I don't love him anymore.
I stopped a while ago.
Why did he have to kiss her?
Why in front of me?
He knew I was in love with him.
This happened before we started dating
It shouldn't have mattered.
It's his life,
I'm not in control of him.
But He kissed her
IN FRONT OF ME!
I was there,
but it felt like I was somewhere else.
He claimed he had always loved me.
The way I had always loved him.
That's why I said yes.
But the whole time all I could think about was her.
Why had he kissed her in front of me?
Especially if he loved my like he said.
I know that was before we were dating,
but if he loved me so, why would he want to break me?
I think people need to think more.
I walked with him and we talked,
we sat, then she came.
I was invisible.
No one cared what I thought.
Then right in front of me he kissed her.
I wanted to cry,
but I couldn't.
Not in front of him.
I had to pretend it was nothing.
We were only friends.
Because I loved him,
I let him go.
I refused to love him anymore.
I would have died from pain.
Then he asked me.
Of course I said yes.
It wasn't the same though.
I had buried my feelings long ago.
But I remembered how I had felt.
I wanted to love him.
But I couldn't.
The relationship became a lie.
And I saw the hurt in his eyes,
heard it in his voice.
It was almost as bad as the pain I had felt.
I couldn't do something like that to someone.
Hurt them,
the way they hurt me.
I only stayed with him so I could say I had a boyfriend.
I was using him.
It had to stop.
The note was painful to write,
but it had to be done.
I don't like witnessing pain.
Had I done it in person I would only have hurt him more.
I'd still be living the lie.
He still loves me though.
And I wish I could love him.
I hope he finds someone to be with.
To love him the way I couldn't.
Everyone needs love.