What do you do?
Now Playing: actually a late post
What do you do whien it backfires?
Something that's woven in such a beutiful & complicated pattern
Falls appart.

What do you do when it didn't happen to you?
But someone you care about
And someone you love?

Now they're apart
And you're in a whirl of confusion

What do you do?


What do you do when you're being torn in two directions?
Help your friend
Or jump at the chance?

What do you do when you're so unsure
About what to do
And who for?

You're so wrapped up in their problem
You forget your own.

You Know it'll work out in the end
But you're still worried.

What do you do?


I don't know
So I'm asking for help
From you.

So...

What do you do?

Young And Lost

She looks at the mirror
She looks at the blade

Tears stream down her face
As she thinks of today

About how her mother screamed at her so loud
And all she wanted was to make her proud

She used to be so perfect
Her will so strong

She doesn't know exactly
Where she went wrong

"You're a horrible child
I don't love you anymore!"

Those were the words spoken
By a slam of the door


All this sadness built up inside
And how people hurt her
With their lies
Sometimes she wishes
She could just close her eyes
Lay down for the last time
And die


She looks at the mirror
She looks at the blade

Today was the day
That her friends went away

All her friends left her, and she doesn't know why
Even just thinking bout it, makes her cry

Now she hasn't anyone
That she cant trust

Her life has come crashing down
It's all turned to dust

Everyone hates her
It's so easy to see

She thinks to herself
"Why has this happened to me?"

All this sadness built up inside
And how people hurt her
With their lies
Sometimes she wishes
She could just close her eyes
Lay down for the last time
And die


She looks at the mirror
She looks at the blade

She can't turn back now
Cause she has set the stage

A note lies on the table, written with care
She's hoping that someone will find it there

She has carefully written
About her life

In it, all the reasons
She wants to die

"Goodbye to you, Mother
Goodbye to all my friends

I'm sorry to tell you,
This is the way it will end."

All this sadness built up inside
And how people hurt her
With their lies
Sometimes she wishes
She could just close her eyes
Lay down for the last time
And die


She looks at the mirror
She looks at the blade

She says to herself
"This is the only way

To escape all this pain that lies inside.
The only way to do it, is to die."

She thinks of what awaits her
Beyond death's door

She'll be with her lost ones
Together once more

She looks at the mirror
Now she's picked up the blade

Again she tells herself
"You know it's the only way."

All this sadness built up inside
And how people hurt her
With their lies
Sometimes she wishes
She could just close her eyes
Lay down for the last time
And die


On her wrist
Is where the blade lies

Then the phone rings
She collapses
And cries

Her friend had called
To see how she's been

Broken down,
She tells her what she almost did

"I'm glad that you called me,
You saved my life.

To tell you the truth,
I didn't really want to die.
At least not now
I don't want it to end.

And you've done so much for me,
You're my very best friend."

All this sadness built up inside
And how people hurt her
With their lies
Sometimes she wishes
She could just close her eyes
Lay down for the last time
And die

Lay down for the last time...

And ,
Die...

Forbidden Feelings
I sit here looking out,
tears building up inside.

Here I am crying,
and I don't know why.


I look to the other side,
and see him sitting there.

He's holding her,
with so much care.


Their bond woven tightly,
by love and trust.

A bond so beautiful,
I don't want it to bust.


I love him,
but I care for her.

I want him happy,
even if I get hurt.


I look to him,
and see in his lap lay,

A note to him,
cause she had something to say.


"You are!"
"I'm not!"


Beautiful that is,
I agree with him.

She's beautiful,
and his.


I cry on his shoulder,
he doesn't mind,

He's always willing to comfort me,
he's always so kind.


I cry so softly,
I don't want them to hear.

I don't want them to know,
I've even sheded a tear.


Now I know the reason,
to why I cry.

She probably does too,
from the look in her eye.


It's my feelings for him,
this forbidden love.

My heart's being played with,
by the minds of above.


To her,
He belongs.

To me,
I long.


But this is a greedy wish,
To which, I want not.


I want to tell her,
so very much.

But she would yell,
and say "DON'T TOUCH!"


I never would,
never will.


I want them happy,
thats the best I can do.

I know I'll never be able to tell him,
"I love you."


But to see them together,
smiles on their face.

I know to stay her,
and keep my place.


I know to change,
the love between them,

I'd still be unhappy,
even though I love him.


She'd be upset,
no matter what I'd say.

So the best for us all,
is to keep things this way.


If she were to read this,
I hope she understands.

And nothing will change,
and we can still be friends.


Knowing that with her love,
I will not interfere.

But that doesn't mean,
that once in a while,


I can't shed a tear.

Love (revised)
I love you.
Yes, this is true,
But I'm not in love with you

I've been in love before,
Three time actually.

Three loves that will never go through.

***

The first could care less.
Ignored by him.
Known forever.

He used to care,
He used to understand.
He used to want to see me happy.

Now all he wants is
To forget.

I won't let him.

He hates me,
I love him.

He won't even talk to me.
I long for his attention,
And affection.

I'll never change him.

It'll never happen.
But I'm still in love.

***

The second loved me.
He seemed perfect,
We were in love.

He listened to me,
He understood me,
Let me, be me.

But he changed,
Changed so much.

I can't love him anymore.

I love who he was,
Not who he is.

He only thinks of himself,
I call out for him,
He won't listen.

I'll never love the change.

It'll never happen again,
But I'm still in love.

***

The third is in love,
They're so happy,
That won't change.

He knows me as I am,
He'll let me cry on his shoulder,
Will stay with me until I become happy.

But his love doesn't belong to me,
It belongs to her.

I would never change that.

She's my best friend,
I wouldn't harm her.

He makes her smile,
Makes her laugh,
She feels safe.

I'll never change that.

I can never make that happen,
But I'm still in love with him.

***

You love me.
I love you.

But I'm not in love.

I don't see me with you for the rest of my life.

I'm not the person for you.

I don't even know you,
and you don't know me.

I still love you though.

I'll stay with you,
for now.

But I can't lie to you,
I can't be with you forever.

Love is too complicated,
but again, it is so simple.

I love you,

But I'm in love with someone else.

Don't be sad,
I'm still with you.

For elmo
I miss elmo so much. I just learned she died last year. I don't know what to write, but my friend did. So here are her words.




Letter To A Lost Soul

By: Sarah Reed




There I go again, words spilling from my mouth

Pouring out countless thoughts of rambling nonsense

Once again, my head explodes with meaningless thoughts of fatuity

And I cannot make it stop

Again and again I visit this place thats held in the depths of my mind

A place full of outrage and counter curses of rotting memories

All that exists is the decomposing corps of my undistinguishable past



I sing a sweet melody of sympathetic regret

All the while I sit staring blankly out the windows crystal glare

The darkness of the night surrounds me in a distorted unrecognizable sense of loneliness

My eyes are heavy with anguish, but I cannot seem to sleep a wink



Blindly I look for you through the thick blanket of snow

And silently I shed a tear, for I know that you are not to return back to me

Dear sweet Muse of tails unknown sing to me a story so sweet

Let the words ring in my ears and capture my dark soul

A distinct aroma fills the air and a smile dances across my lips

I know it is only my imagination running away from me,

But, the alluring scent of lavender, is you

I shut my eyes but only for a moment in time

And I invision your angelic face

You extend your hand to me, and I reach out to hold it,

But, I quickly remember, its only make believe



I open my eyes, as tears begin cascading down my flushed cheeks

The light from the clock that is placed upon my beau-row flashes off my glistening tears

For hours I sit in the same place, wishing away the time

And hoping it all was a simple nightmare

Why did it all have to end up this way?

I gladly would trade places with you

But, I dont belong in a heavenly paradise



Dear sweet angel from above, this letter I write to you

Is not to upset you, but to let you know that tonight, I am letting go of your sweet memory

For so long Ive held onto the past and I simply need to move on

I will always hold you near to me, but I am letting go of the burden of death

This is no good-bye I am simple shutting the door so I can begin a better life

I bid you fair well, and all my love to you

-forever, me

Love
I love you.

I don't know why,
I just do.

Maybe it's because in your arms I feel safe.
Or how you don't seem to want anything,
But to make me happy.

Do you love me?

I just want to know.

If you don't,
That's okay.

My feelings won't change because of that,

I don't see why you like me though.
I seem to hurt all that do.

And I'm so scared,
That somehow,
I'll hurt you.

You don't deserve to be hurt.
That's why I don't deserve you.

But if it makes you happy,
I'll stay with you.

You deserve to be happy.


I'm sorry when I seem so distance,
It's not you.

Then again,
It is.

I'm scared I'll do something stupid,
Say something wrong.
And it'll be over.

You wouldn't do anything,
It will be all me.

Like I almost did a couple weeks ago,
or this morning.

You'd say nothing,
I'd say everything.

I'm set off so easily.

Little things seem so big.

For instance,
I know you're hiding something.

Probably nothing big,
But it bothers me.

Maybe if I tell you something
You will feel better,

Or maybe just make you feel worse.

I never fall out of love.

I still love him you know.

Not him now,
But him then.

I will always love you for you now.

Now I'm just confusing myself.
Things happen so fast.

Sometimes I just want it to stop,
Or at least slow down.

But I just have to let things be as they should.
Accept change.
Move on.

But I can always remember.

We all change.
That is the only thing that will always be the same.

Today
You Keep asking me what's wrong
I'm sorry,
I can't say.

Yelling from all directions,
No one to comfort me.

No one really cared.
Don't tell me that you do,
I know that.

But why?
Why do you care so much about me?

I've done nothing
You've done much.

I really don't deserve you.

I don't deserve anything.
But as I said,
Nobody cares.

Don't tell me that they care.
They're only here out of pity.
They only pretend to care.

The people that cared are lost.
Never to be found again.

Lost like my life.

Which is far, far, down the drain.

I'm failing at life.
I'm not able to do what I love.
But at least I do love.

But I guess,
That in a way,
Thats the problem.

I fall in love. to easily,
trust to easily,
care to much.

I just fall to piece.
Break to easily.

I just keep falling,
Waiting to hit the ground.

Having something so drastic happen,
That all life stops.

I can sense it,
The ground,
closing in on me.

And I can't see anything there,
To catch and save me.

The world is emptier
It happend,

She died.

Beloved mother and friend.

I only knew her for two years,
but that was enough for her to become family.

I don't feel.

I can't.

I can't do anything right now.

This wasn't supposed to happen.


The worst thing is I knew.

Why did I have to know?

SHE'S DEAD

GONE

I will never see her smile again,
or hear her laugh.


I can't stop crying.

People want to cheer me up,
but it's immpossible.

How can people go on.

I know people die,
but it's like no one cares.

I wake up and all I feel is hollow.
I can't breath.
I feel like I'm being crushed.

How is it possible?
How is it that she's dead?

But if I feel like this,
it has to be a million times worse for him.

It was his mother.

How can he not just lay down and die.

I wish I could comfort him.
To tell him it will be alright.

But how can I say something I don't believe?

Sunday was when it happend,
but I feel like it was months ago.

Time moves so slowly.

And my heart just want to stop.

The last words I ever heard from her were
"Happy late birthday"
that was tuesday, and she was so happy.

But was she happy her last momments?

I don't know how I'm going to go on.

How I can still live.

How I can not die on the spot.

I knew for a reason.
But the reason I don't know.

This shouldn't have happend.

She was doing better.

But she's gone.

Forever.

She was loved.

And still is.

I can't say I'll miss her.

Because to me,

She never left.

It's too unreal.

It's not me living anymore.

Not me writing this either.

I think my friends can tell.

I try to pretend to be happy.

But I can't.

Maybe one day I'll be back.

But my heart is still with her.

She won't leave my life.

But she left hers.

I don't know anything anymore.

I can't do it.

This life.

Right now it's gone.

But it might come back.

I don't know.

I just don't know.

I don't feel right saying goodbye to her.
So I'll say hello.

Hello to her new life,
her new happieness.

I know she is still here,
until we all find closure,
she'll be with us.

So to our loving friend I say,
Hello.

Death.
A scream of millions,
using their last breath.
This is the sound of death.

That is what I heard.

Awoke from my sleep
from a banshee scream.

Someone I love will die.

All I can ask,
is
why?

its over
I don't love him anymore.
I stopped a while ago.

Why did he have to kiss her?
Why in front of me?
He knew I was in love with him.

This happened before we started dating
It shouldn't have mattered.
It's his life,
I'm not in control of him.

But He kissed her
IN FRONT OF ME!

I was there,
but it felt like I was somewhere else.

He claimed he had always loved me.
The way I had always loved him.

That's why I said yes.

But the whole time all I could think about was her.

Why had he kissed her in front of me?
Especially if he loved my like he said.

I know that was before we were dating,
but if he loved me so, why would he want to break me?

I think people need to think more.

I walked with him and we talked,
we sat, then she came.

I was invisible.
No one cared what I thought.

Then right in front of me he kissed her.

I wanted to cry,
but I couldn't.

Not in front of him.

I had to pretend it was nothing.

We were only friends.

Because I loved him,
I let him go.

I refused to love him anymore.
I would have died from pain.

Then he asked me.

Of course I said yes.

It wasn't the same though.
I had buried my feelings long ago.

But I remembered how I had felt.
I wanted to love him.

But I couldn't.

The relationship became a lie.

And I saw the hurt in his eyes,
heard it in his voice.

It was almost as bad as the pain I had felt.
I couldn't do something like that to someone.

Hurt them,
the way they hurt me.

I only stayed with him so I could say I had a boyfriend.

I was using him.

It had to stop.

The note was painful to write,
but it had to be done.

I don't like witnessing pain.

Had I done it in person I would only have hurt him more.

I'd still be living the lie.

He still loves me though.
And I wish I could love him.

I hope he finds someone to be with.
To love him the way I couldn't.

Everyone needs love.