Real date: June 17th 2003

Ginno and I are on the phone right now. Unfortunatley he's not speaking to me, so whatever. I want him to talk dammit! What a rude child. I was thinking and during the entire time I'm going to be in Hungary I might update my journal about twice. And that's really sad to update so rarely in such a long period of time.

Beyond the horizon of the place we lived when we were young
in a world of magnets and miracles
Our thoughts strayed constantly
and without boundary
the ringing of the division bell has begun
Along the long road and on down the causeway
do they still meet there by the cut
There was a ragged band that followed in our footsteps
running before time took our dreams away
leaving the myriad small creatures
trying to tie us to the ground
to a life consumed by slow decay
 

  Real date: June 17th 2003


I miss you already.

The first one is weird. The second one means much to me. The hat I am wearing Ginno brought to me today and I was supposed to get it a while ago, but Mr. Barry is a lazy bum. It's ok, he gave it to Ginno to give to me as long as I keep score for him next year. I look like a gangster with that thing on.
In picture number two you see the hat once again and an ordinary piece of paper. Well that paper is my anticipation, and only thing besides my lovely Alison that I have to look forward to during my 12 hour flight. Inside it is a letter my significant other composed, and I know it will be something lovely. The thing is, I cannot open it until a week from today, when I am on my way to Frankfurt already soaring above you all. I have waited so long, and I know I'll dread reading it, I'll miss him throught the entire trip this way. Challanges the world makes us face, I wish you understood.
 

  Real date: June 16th 2003



I went and saw Dumb and Dumberer today it was funny as hell. It was the dumbest movie I've ever seen, so it's stupidity actually made it funny. I'm counting down the days, and 7 days from now I'll be gone. I figured the "Ring" like picture would be appropriate.
 

  Real date: June 15th 2003



You make me smile.

I hate your dumb band,
I hate your stupid TV,
I hate your brother's trombone,
I hate the fact your hair is longer then mine,
I hate meat,
I hate when you yell,
I hate when you're not home,
I hate your dumbass friends,
I hate the fact that you won't touch me,
I hate that you don't read,
I hate when you zone out,
I hate when you lie,
I hate your summer school already,
I hate this summer period,
I hate the distance we'll have to face,
I hate challenges.

Those things are apart of who you are, and although I argue, although I disagree, although I can point out so many things wrong, in their own way, each and every flaw is another beautiful thing about you. I wouldn't change you for //ANYTHING\\.
 

  Real date: June 15th 2003

We could live
For a .t h o u s a n d. years
But if I hurt you
I'd make wine from your ::;tears;::

I told you
That WE could ~fly~
Cause WE all have ~wings~
But some of US don't know why

I
I was standing
You were there
Two worlds colli+ded
And they could never ever tear US apart

-INXS "Never tear us apart"

 

  Real date: June 13th 2003





Just showing everyone how lovely my boyfriend is. =) You wish your boyfriend was as great of a guy as mine. Ok, that might be pushing it, but I do promise he's a great guy.
 

  Real date: June 11th 2003

It's interesting looking, you be the judge.





Oh, and Ginno came over yesterday. He was one of the first people to see my hair, since I did it then. He like stormed into the bathroom and just had to be the first to see. He said he liked it. He said he liked it better then before, but I'd have to say he just might be lying about that one. Ah well what are you gonna do.
 

  Real date: June 9th 2003



Yeah, when Ginno got home we kind of got in a fight. He made me cry. It was shitty. I didn't think he was capable of doing that. I guess I care about him even more then I thought. Everything is ok now. I suppose. But it's kind of shitty how we fought about everything. I just said everything on my mind, and he sat in silence. Ocasionally he would say "You're right." and then I would just cry even more and say I didn't want to be right. Because I didn't. I wanted the things I was saying to be untrue cause then I would see that he cared. And he kept saying he did, but I just said actions speak louder then words. And it's true. I think now he sees. Everything will be alright, things are resolved. I hope we don't fight again like that, it hurts. He said after we got off the phone he was so mad at himself for the things he did or the things he didn't do. I felt awful for making him feel bad. Relationship obsticles are gay as hell.
 

  Real date: June 8th 2003

I can't really sleep. It's 4 in the morning, and the computer is like a bad drug. Keeping me awake and addicted. I am talking to this kid Louis. He's an insomniac. An insane one, most definetly, our conversation is something quite entertaining, if you wish to be confused, keep reading. Otherwise, I advise you to stop right here. The air conditioning has been on all night long. It's rather strange.
candystriped me (3:47:11 AM): my dogs more intellignet then me
candystriped me (3:47:18 AM): life would be blissfull if i was her
candystriped me (3:47:43 AM): with my little pink ball that had a bell on the inside and my dirty red collar i enjoy chewing on
candystriped me (3:47:53 AM): the simplest things are what we fail to acknowledge
candystriped me (3:48:18 AM): making humans dumber then what we want to be
candystriped me (3:49:01 AM): satisfaction is something noone can achieve although we assume we can
candystriped me (3:49:09 AM): and we may think were satisfied
candystriped me (3:49:16 AM): but itll always be far from us
Unfogiven Flight (3:49:41 AM): yes
candystriped me (3:50:08 AM): i thought i was satisfied with this conversation, but it can be further discussed making me see that satisfaction hasnt been reatched yet
candystriped me (3:50:49 AM): and everything can be discussed further into even what was the depth of the conversation making it never ending never allowing satisfaction to be fulfilled
Unfogiven Flight (3:51:17 AM): i can be satisfied
Unfogiven Flight (3:51:17 AM): or i was once
candystriped me (3:52:30 AM): but then you most likely came to the realization that it went away as fast as it came and you were once again searching for meanings
Unfogiven Flight (3:52:56 AM): yes
Unfogiven Flight (3:53:12 AM): but its nice to be satisfied
Unfogiven Flight (3:53:20 AM): even if its so simple
candystriped me (3:54:33 AM): yes
candystriped me (3:55:12 AM): but its only a matter of time till you further think of what saisfies you making you wonder if it is really that accaptable
candystriped me (3:55:22 AM): and then youre back at one
Unfogiven Flight (3:55:35 AM): nahh not im my case

So in conclusion, Louis rejected my satisfaction speech.
 

  Real date: June 8th 2003



Yeah, we be beautiful people.
Me & Kirsten

Anyways, just found that picture on Kirsten's site, Victor took it like a week ago, and I completely forgot about it. But it's been found, and yeah. Ginno needs to leave Brendan's house.

Kristin called. When she calls I always feel awful. Like an idiot. I wish you all learn from my mistake and understand that true friends just like true love don't come around very often. And when you lose what you had, you fail to admit to your loss until a great deal of time has passed. And that's when you feel the guilt. I love her, I wish you all understood. When I had her here I was never bored, never alone, always occupied, always somewhere, always with her, never lonely, never misunderstood, always cared about, never forgotten, and most importantly always loved. She means much to me, and now that she's gone I am left without the person who can come over and bring me chocolate even at 10 if I am sad. I remember in the summertime when Agi and Ivan were here and she came over at like 11 just cause I called her and said I was bored. We played Marco Polo in the pool like foolish children, but noone cared because it was ok to be idiots around each other. It was ok, and now it's not. I'm left with myself and my friends who are there, but not really. If that makes sense. She was there. Without the not really. And now when I'm scared I can't be an idiot alone and stalk up the stairs with a knife in one hand and a rolling pin in the other. I need someone to hold the rolling pin so I only hold the knife. so I'm not alone. Because that word scares me. And the more I come to realize it, it's not the alone that you feel when your love life equals shit, this is the horrible alone, when you are actually //ALONE\\.
 

  Real date: June 7th 2003

Layna and Chris are going out! Mwahahahaha, how funny is it that one of my best friends is going out with my boyfriend's little brother? I think she's his first girlfriend. He looks like Ginno. Except not really. Very indian looking in that picture, I have to say.


I am also extremely generous, and I scanned the yearbook pictures of the [[untouchables]] for you kids. Like I mentioned in a previous entry, they look like crap. Except for Ginno, he's always beautiful. Beware though, this picture is highly decieving, the following 6 guys ARE extremely beautiful. I promise. It's just that these pictures are bad quality and almost a year old. It is also a yearbook picture, and nobody looks good in those. So don't get frightened.

Jeff Andrew Matt
Tobi Brendan Ginno
The bottom 3 all have hair probably longer then yours, and theyre in a band together called Blatant. Go look at them. The top 3 have hair at least as long as Ashton Kutcher, if not longer. Except Andrew. His is gone. All gone. Goodbye Andrew's hair. Yeah, whatever, good night.
 

  Real date: June 7th 2003


obsessive compulsive



Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

So I know. Obsessive Compulsive, perfectionist, whatever. I need to speak to Ginno.

TODAY= 2 Months

You should call me. You really should.

Hey hun guess what?
My foot's asleep!

LEMON 15
 

  Real date: June 7th 2003

This is great!!! You kids have no clue, haha this is so funny. Alright, I am going to Europe this summer and I was just talking to my friend Alison today when she asked me what I'll be doing for break. So I said, I'm going to Hungary in 2 weeks, and she's like whoa that's crazy I'm going to Austria in 2 weeks. Then she asked what date so I told her, the 23rd and she got all excited. And we both ran and got our tickets and read off some information from it, and HOLY SHIT we're riding together to Frankfurt! I can't wait this is going to be awesome, I'm excited as hell, this should be my funnest flight ever. Alison+Rita+plane=bonding time! Whoo, excitement. 12 hours without intelligent life would've been so BORING! But it's all good now, Rita is exstatic. =D Joy Joy.
 

  Real date: June 6th 2003

Here, I'll explain what happened. First of all, my computer crashed. That was shitty. And then after I fixed it, my stepdad flipped a bitch because the whole system was operating on my password. So I was grounded from the computer. But it's alright now, I am back with you kids, here to tell my stories. And Leigh, Ginno IS an [[untouchable]]. Blair is, um, I don't know. Blair's your list. Kirsten and I felt guilty about kicking Andrew off the [[untouchables]] just cause he cut his hair. Anyways, Layna and Jackie are both banned from hanging out with me. Their parents assume me to be a bad influence, although I've done nothing wrong. Strange. Layna's mom owes me 15 bucks. And Jackie's mom owes me a friend. That meany head. Layna and Chris (Ginno's little brother) might have this little thing going on. Or maybe its a figment of my imagination. But you have got to see those two cute kids around each other. Aww cubed. Ginno and I are cute also. I promise, I know this. I'm starting to pay attention to our cute habits. Oh I'd also like to show you guys a conversation we had. (Not on the intermet, I'm just recalling it)

Let's run off to Vegas and get married.
OK!
Wait, we're already in Vegas.
So we're engaged
Do you wear your engagement ring on your left hand or your right hand?
It makes a difference?
Yes it does.
Ah, well we can wear one on every finger and one of them's bound to be it.
Rings are ugly though.
That's why these are invisible.
Awesome.
We're gonna have 2 kids.
And their names are going to be Jennis and Diego.

Lovely huh? Tomorrow= 2 months. I gotta go now though. Bye.
 

  Yeah. What an interesting day today was. It started like this. In the morning on the bus a giant moth thing flew at me so I freaked out a tad bit and I yelped. And Auzie grabbed it and threw it on me so I nearly fell out of my seat trying to escape the wrath of the moth. But then it flew out the window. Thank lord. Then in the morning Kirsten presented me with the funniest picture I have ever seen of Ginno and I. Crackadge, mayn that was foony. I will not post it on here, it's an embarrasment to man kind I promise you. Then in class I got to see the yearbook. Mwahahaha, I had a great time looking at that, the [[untouchables]] had short hair back then, making them slighlty less [[untouchable]]. (Reminder to those who do not know me, the 6 untouchables consist of :
Ginno
Tobi
Brendan
Jeff
Matt
and ++RIP++ Andrew. he did not actually die, only his hair did)
Blah, blah, rest of the day went by, blah, blah. Then on the bus I tried to talk to CJ. Keyword: tried. He pretty much ignored me as much as possible, although I assume it was kind of hard considering the fact he couldn't move anywhere. But, that is beside point. I forced some things out of him, and I think I'm alright now. I'm sure we won't be able to be as close as we used to be again, but I can try, right? I love the kid so much, he needs to understand that I need a friend like him around. Yeah. And then we agreed to be "cool" with each other. Tha gangsta terminoligy. After he got off Matt ([[untouchable]]) and I had a conversation about jobs. He said he wants to work at PetLand. Correction. I suggested to him, that he work there, because the chicks are hot. And he said, "There are hella hot chicks there, but I would probably just kidnap all the animals and start a zoo." And then I asked him what kinda shitty zoo would that be wtih dogs and cats and he replied "I'd just dress them up in other animal outfits, ie: let the pug be a pig. I would make the children pay admission." What a kind soul this kid is...

Say I'm lame, I already know it, but my life isn't that fulfilling. I am aware of it all, no need to point it out to me. Interesting day.
 

  Real date: May 26th 2003

Ginno actually showed up. It was fantastic. I am in awe of his EVERYTHING. Andrew wasn't too excited I think he was frustrated by the fact Jackie wasn't able to come. Poor child, bless his heart. We ended up ordering pizza, better solution then walking to Wendy's in the 110 farenheit heat outside. I have to go back to school tomorrow, oh how I hate it there. I loathe it. Much. And the drama will only continue from Thursday's events, and it'll most likely be worse considering the fact people had a whole 4 day weekend to consider what was going on. I can't believe CJ is involved in this though, I loved that kid so much, what happened? He was my best friend. I called him on Friday and I kind of talked to him but he said he was in Oregon, and of course, long distance on his cell. Whatever. I would just like to take this moment to remember the Ceej.




In loving memory of Cortland (CJ)
You will be missed -exoh-

Yeah, yeah, say I'm pathetic. But I loved him. I hope we could be friends again.
 

  Real date: May 26th 2003

Dammit. I hate when Ginno bails. As if it hasn't happened before. It's practically become rutinous now. And I'm used to it. Look everyone.

candystriped me (9:02:42 PM): hmm...
candystriped me (9:02:56 PM): what are you doing tomorrow
JohnnyRamone1966 (9:03:35 PM): uh....i have no clue yet?
candystriped me (9:03:48 PM): wrong
candystriped me (9:03:52 PM): youre going to come over here
JohnnyRamone1966 (9:04:01 PM): guess what
candystriped me (9:04:06 PM): what
JohnnyRamone1966 (9:04:26 PM): i know what im doing tomorrow
JohnnyRamone1966 (9:04:35 PM): going to your house
candystriped me (9:04:38 PM): ok good

See. He said he would. But no. Bailadge! Pooey face. I am angered. Grr. Bye kids.