10 days left! 6/2/2003 It's almost here...Im gonna have a huge party the day after school ends. This week I'm gonna be so busy with choir stuff...I can't wait until this pops concert is over with. I'm really not looking forward to the concert this yeare, there's too many songs, too much practice in a short time, too high expectations. It's crazy, we started learning our pops music so much earlier last year.

5/29/03 I haven't really had the time to write anything here. Mostly that's cause of work, but that's ok cause i need the money. I got almost 30 hrs this week, and althought that's a lot I need it so I don't mind. I actually was supposed to be working right now, but I took it off so I could go to choir rehearsal cause he said we have to go, and I missed other rehearsals. The pops concert is so close, and we have so many songs to remember. One more thing that reminds me graduation is almost here! yay. I'll have to write more later cause I gotta eat something quick before I go. In space the stars are no nearer They just glitter like a morgue And I dreamed I was a spaceman Burned like a moth in a flame And our world was so fucking gone But I'm not attached to you now Nothing heals and nothing grows It's a great big white world and we are drained of our colors We used to love ourselves we used to love another All my stiches itch My prescription's low I wish you were queen just for today In a world so white what else could I say? And hell was so cold All the vases are so broken And the roses tear our hands all open Mother marry miscarry And we pray just like insects The world is so ugly now ~Marilyn Manson

burn 5/27/2003 This is what happens when you do a project the night before it's due with a friend online when you are tired and confused...supposed to be finding newspaper articles dealing with constitutional amendments..uhh...then it became a pyromania party Bonita Serpente (10:43:33 PM): do you kno if theres anything on flag burning? Jdm0985 (10:43:40 PM): lol... Bonita Serpente (10:43:45 PM): just thought id ask Jdm0985 (10:43:47 PM): i don't think so Jdm0985 (10:43:57 PM): sorry...that was unexpected Bonita Serpente (10:44:15 PM): yeah ik no Jdm0985 (10:44:17 PM): and i read it wrong when i looked at it quick Bonita Serpente (10:44:19 PM): *i kno Bonita Serpente (10:44:23 PM): lol Bonita Serpente (10:44:26 PM): whatd you read? Jdm0985 (10:44:32 PM): do you know anything on flag burning.. Jdm0985 (10:44:38 PM): that's what i got from that Bonita Serpente (10:44:40 PM): lol Jdm0985 (10:45:00 PM): i did't realize this project made you so un-patriotic Bonita Serpente (10:45:14 PM): "hey jen... how do you burn this curs-ed flag??" Bonita Serpente (10:45:21 PM): lol Jdm0985 (10:45:26 PM): well..first Jdm0985 (10:45:36 PM): (scary evil laugh here) Jdm0985 (10:45:46 PM): and then....you ....hehehee FIRE] Jdm0985 (10:45:48 PM): hehehehe Jdm0985 (10:45:51 PM): burn baby burn Bonita Serpente (10:45:52 PM): lmfao Jdm0985 (10:46:00 PM): we didn't start the fire Jdm0985 (10:46:05 PM): fucking hate that song Jdm0985 (10:46:06 PM): shut up Jdm0985 (10:46:08 PM): bvurn Bonita Serpente (10:46:08 PM): i just got the funniest image of you saying that Jdm0985 (10:46:11 PM): burn Bonita Serpente (10:46:18 PM): the... hhehehehehe FIRE! Jdm0985 (10:46:19 PM): burn you no sing stupid song Jdm0985 (10:46:33 PM): i started the damned fire ok! Bonita Serpente (10:46:34 PM): im gonna show you tomorrow Jdm0985 (10:46:40 PM): "we didn't start the fire" i did Bonita Serpente (10:46:44 PM): like... the image i had your eye got all squinty Jdm0985 (10:46:56 PM): my precious... Jdm0985 (10:46:57 PM): hehe Bonita Serpente (10:47:00 PM): lmao Jdm0985 (10:47:03 PM): lighter Bonita Serpente (10:47:06 PM): we're not on the same page here Jdm0985 (10:47:23 PM): lol...sorry..still in mcd's mode Bonita Serpente (10:47:27 PM): lol Jdm0985 (10:47:44 PM): that happens when jon works..we act really psychotic like that Bonita Serpente (10:47:53 PM): haha Jdm0985 (10:47:56 PM): and he says that like they do in the movie Jdm0985 (10:48:01 PM): the my precious thin Jdm0985 (10:48:02 PM): g Jdm0985 (10:48:13 PM): FIREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe Jdm0985 (10:48:14 PM): hehehe Jdm0985 (10:48:15 PM): haha Jdm0985 (10:48:18 PM): burnnnnnn Jdm0985 (10:48:36 PM): (long line of grumbles, mumbles, strange laughs) Bonita Serpente (10:48:42 PM): lol Jdm0985 (10:48:42 PM): a light appears Bonita Serpente (10:48:44 PM): i dont get it Jdm0985 (10:48:54 PM): aaaaahhhhhhhhh that's no ordinary light Jdm0985 (10:48:58 PM): holy fuck everyone out Jdm0985 (10:49:03 PM): fire!!! Jdm0985 (10:49:07 PM): ahhhh Jdm0985 (10:49:29 PM): don't get what? Jdm0985 (10:49:40 PM): fire Jdm0985 (10:49:42 PM): ? Jdm0985 (10:49:55 PM): fire always comes to me Jdm0985 (10:50:04 PM): mine Jdm0985 (10:50:19 PM): so anyways..i got those amendments covered...ahem Bonita Serpente (10:50:28 PM): i have a headache Jdm0985 (10:50:29 PM): and you got those choices..and yeah,...ok Jdm0985 (10:50:37 PM): sorry, i got excited about fire Bonita Serpente (10:50:46 PM): ooh.. its hot in here Jdm0985 (10:50:54 PM): fire mine! Jdm0985 (10:51:02 PM): you don't steal my precious Bonita Serpente (10:51:08 PM): phht Jdm0985 (10:51:13 PM): aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Jdm0985 (10:51:19 PM): hehe i still got it Jdm0985 (10:51:39 PM): you should see the movie i created in my head for the last 5 minutes.. Bonita Serpente (10:51:54 PM): you should see my flip book Jdm0985 (10:51:56 PM): hmf that was great Bonita Serpente (10:51:59 PM): lmfao Bonita Serpente (10:52:01 PM): i lost count Jdm0985 (10:52:04 PM): what so funny? Bonita Serpente (10:52:05 PM): it probably looks like shit Jdm0985 (10:52:09 PM): of what? Bonita Serpente (10:52:10 PM): but whatever Jdm0985 (10:52:12 PM): lost count? Bonita Serpente (10:52:16 PM): on my photos Jdm0985 (10:52:16 PM): hmf! Jdm0985 (10:52:19 PM): lol Bonita Serpente (10:52:28 PM): flip book, its sam going spaztic Bonita Serpente (10:52:32 PM): *spastic Jdm0985 (10:52:33 PM): hehe Jdm0985 (10:52:40 PM): spaztacular Bonita Serpente (10:52:51 PM): lmao

banana..ocd..meatballs 5/23/2003 tWeLvE FoUrtY: u shouldnt tWeLvE FoUrtY: ive been bad tWeLvE FoUrtY: VERY BAD! Jdm0985: well maybe i don't Jdm0985: why have you been bad> Jdm0985: ? tWeLvE FoUrtY: i stole a gumball from ur house Jdm0985: what have you done to be so bad.. tWeLvE FoUrtY: IM SORRY! Jdm0985: omg, you selfish bitch! Jdm0985: no wonder we never had any gumballs tWeLvE FoUrtY: i had to IT WASD RITE THERE! Jdm0985: i just thought we never had any to begin with Jdm0985: no that i know the truth....*gasps Jdm0985: i think i am dying of sadness and anger Jdm0985: ok..i'm over it tWeLvE FoUrtY: wut happened? Jdm0985: you ate a banana tWeLvE FoUrtY: im sorry tWeLvE FoUrtY: i wanted it Jdm0985: shut up you always say you're sorry but i know you aren't you fricken donkey Jdm0985: next time eat an apple instead Jdm0985: i like my bananas god dammit tWeLvE FoUrtY: ill eat a fuckin banana if i feel like it Jdm0985: fine, i never said you couldn't tWeLvE FoUrtY: lol Jdm0985: you schizo Jdm0985: schizophrenic moron tWeLvE FoUrtY: i took a test and it said i had either ADD or OCD Jdm0985: well you have both tWeLvE FoUrtY: lol Jdm0985: so that solves the problem right there tWeLvE FoUrtY: i would agree but i jus dropped my sock Jdm0985: lol Jdm0985: put your sock on your foot, then you wouldn't drop it tWeLvE FoUrtY: it fell off my foot THANK U VERY MUCH! Jdm0985: lol Jdm0985: maybe if you would stop eating my bananas, you wouldn't be in this mess Jdm0985: and your sock would still be on your foot tWeLvE FoUrtY: no.. no it definetly wouldnt Jdm0985: i think you are lying Jdm0985: hey, do you like meatballs? Jdm0985: who ever thought up the idea of meat...balls tWeLvE FoUrtY: MEATBALLS R THE SHIT! Jdm0985: yeah Jdm0985: but why.. Jdm0985: my cat is running in circles around my house Jdm0985: she won't stop tWeLvE FoUrtY: dogs r better Jdm0985: i have a dog tWeLvE FoUrtY: me too Jdm0985: they are better Jdm0985: i know Jdm0985: you have more than 1 Jdm0985: you have 3 tWeLvE FoUrtY: nope Jdm0985: million tWeLvE FoUrtY: DEFINETLY got the wrong person rite her tWeLvE FoUrtY: HERRRRRRRRRRRRr tWeLvE FoUrtY: im a gangster Jdm0985: i'm sure Jdm0985: oh yeah, and you have a purple monkey tWeLvE FoUrtY: maybe its me Jdm0985: lol Jdm0985: you actually have 2 monkeys tWeLvE FoUrtY: me and my dad? Jdm0985: no tWeLvE FoUrtY: o tWeLvE FoUrtY: ok jus making sure tWeLvE FoUrtY: but yo i gotta get headin out imma go to the east side and but a cap in dem bloods azzzzzez yo.. word.. ill holla atcha lAAAAAAAAAAta!

eww and restructuring 5/21/2003 Jdm0985 (8:34:47 PM): wtf is up with all this fricken porn mail in my email Jdm0985 (8:35:30 PM): this is one of the titles :" I'm lonely and I may be next door " Bonita Serpente (8:35:52 PM): my next door neighbors are old and wrinkly.... Jdm0985 (8:35:57 PM): eewww Jdm0985 (8:37:24 PM): lol..this is my horoscope for tomorrow: Thu May 22, 2003 Restriction might weigh quite heavily upon you today, dear Libra. Perhaps you are being reminded that there are some important details that you need to take care of. Perhaps you need to adopt a more disciplined approach in your life. Is it time for a bit of restructuring? Don't be afraid of change, and don't let feelings of responsibility hold you down. This is an important time for you in which you can hit it big. Jdm0985 (8:37:30 PM): actually it's yours too Bonita Serpente (8:38:14 PM): woo Bonita Serpente (8:38:19 PM): i feel dumber already Jdm0985 (8:38:23 PM): i have to restructure Jdm0985 (8:38:31 PM): whatever the hell that means Bonita Serpente (8:38:55 PM): lol Jdm0985 (8:39:01 PM): why do you feel dumb? Jdm0985 (8:39:18 PM): we can hit it big Jdm0985 (8:39:24 PM): although that just sounds wrong Bonita Serpente (8:39:32 PM): lmao Jdm0985 (8:39:34 PM): so horoscopes are screwed up

potato 5/19/2003 I am really full...I just got home a little while ago from a dinner for the Chemung County Youth Bureau. I had to go because the Youth Council group that I'm president in was nominated for a "Program of Excellence" award (for our lock in, and basically everything else we've done) It was really surprising to find out we won, Bruce said himself that he doubted we would win because youth council never won. Well, he definitely was shocked to hear them say we had won. yay..what a nice way to end my senior year of youth council, and as prez too. Good job hhds youth council members

5/18/03 so i was talking to nikki...and i told her i did something stupid...she replies with a sarcastic ggrreeaat.... so i was in a hurry, and wrote my hours for work on my hand....well, I uhh...washed my hand... dammit..(hits head against keyboard...aslh fd;oia y3tw8o9y swh hyt3) I figured it out after awhile!

i flew 5/17/2003 I had fun on the Darien Lake trip last night. We spent the bus ride decorating our shirts with markers, safety pins, and plaid material. ..ohh yeah, and duct tape. I rode the sky coaster with Sharah and Jessica, I never went before cause I couldn't find enough people to go with me...it was so much fun, I wanted to do it again. We rode rollercoasters and walked around looking for people, ate some food. Then by the time we had to go back, and we were all ready to leave anyways. Everyone on our bus slept the way back, and then I slept till almost 2:30 today and realized I had to work 3-10. It was busy, and there were some hectic times, I wanted to tell off this one girl, she does the same shit everytime, I wish she'd just fricken shut her mouth or get a new job. I guess I'm gonna go, I gotta look for some things in my room I can't find, so I guess that means I'll end up doing some cleaning, maybe just relax, watch tv, fall asleep, work tomorrow, home, sleep, school monday...the weekends seem to get shorter all the time.

time flies? 5/13/2003 Bonita Serpente : lol Jdm0985 : wow...it's after 10?? Jdm0985 :i thought it was.... Bonita Serpente : 10:03 Jdm0985 : uuhh...earlier? Jdm0985 : time flies Bonita Serpente : lol Jdm0985 :well...time never flew Jdm0985 : why did people always tell me that it did? Bonita Serpente : i saw a clock get thrown across the room once, does that count? Jdm0985 : lol...good enough for me!

blah 5/13/2003 I am tired, I have had the hardest time staying awake today. Last night my car broke down, and my dad got really pissed and yelled at me cause he was mad at everyone else before I got there. I don't know if I wanna go to the funeral tomorrow for Brandon, I didn't really know him that well, but i feel like I should go, and Christy wants me to go with her. Yesterday my stomach turned everytime I heard someone talk about the whole accident, especially when there were some people that said things that weren't true, like they were they and know what happened, but they weren't there, so how could they know as much as they say they do? I should be working on a photo project right now. She gave us 2 to work on, one is taking pics of expressions on peoples faces, the other is pictures of the human body, like you could just take pics of arms or something like that. I want to go after school and take some pictures, but it's raining and I need lots of sunlight. I'm happy though, cause this is like the one night I get every week where I don't have to worry about doing anything. I really want some time to just do some of the things I haven't gotten to do in so long. I was talking to a friend today, and someone else yesterday who said they're gonna go to corning community, but they're gonna wait until second semester to start going. That sounds like such a good idea right now, I feel like I could use a semester to save up some money by working, and also have some time to relax. I have been driven almost insane with all of the shit that has happened. But if I do that, I'm afraid I might wanna just say forget it and not go to college at all, or then again I don't know, why don't i just start when most of everyone else I know is, just because. Oh well, too bad, I'll figure something out.

dreary monday, sad weekend 5/12/2003 So today was one of those days...the typical Monday. Except for the fact that everyone of my classes someone had to bring up the accident that happened early Saturday morning. Brandon Shaw died, I didn't really know him that well, but he seemed like a great person that I wouldn't have minded getting to know better. It was so upsetting to hear about it when I finally did about noon on Saturday at work, Erin and I both found out at the same time. Turns out everyone else in the store had found out at 6 am when the store opened. I don't feel like getting into the whole story, but there's a lot more I could get into that has to do with what happened and how it happened. Chris Wassong was driving, I feel so bad for him right now and what he's probably thinking. I hope he's okay. I don't wanna talk anymore about the whole thing right now cause it's all everyone's talked about all day. I actually haven't really had anything to say all day, I'm in one of those moods where I'd rather just keep to myself, be by myself, and not be bothered by anyone.

i like frogs 5/10/2003 Today was the longest damned day of my life, well one of the longest days I've had lately. So much crap that I'll explain later to those who care, cause I don't wanna get into it now, but too bad for those who don't care cause you can just stop trying to act like you give a crap about me. So anyways, happy birthday to Tabatha... haha she is here right now. She got new shoes today. She thinks that they are comfortable! I bet they must be if I made her walk around the store in them and she decided she had to buy them. It's too bad for those of you who missed out cause you suddenly couldn't hang out with us wonderful people. haha on you! we got cake! so uhh...yeah I guess I wanna go do something and stop talking about things that you don't understand cause you kinda had to actually BE there.

5/9/2003 Getting ready for a busy weekend. I gotta leave right after school to pick up Tabatha, and then we gotta get our checks..go to the bank...go to my house..and then go buy tons of food for the party tomorrow. I gotta work tonight 5-9, then tomorrow 7-3 and sunday 1-7. When I get home tomorrow it's party time. Carrie made it a big deal that I am having a party and didn't invite her or really anyone else that I normally see. There'd probably be too many people there if invited them, so oh well. I'm so glad it's Friday. I think I wanna go see what's going on with everyone else right now in photography, I might get a chance somewhere along the weekend...

5/8/2003 Today I got my cap and gown..yay. Yesterday I had to take request like 8 or so days off of work because of end of the year stuff.. pops concert, other crap, special senior stuff. I can't believe how fast this year has went by. Last year we were all saying..omg we're gonna be the ones that get to leave, and then we'll all go off to college, and how sad it will be not to be able to just randomly call people or show up at their house and hang out. Now the last day of school is almost here..it just seems like I am more than ready, I want out. Now I understand why you spend junior year having so much fun and wondering why all of the seniors say that they want to leave, we always thought how much it would suck and didn't think we'd be ready to leave. For so many people I know senior year was nothing more than getting a job, going through all of the trouble to plan your after high school plans, putting up with a lot of shit from people you used to spend all of your time with, having some really good memories and then some really damn shitty ones, and spending day after day telling your self that soon you won't have to come back, soon you won't have to see the same people day after day, or go down those halls every morning. I don't know if I can say this was a very good year, but I know I won't ever forget it.

yo 5/7/2003 I'm sitting in school right now, only half an hour left of photography and then I get to go home...well i have youth council from 4-5, but then I'll be free. I might try to go hang out with a couple friends tonight, have some fun, with no stressful crap to think about. This week's been ok, went out Monday night with a friend and a couple guys she knows, they're cool. We ended up driving around and at this other person's house, had a little to drink and was wired all night. She told me I could hang out with them again tonight, butI don't know if my dad will let me stay out till midnight another night and I'm extrememly tired. Yesterday I sat around and played my guitar most of the night. My mom came by to drop off my brothers and I finally told her I am not going to her wedding. I just realized today that the senior trip to darien lake is next friday..oops. I guess I should ask for the night off, oh yeah and I don't wanna work at 7 am saturday since we're coming back around 5 am. I have a 94 in drama and in photography...that makes me happy, I don't really try anymore, but I still get good grades. I can't wait to graduate, I'm so tired of the same place I've been for the last 4 years over and over and over again. I think I'm gonna go sleep for a little while cause there isn't much else to do.

flying 5/6/2003 I am finally tired. I've been like super hyper all damned day.... I couldn't sit still, and I was going crazy trying to sit through all of my classes today. I felt like I could just go crazy and run around forever without running out of energy. I never thought I'd die alone I laughed the loudest who'd have known? I trace the cord back to the wall No wonder it was never plugged in at all I took my time, I hurried up The choice was mine I didn't think enough I'm too depressed to go on You'll be sorry when I'm gone I never conquered, rarely came 16 just held such better days Days when I still felt alive We couldn't wait to get outside

stabbed with a fork 5/5/2003 So sometimes you just feel like you should be mad at people or something, and they think they are making you mad, and you get confused...you just laugh at their stupidity, and let them entertain you while you sit back and wonder if you are supposed to be mad, and then there are times where people do make you mad and they try to make it seem like it's my fault they're being an asshole. So I know nice people, people that I hate, and people that I hate that are childish and should be stabbed with a fork.

5/5/2003 Sometimes I just wish I could tell people to shut the fuck up....like a person that's in this room with me right now, but doesn't happen to be reading this. Oh yeah, and I wanted to tell some people earlier to shut the fuck up.. dumb people, I hate them all.

songs 5/4/2003 Black windows of paint I scratched with my nails I see others just like me Why do they not try to escape? They bring out the older ones They point in my way They come with a flash of light And take my family away And very later I have learned to Accept some friends of ridicule My whole existence is for your amusement And that is why I'm here with you! To take you with me You're right ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Death With violence Excitment Right here Died Go to hell Here I am Right here Ow No mas Death Is what I am Go to hell Go to jail In back of that Crime Here I am Take a chance Dead Die ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It's so relieving to know that you're leaving as soon as you get paid It's so relaxing to hear you're asking wherever you get your way I's so soothing to know that you'll sue me, this is starting to sound the same I miss the comfort in being sad In her false withness, we hope you're still with us, to see if they float or drown Our favorite paitent, A display of patience, disease-covered Puget Sound She'll come back as fire, to burn all the liars, and leave a blanket of ash on the ground I miss the comfort in being sad ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Slippery pessimist hypocrite master Conservative communist apocalyptic bastard Thank you dear God for putting me on this Earth I feel very privileged in debt for my thirst ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Load up on guns and bring your friends It's fun to lose and to pretend She's over bored and self assured Oh no, I know a dirty word ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ He's the one Who likes all our pretty songs And he likes to sing along And he likes to shoot his gun But he don't know what it means Don't know what it means And I say... yeaahh

don't do it 5/4/2003 I find the weirdest things so amusing. hmm..oh well what can you do? It happens a lot when I feel like this. It's so weird, I feel so happy, so much energy, and I have the strangest thoughts going through my mind lately. I find it all kinda of amusing, a little ironic. Don't worry though, this feeling doesn't last forever. It should go away soon, but it will be back again. I don't mind it, I kinda like it, but I want myself to go away. I don't really have much to say today, I don't want to tell you all of the things I'm thinking about, cause you probably don't care, and it might be a little disturbing to some. "the downward spiral" He couldn't believe how easy it was he put the gun into his face bang! (so much blood for such a tiny little hole) problems do have solutions you know a lifetime of fucking things up fixed in one determined flash everything's blue everything's blue in this world the deepest shade of mushroom blue all fuzzy spilling out of my head ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ if i could start again a million miles away i would keep myself i would find a way ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ broken bruised forgotten sore too fucked up to care anymore poisoned to my rotten core too fucked up to care anymore in the back off the side far away is a place where i hide where i stay tried to say tried to ask i needed to all alone by myself ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "i'm looking forward to joining you, finally" as black as the night can get everything is safer now there's always a way to forget once you learn to find a way how in the blur of serenity where did everything get lost? the flowers of naivete buried in a layer of frost the smell of sunshine i remember sometimes ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ did you happen to catch or did it happen so fast what you thought would always last has passed you by is everything speeding up or am i slowing down i'm just spinning around and i don't know why all the pieces don't fit but i didn't really give a shit i never wanted to be like you but for all i aspire i am really a liar and i'm running out of things i can do

4/29/03 No, I don't have sars...people get very wrapped up in news and think some disease is going to kill the whole world....I went to the doctors monday, and it turns out the sinus thing i had before Florida, and the meds the doctor gave me then didn't work. So, a few days after finishing my meds while I'm in Florida, I get sick, and since they didn't get rid of it in the first place, it just got worse, and worse. The doctor told me I can't go to school till at least Wed, but only if all my hot and cold chills and fever are gone. They won't let me do anything like go to work till atleast Thursday. yuck. Office laters are extremely dumb. I called the school about my homework they were supposed to get together, and they told me that there was absolutley nothing in my locker. I had to make and adventure earlier to the school to get my books for spanish, and there are atleast 4 or 5 textbooks between Kelly and I, like 4 binders, folders, spanish workbooks, and all this other shit we manage to stuff in there. But still.. "I'm sure there's nothing in your locker.." "Really? I left all my books at school over break"..... "Yes, it's number 704 and there isn't anything in it, but you can come check sometime if you want, or have someone come down with you.." " Yeah, I guess I'll have to do that sometime...although I'm sure that my books are there, since they aren't here..." That was basically the end of that. I wanted to tell her the whole reason I wasn't doing it myself was because of a damn doctors note someone had taken to the office for me, and that I would be glad to get my books...but I'm not supposed to go anywhere. Welcome back to school. It'll be over soon.

ugh 4/28/2003 I am officially going out of my mind. I haven't been so sick that I'm stuck in bed for over 2 days in like forever and ever. I should be sleeping right now, but if I do fall asleep, I won't wake up in time to go to my doctors appointment. I have been sick since the middle of the Florida trip, and since I got home on Friday have been either on the couch or on my bed. I have only been awake for a couple of hours each day and I'm still so damn tired. I'm supposed to be in school right now, it's the first day of school after spring break..how fun. I've eaten like 1 thing everyday for the last 3 days...a half a bowl of soup, and then I either don't feel like finishing it, or fall asleep before I can. I really hope I don't stay sick for too much longer, it gets kinda boring when you can't leave your house except for the doctors. Yesterday I had to work 9am to 5pm, I was coughing so hard that my back hurts, and could barely talk. My manager told me I looked too sick to work and sent me home early...way early. I had only been there for an hour. So I went home and slept more. Now I must go and find the energy to take a shower, although that seems next to impossible, and then go to the doctors. I'm glad I'm not driving, cause I'm sure I would either fall asleep at the wheel or run into something because I feel a little bit dizzy. Then it's home for another nice long nap!

4/26/03 It's almost 7 pm already...I slept away most of the day. I remember being awake for a couple hours in the morning, then in the afternoon, and then I woke up again awhile ago and was running a fever again. Yuck, I actually think I'm gonna go back to sleep now, I feel kinda dizzy and I want to get as much rest as I can because I'm supposed to work 9 to 5 tomorrow. And then I have school the next day. It's so weird being gone for a week and then getting back into the schedule of work, school, and all the other stuff I do every week.

up early, airport, plane, home, sleep 4/25/2003 I had gotten sick somewhere along the trip, but it seemed to be the worst on Friday when I woke up. We had to be up early to get ready, and get on the buses to go to the airport around 7am. I couldn't eat all my breakfast cause my stomach felt gross. My flight left first, and the people on the other 2 planes had to wait a couple hours in the airport before leaving. I like plane rides, but it's not fun to go on them when you're sick. My nose was stuffed up and my head hurt, plus the pressure from the landing made my ears pop, and I could barely hear for a whole half and hour after we got off. We were in Philedelphia, and then took another plane back to Rochester. Our plane sat in airport for like 45 minutes after it was supposed to take off. We got to Rochester around 3:30 I think. I had to wait with Alissa and Stacie's mom for the next plane which came at 5. Stacie and Nikki were on that one. Then we had to wait till 6 for Hilary and Megan to get back, and then I slept a lot of the drive home, since I had lost my voice so there wasn't really a point in trying to talk to anyone. It was nice to get home and lay down on my own couch, and just relax, although I felt horrible..I had a fever, and I was just so tired I didn't really know what was going on. I ate some soup, took medicine, and fell asleep with a bag of ice on my head to cool me down.

animal kingdom..free stuff..mgm studios..spend $ 4/24/2003 I went to the Animal Kindgom with Nikki, Katie, and Alex today. Alex was very hyper the whole time. We ended up eating lunch in the Rainforest Cafe, it was expensive, but nice to sit down in an actual restaurant where they bring food out to you. We were sitting near the doors where the waiters came out with food, and 2 waiters almost ran into each other. The one had a tray with cups of water and then bottles of beer on it. He dropped them and stuff splattered on the backs of my legs, and Nikki's legs. The waiter was like..are you ok, I'm really sorry...and acted really worried. We were like oh...we got something on our legs...but we were just like no big deal, shit happens. Well, then a waiter came out holding a tray with 4 really tall thing weird looking cups with rainbow colored slushy in them, and we were like..ohh those look good, and then the waiter came and gave them to us. Hehe I guess getting stuff dropped by your table pays off in the end. After lunch, we split up and Alex and Katie went to Epcot, and Nikki and I went to MGM Studios after going to the hotel to relax.

4/23/03 Nikki and I spent a lot of the day in Epcot. We didn't plan on spending as much time there as we did. We weren't sure what there would be to do, but we figured we'd just start going around the place since it went in a circle. We found different fun things going on in the different "countries", there was a band playing in one, a really funny mime in another, we played African intruments, bought Chinese hats, got pics with Mickey mouse, and did a bunch of other things while we were there. Next thing we know it's like 4 or 5 hours after we had arrived, and we're just getting to the last of the 10 different countries in the park. We we definitely tired after that, so we went back to the hotel, and I actually fell asleep for like an hour or so. That night we went to the Magic Kingdom to ride roller coasters and almost got stuck because of another parade.

magic kingdom...parade 4/22/2003 This was the only day out of the 3 we got to spend in the parks that we had any rules of where we could go. We had to stay in the Magic Kingdom, and be at a certain spot at 7:30 so that the marching band and colorguard people could get ready. I was one of the few people that went on the trip but wasn't in the parade. I found a good seat and took pictures as our school marched by. There were 2 other schools that marched in the parade, and then there was all the characters on their floats that were all lit up and the parade made it hard to get around the park to get out of there.

so tired..airplane...florida! 4/21/2003 We had to get up really early to get ready to go to the Rochester airport. We got up before 4 am cause Stacie, Megan, and I all had to get in the shower and get ready while Stacie's mom, Alissa, and Hilary woke up later and they all got ready to go. They seemed a lot more tired than us, we were really hyper for 4 am. Stacie's mom called our room and told us we had to be quiet because of other people in the hotel trying to sleep still. Then we ventured off to the airport, we got through everything pretty quickly cause we got there a few minutes before most of the others from our school showed up. It was really boring sitting there for 2 hours, but they wanted to make sure everyone got there early so we didn't have any problems getting to our flights on time. My plane stopped in Pittsburg, and then we got on another one and ended up at the orlando airport. We took a bus to our hotel where we had to wait for awhile for Mr Carichner to show up and check us in. They weren't the best quality hotels, we stayed at Disney's All Star Music resort. Oh well, we survived, we were only in the hotels to sleep and then when we'd stop for lunch for a little while.

Last minute packing... 4/20/2003 Happy Easter! Sunday was the day to do all the last minute stuff that just had to be done. I had until 4 or 5 pm to get all my stuff together and packed in my one suitcase and one carry-on, and then wait for my ride to Rochester. Stacie's mom drove Stacie, Hilary, Alissa, Megan, and I to Rochester, we stayed in a hotel, went swimming, enjoyed the hot tub, and ended up shopping for dinner at Wegman's since almost everything was closed due to the holiday. Then it was back to the hotel to eat, watch tv, and sleep.

4/17/03 Today was one of those days where everything starts out all wrong. My dad took my car to work cause his van broke down. I really needed to go a couple places and I couldn't go anywhere. There was a bunch of stuff in my car that I needed, but I didn't wake up in time to get anything out of my car before he left. THen I had to get to work by 3, and only worked till 6. I said one thing to my dad and he got all mad, I hate when he takes it all out on me when he's mad about something. I didn't feel like staying home cause when I'm home and he's in moods like that I always get yelled at so I did some Florida shopping at the mall. I bumped into a couple different people I know....yeah, I made out really well as far as stretching my money to get as much as I could. Nikki called me, she's already one her way to Florida, she called from her cell phone when they were and hour or so from North Carolina. The phone lost connection or something cause it clicked and she had disappeared. I'm so excited to go to Florida, I can't wait. yay. I need to get some sleep cause I gotta work tomorrow from 8am to 4pm.

never throw sauce 4/15/2003 Jdm0985:i go to mcd's to get a drink Jdm0985: jon was working, he's one of the many managers Jdm0985: he wasn't eating pretzels for once Jdm0985: and this jen girl was working, and we were making fun of him for something Bonita Serpente:uh huh Jdm0985: he said something mean..well jokingly mean so i threw a thing of sweet and sour sauce at him.. Jdm0985:lol...he turned around, so when it hit him Jdm0985: it hit him in the ass Jdm0985 : and the thing exploded Jdm0985 : all over his ass Bonita Serpente: haha Jdm0985 : he didn't realize it at first...it was funny to watch...sauce flew everywhere Jdm0985: and he was trying to wash it off with a wet cloth Jdm0985: and he said he felt like he pooped his pants Jdm0985:the end Bonita Serpente: thats a good story sunshine 4/15/2003 I love warm weather, it got up to 80 something degrees today. The sun's shining, it didn't feel too hot, it was just right. I have a choir rehearsal tonight, this concert is gonna be so different compared to last year's mozart's requiem. I like the sting band that's playing with us, and they sang for us, they were really good. It's getting so close to the end of the school year, I didn't realize there were so few days left. There are 35 school days until summer (that doesn't count the weekends) I think I wanna go sit outside for a little while and enjoy the sun, and I'll be off to rehearsal in like 1/2 and hour. BROWN EYED GIRL ~ this is one of those songs I never get tired of Hey where did you go,days when the rain came Down in the hollow, playin a new game Laughin and a runnin, skippin and a jumpin In the misty mornin fog, with our hearts a thumpin at you The Bown Eyed Girl You my Brown Eyed Girl Now what ever happened, to Tuesdays are so slow Goin down the old man river, with a transistor radio Standin in the sunlights laughin, hidin behind a rainbow wall Slippin and a slidin, all along the waterfall with you The Brown Eyed Girl You my Brown Eyed Girl Do you remember when, we used to sing Sha la la la la la la la la la la dee dah Sha la la la la la la la la la la dee dah La dee dah So hard to find my way, now that I'm all on my own I saw you just the other day, my how you had grown Cast my memory back there, sometimes I'm overcome thinkin about you Makin love in the green grass, behind the stadium with you My Brown Eyed Girl You my Brown Eyed Girl Do you remember when we used to sing

4/14/03 I have a couple things that i really want to say to some people right now, it would make me feel so much better, although i feel great right now, despite this horrible headache. The lock in was great, I had fun, and I barely knew half the people there. I have to admit I was stressed out during different times of having certain things that had to be done, and just keeping everything working as it should, but even in my i wanna scream moments was I happy in the back of my mind. I'm really tired from the weird sleep pattern of the weekend...friday like 4 hours sleep, sat like 1 hour in 20 minute segments....sunday night..4 and then another 8 and a half. yup i am ready for bed now

4/9/2003 I have decided I am beyond ready for college....there's too much time left to be stuck in this damned school with people I would rather not see or talk to, I need something different. I really hate the feeling of knowing you have nothing to look forward to besides getting up and going to an unexciting place with the same shit over and over day after day. Screw it all, I give up...

cheddar cheese 4/8/2003 Bonita Serpente (9:22:31 PM): i once wondered what itd be like to live in a cheese house... I think it would be interesting living in a cheese house, you would eat, sleep, and live cheese. If it was cheddar I'd have a huge problem and would be homeless cause I love to eat cheddar cheese. It does not feel like a Tueday, I'm convinced that it's Friday and no one will tell me I'm right. Event the calendar is wrong...I want it to be Friday, this week has been soooo long and it's not even halfway though. My cat is chasing the mouse and chasing the words on the screen as I type, she thinks it's alive or something, she's always attacking the moniter when i'm on the computer....

snow 4/7/2003 So it's winter once again. I just got home a few minutes ago, and I've been driving through this snowy, slushy mess as more snow falls for the past 3 hours. I cannot wait until we can say this stuff is finally gone till next year, as it's been it's gonna be snowing till June. I've noticed lately I've been in a strange, hyper mood lately. I would think it's a good thing, cause I've laughed more in the past couple days than I have in like forever. There are a couple small things that have bugged me a lot lately, and I'm really sorry to anyone I might have yelled at about something that seems really stupid and pointless. The only thing I like about snow is being able to do stupid things like go sledding on an air mattress, and it's nice when you get to sleep in. Some schools farther away from us closed today before we even started getting snow. I know this is completely different than what I was just talking about, but I had fun yesterday. Nikki and I had an adventure to Ithaca, and found it quite nice to venture somewhere that isn't Horseheads, even though there isn't really much in Ithaca. We found some fun things in Evolution...and I really wanted to buy something, but we must save money for Florida. We decided to plan on taking another random adventure there after we have money, and when it's warmer so we don't freeze ourselves again, since neither of us liked the idea of wearing winter coats or some kind of warm clothing.

mooo said the cow 4/4/2003 What a wonderful Friday it's been..and it's just about over for me, I have to wake up early tomorrow. I like working the morning shift better... Today I was talking to some people about the Florida trip, and my dad went to the meeting to get plane tickets and stuff. I'm finally getting really excited. I've been excited to go the whole time, but it seems like it's just clicking that I'm going this month. Oh yeah...today was "our last day" to collect registration forms for Youth For Youth..well that's what people thought but we always extend the deadline, so we have all of next week to get more people to go. Last I knew we had more than 116 people with forms in, and paid for. That's more than we got the last 2 years after an extra week to collect forms. I'm so excited...it's gonna be great having a bigger crowd of people..and some newer ideas than the last 2 years, and everything is falling into place just like it should. If we can get 150 people to go, we get to dye Bruce's hair...it'd be funny if we got to dye it pink!

4/3/2003 Today seems to be longer than a day is supposed to be. So I go to school today as with everyday, and I try during first and second period to get a hold of my dad and the doctors office so I can leave school and go to an appointment. My dad is not answering his phone...so I call and finally after telling them I can't be on hold for ever cause I'm using the school phone get an appointment made. They tell me to get there in less than 20 minutes. I went to the attendance office and told the lady how my dad told me to make an appointment but I cannot find him to get him to call the school and give me permission to leave. It took 10 minutes of the attendance lady calling my doctor, trying to call my dad, and walking around the office and talking to a different people just to get permission to leave for a doctors appointment. I leave, and go to the doctors, it turns out I have a sinus infection..yay..Then I go home to see if my dad got my messages, and it turns out he was trying to schedule me an appointment while we were trying to call him from the office. He told them I wasn't going back to school, cause I told him I wanted to sleep, and that they were gonna make me go back or I'd get in trouble or something. It was peaceful once I got to go to sleep for a couple hours, woke up just in time to go to work, and here I am. I have never had such a problem with getting out of school just to go to the doctors. It makes me feel even happier to be graduating in a couple months!

"theres things Id like 2do that u dont believe in 4/2/2003 I'm in a really strange mood today...like I feel tired but I've been in a weird happy mood. I really want something to do...I feel bored. My guitar made me happy, but I hit my finger today and it's swollen so it was hard to play the song I wanted to, I'm learning Third eye blind's motorcycle drive by. Right now there isn't anyone on to talk to ...or maybe I just don't feel like talking. I think that's it, cause there are people online, but I've decided I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone. I just want to be able to go somewhere with people I don't know and do something new...meet different people...escape from Horseheads and most of the people here. Yay! THere is no longer any snow in my yard..but I wouldn't doubt it if we're supposed to get more sometime. I thought spring was here and the snow was over until I woke up to a world of white last weekend. I think I shall go to bed sometime soon, I feel quite tired, and I'm supposedly going to choir in the morning like our teacher expects us to. I hope that I have some more days like today....it was a good day although nothing really happened, I guess it was just one of those days.

snowy cheese? 4/1/2003 I enjoy cheddar cheese. Especially sharp cheddar. I felt sick today...my head hurts...i feel like I have an ear infection. When I started talking to Nikki like 2 hours ago I was practically crying...and now I'm laughing so hard my dad thinks I'm a psych...although some people probably think that of me anyways so ha for them. Nikki quoted me....last night we were "having a study party" but we ended up laughing...and not working...and getting pictures.... and as we were driving...the song on the cd ended..it was silent...and I said..." everytime we get into your car it's a different season...it snowed...it was not snowy...it was sunny. It was every season yesterday Today was april fools day..how fun..nikki and i said april fools just for the hell of it while walking down the hall...then I pretended to play the stupidest prank ever on her, she fell for it, she knows it Jdm0985 (7:54:58 PM): do you have any cheese>? Bonita Serpente (7:55:02 PM): yes Bonita Serpente (7:55:04 PM): yes i do Jdm0985 (7:55:23 PM): is your refrigerator runnning? Bonita Serpente (7:55:26 PM): no Jdm0985 (7:55:32 PM): yes it is Jdm0985 (7:55:50 PM): so you'd better go catch it because it's robbing your house of cheese Jdm0985 (7:55:59 PM): and if you love your cheese...you want it Jdm0985 (7:56:01 PM): for you Jdm0985 (7:56:06 PM): not your fridge Jdm0985 (7:56:19 PM): it already stole your klondike bars (oh yeah...we wanted those, but there was only an empty box...) Jdm0985 (7:56:31 PM): don't let it succeed in stealing your cheese I know I am strange...that's the only way to have fun!

butt plug? W.T.F.? 3/30/2003 so I'm innocently at my house...and then the world goes crazy!...Justin and his dad comes over...trys to im the word butt plug to stacie (long story...tell ya later) it ends up going to sam's im screen..(my ex b/f) Skymurderdude (7:52:27 PM): hi whats up? Jdm0985 (7:52:36 PM): hi Skymurderdude (7:53:12 PM): hmm whats up? Jdm0985 (7:53:25 PM): butt plug Jdm0985 (7:53:37 PM): sry wrong screen Skymurderdude (7:53:43 PM): um keep that to your self Jdm0985 (7:53:48 PM): s Jdm0985 (7:53:54 PM): justin Jdm0985 (7:53:59 PM): took over the computer Jdm0985 (7:54:03 PM): he won't go awat Jdm0985 (7:54:04 PM): away Jdm0985 (7:54:07 PM): he eats shit Skymurderdude (7:54:15 PM): ... Jdm0985 (7:54:34 PM): sorry about that Jdm0985 (7:54:44 PM): justin rankin and his dad came over Skymurderdude (7:54:56 PM): um ok Jdm0985 (7:55:10 PM): and he was on my name Skymurderdude (7:55:29 PM): valger little bastard aint he Jdm0985 (7:56:02 PM): lol...long story behind thata Jdm0985 (7:56:13 PM): aj stow started it Skymurderdude (7:56:17 PM): not going to lmao..and then stacie is sending me this stuff... a couple songs...and then tells me to go to this site.. http://www.starterupsteve.com/swf/Group_X_video.html? Bonita Serpente (8:05:24 PM): "hello, thankyou for calling autozone, how may i help you?" "hello, do you have butt plug?" "sparkplug??" "butt plug.." "sparkplug??" "butt plug.!!" "SPARKPLUG???" "BUTT PLUG!!!!!" "SPARKPLUG?!?!" "BUTT PLUG BUTT PLUG BUTT PLUG!!!!!!!!!" **hangs up** DJStillRichwassa (8:05:42 PM): haha DJStillRichwassa (8:05:44 PM): did u do that/ Bonita Serpente (8:05:51 PM): no... but a friend of mine did Bonita Serpente (8:06:02 PM): they called walmart and kmart too DJStillRichwassa (8:06:37 PM): haha (AJ called those places..lmao it was so funny to listen to)

sleepy time....so quiet here.. 3/30/2003 It's been a very quiet day. Usually by now I would be so bored I'd be looking for somewhere to go to get out of my house. I woke up at like 10:30 this morning, and have not done much of anything. I fell asleep earlier and now it's 4:30...Sundays fly by. I think we should have a couple of Mondays off from school. I woke up to see snow falling outside, and the ground completely covered. I was hoping it would be nice out so I could sit out in the sun and actually enjoy the beginning of spring. I noticed that there's not very long until we go to Florida, this month has flown by. I'm excited to go to Florida, and get away from home for once during spring break. I think I'm gonna go sleep some more cause I can't keep my eyes open.

shopping's fun! 3/29/2003 I had a busy day today, got up early, worked, came home, went shopping with my dad and then went out for dinner. Then I came home and went to the mall with Stacie and Lauren. We found lots of stuff on sale at Claire's and then Lauren and I got matching sandals at Old Navy, only mine are black outlined and hers are white. All three of us got the same bag, Lauren and I both got the black ones and Stacie got the other one. Yay, we were excited to go shopping and actually be stuff we don't really need, but we just wanted. I have a lot of new bracelets now and it makes me happy.

3/28/03 It's Friday!!! Today was a good day, one of those days where only one customer can really piss you off at work..and then all the other stupid people just make you laugh at them. Work tomorrow and then i am free until monday when it's school time again. I am so excited for spring break...yay, I hope they don't think about cancelling the florida trip...they shouldnt even think about it. War sucks...I should go to sleep, I'll be waking up at 5 am on a saturday...

alone 3/27/2003 Hmm...so I sit here confused, tired, and kind of lonely at the moment. I wish there was someone to talk to, somewhere to go. Maybe I'll just go to sleep. Tomorrow's Friday...I work, and I work Saturday too, but then I'll have all of Saturday afternoon and evening...and the entire day Sunday to..*gasp* do whatever I want to ....wow, it feels too weird. So I talked to Sam for awhile online last night....I don't know if it made me feel any better, it kinda gave me mixed feelings. I don't want to just completely stop talking, but it's so hard to be like...oh yeah we'll just be friends now after going out for so long. It's not what I wanted, but I can't change it, although I really wish I could. Every once in a while I'll think.....I wish it would end up to be a bad dream, and things will continue how they were. I feel as though I should try to talk about something else, I don't want to seem obsessed with the whole thing, but it's one of those things that's been constantly on my mind. I went through another boring day today, my drama teacher was in an extremely bad mood. I did good in spanish on my quizzes, economics was...economics we do absolutely nothing, choir was repetitive, I spent lunch laughing my ass off, and I actually got work done in photography. Work was ok..there were hardly any customers, and we were all so bored, and even the managers didn't know what to do. hmmm...I'm feeling really tired, maybe I should go sleep.

too damned much to think about 3/26/2003 So youth council has a "Youth 4 Youth Conference" going on on April 12th and 13th. It's basically 30 hours of games, movies, no sleep, dancing, eating, and hanging out with a lot of other people. We have a lot done, and we've actually been ahead in planning compared to the last 2 years...but we get soooo unorganized! Then you always have the people who will say they'll do something and they won't. We had a meeting tonight as we always do on Wednesday...and it gets so frustrating when you don't know who has done what and they ask you what they can do and you wish you knew but you don't. I know it's gonna all turn out in the end, but the it's stressful when I have so much to do, so much on my mind, and my dad telling me I'm supposed to get home early cause no one else can watch my brothers, and his van doesn't work so he needs the car, I wanted to scream. Hilary has to be her usual self. You can't ever make her happy, she hates everything and "she doesn't care about anything" If she really doesn't care why does everything have to bug her so much...like today in drama she freaked out about the book cover of the book our teacher handed out. I don't know how anything can be happy when she has so many damned little things that she can't stand...way to many. And why she always has to act like I'm stupid when I say something, I don't understand...oh well, I guess I won't waste my time trying to get along with her if she's gonna act so mean towards me. She "doesn't care about anyone" anyways. So I want to talk to Sam, I was told he wanted to talk to me more about the whole breaking up with me thing, but he didn't know if I'd wanna talk to him. I think about him a lot..especially when it comes to times that I would usually spend hours talking on the phone with him or hanging out on the weekends between both of our work schedules...sometimes I just feel mad about the whole thing, other times I feel so upset. I haven't had as many people come up to me today as they were to tell me more bullshit about what he apparently told them....they all think they're fucking geniouses when it comes to my life. People apparently aren't smart enough to realize that I am really upset and don't want them constantly reminding me of all of it and trying to act like they know the whole story.

blah 3/26/2003 Everyday seems to go so slow. I'm in school right now, and once again am in economics sitting at the computer "checking" stocks for our stock portfolio project. I have a headache! It's one of those days where you don't know what mood you're in. You aren't pissed off or really happy...you just have a lot to think about and just feel like lounging around your house and doing absolutely nothing. Everyone seems to be going on about their usual activities around me while I try to figure out why it feels so weird to be here, and wonder what exactly I am thinking.

prom 3/23/2003 The prom was Saturday, I had a lot of fun. It was strange cause I found I was better of hanging out with different people than I had went with, (I went with my group of closest friends). I ended up finding a couple people to dance with and had a lot of fun, and it was nice to actually laugh and get my mind off things. I needed a different group of people to hang out with. I guess I had a lot more fun than some people, cause a lot of people said they got really bored or left early or something like that. After prom I went in the limo with a group of people, and we ended up all staying at Nikki's house. Prom night was the happiest I had felt in the last couple days, although I still have a lot I'm always thinking about in the back of my mind. Third Eye Blind "How's it gonna be" I'm only pretty sure that I can't take anymore Before you take a swing I wonder What are we fighting for When I say out loud I want to get out of this I wonder Is there anything I'm gonna miss I wonder How it's gonna be When you don't know me How's it gonna be When you're sure I'm not there How's it gonna be When there's no one there to talk to, between you and me 'Cause I don't care How's it gonna be How's it gonna be Where we used to laugh There's a shouting match Sharp as a thumbnail scratch A silence I can't ignore....

mind your own business 3/21/2003 It's so hard to deal with things that are already upsetting you when people act like they know your whole damned life story. People don't seem to understand that I don't like it when they come up to me and say by the way Sam broke up with because..or I heard this....or they said that....and if there's something I really should know why doesn't he tell me himself. It would hurt a whole lot less to hear everything from him than from 10 different people.

did not want this 3/20/2003 I was not ready to deal with what I had to deal with today. I wasn't even in school for 5 minutes and my boyfriend broke up with me. I know we haven't had much time to talk to each other the past couple weeks, but I really wished we could have talked first. It's so hard to have someone who's always been there for the past year and a half of your life suddenly decide they don't want to be with you. I was so upset I went home to try to relax, get some sleep, and just think. At first I was just so upset and in shock..and then a little confused. He told me we seem to be drifting apart and haven't really talked much lately. I wanted to have time to talk to him, but I couldn't think of what to say, plus we only had a couple minutes till class started (why couldn't he have done it after school when we could talk about things) He apparently had been planning on breaking up with me for a couple days before...he talked to some of my friends and they wondered why he didn't just tell me instead of talking to all these other people. I don't know what to do.

better mood 3/15/2003 Life has been better than it's been the last couple weeks. This year hasn't been what I hoped it would be. But, I did finally get my prom dress paid for...yay. It's nothing like what i would've imagined getting, but that's ok cause I do like this one. It's a dark reddish color-actually it says "wine" on the tag, so yeah. It does the one strap thing and it's a 2 piece with a decorated top and a bottom that isn't really poofy but it's not straight either. I even like it fits. yay. I went to the mall and ended up running into people I know but don't normally hang out with. I was nice to have a change of scenery and people. I left in a much better mood than I had started out in.

But I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell 2/27/2003 Sometimes people confuse me so much. Maybe they should figure out what they're really thinking before they try to talk to me. Other than that, it's been an ok day, I work tonight (yay for money and people that don't make me so confused) Matchbox 20 " Unwell " All day staring at the ceiling Making friends with shadows on my wall All night hearing voices telling me That I should get some sleep Because tomorrow might be good for something Hold on Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown And I don't know why [Chorus] But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know right now you can't tell But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see A different side of me I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired I know right now you don't care But soon enough you're gonna think of me And how I used to be...me I'm talking to myself in public Dodging glances on the train And I know, I know they've all been talking about me I can hear them whisper And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me Out of all the hours thinking Somehow I've lost my mind [Chorus] But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know right now you can't tell But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see A different side of me I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired I know right now you don't care But soon enough you're gonna think of me And how I used to be I've been talking in my sleep Pretty soon they'll come to get me Yeah, they're taking me away [Chorus] But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know right now you can't tell But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see A different side of me I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired I know right now you don't care But soon enough you're gonna think of me And how I used to be Yeah, how I used to be How I used to be Well, I'm just a little unwell How I used to be How I used to be I'm just a little unwell

too busy! 2/24/2003 How fun....I just want to go home and relax! It seems that there is something for me to do everyday, whether it's for school, work, friends, youth council, or whatever else seems to happen. I can't remember the last day I got to stay home and do absolutely nothing at all...or got to go straight home from school and just sit...no thinking involved what so ever! Tonight I have a guitar lesson right after school, and then I almost forgot that there's a dinner for youth council seniors tonight from 6:30 to like 9 something. I wonder if I'm supposed to dress up, maybe I should go in my pajamas and fall asleep in my food.

sick day 2/20/2003 I woke up feeling quite yucky...as i did last night. Hmm...i didn't go to school, and i slept till just a couple of hours ago. I have to go to work at 4...that's like 1/2 an hour away....maybe I can talk them into sending me home early if my head doesn't stop hurting. hmm..atleast I was able to keep something in my stomach today. I feel like limp spaghetti...lol that's the quote of the day. I guess I should find some kind of drugs to take so I can survive work. clog dancer and chile 2/19/2003 Hmm...just sitting around trying to find out prices for a limo for after the senior prom. I'm kinda not sure if I really want to go cause Sam said he doesn't have enough money to go. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Funny story Alissa, Hilary, Nikki, and I wrote in drama.... A clog dancer stroked his intestine while peering out the window of his Arabian condo, a wallaby knocked at the door. The clog dancer greeted the wallaby with a warm pot of spaghetti. Then they announced their excitement about their trip to Chile to see the super bowl. The airline pilot lands on top of the Arabian condo, her name was Rida I cantflywell. My colon is spastic from all the chile I ate in chile. They started to fly to Chile. Suddenly a parachuter landed on the plane. His name was lily. His second occupation was a lumberjack. He then pulls a cubed shirt out of his pocket. Finally they reach chile. The pilot landed on a herd of elephants. The quadruplet walked up to the super bowling linking arms and singing "we are off to see the superbowl" They walked into the distance. Suddenly you hear some one exclaim "Hey what's on my foot? I think I stepped on chile!...to be continued.

valentines day 2/14/2003 Wasn't the best day in the world, I was hoping to spend atleast part of the day with my boyfriend. I ended up going with him and his friend to the mall for a little while, but that's all. He worked in the evening, and I had a middle school dance to do for Youth Council-which ended up being a lot of fun. It didn't really feel like Valentines day though.

snowday 2/17/2003 More snow..even though I already had the day off from school, it always seems to happen that way. I'm ready for warm weather and sunny skies, but I guess for now there's more time to build snowmem (or atleast say you are going to..it takes to long) and go sledding on an air mattress, this time i wanna go down the big hill near my friend's house in big flats. That hill's fricken huge! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Things to do with a Brick! 10)Paperweight. 9)Go to a football game and chuck it at the opposing team. 8)Dress it up, give it a name, and call it your new best friend! 7)Find a few more bricks and build a shrine to Taco Bell. 6)Sell it out of state for a sales tax-free profit! 5)Sign it up for kindergarden and mark it down as a dependant on your taxes! 4)Take it to the movies. 3)Take it to dinner. 2)Have an affair with it. 1)Marry it. Things to do with SPAM (the meat)! 10)Try different flavors. 9)Make SPAMloaf. 8)Poke it, and watch it jiggle like Jello. 7)Talk to it like you do your pets. 6)Feed it to the neighbors dog that won't shut up. 5)Hand cans out to the kids at Halloween. 4)STOCKING STUFFERS! 3)Build a house from SPAM cans. 2)Name a band after it. 1)Slap the CEO of a bulk-emailing firm.

f#ck off 2/15/2003 I fricken hate people sometimes! I feel like there's like 3 people in the whole world that actually care about me at all....what's the point of acting like you're someone's friend if you're gonna talk shit about them behind their back? It makes me wonder if anyone would really give a shit if something happened to me....

Who will stop me now? 2/15/2003 Hola! What a long day. I've been up since 6:30 after my dad woke me up and I had to be at work at 7 am. I barely made it. Last night youth council worked at a dance at the middle school that we set up. I didn't have anything else to do since Sam was working, although I had planned on working at the dance anyways since I helped plan the whole thing and needed to be there since our advisor wasn't. I'm so happy, we got road runner and it's finally working. It's so much easier and faster.

slit my throat..Id apologiz 4 bleedn on ur shirt 2/10/2003 Today was a pretty good day for a monday. Plus it's a short week...I love 4 day weekends. I know Valentines day is Friday, which is definitely very close, but I still don't know what the heck to get my boyfriend. Anyone have suggestions? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Taking Back Sunday (good band!) "CUTE without the e (Cut from the team)" Your lipstick, his collar.. don't bother Angel I know exactly what goes on When everything you'll get is everything that you've wanted, princess (well which would you prefer) My finger on the trigger, or (me face down, down across your floor) Me face down, down across your floor (me face down, down across your floor) Well just so long as this thing's loaded And will you tell all your friends you've got your gun to my head This all was only wishful thinkin, this all was only wishful thinkin And will you tell all your friends you've got your gun to my head This all was only wishful thinkin, this all was only wishful thinkin let's go... Don't bother trying to explain Angel I know exactly what goes on when you're on and How about I'm outside of your window (how about I'm outside of your window) Watchin him keep the details covered You're such a sucker (you're such a sucker) for a sweet soft serenade And will you tell all your friends you've got your gun to my head This all was only wishful thinkin, this all was only wishful thinkin (the only thing I regret is that I, I never let you hold me back) And will you tell all your friends you've got your gun to my head This all was only wishful thinkin, this all was only wishful thinkin Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins I wil never ask if you don't ever tell me I know you well enough to know you never loved me (why can't i feel anything for anyone other than you) Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins I will never ask if you don't ever tell me I know you well enough to know you never loved me (why can't i feel anything for anyone other than you) Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins I will never ask if you don't ever tell me I know you well enough to know you never loved me And all of this was all your fault And all of this (I stay jealous) I stay wrecked and jealous for this, for this simple reason I just need to keep you in mind as something larger than life (she'll destroy us all before she's through and find a way to blame somebody else) I stay wrecked and jealous for this, for this simple reason I just need to keep you in mind as something larger than life (she'll destroy us all before she's through and find a way to blame somebody else) I stay wrecked and jealous for this, for this simple reason I just need to keep you in mind as something larger than life!

it's just orange juice! 2/9/2003 What and interesting day at work. This lady came in and ordered an orange juice. I went to get it for her and she started yelling at me. Only I couldn't understand a word she said because she was freaking out about something, talking really fast and in a squeaky voice. I finally figured out she was yelling because I had touched my face or something and she said "she didn't want me to touch my face and then touch her cup and I should clean off my hands.." So, I wiped my hands on a napkin and she freaked out, the only thing I understood was about soap...I went back and washed my hands while she stood up front trying to see to make sure i actually did wash them... then freaked out because I tried to use the wrong cup or something, and she made me get a cup from a different stack. Then she waited until i started taking another order to try to get a receipt. THen she made a manager call her a cab. She waited there for atleast 50 minutes that I was there, and was still waiting when I left. She used the pay phone and had to hold a napkin so she wasn't touching the phone, and when she was sitting down she kept giving the girl cleaning up tables really weird looks. how strange .... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I'm trying to talk to one of my friends, but she isn't really talking back...she's just giving me answers that are less than 3 words and seems like she doesn't want to talk to me. It upsets me cause she has seemed to be annoyed with me everytime I've been around her lately. I went to the mall with my dad, Tracey, and my brothers last night. My dad ended up leaving to go to work for a little while and then came back and took us home. While we were there we saw Hilary, Nikki, her sister, and Stacie. I felt kinda left out, or like I was just interupting them...they were laughing and talking about stuff that had happened at the mall that I couldn't talk to them about since I wasn't there before to know what was going on. I was really tired since I hadn't been home all day and I had first left my house at 8 in the morning, and it was like 8 at night when we were at the mall. Someone made a comment about me being upset and I should smile and not act so down all the time, but I really just felt kind of left out, but moslty was stuggling to keep my eyes open. GRR!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I think I might have found a prom dress...but I still need to look more. I found 2 that are blue...ones more of a turquoise, the other has more of a purple-ish tint to it. I don't know for sure which one to get though.

confusion..kill me now 2/6/2003 What a day...hmmm. I haven't been my usual happy self this week. Maybe it cause I am tired, haven't really been sleeping, the confusion of new classes with less friends in them, frustration caused by many people, and 10 million other things racing through my mind. Last night I felt really upset and just wanted to have someone to talk to, I really wish my boyfriend wasn't grounded. Once again damn parents. I have to go to work in a few minutes, guess I should actually get changed and go. Atleast its only a 4 hour shift, a lot easier than 8hrs.

cause all i can say..is that i hate u 2/5/2003 somedays i just feel like i'm on a roller coaster...and i don't know what damned mood i am in from one moment to the next. what a confusing day! Saves the DAy "Rocks Tonic Juice Magic" Let me take this awkward saw And run it against your thighs Cut some flesh away I'll carry this piece of you with me Because all I can say tonight is that I hate you But it would be all right If we could see each other sometime If I could somehow make you mine And if not I'll take my rusty spoons And dig out your blue eyes I'll swallow them down to my colon They're gonna burn like hell tonight Because you're beautiful Just not on the inside Light comes from within And your beaming eyes don't seem so bright My heart is on the floor Why don't you step on it? When I think of all the things you've done Boardwalks and breaking waves Made our Saturdays I'd buy you lemonade right now if you were here But then I'd throw it in your face And I'd listen to you cry And I'd remember how I miss our nights under ocean skies You and I are like when fire and the ocean floor collide.

rock & bowl 2/3/2003 I didn't go to bed till sometime around 4 this morning, and I woke up at 11:45 am to be very confused at first. I'm not home, I ended up going to Nikki's house with a couple other friends and spending the night after a rock & bowl. We had to go to the rock & bowl for Youth Council, and it was a lot of fun. I actually did better than I usually do . Today is the last day I have off from school because of finals and teacher conferences. It was nice to have a whole week off but I won't mind going back, I get kinda bored when we are off from school for awhile. I should go see if anyone else here is awake yet...

friday! 1/31/2003 Hola personas! It's FRIDAY!!! Usually I'd be really excited for Friday because it means no school for 2 days, but I'm already out of school, and I need to find something to do with some friends to stop the boredom. Friday's also good cause it means I get a paycheck. yay! I have to start saving the money though. I have to have $60 a month for guitar lessons and as much other money as I can for Florida. I can't wait to go to Florida...I never got to go before. That reminds me...Ihave to sell doughnuts. Krispy Kreme doughnuts to raise money for the trip. Hmm...I have a list of things to do today. Go to my aunt's, d laundry, pick up my check, go to the bank, clean up my room...and the list gets longer. Guess I should start by getting off the computer and out of my pajamas into some regular clothes. I enjoy day's where I can take my time waking up in the morning and lounge around my house for awhile. But, it it almost noon and have been awake for am hour or more, so I must go and get some stuff done.

busy day? 1/29/2003 I woke up around 10 this morning, it feel so nice not having school. I was scheduled to work 12 to 3 today. What a short shift. I never got out of work till 4 though. 2 people called off, and they couldn't get anyone else to come in till 4. I got to train someone for my first time working there. And 2 of the managers told me I was doing a good job before the girl I was training came in. All in all it was definitely one of my good work days. I went to the youth bureau for the usual youth council meeting. I'm the president so I'm supposed to have the agenda planned an stuff like that, but our youth council advisor was in a meeting so I couldn't talk to him about stuff to do at the meeting. No one even showed up on time, and a lot of people didn't even show up at all. I hope we get more people next week... we are planning to do a lock-in at our school in April. It's gonna be fun, but take awhile to plan. It's lasts all weekend, like a big guy-girl sleepover for highschoolers. We play games, have a dance, watch movies, do karaoke, and lots of other things. Everyone that's went before had a really fun time. We want to get lots of people from different schools. Other than that, life is pretty much the same. I have been unbelievably bored the last couple nights. I wish that my boyfriend's parents would let him do something for awhile... I really want to spend some time with him. Oh well, I am getting tired. I might just go watch tv for awhile and then go to sleep so I can get up around 9 tomorrow and get some stuff done. More later...

what to do? 1/28/2003 Hmm....it was nice to sleep in, although I didn't sleep past 9:30. Nikki and I wandered down to the school around 11, and I finished up my projects for scupture. I feel so much better knowing that I do not have to go back to the classes I've been in, and I don't have to worry about anymore work for them. It finally is starting to set in that the first sememster of my senior year is over. I really enjoy having only 5 class periods a day..even though they are 80 minutes. I would go crazy if I had the same schedule all year. I need the change. Hmm...my boyfriend just got online. He failed math and he's grounded till he gets the grade up. That really sucks....arg! I hate when parents have to do things like that. Dashboard is such a good band.... "Turpentine Chaser" This paint has been tasting of lead and their chips will fall as they may, but it's not just my finish that is peeling, and it is not alone fleeing these walls. Well sooner of later this cold it's gonna break and our hands will be warm again, but all I want is not to need you now. And sooner or later this cold it's gonna break and our words will be heard again, but all I want are vows of silence now. This turpentine chaser's got kick and the rag that it's soaked in is rich. The fumes aide the pace of my cleaning and as soon as I'm done I am gone. The frightening facts we've been facing our backs for so long now are begging for eyes to bear witness to lies and indifference. Now we're saying aloud the things we've declared in our silence. The new coats of paint will not reaquaint broken hearts to broken homes. "The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most" Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself, and covered with a perfect shell, such a charming beautiful exterior. This is one time that you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone or anyone at all. And the grave that you refuse to leave the refuge that you've built to flee the places you have come to fear the most. Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself, and hidden in the public eye. Such a stellar monument to loneliness. Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes and perfect makeup but you're barely scraping by.

hmm..... 1/28/2003 It's only been Tuesday for like 10 or so minutes....how fun. I won't say much now, just hi to everyone out there who feels like reading this. One of my bestest friends Nikki is over so we can be bored together instead of by ourselves. She's also my air mattress sledding buddy...by the way I wanted to tape that, but the battery wasn't charged...maybe I can get someone to take pictures and I can post them. It's so cold out rght now, even in my house. I actually have been thinking a lot about how I miss springtime since we started getting extremely cold temps...I want sunshine, and jacket weather!!!!! no more winter coat, waiting forever for the heat to warm up the car...especially when it frosts over on the inside for some odd reason. hmm...oh well, life is still good! Leave me a note to say hi, or im me sometime on aim at jdm0985. That's it for now, I'll try to leave a more interesting entry sometime soon!

boring day 1/25/2003 Just a saturday like every other saturday...get up early and go to work. I did enjoy going into work at 8 am instead of 6 am like I used to on Saturdays. I always wonder what the point is of McDonalds opening so early in the morning. Oh well. It was kinda a bad day at work. Nothing seemed to go right, and on top of that it was busy, with 2 buses in the afternoon, one right after the other. I was beyond tired, as I have been all week...always happens at the end of the marking period when I have so much to do, so being stressed out already didn't help much. Then a bunch of people decided we should go to the movies after work. I was anxious to do something that didn't involve working in any way, shape, or form...a movie would be nice. THen, went home from work...got a shower...got online...got in an arguement with a friend. AHHH!!! Stacie asked me if I was still going to the dinner, at first I didn't understand what she was talking about, then she reminded me I was signed up to work at a spaghetti dinner at the Moose club from 5-7pm. Dammit, I always remember crap, how did I forget? DAy getting worse.....blah! So.....what could I do? I didn't want to go to the dinner. Stacie kept telling me how mad the teacher will be blah blah blah....telling me how I shouldn't complain anymore about not having money for FLorida if I can't go to the dinner...why did she care so much if I went or not? That kinda made me mad....grr sometimes I wish people would mind their own fricken business. We never went to the movie anyways, I stayed home. No one went because one girl was supposed to call everyone and arrange a time to meet...she told everyone she'd call us back, then never did. Tomorrow should be better...I hope!

No school! 1/23/2003 It was so nice to have an unexpected "snow day" The one time when I didn't mind it being below zero! I had so much work to do to save myself from getting screwed over tomorrow when I have to show my art teacher all of my completed paintings and drawings to get a good grade in portfolio..this semester flew by, it's so weird to think tomorrow's the last day. Senioritis has definitely kicked in! I have been so lazy as far as doing any work...I should study some more for my North American Wildlife final...yuck!!! oh, and write a 3 page final exam essay about sculpture class (why an essay for art!!???) so much to do, no time to talk. damn.

Happy New Year!!! 1/1/2003 So tired!! But, I had a fun new year's "shindig." It was the "Shindig of a Nikki" we were a lot better than the dumb freshmen friends of Nikki's scary freshmen sister. They broke quite a few things...doors, vacume, computer monitor...food in the carpet, soda all over. We were the innocent people who just wanted to eat, relax, and laugh at movies, oh and jump around and yell "Happy New Year" stupidly for 5 minutes, then realizing...wow, we graduate in 2003...and wow, it IS 2003. How weird was that. We spent the early morning hours and afternoon after about 20 minutes of sleep and an hour or two of feeling tired and unable to sleep playing games to amused our beyond tired, half functioning minds. We played psychiatrst...i'm going to the beach...i'm thinking of something...(20 questions turned into 100 bajillion questions and still guessing) and anything else we could do to keep from dozing off. I drove home and tiredly fought to keep awake....eyes close....open...close...wakeup!...closing.. .closing... yawn..and I gave in to my tiredness. Later waking up to an ice storm..only I was too tired. All I knew was the lights flickered and it sounded like rocks raining on the roof. More sleep....

it's over! 1/24/2003 Today was the last day of the semester. Yay! Now I get to spend the next 10 days doing...something that doesn't require going to school. Well, except for Monday,but that's to finish an art project..but Sam will be there to keep me company,it's a lot better than being there by myself with no one to talk to. Wow, I need more hours or a new job. My dad justwrote a $725 check today so I can go on a Florida trip over spring break for school. I'm so happy... I never got to go to Florida, or go anywhere really. We'll be there for 5 days...I have to come up with money to pay my dad back...I must go somewhere and pick up some job applications. Applications...reminds me of the colleges aps I have to fill out,well atleast one. So much to do, and I cannot believe my senior year is almost over. Maybe I should go do something...play my guitar, sleep, find food, who knows...

turkey day eve 11/20/2002 Today was a wonderus day because of the fact that there was no school, and remains to be no school.... The thing I hate about no school is that I always hve somewhere to go, like today I went to the dentist. yuck, I hate the dentist. I wonder if they like to have people staring into their mouths and stick metal objects in their mouth.....or do they just enjoy being the one to put things in other people's mouths? Is my dentist his own dentist? Or does he have a dentist friend be his dentist while he is the other dentist's dentist. I really hate that word. But, I am happy to say I will never have wisdom teeth, making me a strange human being....I kinda like to be strange! My boyfriend had his wisdom teeth out today...he couldn't talk since his whole face was numb....I am so glad I'll never have to go through that surgery!

sledding on an air mattress 12/6/2002 The last couple days have been quite snowy for the boring town of Horseheads......I enjoy snow, it makes me happy and want to act like a kid again. I was talking to Nikki after school yesterday, and us nocabiggans came up with the great idea to sled down a hill on an airmattress. Hilary then added the fact that we could do this at her house..yay! a sledding party! Well, it was supposed to be right now, although things get complicted and people get confused, and our sledding party is to be rescheduled. Disappointed am I to know that I cannot go down a snowy hill on an airmattress this cold Friday night, and instead sit here telling anyone who will listen (or read for that matter) my stories of the stupid and pointless ideas my friends and I come up with. There will be some funny story after we try this, one that will probably only be funny for those that were actually there, but dammit I will tell you anyway....so HA! to be continued when the airmatress flies out from under the twisted people that tried to ride it down a hill..........I must go ponder other ways to sled down a hill, or atleast pretend to be pondering....... away message: be back later, busy pondering something, although I am not sure what

Halloween 10/31/2002 I enjoyed Halloween very much this year. Wednesday night after Youth Council Stacie, Nikki and I decided to buy pumpkins and stuff to carve them with. We went to the dollar store and bought masks which we wore around school on Halloween to see how many weird looks we could get. After school on Halloween a bunch of people came over and we carved pumpkins, watched a movie, went to the mall and bought costumes, and we went trick or treating. The people were actually nice about giving us candy even though we were all "too old" It was nice to just enjoy the day and hang out. It really got me into the holiday season, and I am quite excited for Christmas this year.

the nocab series continues..... 10/19/2002 SWFanCody: ahh Jdm0985: my cat was on the keyboard SWFanCody: did ya swat at it? Jdm0985: no, i picked it up Jdm0985: and moved it Jdm0985: brb SWFanCody: poor cat Jdm0985: poor cat.... Jdm0985: sure... Jdm0985: poor me SWFanCody: easy way to solve that problem yunno Jdm0985: i am attempting to organize a mcdonalds crew jobhunting party Jdm0985: is....? Jdm0985: is what to solve the problem? SWFanCody: i can hear the distant sounds of an orchestra Jdm0985: oh no SWFanCody: theres a violin solo Jdm0985: ahhh SWFanCody: oh wiat Jdm0985: and then... SWFanCody: the string broke Jdm0985: damn. SWFanCody: the need a replacement quick! Jdm0985: but not quick enough Jdm0985: they use nocab Jdm0985: tis quicker than the average bacon Jdm0985: and the solo continues Jdm0985: until... Jdm0985: one fat guy at the fire dept causes a huge distraction SWFanCody: ??? Jdm0985: and that damn siren goes off because he ate the wrong bacon Jdm0985: and he dripped bacon grease once again SWFanCody: lol Jdm0985: and the world came to and end SWFanCody: the end SWFanCody: :-D Jdm0985: all because of the violin string breaking and some non-nocab bacon Jdm0985: moral of the story: Jdm0985: always use NOCAB SWFanCody: so dont use a cab? Jdm0985: exactly Jdm0985: use nocab Jdm0985: but not a cab SWFanCody: ok SWFanCody: i hope i can remember that Jdm0985: i don't know, it is a challenge SWFanCody: i'll just bash my head into a wall until its not a challenge anymore SWFanCody: O:-) Jdm0985: that will most definitely.... Jdm0985: not work SWFanCody: y not? Jdm0985: but.. SWFanCody: its already starting too SWFanCody: :-P Jdm0985: you could try eating nocab while beating your head against a wall Jdm0985: and singing row row row your boat at the same time SWFanCody: egh Jdm0985: while doing the hokey pokey SWFanCody: sounds like to much work Jdm0985: damn. Jdm0985: or you could just ... eat cake SWFanCody: cake! SWFanCody: it'd beat the dinne i had SWFanCody: i want cake now Jdm0985: what'd you eat SWFanCody: damn you Jdm0985: i have chocolate cake SWFanCody: 2 bites of absolute crud they were serving Jdm0985: with vanilla frotsting SWFanCody: ranks as one of the worst meals of my life Jdm0985: what was their suggestive idea of what this crud could represent? SWFanCody: they called it riblets, but there were no bones, it was all just reprocessed and shaped like a rack of riblets Jdm0985: eww Jdm0985: that is really gross SWFanCody: and usualy the eggplant parmesan is pretty good SWFanCody: but this was just mush Jdm0985: i feel sorry for you SWFanCody: and the milk machines didnt wanna work SWFanCody: and there is no desert table on the weekened Jdm0985: none...but it's the weekend Jdm0985: damn them! SWFanCody: so all i had for desert was a pt bttr and sugar cookie SWFanCody: 2 different cookies Jdm0985: wow... Jdm0985: you need cake now SWFanCody: the worst meal they've served here SWFanCody: i do SWFanCody: bring me some Jdm0985: i will squish it through the computer SWFanCody: please? SWFanCody: O:-) Jdm0985: but then it might look like the mush they serve Jdm0985: one day i will have hilary help me bake a cake Jdm0985: and we will drive Jdm0985: until we find you Jdm0985: and we will force you to eat it Jdm0985: and then we will run away and make pancakes SWFanCody: lol SWFanCody: if you wanna come to utica Jdm0985: that would be entertaining SWFanCody: i'd be thrilled Jdm0985: party! SWFanCody: party! Jdm0985: how long's the drive? SWFanCody: 2.5 hours SWFanCody: we had a party in here last night SWFanCody: i plan on harassin her the next time i talk to her

poem 10/19/2002 Where Did You Go? Where did you go, What did I do? We were so close Now I hardly know you. I remember being friends You always seemed to care. Then you disappeared And now you're never there. I wish that we could talk again So I could let you know That I am always here for you No matter how things go. But until then I have to wait, While slowly going crazy Not knowing what to think, Wishing you would tell me Where you went, And what I've done.

lounging on a monday 10/14/2002 I forgot how nice it is to have a day off from school and do absolutely nothing. This, and the fact that it's really cold out makes me miss summer. Day after day of doing whatever I wanted, and not worrying about school. One of my favorite bands is Nirvana, and it makes me happy that on mtv2 that's all they are playing today. Haha to all those annoying rappers they usually waste the day on. I can't wait until I can play guitar, I go to my first lesson tomorrow.

more bacon....and sAUSAGE! 10/14/2002 the convo about bacon continues...but don't forget sausage! SWFanCody: bacon! Jdm0985: bacon sounds good Jdm0985: i have bacon in my freezer Jdm0985: the hassle is cooking it SWFanCody: go have frozen bacon SWFanCody: ??? Jdm0985: i just woke up, and i feel the need to go back to sleep soon SWFanCody: ok Jdm0985: i am so damn tired, and this headache wont go away SWFanCody: what is the hassle? Jdm0985: making bacon SWFanCody: go sleep Jdm0985: i will... Jdm0985: i have to reclaim my bed Jdm0985: my cat and her 2 kittens are taking it SWFanCody: ... i'm sure its been invaded by germans SWFanCody: well go storm the beaches SWFanCody: turn the tides of war! SWFanCody: and march on! SWFanCody: some of us may not survive! SWFanCody: but the bed... SWFanCody: will... SWFanCody: be ... SWFanCody: RETAKEN!!!! Jdm0985: ~screams of victory Jdm0985: and then i say.... Jdm0985: dammit it's too much work, i'll collapse on the couch Jdm0985: it's only 3 feet away Jdm0985: damn fire siren SWFanCody: HEY IF WE COULDNT A TAKN NORMANDY SWFanCody: I'M SURE THEY WOULDA COMPROMISED AT DAYTONA Jdm0985: hmm... Jdm0985: why does the fire siren always go off so early SWFanCody: some fat guy fell asleep on the button Jdm0985: lol, damn him Jdm0985: he should eat BACON SWFanCody: and the drooling on te panel shorts it out Jdm0985: or maybe stop eating so much SWFanCody: plus the grease from the bacon Jdm0985: yeah...it's a horible situation Jdm0985: the sad side of what bacon can do Jdm0985: unless you eat nocab bacon, it's better SWFanCody: and no cab can get stuck inbetween the keys SWFanCody: so either way its dangerous Jdm0985: he must do the dreaded task Jdm0985: and stop eating bacon Jdm0985: i like bacon SWFanCody: baaaaaaaaacon SWFanCody: real baaaaaaaaaacon Jdm0985: i bet sausage feels extremely left out SWFanCody: nah SWFanCody: i eat sausage anytime i get the chance SWFanCody: it rocks Jdm0985: yeah Jdm0985: but it's not as fun as saying bacon SWFanCody: egasuas Jdm0985: lol Jdm0985: that is interesting SWFanCody: and fun to try and say Jdm0985: yeah Jdm0985: especially when i am half asleep SWFanCody: e gah soo ass Jdm0985: lol Jdm0985: i just remembered, we have cheese and sausage pizza in the fridge SWFanCody: well go eat one Jdm0985: i will Jdm0985: after i sleep more SWFanCody: go sleep SWFanCody: i gotta drink a quick breakfast and go to class at 10 Jdm0985: ok, goodbye for now SWFanCody: ttyl Jdm0985: liquid bacon Jdm0985: yuck Jdm0985: ttyl SWFanCody: vaporized no cab SWFanCody: ttyl Jdm0985: bye SWFanCody: bye

BACON 10/13/2002 this is a convo i had onlin with cody, hilary, and stacie...about bacon ewww SWFanCody: i need medication Smiley132132: like hilary this morning and the sausage Jdm0985: bacon hater SWFanCody: i shall also brb SonIc earpLugS: lol Jdm0985: omg SonIc earpLugS: i let cody eat my sausage Jdm0985: sausage? Jdm0985: lol Jdm0985: wow Smiley132132: ya Jdm0985: i don't need to know this SonIc earpLugS: lol SWFanCody: it was quite tasty when mixed with eggs Jdm0985: lol Jdm0985: lmao SonIc earpLugS: ohhh eewww Jdm0985: wow SonIc earpLugS: that sounds so gross!! Smiley132132: she said it at the breakfast talbe in fornt onf my family SWFanCody: and those were good peppers Jdm0985: lol SonIc earpLugS: and potatos SonIc earpLugS: Po-tay-toes Jdm0985: BACON Smiley132132: lol SonIc earpLugS: lol Jdm0985: baaaaaayyyyyccccckkkkkooooonnnnn SonIc earpLugS: MOOOOO SonIc earpLugS: lmfao Jdm0985: lmfgdao SonIc earpLugS: ahh.. u had me laughing so hard over that stupid joke Smiley132132: po-tay-toes and no caB Bacon Jdm0985: stacie do you understand nocab now? SonIc earpLugS: but for real... cd time! Jdm0985: no Smiley132132: yeah Jdm0985: bacon time Smiley132132: cd Jdm0985: lets make a cd Jdm0985: about bacon Smiley132132: romio and julet cd Smiley132132: burn it for me Jdm0985: good..you scared me....no one else had toask about nocab Jdm0985: umm..hilary needs to give me my nin cd Smiley132132: well i didn't realy think about it SWFanCody: i want a new cd Jdm0985: lol SWFanCody: one that wont make me sick SWFanCody: one that wont quack all night Jdm0985: like what Smiley132132: the piano cd!!!!!!! hilary i want it SonIc earpLugS: back SWFanCody: one that'll clean my room Jdm0985: lol..umm should i dare ask Jdm0985: what quacks? SWFanCody: one that wont stay out late SonIc earpLugS: lol SWFanCody: one that'll teach me how to swim SWFanCody: and show me how not to drown! Jdm0985: and eat nocab with you? SonIc earpLugS: i wanna borrow ur cd cody SWFanCody: or i'll tie it up with duck tape! SonIc earpLugS: the one u left Smiley132132: don't drown SonIc earpLugS: herhe SonIc earpLugS: er.. here Jdm0985: ducT Jdm0985: duck Jdm0985: q Jdm0985: u Jdm0985: a Jdm0985: cc SWFanCody: yeah sure hil take it Jdm0985: k Jdm0985: m Jdm0985: o Jdm0985: o Smiley132132: h SWFanCody: moo Jdm0985: quackmoo Smiley132132: e Smiley132132: e SonIc earpLugS: i shall go steal it from ur house Smiley132132: h Smiley132132: a SonIc earpLugS: lol Smiley132132: w SonIc earpLugS: mooooo SWFanCody: go now Jdm0985: mooooo SWFanCody: go SWFanCody: go on Jdm0985: quack SWFanCody: get Smiley132132: heeee haw Jdm0985: go on...quack SonIc earpLugS: i think u drugged me last night Jdm0985: you can do it SWFanCody: you only wanted me cd! SonIc earpLugS: because i found too much humor out of that joke Jdm0985: lol this is the funniest convo Jdm0985: ahhhhh Jdm0985: bacon Jdm0985: bacos Smiley132132: mooooooooo SonIc earpLugS: lol Jdm0985: aka little bacons Smiley132132: wheres the baby?? Jdm0985: or little bacon Jdm0985: like herd of cow Jdm0985: or horse Jdm0985: plural Jdm0985: little bacon SonIc earpLugS: no.. horse sounds better with the s at the end Smiley132132: wait everyone stop!!!!! SonIc earpLugS: but.. cow doesnt Smiley132132: wheres the baby? SonIc earpLugS: so the plural of cow should be cow Jdm0985: shut up hilary SonIc earpLugS: AAHHH!! SWFanCody: cows SonIc earpLugS: lol SonIc earpLugS: cow Smiley132132: ahhhhhhhhhh Jdm0985: and the plural of hilary should be poop SonIc earpLugS: lol SonIc earpLugS: that it should be Smiley132132: wheres the baby cody??? SonIc earpLugS: more than one hilary in a room cant be much better than a pile of poop Jdm0985: lol Jdm0985: you got it sparky Jdm0985: poop Smiley132132: home alone Smiley132132: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Jdm0985: home alone Jdm0985: ? SonIc earpLugS: ahh!! SonIc earpLugS: hehehe Jdm0985: ahh SonIc earpLugS: that was so cute Jdm0985: screams in the distance Smiley132132: hehe Smiley132132: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhSWFanCody: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee SonIc earpLugS: lol not at school 10/10/2002 Right now I should be at school sitting in portfolio class working on a charcoal drawing. Obviously I am not. I am here and feel like crap. (here being home) And to think, tomorrow is the day I am supposed to miss, as so many people make a huge deal out of the first friday before a wonderful 3 day weekend (which I must work everyday of...) just because it's senior skip day. Well damn....I wouldn't have been able to skip anyways, there's too much crap I must deal with already and whenever I miss a day of school, I fall behind....even with 3 art classes. hmm....I did miss a test in North American Wildlife today, darn. I need to sleep for awhile and then study for it so I can make it up tomorrow. My brain feels like mush right now, I have no clue about anything but the fact that I am home, it's quiet, and I can fall asleep for as long as I want. Well, till tomorrow morning anyway. My head feels as though though the roof is resting on it, or maybe I am balancing a hippopotamus on it, I must be pretty talented if I can do that and not even know. Everything seems so weird when I am tired, although maybe everything was weird in the first place. I must give in to my overwhelming tiredness before I fall asleep and cause myself to imprint computer keys on my forehead. 10/7/02 10/7/2002 It's weird to have the time to sit down and write in this thing, I have been so busy between work, school, play practice, youth council....and who knows what else. Plus my computer was not working for awhile and wouldn't let me online, but as you can tell it's obviously fixed. My birthday was the 28th of last month, I got a nice new shiny red acoustic guitar. It makes me happy. I also have $ to get some lessons, which makes me 10 times happier. ALthough I still do not feel any older, just as tired as before, and so confused and busy my head spins. And I know being senior year I'm supposed to be doing all this college crap, but I just don't want to!!!! ARG! I might as well skip all the hassle and start at Corning Community, then I can move on after I am more sure of what I want to do...I don't even know how the heck to pay for college yet. SAT'S....ACT's....too much work, but i must retake sat's and atleast try the act's sometime the next month. guidance counselors bug me, I don't have all the time in the world to look at colleges and visit them and blaah blah blah. I must cut myself short from complaining for now and eat, for dinner is finally ready......cheese is good

lounging around my house 9/24/2002 Today has been one of those days that is great, although is definitely not the greatest. Guess it's just kinda in the middle. I didn't have anything happen to frustrate or upset me (yet) and have not had a very interesting or busy day either. It was actually quite nice. Lately it has been very unusual to find me home afterschool just lounging around my house. Today..I was amazed at the fact that the only thing I had to do was take my boyfriend home, and then wander back (well drive) to my house and collapse on the couch and just enjoy blasting music and singing along. I used to hate day after day after day of going to school..coming home...blah blah blah...homework...sleep, I never had anything to do. Now it's work, youth coucil, school, friends, mall, play practice......and the list continues, and now instead of wanting more to do, I find myself wishing for more free time! I shall go now, and see if my mom is here...she had visitation today, although I didn't go, but my brothers did, and they should come home anytime now. i want to go somewhere.......far away 9/21/2002 What a day. I am ready to sleep, yet at the same time all I wanna do is go somewhere, on a major road trip. I was happy to get my license in the first place, now I want my night license too...it's not always easy to do things when you cannot go anywhere after 9pm. I just wanna get a bunch of friends together and go on a road trip, it would be so fun. A bunch of my friends had a colorguard competition today, I hope they won. I plan on traveling with them for their last competition at the domes. Tonight at work I burnt my arm. It hurts so bad, and there are three humongous blisters. I was trying to take a basket of fries out of the oil vat and it slipped and splashed on my arm. They were gonna let me out early, but I didn't leave till my usual time since I need the hours to get the money. Oh well..darn. hmm..I think I really want to learn how to play the guitar..and the piano..and a milion other instruments...... one of the best bands in the world is dashboard confessional, I have some of their songs in my head. I want to be able to play their songs on the guitar, as well as many of my other favorite bands. I guess I will do that someday. But for now I am tired and falling asleep...an early night for me! A Quiet Saturday 9/21/2002 Not much has happened today. I got up around 10 and drove over to my friend's house so we could try to sell magazines for school. They need to find a better thing to sell if they want the senior class to ever raise money. We didn't get one order, and the turn in date is Tuesday. I need to sell $413 worth of mags if i want to make quota and get my cap and gown, yearbook, and prom ticket free..plus other prizes. I'll probably only make half that, which bugs me... I have to go to work in just 2 hrs. Working at McDonalds isn't the best job in the world, but it's money, and it's not nearly as bad as everyone makes it out to be if you're just a cashier like me. I work 4pm to 9pm tonight and then tomorrow I'm off to try desparately to sell these magazines. I also have play practice tonight, as I have succeeded in getting a part, although not a very big one....at least it's something, and I can try out for the play in the spring as well. I really want to spend some time with my boyfriend, but it's hard to when we both work..then there's school, and then a million and one other things to do in the world. *yawn* I am tired, and I don't dare fall asleep in fear that I will not listen to my alarm clock and end up late for work. The day seems so short when work takes up the whole evening... Hmm...what do I want for my birthday? That is the main question I have been asked numerous times in the last week. This is only normal since my birthday is the 28th of this month. Only 1 week away. I will be 17.hmm...i have to go and find something to do, I should call my boyfriend and get some cleaning done around the house, so adios.