Veroni: Okee Toms and Queens. I'm bored so we all know what THAT means.

Cats: Horrors! NO!

Veroni: Everyone into your 17th century French clothes. And try to look, oh I don't know... happy to be here, maybe?

Skimble: Fat chance.

Veroni: What was that?

Skimble: I said uh, let's dance?

Veroni: (stares with eyebrows raised) Uh-huh. Maybe later. (a tom attempts to shuffle by) OH! Hey George! Good to see you here!

George: Um, hi?

Veroni: I know you haven't worked with me before and I just wanted to let you know that I won't do anything demeaning or otherwise embarassing to you---

Munku: But wait until you've been around for awhile. THEN she'll get you good.

Veroni: I should think you'd be in a *good* mood Munku! I'm finally letting you be the villian.

Munku: Oh yeah! Sorry.. I didn't say a thing then.

Veroni: Are we all ready here?

(Tugger and Misto enter)

Veroni: Hey! How are you guys?

Misto: Thrilled to get the time off.

Tugger: Your choice to go with the background Toms was a great idea, V! They should get their chance to shine.

Misto: Yeah. AND it gives us usual victims time off to sit---

Mac:--- And mock.

Tugger:--- and laugh.

Veroni: Watch that tone boys, or you may find yourselves on that stage in no time flat.

Tugger, Misto and Mac: ACK!

Veroni: Then I'll be the one to watch, and mock, and laugh (added as an afterthought)... at you.

Cass: I hate to sound anxious to start this thing---

Old D: Heavyside forbid.

Cass: But the longer we babble, the longer this thing will be.

Veroni: AH! Quite right! TALLY HO!

Rumpus: Tally ho?

Paris. May of 1794. There is a revolution brewing in the great country of France. Hundreds are slaughtered daily under the brutal blade of the most sinister weapon of war ever invented--- The Guillotine. As we join the action, the Paris mob is singing in jubillation to their great weapon which will quite literally, 'cut down' the aristocrats of France.

Jemi: EEW!

Quaxo:
I know the gutter and I know the stink of the street!

Kicked like a dog I have spat out the bile of defeat!

All you beauties who towered above me

You who stamped me until I was flat

Now I give you the gutter

Cats:
I give you the judgement of the Everlasting Cat!

Misto: This inventing of lyrics thing REALLY isn't working for you, V.

Cats:
Sing! Swing! Savor the sting!

As she severs you:

Madame Guillotine!

Vicky: They named their weapons of war? Gross, much?

(the cats jump ahead to get through the pretty gross number and onto something slightly more civilized)

Old D:
Oh when did cats loose their reason?

Save me Everlasting Cat if you're there!

How can you not feel the terror

Like a fire in the air?

(the song reaches a frenzied pitch and Old D's charater is handilly beheaded)

Veroni: OLD D! HEAD IN THE HOLE NOW!

Old D: I ain't sticking my neck in there!

Jenny: Ain't?

Veroni: C'mon Old D! It won't hurt! It's a plastic blade!

Old D: Fine fine fine! Just as long as you promise...

Jenny: Ain't?

(The Guillotine claims its victim with a crisp "SHHIINK")

Misto: Hello to the onomatopoeia. Very nice.

Jem: Ono-who?

Jenny: Ain't?

Meantime, the action shifts to a beautiful wedding in England (how's that for dramatic contrast, eh?). We witness the marriage of the beautiful Cassurite St. Just to the equally handsome, Sir Percy Skimblakeney. They take their vows to music, just what you'd expect in a musical.

Jem: No! I thought they'd do a little poetry reading followed by silence!

Veroni: You know, Jem? Sarcasm isn't becoming of you.

Jenny: Ain't?

Skimble:
As roses bend through breeze, unbend me.

Cass:
As the rose bends to the sun!

Skimble:
And in the darkness, please defend me

Cass:
Two in love become as one!

Both:

As waves lean on the sea,

My love, come lean on me

I doooo.... BE-lieve INNNNNNN YOOOOU!!!

Skimble: Douglas Sills, eat your heart out!

They are whisked off to the reception where Percy introduces his new wife to several of his closest friends. They are amazed at how completely their friend has fallen for this woman, and are hesitant to accept her at first. She, however takes it upon herself to win the stuffy Brits over with another trademark Wildhorn ditty...

Cass:
Vivez! Mes amis, je suis enchantee

Simply to move through the sunlight!

Open your eyes to this one bright moment embracing us!

Vivez! LIVE!

Here's to life, let us be gay!

Pounce: Let's not. I'm straight.

Veroni: Didn't think I'd have to use this phrase so soon: GUTTER BRAIN! Gay in this case means 'happy'?!

Jenny: Ain't?

(Jumping ahead in the song now....)

All:
Oh Vivez! You have one life,

Let it be gay!

Pounce: I repeat again that I am---

Veroni: (claps her paw over his mouth) Let them sing, huh?

Jenny: Ain't?

Veroni: Jenny? ENOUGH!

All:
Don't put it off til you're dying

Now is the time to be flying!

Cass: Grab up your one golden chance!

Queens: Darlings, life is such romance!

Vivez maintenant! Come dance!

Life is tossing you a new bouquet

Meet your heart halfway

And your heart will say "Vivez!"

The party continues until word comes to Sir Percy that his friend the Marquis St. Deuteronomy has been killed in Paris. He is further devaststed to learn that his new wife aided in the slaying by betraying miliatary secrets. In his despair, he sends Cassurite off to bed on their honeymoon night: alone.

Vicky: Wow. Harsh, much?

Veroni: She betrayed secrets that got his best friend killed! What would YOU do?

Jenny: She doesn't need him!

Veroni: Ugh, hold off with the girl power bit! This is in the 1700's... women's lib wasn't even around yet!

Jenny: Oh. Well..... well.... it should have been!

He races out to the garden and there in the moonlight, bears his soul in a prayer...

Munku: Wow, V! Actual dramatic wording. You're moving up!

Skimble:
No - stay!

I don't care what you've said or done

Don't go away

Not now when life has just begun!

Come back

And be the woman who I knew!

Help me to believe in you

What on Earth am I to do?

She's gone

This vision who was not quite real

I must move on

Despite the pain. The pain will heal

Oh Heavyside!

How could you let me love like this?

No one dies upon a kiss

And only fools believe in bliss!

Pounce: *yawn*

Tumble: 99 bottles of beer on the wall...

Veroni: GUYS! This is a great song!! He's bearing his soul and we see the extreme agony he has suffered at the hands of one who he once loved unconditionally! Don't you feel his pain?

(Cats are silent for a moment and slowly shrug)

Tumble: If one of those bottles should happen to fall, 98 bottles of beer on the wall---

Veroni: Why do I bother?

The next morning, Percy calls together many of his closest friends. They include Tumblaud, Admethurst, Platozzy, Asparaleigh, Coricoggett, Carbuckelton, Quaxal, Bill Bastings, Pouncinen and Georville.

Tumble: (staring at the lounging regualars) I hope you're all happy!

Tugger: Now that you mention it, yeah, I am.

Misto: Or it could be that lovely outfit you're sporting, TB.

Quaxo: Stockings. I'm wearing STOCKINGS!

Admetus: Someone shoot me now.

Mac: If they hadn't taken away those six-shooters from Oklahomeow, I'd be happy to do it for you!

Veroni: Can we get back to the story maybe, wisetoms?

Skimble: Admethurst! Tell them what you saw last weekend in Paris!

Admetus: Hundreds massacred! Blood soaks the stones of the streets! I tell you, they have gone INSANE!

Skimble: Well, I am no longer content to sit back on my tail and do nothing. I say we fight them!

(They protest noisilly to Percy's decision)

Quaxo: We're only 11 toms!

Skimble: I get to say the line! I get to say the line!

Veroni: THEN SAY IT!!!! Sheesh.

Skimble: But if we do not do this thing, friends, who will?

(begins to sing)

David walked into the valley with a stone clutched in his hand

He was only a boy, but he knew someone must take a stand.

There will always be a valley, always mountains one must scale!

There will always be perillous waters which someone must sail!

Into valleys, into waters

Into jungles, into---

Veroni: Whoops. Dang. Can't use that word.

Toms: Awww...

Skimble: (continues)
Don't give in, don't give up,

But give thanks for the glorius fight!

You can tremble, you can fear it,

But keep that fighting spirit alive boys!

Let the shivver of it sting you

Fling into battle, spring to your feet boys!

Never hold back your step for a moment,

(hears the familiar word and changes the mood)

This is the moment...

Veroni: SKIMBLE! That's the wrong show, yes?!

Skimble: Shouldn't I get SOME points? Both shows are by the same composer...

Veroni: And I'm sure Frank Wildhorn would thank you for the cross promotion, but this plot is complex enough without you throwing in parts of other shows!

(Anyway, since we've pretty well shattered a heroic moment into itty-bity pieces, we'll fastforward to the end of the song.)

All:
Someone has to face the valley

Rush in! We have to rally and win boys!

When the world is saying not to, by the Everlasting cat

You know you've got to march on, boys!

Never hold back your step for a moment!

Never doubt that your courage will grow!

Yes it's higher and higher and into the fire

We go-O!

Skimble: Into FIRE!

All:
Onward HO!

Bomb: Hey! Are you calling me a h--

Veroni: G-RATING!

Tugger: Just remember that you're MY h--

Veroni: Ahem!

Anyhoo, to skip ahead, Percy and his men journey to France where they begin sliding around in the shadows gathering information and saving innocents from the guillotine. Happy time for the folks who didn't.. you know, loose their heads, but not so great for Bustpierre and his right paw tom, Munauvlin.

Munku: At last! My chance to walk on the wild side!

Lec: Isn't this guy actually a bit of a little simpering winer?

Veroni: According to the BOOK he is, but he gets a real sexy song, so all's forgiven.

Munku: I vow to destroy this Scarlet Skimblenel if it's the last thing I do!

Dem: Famous last words.

Bustopher: I trust that you will do exactly that. (he departs)

Bustopher: That's it?

Veroni: For now. Didn't you like it?

Bustopher: Well... Don't I at least get a song or something like that?

Munku: Bustopher, buddy. You get to LEAVE! Be HAPPY!

Veroni: Wait... now that you mention it, I could use Bustopher here (scribbles in the script) OH! and there (scribbles some more) and oh, yeah! That role could use him (more scribbling)

Bustopher: What have I done?

Munkauvlin gets all hyper about killing off the accursed Skimblenel and gettin' in good with the big boss. He sings...

Munku: (more chanting than singing)
Hunt for this cat!

Comb the city!

Every street! Every grate!

You put a guard at every gate

Drag him out!

Shout the moment that you find him!

*beep*

Munku: Aww, V! It was just one little bad word. And I NEVER get to do anything naughty!

Veroni: There are kittens here, Munku.

Dem: I wouldn't say that you NEVER get to do anything naughty....

Munku: (growls sensually)

Veroni: And here we begin our trek towards the X-rating.

Toms: COULD WE?!!!!

Queens: SICK-OS!!!

Munku:

(picks up the song again)

Piercing into the sky and higher

AND THE STRONG WILL THRIVE!

Yes, the weak will cower

While the fittest will survive!

If we wait for the darkest hour

Till we spring alive

Then with claws of fire

We devour like a falcon in....

Veroni: Hope he doesn't hurt himself here.

Munku:

(straining to hit the note)

THE DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!!!!

Munku: (gasping) That... was... (faints)

Tugger: And the most impressive part? He still managed to give Terrance Mann a run for his money.

Jenny: Yeah, and he only had to kill himself to do it.

Veroni: Guess this means we should take a break, huh?

Munku: (in a strangled voice) Yes. PLEASE!