Imposter Complex
As long as I have been working I have always felt like an imposter in the corporate world. Having received my degree from a Liberal Arts college in English and Psychology, I've never really felt qualified in any position I've held. Business terms, cliches and buzz words feel forced at best and, at worst, grate my CNS like rubbing a nail file against a chalk board.

Some of the people I work with seem to actually enjoy the day to day of working in the corporate world. They excell at organization, are pros at all of Microsoft's Office programs and have fantasies of one day having the corner office, traveling first class to overseas meetings and, generally, being a very powerful person within the limited space of a private or public corporate entity.

Though I have had a relatively successful 5 years in the world of business my desire to succeed is not as goal oriented as many of those around me. Mostly, I merely want to avoid dissapointing my colleagues and superiors who rely on me from day to day. I also have a strong need to be valued and liked, and business can supply, at least, the illusion of being valued and liked. Oh and then there's money. I crave money.

What I need, and am too lazy to execute, is a life long goal; something that I decide to actively pursue. I need to track my success toward that goal and reward myself for the small successes along the way. That is the ideal: to have a life-goal that encompasses the personal, the professional and the interpersonal in a single path.

Business, most of the time, comes with built-in rewards and stages... it reproduces the life-time tracking of progress that I wish to achieve in my life as whole but within a limited and managable arena. It's both easier and less satisfying a means of growth. The growth is illusory and, therefore to me, the feeling of success is fleeting.