TiMe 2 rEtUrN 2 ReALiTy...
Wake up!!! wake up!!!!!
im awake now n i still feel sadz when i think of it.
James is my 1st passenger!! Drove march to suntec on sunday
Went out for dinner at fiesta using e voucher thing. Talked alot n he said he got his air tix already... Was really disappointed. *Jealous*..
NO.. it shld be envious instead.. Envious that she has james' heart n he so loves her...

Went Nus for a drink again..
After driving back home, she called him fr aust. Could hear that he was really happy. Sat at e playround n i started to tear... din wanna disturb their conversation so waited till he called me.
He finally told me who SHE is... JY. WAT?!?! its her?? yah.. i was surprised! Shocked even... Sigh...
Talked alot abt he n her.. him n me. She n bf..

ITs a 2 person game n me n JY's bf are e reserves.
Told him i felt like a backup (which i really do) but he forbid me to feel that way coz he says he really dun think that way. He says he like me more than alittle. BUT still.. he's heart is going out to her... He's flying over... he told me to pick him up fr e airport when he returns.. BUt eventually he dun want me to coz he dun want me to feel sadz in case they get attached.
*cried*

So much we talked abt, e idae/impression i got was that he loves her more over me. Despite how much he feels she's not worth it n she's playing a game, he still so willingly wanna be responsible n want her as gf. He doesnt want me to wait too coz he says its painful
*cried*

He told me not to let others bully me.
He said that if anyone bullys me, look for him (but he's e biggest bullier as of now. Bully my feelings i have for him)
He told me not to anyhow look for a bf juz for coy.
Realised that im alwaz been bullied by ppl.. harmless or intend
-malay guy (intend)
-sec sch frens (harmless but sometimes hurting)
-daniel (dunno)
-uni frnes (harmless but sometimes hurting as well)
-weiyuan
-Jerk (needless to say rite)
-yee ann (intend)
-sena (harmless but i do get scared)

Made him stay for e nite w me... Kissed, hugged. Felt so happy then, din zzz coz i dun want morning to come.
Wanna hug him so closely
wanna feel his face n kiss him
wanna see how handsome he looks when he zzz..
wanna juz hear his breathing
wanna see how he "flicks" occasionally.

Morning came anyhow n he told me i muz forget him n stuff. It hurts..
he said i will still be his special fren, i will still be someone he cares for, someone he will ask out for dinner etc...
*cried*

he says that i dun really love him. Its juz that he's avaliable n stuff.. He says that our timing is wrong.
Blame on timing
Blame on e Bangkok trip
Blame that i wasnt active enuff..
Blame watever doesnt matter anymore..
I lost
*cried*

Im not sadz that i lost to JY.. im upset because he does like me abit too. BUT....
Watever...

Guess its time to return to reality..
REALITY is : We will alwaz reamin as special frens n thats all...
*cried*

i wanna go home!