Daniel drove home completely immersed in deep driver’s hypnosis. He didn’t remember a thing he saw and, oddly enough, a thing he thought. He parked quickly yet neatly and went straight into his room without knowing if his parents were home or not. He closed the door and began pacing the hard wood floor heavily.

The dream was of him in college. The dream was about him wanting to meet a boy who slept with other boys. The dream was about him staring at the boy. The dream, for the love of God, was of him kissing a boy!! How could he wake up with happy tears? How could he wake up feeling like everything in his life was right and had fallen into place? How could he still want to be back in that dream?

Something’s wrong, thought Daniel as he sat on his bed. Something’s seriously wrong with me. I’m not gay, no. I’m not. I’ve never thought about a guy, I’ve never even looked at one. Okay, so I notice when guys happen to look good, but that’s mostly out of envy…right? Of course I’m right. But what if I’m not? What if I was looking at them and wanting them? No, because then…good Lord, help me!

He laid down on his back. He was suddenly exhausted. His mind had been racing since the incident 15 minutes ago and counting. But he was too restless to even think about closing his eyes. He got up and began pacing. He began shaking a bit and he felt cold, yet he was sweating. He knew the signs, so he went for the medicine cabinet.

He couldn’t find any diazepam, but he did find Benedryll that he took for his horrific allergies during the night. These put him out better than any sleeping pill ever could. He was on his way into shock and he wasn’t about to just let it happen. Sure, it would give him some down time, but how would he explain it to Aiden?

Aiden!

He left Aiden standing there confused at the mall! Congratulations, Daniel! He hit himself over the head and fell on the bed again.

Ok. This is ridiculous. It was just a dream. It was all a simple, ghastly, disgusting, unimportant, inconsequential, slightly good, great, wonderful, intoxicating, passionate dream that he would kill to have again!

He laid face down in his pillow and let out a horrible scream, where he remained, and fell asleep.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

He woke with a start. Had he dreamt? He couldn’t remember. But his cell phone was ringing. He stumbled around in his pocket to get it and quickly answered, his voice deep and cracked,

“Hello?”

“Dan?” said the voice from the other line.

“Yeah? Sarah, hi.” He tried to clear his throat without sounding like he just woke up.

“You just woke up, didn’t you?” she accused.

“No,” his voice cracked. He tried to talk deeper, “No, no. Um…yeah, I did.”

“It’s 2:00 PM!” she yelled, “What have I told you about…”

“Ok, Sarah. I woke up earlier, but I was just…laying down.”

There was a small pause. Please don’t let her realize something’s wrong like she always does, Daniel prayed.

“You hate naps. What’s wrong?”

Damn.

“Nothing, I was just tired.” Hope she doesn’t know I’m lying like she always does.

“I know you’re lying,” she said stiffly. She’s not breaking, Daniel concluded. She never does.

“Fine, alright. I just had a scare, is all.”

“Tell me.” She sounded concerned.

“I, er…Can I meet you somewhere?”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sarah and Daniel went way back; back to elementary school. She was always the smart one in the class. Always the first one with her hand raised, always the first in the class. Sarah Britain, Class President since sophomore year of high school and going out with a bang as the Student Body President. She would be attending private Christian school in LA, and she would also be leaving in a couple days. She was way too excited about school, Daniel often told her.

Daniel sat nervously at a juice shop. He was anxious to get this out in the open. Throughout the entire drive to the shop, he kept looking around the streets and in other cars to see if he could find him; the boy from his dream. As he walked to the shop from the parking lot, he kept thinking he saw him, but it was just some other kid. He thought eh could hear him with every voice that spoke, but it was just his mind. He was going crazy, and he knew if he didn’t just come out and tell someone, he would crack.

He ordered a drink for Sarah and himself, which were being made. Why did they always take so long?

Sarah showed up just as Daniel returned to the bar that faced the windows with the drinks.

“Oh, thanks!” said Sarah. She took a sip. Refreshing Peenya Kolada.

“So,” she started as though she were in one of her all-too important meetings, “what’s this about?”

Daniel took a deep breath. It was nothing, so there’s no harm in telling her about it. Right?

“Ok,” started Daniel. Bad way to start. Try again. “So, funny thing…um…” Funny thing? Come on. “Here’s the thing…”

“Daniel, what is the thing?”

“Here’s the thing!” He said compulsively. Spit it out, you idiot. Out with it!

“I had a dream,” he said quickly, and waited for a response. She just looked at him.

“And?” she said.

What, she wants more? What’s she doing to me? Okay, here we go.

“Ok, so, I had a dream. It was a really good dream. I…I really liked it, but I don’t think I should have. I don’t think I was supposed to look back on it and smile. I woke up feeling like everything was right…but now everything is…not right.”

“What did you dream about?” asked Sarah. She was analyzing. She was making a sincere effort to help. She will help, thought Daniel. Just tell her the rest and things will be fine.

“It was about me…meeting someone.”

“Great!” said Sarah. “It’s about time you got over what’s-her-face!”

Daniel didn’t look happy. Sarah noticed.

“But that’s not it, is it?”

“Well, that’s it, but it’s not.”

“To the point, Daniel. If you want help, I need to know everything.”

“Alright, it was with a boy!” he said in a harsh whisper. Sarah’s face dropped. Oh my, she thought.

“Oh,” she said quietly, “I see.”

“But I don’t like guys, you have to understand that,” he tried to clarify. Oh Hell, he thought, I said I just had a wonderful dream with a boy and I’m saying I don’t like boys at the same time.

“But you just said you liked the dream,” she protested.

“I know…I did…but I don’t like the idea of it,” he explained.

Sarah’s face softened.

“Daniel,” she said, reaching for his arm, “I don’t care if you’re gay or straight. I just care that you’re happy.”

“Thanks. But I’m not gay…and I’m not happy.”

“Ok,” she said, sounding determined, “start from the beginning. Tell me exactly what happened.”

And he told her. He told her about the random friend, the hotel lobby, the long hallway, his dorm, and then him going into the boy’s room.

“I opened the door and went in,” he said, looking out the window, not seeing the parking lot, but seeing the dream again unfold. He was unconsciously smiling as he talked and had a faint twinkling in his eye. Sarah smiled at him.

“I opened the door and went in,” he said, “and it was just like my room, except there was a loft. I heard his voice tell me to come in coldly. I closed the door. I told him I wanted to meet him, and his voice immediately softened. I climbed the ladder to the loft, and there he was. He had slightly curly, dirty blonde hair and the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. And he smiled at me; I’ll never forget the smile. And we just stared at each other for a long time. And then we kissed.” He chuckled a bit, his smile broadening, “We kissed! And I loved it.” Then his smile faded, his heart sank, and he spoke absently, “And I loved him.”

He blinked, and he was out of the dream again. Back to reality. Back to the nightmare.

He turned to Sarah. “I loved him,” he repeated. Sarah looked crestfallen at him, “Sarah, I’ve never liked guys like this before, and now I love this boy. I love him, and I’ve never even met him.” His eyes showed that he was a million miles away again as he looked passed her. He looked so sad and hopeless. “And I probably never will.”

“Oh, Daniel,” she said softly after a brief period of silence, “you don’t know that. You’re only 18, you have so much time. Besides, you don’t know if you love him or not. You were never one to use that word so liberally.”

“I know. So when I say it, then it should mean something serious,” he said matter-of-factly. “And it does. I’m completely intoxicated with this…this boy,” he said in disgust. “It’s horrible just to think it.”

“But you feel complete when you do,” she said understandingly. He simply nodded. He seemed so young when he was in such emotional torment.

“Daniel, I wish I knew what to tell you,” she said, “but there’s nothing you can really do. Thinking about it obviously kills you, so your best bet for a happy existence is to forget about him. Don’t think about him.”

“Ok,” he said, preparing for rebuttle, “then don’t think about college.”

She sat for a moment. Her eyes darted around, then she exasperated, “Ok, bad idea. You can’t say don’t think about it and not think about it.”

“So what do I do?” asked Daniel, sad again. He rested his head in his arms on the table. “How do I get rid of him?”

“You don’t,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry, Daniel. He’s here to stay.”