swimming, lonely,
drowning in fears,
random thoughts,
turn to tears.
longing, hiding,
fearing worst,
hating self,
trying to be happy
while love-i thirst.
it's frustrating when i'm trying to keep everything from falling apart around me, but i feel as if i'm causing the destruction.
i'm still trying (in vain) to find a way so it won't hurt so much in the end, but i know i'm focusing on that possibility too much.
why am i doing this to myself?
i can't fall in love.
i have to stay strong if i want to survive.
1) it does no good when i only have...oh yeah, less than a month-before he leaves again, and this time pretty much for good.
2) no one can ever love me. so why bother doing this to myself?
...
okay, my composure is back now. i should just stop now, huh? i'm all unhappy and junk, it's 4 am, i can't keep my eyes open, and i'm getting upset over things that aren't reality. (a.k.a. all my hopes, dreams, and fears)
so okay, i'm done.
no crying! no thinking of any of this.
whatever happens, happens.
the worst it can do is kill me.
does that make any sense? i don't think it does...
but that's okay, i guess.
i don't have to make sense.
i feel...empty. like i'm missing something. and i know what i want to happen in life, but i'm not sure how to make it happen. and everytime it comes close, it doesn't feel right.
so i guess it's a catch-22
*big sigh*
so yeah, once again, ignore me.
and i wish i could go back to just not caring, and not letting things affect me.
life was easier that way.