Forced into wedlock
Mood:
sharp
Now Playing: Natalie Imbruglia - Counting Down The Days
Topic: Criticism
Today I was hit by yet another part of reality that I am often sheltered from. Arranged marriages - they still go on. And I've always known this fact, but somehow my subconscious managed to con me into believing that these things happen in a far far away land to people I would probably never meet. Having grown up in a family that respects choice, the thought that anyone can be forced into wedlock against their free will is a very, very foreign idea to me. Strange. Alien. Unrelatable. Perhaps it's because neither my grandparents (on my maternal side, but I hardly know much about my paternal side) or parents have not had an aranged marriage. Hell - my grandparents eloped. My grandmother was promised as a second wife to a rich businessman (if my memory doesn't fail me). But having a mind of her own, she decided to take her future into her own hands and ran away to marry my grandfather. If you think this isn't drama enough - let me remind you that this was about 50 years ago - when the Chinese and Indian didn't usually intermarry. (My grandmother is Chinese.) On an unrelated note, this perhaps might explain my sometimes rebellious behaviour... , it's in my genes to be unconventional!
But I digress. Despite the time that has passed, some abandoned traditions are still lurking around. Today a friend complained, between tears, how much her parents want to control her life. Don't get me wrong, she doesn't live a life of constant watch where she can't leave the compound without a chaperone or something. In fact, she has been given loads of independance. Her parents obviously love her. They've given her a great education, a comfortable life, enough independance to teach her to fend for herself, and not too much that she be spoilt. All very good things. But at the end of the day - they want her to live the life society has planned for her. Marry a rich, educated man from a good family - one which
society will choose, not you. I guess in a way, I can see her parents' point of view. It's not like she's forced into a lifetime of abuse and repression or anything like that ... she just has to marry someone from the right race, right religion, right status, etc.
I'm not against arranged marriages. In fact, if both the parties to be married are agreeable to the arrangement, by all means - ring the wedding bells already! But I am against forced marriages. Perhaps my friend's parents think that she will be happy, once she has settled into her little married life - once her spouse is a husband, and not a stranger. And perhaps they will be right - but why risk the chance that you could be wrong? If she were to be forced to marry, and spends the rest of her life in quiet desperation - would you still be happy? She may have the cash, the status, the respect ...but what is all that if at the end of the day, she goes home to unhappiness.
So what if society frowns on your daughter? Would you rather society smile and your daughter be crying?
But to be fair - I can't imagine what it must be like to be her parents either. They probably grew up learning that this is the norm -
"I will choose a husband for my child, someone rich, educated, of good social standing – and of course, of our religion." Sometimes I think it must be quite scary to be parents - things they never gave a second glance to are constantly being questioned by their children. What they believed all their life as
the way-of-life, we challenge - we jump at them with our 'educated' reasoning and force them to think on their feet, and sometimes they must get nervous to give us a quick answer (as we are such an impatient generation, aren't we?) - sometimes, I really think, their lack of reasoning in their defence is just due to the initial shock that you actually questioned something so fundamental (to them). Oh man, am I getting too philosophical? My point is - what is truth? What is right? What is wrong? While some may argue that such things are absolute - I would say it's relative. 50 years ago, a sister was expected to give up her education, regardless of how bright she be, for her brothers - if money was sparse (In Malaysia, at least.). Try that now... if she deserves the education, she will make sure you live to see it.
If you can still work your way back to my initial point - lol. What do you think? Is it wrong to force someone into, what appears to be, a 'good' marriage ? Or would you, like my grandmother, rebel against society ...?
irritated
crushed out
chatty
spacey
caffeinated
happy