Brekke’s hand shook like a dry leaf on a strong wind in Quatre’s hand as she slowly followed him into the circus entry way. He glanced over his shoulder to observe her. She did not look happy. She looked ill and very pale. She was not breathing well.
“Brekke, calm down.” he told her kindly, squeezing her hand. She just swallowed audibly and looked at him. Her eyes were large and strained. He sighed led her around back, to where the animals were kept. They froze as they focused on the lions’ cage.
A young man knelt in front of the cage, soothing the animals with a soft touch and gentle voice. He wore a dark navy blue turtleneck and white jeans. His thick chestnut hair was combed forward, obscuring half his face. Brekke moaned beneath her breath and felt her legs weaken.
“Trowa!” Quatre gasped. He could feel the moisture building up in his eyes. “Oh, Trowa, is it really you?” The young man stood and turned. He stared blankly at the two.
“D-do I know you?” he asked. Quatre stared at him.
“Trowa, it’s me. Quatre.’ he said.
Brekke’s body was shaking visibly as she stared at the tall young man in front of her. She couldn’t speak, couldn’t move. He’s alive…
“I’m sorry. I don’t remember you.” Trowa said calmly. Quatre looked confused. Brekke looked like she was going to throw up.
“But it’s me, Quatre.” he said unstably. “And Brekke. Look.” He gestured behind him to the girl. Trowa glanced past him to fix his gaze on the girl. There was no recognition in his eyes. She felt light headed. She eyes began to roll back up into her head. No, don’t faint! she thought viciously. She tried to return his stare. But as soon as she focused on his eyes, it was there again. No emotion, cold, no connection at all… He has amnesia! she realized in horror.
“What are you doing here?!” shouted an angry voice. “Get away from him. Trowa, get inside the tent, now!” Trowa paused, glancing down to the lions. Quatre and Brekke turned to see a young woman, who had just dropped a bucket, glaring furiously at them. Catherine. She sighed. “I’ll finish feeding the animals. You go inside and help the manager, okay?” she said, forcing a smile to her face. With a nod, Trowa left. The glare returned to her face as she fixed her eyes on the two remaining Gundam pilots. “Leave him alone. He doesn’t remember you. He doesn’t remember anything.” She suddenly looked sad. “It’s too painful for him to remember.” Then her tone hardened and she put her fists on her hips. “He’s like a brother to me. I won’t let him fight any more.”
“But…I…love him…” Those were the first words Brekke had spoken since Duo had told them he’d seen Trowa. They were little more than a whisper, but both Quatre and Catherine heard them.
“If you love him, then you’ll leave him alone!” Cathy growled. Brekke’s eyes narrowed. All the pain she had been through from the moment Heero had told her that Trowa was dead to the present burned quickly from hurt into anger.
“Howdare you…” she hissed, stepping towards the older girl, her fists clenched. “Who the hell put you in charge of Trowa’s life?” Catherine’s eyes widened. She had not expected opposition. “He doesn’t remember anything because he suffered a severe concussion as a direct result of an explosion. Let him decide if he wants to remember his past. You can’t shelter him from it for the rest of his life. You have no right to.” Then her voice lowered. “I…I loved him. I still do. And he loved me and you have no right, no right at all, to tell me ‘oh, I’m sorry but I don’t want him to remember you or anything else for that matter because I don’t think he needs that kind of lifestyle.’ His life was not as bad as you make it out to be.” She paused, and suddenly her eyes widened in realization. “You only see the opportunity to make him into what you want, don’t you. Is this what’s really best for him, or is it just what’s best for you?!” The girl’s whisper had escalated into a shout. Brekke stood there, her chest heaving, her knuckles white, and tears streaming down her face. She brought her voice under control once more, but it was husky with emotion. “Four months, four months, I had to live with myself, thinking that I had let him die. That he was gone forever. And now that I’ve found him alive, you expect me to simply turn around and go because you think it would be better for him that way? Well I can’t do that.” It may be selfish, but I have to know…know if…” She couldn’t seem to force the words out. With a deep shaking breath, she finished. “If he still loves me. I’m going in there to talk to him. And you are not going to stop me.” she added. With a threatening look, Brekke brushed past Catherine to follow after where Trowa had gone. Stunned and speechless, Catherine stared at Quatre.
“It’s my fault he doesn’t remember.” he said sadly. “I’m so sorry.” He stared at the ground. Her anger smothered by Brekke’s rage, Cathy only sighed and glanced over her shoulder at the tent.
Trowa was folding costumes and placing them in a large trunk when Brekke caught up to him. Her breath caught in her throat, but she stubbornly continued on until she was about five feet away from him. She leaned back on an empty cage and sat silently, waiting for him to notice her.
“What are you doing in here?” he asked curiously. “Does Cathy know you’re back here?”
“Yes, she knows.” Brekke said quietly, the hint of a smile on her face. He nodded agreeably and continued with his work. She watched him disbelievingly. His thick hair was combed forward and hung in his eyes, as it always had, and he ignored it, as he always had. She marveled at the muscles rippling in his back, the rise and fall of his breath in his chest, the soft rustling sounds that were the trademark of every living thing. He was truly alive. It seemed too good to be true. It was too good to be true. Because the Trowa that she had lost had not returned. This Trowa in front of her had no memories of her, no recollection of the love that was lost between them. He did not look at her the way he used to, and it hurt.
“Trowa, do you remember anything?” she asked softly. He stopped his work.
“I…remember walking down the street. I didn’t know where I was. Cathy found me and brought me back here.” he told her, after a moment of thought.
“Do you remember anything before that?” she prodded carefully, ignoring the small flicker of hope she felt. But his eyes glazed over in pain, and he curled in on himself. He hugged his knees to his torso, shaking.
“Cold.” he whispered hoarsely. “So very cold.” Startled by his reaction, Brekke knelt next to him and shook him gently.
“Hey, snap out of it.” she said a little fearfully. Those memories had be of when he had been adrift in space. She didn’t want to think about it because that hurt as well. But what she would say next would hurt the most, because she feared that she already knew the answer. “Trowa, do you remember me at all?” she asked, her large eyes pleading with him, full of desperation and dread. He regarded her solemnly for a moment, then suddenly understood her motives.
“Did I know you?” he asked softly, in pity. Though he did not remember this girl, he didn’t want to hurt her. Looking down, she nodded slowly.
“Yes, you knew me.” she said, wiping a lone tear from her cheek. Crying again. God, she was sick of crying. She did it too often anymore. You loved me. she told him silently. And I loved you. I still do. When I saw you out there I couldn’t believe that I had finally found you. But I haven’t. The Trowa I love is still gone. Yet, that doesn’t change how I feel. She sighed. She had suspected as much. “Goodbye, Trowa.” she choked out. I’ll always love you… Then she stood and strode quickly out of the tent, all but running for the entrance gate. She brushed past Quatre without stopping. “Come one Quatre, we’re leaving.” she threw over her shoulder. With a worried glance at Catherine, he dashed after her.
