important. Mien gott, the strange things that do come out of my mind! We moved nearly three weeks ago, and things are starting to be somewhat back in order despite the fact that the basement is a complete and total disaster. The upstairs doesn't look too bad, though. The entire house is very white. The people who lived here before apparently were not much for painting or colour. Already we've painted two rooms. One--mine--black, and the other--my brother's--gray. I really wonder at his choice of colour. Black is bold and different for a room colour, but gray is just boring if you ask me! However, to each his own, live and let live, etc. I'm considering taking the posting I've done here and making my own webpage with my limited HTML skills. It would look a lot nicer, and I'd certainly have a lot more freedom of creativity and expression if I do. However, I've got a billion other things I should be thinking about instead of that. The site I maintain already barely ever gets updated. Two is more of a hassle than I really feel like dealing with, at least for the time being. That's it for me for today. I'm out.
So, immediately after deciding that, at this point in time, I didn't feel like making my own site for my blog, I proceeded along to go and do so. I made a banner and such, and I signed up for yet another free account on Angelfire. I've never really been bothered by the ads on there before, but now they've decided to not only put ads at the top and bottom of the pages, but below my banner, too. Before you never really noticed the ads, but the one below my banner just made things look absolutely gaudy. Much to my frustration. I may just leave my blog here for the time being, or try and find a free host that's system of operating I like as much as Angelfire. *sighs*. I've already looked without much luck. I suppose I could try Geocities again...They're supposedly very similar. Geez. I really need to get a job so I can afford to pay for ad-free hosting. Grrarr. I think I'll just leave things be for now. I'm too annoyed to work.
So the problem with Angelfire yesterday was all in my head. I merely suffered a brainfart, probably due to exhaustion. Okay, so tiredness. Exhaustion is a bit of a hyperbole. I do tend to make dumb mistakes when I think too hard, though. So, as you can see if you are reading this, this is my first post in my blog at it's new, me-made location. Isn't it pretty. So far I've made the homepage, the directory, and logged all the posts up until now. I'll eventually get around to one of those 'reflections on the past year' posts that everyone does, but at the moment I'm more worried about doing a few more things to the site. Guestbook and hitcounter for one. Actually, that's about it. Since I have so little content so far, this didn't take much work to put together. If I get all that done quickly, I may start the reflections post tonight. If not, then perhaps tomorrow. Eventually, I also want to have a photo gallery, and a links page. But all in good time. Anyway, I am off to see about the hitcounter and the guestbook.
The guestbook and hitcounter are posted, courtesy of Bravenet. Tis all fine and dandy for the moment, but hopefully sooner or later I'll learn enough PHP to write my own much prettier ones. As it stands, I definately don't have the skill. But someday. At anyrate, I may or may not get started on my reflections post. Either way, I doubt it will be posted until later. Tis 12:05 am, so just barely the third. Thus it shall probably get done and posted later today, after I've had some much-need sleep.
Today was the day. And I definately do not mean that in a good way. No. Today was the day for back to school. Back from the relaxation of Christmas vacation for the tedious, and taxing three weeks before exams arrive. Ugh. And, to top it all off, I had to walk to school this morning when it was -31 Celsius. That's about -24 Fahrenheit, in case, for some reason, someone needs to know. It was only a five minute walk, but damn was I numb by the time I got to school. And then I had to walk home. So, let's say it again: ugh!
On the bright side--speaking as a complete nerd here--I have tons of books to read. Not school books, or the (usually) boring books they make you read in English class. No, I have....Fantasy novels!...Okay, so one of them in a mystery novel. But the other four are fantasy..Except one which some might consider less fantasy and more gothic. Anyway, I am going to indulge my nerdiness by ranting about all these books like a crazed maniac. So here we go:
M is for Malice by Sue Grafton
This is the mystery novel. The thirteenth novel in the series. All are titled (Letter) is for (Blank). An interesting gimmick. They are all about a female private investigator. Think Nancy Drew all grown up, but way less prissy, and, of course, written for adults. The only thing to knock the series is that there are so many books in it that after a while you just get kind of tired of them. My dad stopped buying the books after the eleventh one, and if I hadn't chanced to spot the books in the school library, I probably would have never read the rest of the series. But I've discovered that taking a break makes them not only tolerable again, but enjoyable. Yesterday I finished L is for Lawless. I was amused to no end by Kinsey's attempts to be 'politically correct' by referring to belboys as belhumans, and so forth. That was my favourite example. On another note, if you can't stand a character who remains steadfastly static throughout thirteen novels, walk away now. This series is not for you.
Blood Canticle by Anne Rice
This--of course--is the novel that could be considered more gothic than fantasy. But come on, vampires,witches, and ghosts. If that is not at least partly fantasy, I don't know what is. I haven't actually started reading this book, despite the fact that I received it two weeks ago. I just have had tons of other things to read. Blood Canticle is the sequel to Blackwood Farm, which I absolutely love. Anne Rice has a long-standing record of not being able to finish a novel without boring her reader for the last hundred pages. I think she did okay with Blackwood Farm, and I'm hoping it continues with Blood Canticle. After all, the two books bring together The Mayfair Witches, and the Vampire Lestat. What more could you possibly want?! For the record, once I've read the book, I'll write another post about it.
The Fires of Heaven by Robert Jordan
This is book five of the series Wheel of Time. Which could quite possibly go on record as being the still-in-progress series that has taken the longest to write. I believe the first book was published around 1990; fourteen years ago! I think he's up to book ten now. Thank the Pixie I only just started reading the series. If I'd been a fan from the first, I would have gone crazy waiting. Anyway, so far I have loved the series, though the first book had a slow start. The books are also very long, which delights me sinceI find I go through books all to fast. There is no such thing as a book that is too long so long as the content is good. I also have not started this book yet, but I highly doubt that I will be disappointed. I havn't chewed my nails in two years, and the last book, The Shadow Rising had me biting my nails to the quick with suspense. I need to wear socks on my hands to safely read those things!Again, there shall likely be another post when I finish the book.
Dragons of Autumn Twilight by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman
This, unlike the rest, is a series, and author, yet untested by me, though I have been long recommended to read the Dragonlance series. The first time I found the novel at the book store, I had very little money, and hence was reluctant to by a book by an author I had never read. But, having received a gift certificate for the book store for Christmas, I decided to a least give the series a go. Again, another post shall follow upon the completion of this book.
Golden Fool by Robin Hobb
Robin Hobb is another author I have read before. She's the author of the Farseer Trilogy.(Assassin's Apprentice, Royal Assassin,and Assassin's Quest) It's no wonder it's more commonly referred to as the Assassins Trilogy. Golden Fool is book two of the Tawny Man Trilogy, which bears the same characters as the Farseer Trilogy. I loved the Farseer Trilogy, and Fool's Errand--which is book one of the Tawny Man Trilogy--so I was just waiting for Golden Fool to come out in paperback, for my friend to buy it, read it, and lend it to me! I didn't want to buy it myself due to the fact that I don't own the books that go before it. Again, there shall be further posting when I finish the book.....And those are all my books! So many! Isn't it wonderful!?
Oh, yeah, and about my reflections post...It's still in the works. I'm almost halfway through. I'm going to try to have it up for tomorrow, though.
I spent last New Year’s at Bible camp, which I enjoyed, except for the religious stuff. And there was plenty more than enough of it. This year’s activities of watching movies with my boyfriend was much more enjoyable. But it was the Bible camp that prompted me to re-evaluate my religious beliefs, so I guess it was not all bad. After-thought from the camp led my to my current status as an atheist. Or a Pixiest, as I prefer to refer to it as. That was definitely one of the big changes of 2003.
I’ve never been overly interested in organized sports, simply because I don’t usually like the people I am forced to deal with. For that reason I forsook basketball one year, only to take it up again for the 02/03 season. So in January I was playing basketball roughly five days a week, as well as babysitting a lot, which kept my schedule more full than I liked. I’m definitely one to put large holes in my schedule so that I have lots of time for relaxing, and doing the things I like. Whether it be reading, writing, poetry, drawing or computer, I like to have all the time I need, and then some. Another thing that kept me busy was exams at the end of the month.
For my January reading, I was deeply entrenched in Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles, having received a compilation of the first three novels (The Interview the Vampire, The Vampire Lestat, The Queen of the Damned) for Christmas. I also started reading the Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind. The first book is The Wizard’s First Rule, which I highly recommend.
I celebrated my birthday in late January, and had a larger party than usual with my friends. It made me realize that—yet again—I had managed to befriend two sets of people who simply did not get along with each other, and, for the most—but not total—part, they were unwilling to even try. I simply grinned and tried to bear it.
If January had moral lessons, it was these:
And that was the way it was, January 2003.
February being the commercialized month of romance that it is, I was forced to deal with a guy who was interested in me, and didn’t know when to leave me alone, no matter what I said to him, or how I treated him. He also seemed to feel the need to make sure that everybody knew. The saying "the worst results can often come from the best intentions" was especially pertinent here. He was less-than-affectionately dubbed Stalker Boy, and I was more than thankful in June when I was finally completely rid of his attentions. Overall, February was a month in which I could not wait for the weekend to arrive.
If there was a moral lesson for February, there was only one, and it runs thus: hope when all hope is lost is sometimes the only thing that keeps you going. In continuation to that dealing with the inevitable disappointment that follows. But human beings are notorious for the need to believe; to hope.
And that was the way the cookie crumbled, February 2003.
To be moralistic, and depressing (as was that month), let’s have the lessons:
And that’s the way the world fell apart, March 2003.
On the twenty-first, my boyfriend and I started dating. This made me really think about the fact that there are several kinds of boyfriends. The kind that are more your friend than your boyfriend, and the kind that are all boyfriend, and no friend, and so forth. The kind pertinent in this case was the boyfriend that is also your best friend. The kind of guy who is sweet, and entirely trustworthy whom you can talk to about anything without fear of judgment. Having that kind of guy by your side makes all the risks beforehand worth it.
And that’s the way the world got it back together, April 2003.
On another bright note, I also learned that not all guys are inconsiderate jerks who forget everything and think only about themselves. Not that I ever really thought that, but sometimes you’ve got to wonder. However, having tons of plans all the time backfired on me in that my site never got updated. I got way behind on that. And I actually am again way behind on it at the moment, due to all the complexities of moving.
And that was the way the world spun—and turned me green--May 2003.
If that relatively laid back month had anything to teach me is that hate is a strong emotion, and sometimes it can’t be suppressed. Not my own words, but words that I often thought of, and hence came to sum the concept up in it’s entirety. It doesn’t really require any explanation attached. It’s pretty self-evident, so I’ll leave it at that.
June marked the end of another school year, a year that went by quickly and slowly, and at times seemed almost like a dream rather than a memory. When exams wound up, I was as glad as ever to be free. I was already dreading the return of September. But sun and fun quickly put that aside. I did well on the final exams, and finished off the year well, so there were no complaints about that. I just spent the report card money doled out to me, and started doing yard work and babysitting to earn more.
My other big event for the month was getting my bellybutton pierce, which made for a grand total of six extra holes in my body. It wasn’t a heck of a lot of fun, though. The woman doing the piercing told me, while grunting and pushing on the needle, that I had the toughest bellybutton skin she’d ever seen! I’ve never been one to enjoy or do well with pain. Getting inoculations often makes me feel faint. Same went for the first piercing on my body that required a needle instead of a gun. I sat, and drank water, then felt fine, so I got up, and left. I sat outside the store on a bench, reading over a sheet I’d gotten on proper cleansing of the piercing. And suddenly I felt green, so to speak. So I got up, ran back into the store, and straight into their washroom. All would have been well with the world if the toilet seat had been up…But it wasn’t. And so the toilet, the floor, the wall, and the side of the cupboard were died pink-red…It’s a wonder I can still drink strawberry frosties…I think everyone’s got the picture, and is no doubt thouroughly disgusted.
And that’s the way the world conspired to turn me green, June 2003.
In mid-July, our Japanese exchange student arrived to spend two and a half weeks in Canada, improving her English. She was two years older than me, but she was very short, and I definitely looked the older of the two of us. She had four years of English study behind her, but despite speaking better than most the other exchange students I encountered, she still didn’t speak all that well. This led to some amusing situations. Case in point:
When we brought her home, my mom asked me to show her to her room, and see if she wanted to have a shower before dinner. The conversation involved much gesturing, laughter, and confused expressions. Especially the shower part. For some reason, we couldn’t seem to get it across that I was asking her is she wanted a shower. I phrased it as many ways as I could think of, but we couldn’t get it. And at one point she said: "Shower, shower…"At this point she was frowning, and looking confused. And then: "Take off clothes?" I blink, and she realized what she’d said, and waved her hands saying "No, no!" Eventually we figured it out, but it was more than amusing. The next best story is when we took her to A&W. Apparently they don’t have rootbeer in Japan, so she’d never tried it before. She picked up the glass, took a sip, then put it down with the funniest expression on her face and said: "No! I not like!" And we all laughed. Her stay wasn’t all fun. A lot of the time it was awkward because we couldn’t communicate well so we spent a lot of time trying to find things to do. In the end we all ended up crying like babies at the airport when she left. Except my father and brother, of course. The remarkable thing was the visible….er, audible improvement to her English over the two and a half week period. Immersion is definitely the best way to learn a language.
And that’s the way the sun shone, July 2003
And that’s the way the world sat on my shoulders, August 2003.
Despite having no taste for any proper form of dance, (ballet, etc.) I love to dance. So when the MTV dance came to town at the end of the first week of school, that definitely perked things up for me, in more than one way. I’d had a ticket and been looking forward to it for at least three weeks. Four hours of loud music, with lighting effects, video screens, and tons of people all dancing, what could be better? Okay…The music could have been better. I didn’t like a lot of it. Too much hiphop/rap type stuff. But it was still great fun.
By the end of the month, being back in school seemed boring, but unremarkable. Just another year of school, pretty much just like the one before it, and the one before that. And so forth. Things just sort of settled into routine and that was that. I did have the big disappointment finding out that I was not going on the two week exchange trip to Japan. Due to a clerical error in the office, the deposit I placed for the trip was lost, so I was not on the waiting list of students to go. (Because I was the youngest grade allowed to go, we were all cut from the trip to accommodate the older students, with students from my grade being let in based on older students dropping out.) By the time I found out about this, and brought in my receipt to prove I had paid, I was approximately #30 on the list, with just about no chance of going. Still, I was hoping and praying, and I had the rest of my money saved up, but I didn’t get to go. This was an especially large disappointment in light of the fact that several of my friends did to go. I was insanely jealous. By the time there is another exchange trip to Japan. I wont be eligible to go. Alas I shall have to go on my own some day…Some day…The only other thing I remember about September is that we put the house up for sale, and I started going to the gym.
And that was the way school took over the world, September 2003.
And that’s the way amnesia struck me, October 2003.
Number two was the one year anniversary of my website on the eighteenth of the month. I celebrated with massive updates and additions to the page. After a year of working on it, I have to say I’m pretty proud of it, even though I can’t say I’ve learned much of anything new doing so.
And that was November 2003.
Christmas break arrived on the nineteenth. Half the school went to a school hockey game which I quickly got myself out of, spending the afternoon at home instead. I was so glad for the break. I was absolutely burnt out as far as school was concerned. Sleep and fun were all I was interested in. That and reading my fantasy novels.
Christmas day was different this year. Most years I am roused out of bed by my brother no later than seven a.m. This year it was rousing him out of bed at nine a.m. We opened presents, then had breakfast: strawberry cakes with whipped cream. This year’s horde:
And that was the grand finale, December 2003.
I am--for lack of a better term--a quiz whore. I take quizzes all the time. They amuse me to no end. And so when my boyfriend posted a link to this quiz on his blog, I had to take it. I was very amused by the entire thing, and my results were: 52.38095238095238% nerd blood flows through your veins. If you consider yourself any kind of nerd, you have to take this quiz!
Does your English teacher talk endlessly in class for the first four months of the semester, then try frantically to do everything in the last month? Mine does. And is currently in the proccess of doings so. Have you ever tried to write a poem, a story and a Shrinklit, all the while thinking about one as you work on the other? Short stories are supposed to be five thousand words or less. Supposedly. So said the rules for some contest. Does this apply to all short stories? Does my English teacher know about this? Is it a bad thing that my story is almost five thousand words long and the main conflict of the story has not een introduced yet? Why does typing make me hungry? I think that staring at the fuzzy computer monitor in my bedroom for an hour with no distraction has rattled my brain. My thoughts are very random. Do you think belly dance is cool? I do. I'm going to a class tonight. I am going to be sore tomorrow. I'm already sore...From typing? I haven't done anything besides, type, so why am I sore? What is one supposed to wear when one bellydances? Why are my hands so bloody cold!? Why shouldn't I indulge my urge to walk on the freshly laid tiles?! I'm insane.
I mentioned Golden Fool by Robin Hobb in my books post. I also promised updating once I had finished it, so here it is. It was a totally awesome book. I loved it to death, and I certainly didn't want it to be over. The worst part of the book was Fitz/Tom was suffering from 'Let's be a righteous ass and make everyone hate me, then fix one relationship, then break another' syndrome. The tragically flawed hero bit, I guess. But it was still an awesome book. However, as with much writing worth of reading, you need to read four other books beforehand. But by all means, those books are definately worth the read! Fennel, the cat, is by far the best character in the story. To illustrate my point:
Fennel: Butter for the cat.
Tom: I have no reason to be nice to you.
Fennel: Yes you do. I am the cat.
How can you not love the cat!? I love the cat. The cat is the best. But that's besides the point. Another thing is that if you can't deal with characters being thick-headed beyond all imagination about something that's glaringly obvious, skip this book. (IT'S TINTAGLIA, I SAY! TINTAGLIA, YOU DIMWITTED FOOLS!) Just don't ask...
The ShrinkLit was invented by Maurice Sagoff in the 1980s. The basic idea of a ShrinkLit is to take a poem, story, movie, etc. and summarize it in the form of the poem. Considering the simple complexity of the task, I'm surprised it took so long for the English teachers to drag it into our school. But drag it they did. Being in English Honours isn't always a perk. ShrinkLits are one of those assignments you hate-love. The annoying part was finding something to summarize. I started out with the Lord of the Rings, but that just seemed to long and convoluted to get into eight to twelve lines. But if it were possible, it would go something like this, this being off the top of my head:
Ring
Hobbits
Walk
Eat
Fight
Walk
Run
Walk more
Throw ring away
The End
I liked the Lord of the Rings and all, but that certainly sums it up pretty darned well. But that was definately not the ShrinkLit I wrote for class. It was still a Tolkien spin off, but on a much lower scale:
The original:
JLo is a good actress. Lots of people seem to hate her simply because they don't like her singing, or they think she's to rich/famous/over-advertised/(fill in the blank). But I really don't think that's true. I'll be the first to admit that I havn't seen a lot of her movies. In fact, at the moment, the only one besides the one that is the title of the post is The Wedding Planner ...Which also got reviewed badly. Total chic flick, I must say. But I digress. Enough I liked. A lot. However, apparently the majority of people do not agree with me. I remember when I first saw commercials for it, I was all phsyced to go see it. And then it came out, and I had no money, and everyone was saying how horrible it was. So I didn't end up going to see it. But I still wanted to see it. I didn't end up seeing it until this past weekend. I liked it a lot. I have my gripes with it, but hey. No movie is perfect. JLo was good, but I think it was Billy Campbell who really made the movie. The guy had my primary vocabulary reduced to 'bastard' and 'asshole' for the whole thing. And the ending. Mien gott, I loved the ending. It was awesome. My single complaint: the kid was just too much damned sugar half the time. Her character was far to cutesy. half the time she was cute, the other half it was so sweet it made me sick. So... To all whom wanted to see it, but didn't because everyone said it was bad, see it anyway! I'm out.
Thought is the leading cause of insanity. If you don't believe me, just think about it. I was in a relatively average mood when I got into the shower an hour or so ago. Usually the running water just wipes my brain, and warps time. Unfortunately tinight the mind wiping effect was noticably absent. In fact, if anything, it had the opposite effect.
Melancholy/depression is not a state of existence I relish. Far the opposite. I try to avoid them whenever possible. Unfortunately, that isn't always within my power. Thought gets away on me, and goes running off to melancholy/depression land.
Tonight it was the future. Most of the time the future is just an empty blank to my mind. An unwritten book. Anything can happen. But other times--the times when I'm thinking too much--I come up with all these horrible things that could happen. The closer it is to the here and now, the more it depresses me.
There are a good many people--I can name a lot--do not think enough. If at all. Their stupidity still astounds me sometimes. And then there are the people who think far too much, and in doings so think themselves into a depressing corner. It makes you wonder if there is a happy medium somewhere. Sometimes it's hard to believe there is any such thing.
The future and the past are not here, they are not now. One we cannot change, and the other we can only begin to shape. Always it has been the unknown that has scared mankind... And led it to do some of the stupidest things. The human race's own arrogance and utter lack of intelligence are probably it's only larger faults. You've relaly got to wonder how we become the dominant species on this planet. It's a miracle, really, it is.
This can only lead me to one conclusion, at least on this night, and in this state of mind. Animals have so got the right idea. I feel a little bit better having ranted this out here. So I'll go upstairs and burden a poor sheet of paper with some more of this. Maybe another ten minutes of writing will be enough to pacify me enough to sleep.
Before you rush off the read this fic at my recommendation, it is worth noting that this is a yaoi story. Actually, to be more correct, I should call it slash. Yaoi is a term reserved for anime fiction, and Harry Potter is by no means anime. Before you cringe away in disgust, the story has a PG-13 rating, and even if yaoi/slash sickens you, it's utterly worth reading, simply for the exceptional writing skills displayed by the author.
Anyone who knows me is currently thinking: "Why the hell is she reading Harry Potter fanfiction!? She only ever reads anime stuff!" Fact as fact, it was recommended to me by a friend of mine who also appreciated the sheer value of the work. I was supposed to be getting it in hard copy from her, but after hearing her rave about it, I couldn't resist going and looking it up. Needless to say, I was not disappointed. I finished the whole story less than twenty-four hours after starting. When I finally finished reading, I went to my room to pick up the book I'm currently reading. I didn't even touch it. The utter beauty of the story struck me right then, and I sat down and just let it sink into my head. This is one of those fics you read again, and again, and again because it's so amazing. I usually have words for everything, but sitting here, I'm having trouble describing exactly how classic Irresistable Poison is.
The author has an impressive vocabulary. To often do you find stories in which the plot is good, and the grammatical structure is sound, but the author simply doesn't have the words needed to convey what they mean. I can't count the number of situations in the story in which I expected a cliche description of emotion, only to be wowed by the way the feeling was articulated.
When reading a story, it's nice to once in a while figure out what is going to happen before it occurs. It makes you feel smart. But constantly knowing what is going to happen is a drag. I personally enjoy reading a story, and thinking I know what is going to happen only to nearly fall off my chair when something totally unexpected is thrown into the mix. It's refreshing.
Writing a romantic story that is neither infused with banality nor X-rated requires an expert balance, a hale imagination, and an adeptness with language. An equipoised combination of all of the above is difficult to find. Rhysenn pulls it off flawlessly. The reader is spun into a web in which they're mentally screaming for the lovers to fall into bed, and simultaneously begging that the author doesn't ruin the story by doing so.
Though you won't understand this part unless you read the story for yourself, I'm inclined to list my favourite plot points within the story. For those of you who plan to read it, I'll keep this brief and spoiler-free. The ring, the invisibility cloak, and the black rose were all the touches of a master of the art. Seeing as how all three come up more than once, I'll clarify with a couple quotes. Now you can have what you've always wanted. That quote defines which events involving the invisibility cloak and the black rose I'm talking about. The ring doesn't need any specification. I like the entire idea of it.
All I have to say in conclusion is read the story. Every last letter is worth it.
I have lots of odd phobias. Heights. Going really fast. Not being in control. Being in pain. Add up those four factors, and you come up with snowboarding, among other things. Okay, so each one of them can be avoided. If you don't like heights, take the t-bar. But I can't use those things to save my life. Speed is controllable if you know what you're doing. And if you know what you are doing, you are in control most of the time. And if you're in control, you're not going to get hurt. Unfortunately, the thing about learning a sport is that you don't know what you're doing. An in all my forays out onto the ski hill, never once have I manged to completely avoid more than two of these things. Looking at it, it seems sort of like an attempt to face a bunch of my fears in one go. Only, I have to say, my fear of heights is the only thing that I am able to deal with any better than before. Every time I am going too fast, every time I am not in control, and every time I fall down, I wonder: why the hell am I doing this. Is it even worth it. Even as I type this I have a very sore neck from my trip to the ski hill on Saturday. I spent over twenty dollars, and yet I only managed to do three runs, thanks to the fall during my second one. That's certainly not getting my money's worth at over $7 a run. Unlike most of my friends, I wasn't born into a pair of skis. Sliding down hills on planks is not something that comes to me as easily as breathing. If you step back from it and take a look, sometimes you have to wonder about the sanity of such a thing. Why on earth would I want to do that when I could be reading, or drawing, or working on my website. I've never been at one with the outdoors. I hate bugs, I hate being too hot, I hate being too cold, I hate being uncomfortable. So what the hell am I thinking? Your guess is as good as mine.