I just thought this was fuckin hilarious, so i decided to post it.
Suicide isn't so bad, give it a chance.
Thinking about suicide but you're not sure if it's the right thing to do? Here are some tips to
help you decide whether or not killing yourself is a good choice:
1. Do you live at home but your parents are always making you clean your room and do your
homework? It's a sure sign that they don't love you and that they want you to kill yourself.
Why else would they make you clean your room? What are they going to do next, ground
you? Make you wear braces? Don't kid yourself, the message is clear.
2. If you just got out of a bad relationship and you feel like things are never going to get
better; you're right. Everyone knows that suicide is the only option, stop procrastinating.
Look on the bright side, at least your ex will feel guilty for a couple of minutes--but don't
count on it.
3. Depressed? Don't have any friends? I guess nobody told you, but being depressed and
feeling lonely isn't normal. Everyone else is happy, and has lots of friends so there must be
something wrong with you. Put the prozac away, what you need is rat poison.
4. Spill a drink at a party? Drop a plate of food in a restaurant? Nobody else has to live with
that kind of embarrassment; you know what you have to do.
5. Flunked out of college? Don't know algebra? Here's a question you should know the
answer to: Flunked out of college + Don't know algebra = Time for _____. Chances are you
still don't know the answer, so here's a hint: it starts with an 's' and ends in 'uicide'.
6. Traffic jam? Sometimes bad luck isn't a coincidence. Do you really want to sit in traffic for
another half hour? Look on the bright side, if you're a viking you'll be going to Valhalla. Then
again, you're probably not, but eternal damnation in hell is probably the next best thing.
7. Telemarketers keep calling? It's easier to hang yourself than to get rid of a telemarketer,
am I wrong? If you're lucky, Home Depot might be having a sale on rope. After all, you don't
want to die letting people think you weren't frugal.
8. Flu? You realize that there's no cure for the flu, right? Well, no cure that doesn't involve
painting the wall with your brains.
9. Flat tire? Do I have to spell it out for you?
10. College application get rejected? Take the hint.
Hope you found this guide helpful, mention it in your suicide note. On second thought, why
bother? Nobody will read it.