Xanga
Hey I have a new xanga blog..check it out http://www.xanga.com/x0finding_beauty0x

Plan
Mood:  irritated
To keep myself insipred, I'll keep mini pictures of how I want to look in my "calorie-count notebook" that I carry with me always. Whenever I'm feeling "hungry" I'll look at them to stay motivatated. Awesome. I just have to remember to take out that notebook every time I eat and not just at the end of the day to record stuff.

Plan
Mood:  irritated
To keep myself insipred, I'll keep mini pictures of how I want to look in my "calorie-count notebook" that I carry with me always. Whenever I'm feeling "hungry" I'll look at them to stay motivatated. Awesome. I just have to remember to take out that notebook every time I eat and not just at the end of the day to record stuff.

WTF
Mood:  accident prone
I AM SUCH A FAT LOSER! How is it that after over 2 weeks of being so disgusting, all I can do is eat? I keep telling myself that I'm not going to eat for the rest of the week or the month or whatever and nothing ever changes (except the size of my ASS). I'm going to have to resort to somthing a lit more drastic...like with consequences if I can't get to a decent weight be not eating....I'm pretty sure I'm 120 pounds..that TEN FUCKING POUNDS since christmas...I'm such a fatty I can't get over it. This girl at my school makes me hate myself even more because besides being GORGEOUS she has freaking pins for legs and her face has gotten a lot thinner lately...bitch....Today at school was terrible because I KNEW I'd gained weight lately but I dragged myself there anyway. This girl is TINY and she makes me feel AWFUL about myself. And I just realized that if so many people noticed when I lost that 20 pounds before, they sure as hell are going to notice 10 pounds of fat hanging around my ass and taking over my face....I'm so disgusting. I wish I could just disapear for a month or however long I need to lose this weight..at least so I can get back to 110. If I could just be 110 by February 1st I would be ESTATIC!! Then, picture day at school is the second week in February so that means I have until the 14th to try and lose at least another 5 pounds. hey, how hard can that be..really? I know I keeo saying that, but I am going to figure out a way for me to stick to my plan.

I am not going to eat anything over the weekend.

Ughh fine I'll write something
Mood:  blue
So here is my goal...At the very least I have to lose 5 pounds by the end of this month. I would love love love to get down below that..like 108 or 105..but I don't know what is wrong with me that I can't lose anything as of this week. So...tomarrow will be Wednesday the 18th? Wow yeah that should be plenty of time to at least get rid of five pounds...:-/ gross I am such a tub of lard right now. Me and my sister are going to keep eachother accountable for not eating anything when we get home from school(which is my problem) so that should cut out "bingeing" alltogether because that's when it starts for me--after school). Wish me luck because I need to be in shape by Valentine's day bc guy or no guy nobody wants to be the fattest one at those parties!
Cheers to a week of lots of water and excersise!

Blobbbb
I am such a fatty

FYI
K so false alarm from a couple days ago: I'm not 120 pounds (thank goodness) but I'm very sure i'm not 110 anymore. But, after this week I'll be on my way to an acceptable weight..my ass is sooo disgusting :-/

Ewww
Okay so Sunday was good..I ate nothing except a cup of coffee the whole day..then today...ugh I ate soo much because we had a girls night and I must've eaten 3000 calories. But, it's good because I'm not eating for the rest of the week. Me and some girls from school are all dieting together and then at the end of the month(or however long it takes) we're gonna go shopping for new clothes..yay! So...I'm gonna drink a loottt of water and things to detox all that saturated fat and such from my gross body...ttyl

gross
I am so fat I disgust myself. Have you ever sat down and realized that your thighs seem to take up the whole chair? I'm sitting on my legs right now and they are HUGE!! I don't even recognize them anymore from like a month ago when I was running up to twice a day....I want the tone back and all this fat to goo awwayy!!!

Gaingin this weight is doing nothing to bring me out of the isolation I've found myself in lately. When I was 115 after a day or two of bingeing, I would not go out until all that excess was burned off. Now, at 120 pounds, I want to die. What's worse all my friends ecpect me to be skinny still. They never see me eat either, so it's gonna be extra shocking to them to see me this tuesday when I go back to school and I'm like 10 pounds heavier (if that's how much i really weigh and not all water/food weight). That's why I'm going to work out at least once a day and not eat anything..I'll drink a ton of water/tea and coffee occasionally, but no food. Because once I start eating I won't stop....