new hamster
I opened my door on sunday morning n found an early birthday present. a box with holes in it. My sis got me a new hamster!!! it was cute, with long, white fur. I reached my hand down and it bit me. ow... Im naming it Taeki.

I found out that M got CH email.She's now in his forward mail list too. Made me suspicious. But I have no right to be. Anyway, after meeting so many ppl online, i thought of 2 ways to avoid ever thinking of him.

1. Mourn over his 'death', it works cos i wont email nor sms him.
2. If he were one of those guys i meet online, i wouldnt even consider him.

He did send me a caring email forward though. But he could have sent the same thing separately to CH too. Should i waste my time n emotions brooding over this?

Goodbye, Yaksha
My dear Yaksha(syrian hamster) died last sat 29/11/2003. I think she was sick, but I am looking at the neighbourhood tabby suspiciously now. She died peacefully though, looking snug, with her eyes closed, her fur clean and neat. I was glad i spent saturday morning with her last week. i let her run loose in my room, burrowing in the nooks and crannies. i didnt know it would b her last..sigh...

I remembered when i came home one day and i thought she had died.she was all stiff and lying on her side. when i poked her, she reacted stiffly. after a minute delay, she woke up, looking blur and accusingly, "Who poked me?"

i'll remember her brown fur with white sides, her black ears, her shiny, bright eyes, those twichy whiskers, how she would push me away with her paws when i poked her...

bye, yaksha. hope u had a nice life with me & hope u dont bully Shiva when u see her in hamster heaven.

Yaksha 2001-2003

My Personality
SOme tests i took online, since i was so free

What is your desire?
you often feel wronged by others. What you would like most is to show others what you have to offer. You're often angry at yourself for adapting more to other people's will than you should.
But maybe you know why you really do this: your secret wish is to be loved by everybody and that's why you pretend to be nicer than you really are.

Do you appear different than you really are?

Stable and tactful
when people have problems, they'll probably come knocking at your door because they think you're a trustworthy and stable person, on whom they can always rely. This is a good characteristic if that's who you really are. But maybe it's just a front, maybe you need somebody to rely on yourself! If that's the case, you should try to put your own will in front of everybody else's for a change. It might do you some good

IQ=114
A score between 101 and 120 puts you above population average but is in the normal range.

Im dying on 18/1/2034

PAST LIFE
You were female in your last earthly incarnation.

You were born somewhere around the territory of which we now know as modern Saudi Arabia, approximately in the year 1850.

Your main profession was: digger of graves, or an undertaker.

A brief psychological profile of you in that past life:
Revolutionary type. You inspired changes in any sphere, politics, business, religion, housekeeping. A leader in promoting new ideas.

A lesson that your last past life wishes you to learn in your present life is:
To learn humility and faith in spiritual principles. You should believe in High Reason

My Profile

Full Name: hungheykwun

| Favorite: ||
4 letter word: SHIT
Actor/actress: Jet Li/Angelina Jolie
Board game: BOGGLE
Book: Dean Koontz
Candy: M&M
Cartoon: Beast Wars
Cereal: those with raisins and almonds
Chewing gum: nope
Color(s): BLACK
Day of week: Friday
Flower: Daisy
Jello flavor: none
Jewelry: Silver necklace (wards off werewolves!)
Special skills/talents:Taekwondo, karate, piano, draw
Trampolines or swimming pools: trampoline, i cant swim

|| Person who last: ||
Called you: Avin
Slept in your bed: Me
You went to the movies with:master, debbie
Yelled at you: my master
Sent you an email: colleague

|| Have you ever: ||
Said "I love you" and meant it?: I still do mean it
Kept a secret from everyone: yea, affair
Cried during a movie: Titanic
Planned your week based on the TV Guide: no way
Wished you were the opposite sex: all the time
What time is it now?: 9am
Apples or bananas?: apples
Blue or red?: blue
What are you gonna do after you finish this?: work
Are you bored?: very much
Last noise you heard?: smallville - everything
Last smell you sniffed?: hamster dung
Last time you went out of state/province?: brunei


|| Friendship/Love: ||
Do you believe in love at first sight?: no
Do you want children one day & if so, how many?: 2 or 3
Most important thing to you in a friendship is: comfy with each other

| Other Info: ||
Criminal record?: Nope
Do you speak any other languages?: cantonese, english, malay, a sprinkle of french
Name some of your favorite things in your bedroom?: my PC
Thing you dislike about yourself the most: My nose
Worst feeling in the world: Loneliness
Who you love: at the moment?: master


|| You: ||
Nickname(s): MUN
Initials: HHK
How old do you look?: 23
How old do you act?: depends on the situation
Glasses/Contacts: 500, im blind, yargh!!!
Braces:no
Do you have any pets?: dog, hamster
You get embarrassed: sometimes
What makes you happy?: coffee, sleep

|| Finish the sentence: ||
I Love to... SING!
I Miss...MTKC
I Wish...MTKC will love me back
I Hope...humans dont go to chatrooms looking for cyber sex anymore
I'm Annoyed by...superficial people
I Am...too aware
I Am Tired of...LIFE
I Will Always be... in LOVE in MTKC
|| Lasts: ||
Last movie you saw:matrix3
Last Phone Number You Called: Avin
Last show you watched on TV: Malay show with Jalaludin Hassan
|| Have you ever: ||
Thought you were going to die:all the time
Wanted to Run away: I am away from home
Flunked a grade: Mandarin
Skipped a grade: nope

emails
Altho he did call me his fairy, that was yesterday. His email pattern had always been Monday n Friday. Sometimes even saturday or wednes nite, when i demand it by sms-ing furiously. I havent received frm him in a week. He has grown tired of me to the point he not care wat happens to me anymore. And i do not wish to bother him with my sms n emails anymore. I hav reach a point where i know that he 's already aware that i care for him. whether he returns it or not, its up to him. Care n love cannot b forced.

Just have to make a living n pray for his wellbeing, his health at the price of my own.

Fairies n Princesses

You are Agent Smith, from "The Matrix."
No one would ever want to run into you in a
dark alley. Cold as steel, tough as a rock,
things are your way or the highway.


What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
M sms this yesterday in response to a fwd sms that i sent him.

"TQ my fairy. good nite to u"

Made me feel good. He called his daughter princess, now im his fairy. Mayb its just a single moment in time that he felt like that, but i felt like i finally belonged to him. Same as when he referred me to others as his wife. Ppl took it as a joke, but we knew better. At that time, it felt like paradise. Now i've been demoted to fairy: mythical, small..but hopefully precious to him.

He may never understand how much I loved him, but it is enough to know i was once precious to him.

Every beginning has an end
HAve you watched Matrix3? The CGI was awesome..but the ending was truly disappointing..Peace between humans and machines? THey fought hundreds of years for nothing? Just a thought..it ended with the oracle asking the Architect for assurance that those in the Matrix who want out shall be freed. BUt how are the Zion-ist going to make the unfreed minds aware of the Matrix on a larger scale? Now imagine this...that everything in the movie is real & the Zion-ists are using the trilogies to introduce the REAL world to us. That the Wachowski brothers & the actors & actresses are all exiles or freed minds. Maybe they want us to question our reality to see if there is really a spoon.

Some truly great dialogue delivered beautifully by Hugo Weaving:

Smith/Oracle: Can you feel it, Mr. Anderson, closing in on you? Well, I can.
I do wish to thank you for [...] after all, it was your life that taught me
the purpose of all life. The purpose of life is to end.

Smith/Oracle: Why, Mr. Anderson, why? [...] Why do you do it? Why, why get
up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you're fighting for something, for
more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is, do you even know? Is it
freedom or truth, perhaps peace - could it be for love? Illusions, Mr.
Anderson, vagaries of perception. Temporary constructs of a feeble human
intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning
or purpose. And all [...] as artificial as the Matrix itself. Although only
a human mind could invent something as insipid as love. You must be able to
see it, Mr. Anderson, you must know it by now! You can't win, it's pointless
to keep fighting! Why, Mr. Anderson, why, why do you persist?

THe scary thing is that I agree more with the machine then I do humans.

Breakfast with M
had a nice bfast with M. he came to pick me up. always the gentleman. i hadnt even woken up. darn it. ntg much to say to him. but it was nice to see him again. he's getting a tummy & also sporting white stubble but he's still looking good. guess he will always look good to me no matter how he ages. just drove around after that. talk was all business btu i dont care anymore. no more 'those' feelings for him though i still care very much. he's still being wary but im not going to dwell on that. just wish to remember the good parts. of how good he still looks, of sitting in his car, of talking to him. i dunno wat he feels but since he's so careful of his words, maybe he was reluctant to have breakfast with me. dont know about that. but then could not force him to do anything that he didnt want to.

the point is, im no longer sad. ppl's opinions n views dont matter anymore.

BE HAPPY FOR ME, M. LOVE YA TO BITS.

new tkd place
went to a new tkd class with colleague. the master is Master MCK. He's a really nice man, funny & happy. Although the orientation of his class does not suit my requirements. I wanted a tournament oriented class. i guess the search continues. Trained in a badminton court. NOw have terrible blisters on my feet. Squish.

Discovered the reason why i love tkd so much. altho tkd was the source of my problem with M in the first place, it is the place i seek solace. while in class, although im stiil burdened with problems of mortal life, i leave them behind for these 1.5 hours. it is very therapeutic. now i understand y i felt so hapi n in good mood after teaching a tkd class.

HAve problems with M again. Dont think i said or did anything wrong this time around. but he appears offended by giving me the silent treatment that i really hate. wat to do. he's always so non-commital in his statements, taking the safe way out. he's been a coward all along.

Friends
Now that i think of it.. i don't have many friends do i? well, acquaintances probably i hav a lot..and many people know me more than i know them. I did a friend stock take last few days & to my dismay, found that i dont hav many true friends.

Friends that stay with me through thick n thin, friends who listen to my deranged thoughts, friends who try to dissuade me from doing stupid things..

I think I do have a few before this, but due to my erm..attitude, i have lost a lot.

My loyal and really patient friend would be M that had been my lover & now still listen to my ramblings & reassures me when Im down.

C, who was worried during my previous fighting stint, who actually cancelled his trip home to stay with me. Currently, we're not on speaking terms.

KT, who's always online somewhere outta M'sia who tries to rekindle my faith in this divine person called the Lord.

T, my class mate since school but there's a lot i cant divulge to her. She's a faithful n helpful friend in my times of need. I wish i could do more for her.

I guess i dont hav true friends other than them bcos i am not a TRUE friend to them. But i had always been a distant person. Slow to make friends. This is just the way that I am. So Im cursed to be a loner forever.

The game i bought was SWAT:Tactical Game of the Year & it rocks! I must be a lousy player cos i couldnt get past the 1st level. Geezz....i kept getting shot in the head when i opened doors. Its really realistic. Now that Im quitting tkd, I'll have all the time to b a gaming bum & a couch potato. Sigh