Alonzo: (lounging with the other 'regular' leads) Oh to be free from the parody world!

Mac: There's nothing like it. Just sitting back here and----

Veroni: Alonzo... Looks like I'm going to need you after all.

Tugger: ---being called in to work.

Alonzo: VERONI!!! This is no fair! You said I'd get time off!!

Veroni: Sorry, but I need you. And there's nothing you can do about it.

Alonzo: Oh yeah? MAKE me.

Veroni: I'm the author. I can make you do whatever I want you to do. Like if I said, "Alonzo waddles around the stage like a duck" you would----

(Alonzo quacks and walks around the stage like a duck)

Alonzo: This is an abuse of *honk* power!

Tugger: Oh ye who try to go against the unstoppable will of the author, how I pity you.

Veroni: Now that I have exercised my will, we'll resume the story.

(Munkauvlin has sent his men against the illusive Skimblenel only to have them handilly outwitted and otherwise humiliated by the country's latest mystery cat. While the no-goodski's regroup to make plan B, Sir Percy and his men return victoriously to England. They realize though that if their identities were to ever be revealed that they would be killed in an instant. So they hide their heroic deeds and go about as the prissiest bunch of fops you ever did meet.)

George: Veronikitty, I'm starting to feel like you're makin' fun of me.

Munku: We told you it would happen!

(Percy returns home and is at once distant and cold to his wife who has inadvertantly brought about his drastic change in lifestyle. Cassurite is in the meantime confused why her husband has become so different from the man she fell in love with. Heartbroken, she sings about her lost love...)

Cass:
When I look at you

What I always see

Is the face of someone else

Who once belonged to me

Still I can hear him laugh

And even though that melody plays on

He's gone.

Jenny: I hate to break it to you, baby, but most men are like that.

Toms: HEY!

Jenny: You don't need him! You need a stong, caring, sensitive guy. One where the mind is stronger than the penis.

Tugger: (walking by) Pfft! NOTHING CAN DEFEAT THE PENIS!!!

(Everyone in the room looks up, horrified)

Tugger: Too loud. Very unseemly.

Veroni: And there goes the G-rating. Watch it fly away....

Cass: (despirately trying to keep singing)
Oh you were once that someone

Who I followed like a star!

Then suddenly you changed

And now I don't know who you are!

Or could it be

That I never really knew you from the start?

Did I create a dream?

Was he a fantasy?

Even a memory is paradise for all the fools like me!

Now remembering is all that I can do

Because I miss him so

When I look at you...

(Her brother Almand arrives and she tells him how much Percy has changed. He tries to convince her that nothing has changed at all---- since he is also a member of Percy's club and has sworn not to say anything which might reveal their glorius leader. Cassurite is confused (again) and just then her husband appears to 'confess' to the assembled crowd that he is, in fact, the Skimblenel. No one believes him of course, since he is such a magnificent fop these days and they begin to speculate who this strapping----)

Munku: You called?

Veroni: I said 'Strapping', Munkustrap... Oh, I see your point.

WHO THIS STRAPPING YOUNG TOM could be.

Skimble: Lud love me!

Such conjecturing could drive a tom insane!

And I'm the one to set this gossip quite to rest!

The Skimblenel is me!

Vicky: Indeed, and I'm the queen of Spain!

Quaxo: This Skimblenel is nothing but a nosy pest!

Tanti: No, the vicar says the Skimblenel's a Bishop in disguise

Demeter: Who gives absolution night and day!

Bill Bailey: Stuff and nonsense! Don't you know?

He's a maharajah from Bombay!

(This speculation continues on and on and on for like, three more verses, but we'll skip ahead now, 'k?)

Munku: Because Munkustrap has a really sensual song coming up and we want to have him perform the whole thing.

Veroni: (to Munkustrap) And why is Munkustrap talking about himself in the third person?

Misto: Bob Dole syndrome... again.

All:
Who is the Scarlet

Sk-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-imble-E-E-E-E-E-E-ne-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-el??

(Fed up with her airheaded husband, Cassurite retreates to her garden where Munkauvlin is waiting for her. The two used to be passionate lovers back in the day, and he hopes to rekindle the old flame. In his efforts, he sings the most provocative and drop dead SEXY song this author has ever heard ANYWHERE.)

Misto: Wow. Talk about being passionate about something.

Veroni: The first time I heard this song, I thought I was going to absolutely MELT! So we're doing the whole thing.

Bomb: Oooh! Sounds tasty!

Munku: (who's ego is inflating by the minute. He sings)
I remember days full of restlessness and fury

I remember nights that were drunk on dreams

I remember someone who hungered for the glory

I remember her, but it seems (pauses dramatically) She's gone.

(the music strikes up and Veroni shivvers with pleasure as the other toms roll their eyes)

Munku: (continuing, obviously pleased with how well he has affected the queens)
Where's the girl?

Where's the girl with the blaze in her eyes?

Where's the girl with that gaze of surprise?

Now and then I still dream she's beside me...

Where's the girl

Who could turn on the edge of a knife?

Where's the girl who was burning for life?

I can still feel her breathing beside me!

Jem: Actually Munku, that's us queens in sexual ecstasy.

Jenny: Young lady! Where did you learn that word?

Veroni: Let him sing! You're ruining the moment!

Munku: (continues, undaunted)
And I know

She remembers how fearless it feels

To take off with the wind at your heels

She and I took this world like a storm

Come again

Let the girl in your heart tumble free

Bring your renegade heart home to me

In the dark of the morning I'll warm you... (voice deepens) I'll rouse you

All Females: (sigh in complete pleasure)

Kittens: Ahhhhhhhh.... pretty.

Bomb: I think I misjudged Munku. Forget Tugger!

Tugger: I beg your pardon?

Misto: Down boy. It's just a song.

Tugger: But he's stealing MY queen with it!

Munku: (still singing, oblivious to the action going on backstage. Makes his voice even MORE sensual as he approaches the climatic moment)
Cassurite

Don't forget I know who you are

We were cut from the same surly star

Like two jewels in the sky sharing fire!

Where's the girl

So alive and still aching for more?

We had dreams that were worth dying for

We were caught in the eye of the storm

COME AGAIN!

Let the girl in your heart tumble free

Bring your renegade heart home to me

In the dark of the morning I'll warm you

I'll rouse you.

(he kisses her and they gaze for a moment as the music swoons along)

Where's the girl?

Is she gazing at me with surprise?

Do I still see that blaze in her eyes?

Am I dreaming, or is she beside me....

Now.......?

She is taken up in his seduction for a moment and quickly comes back down to earth. She loves Percy and would never leave him, so she sends Munkauvlin away empty-pawed.

Cet: You're a fool, Cass!

Lec: Munku's so.... yummy!

Kittens: *giggle uncontrollably* EEeeeeee!

(Cassurite has gotten out of a situation which could have threatened her marriage.... or so she believes. Unfortunately, Percy was watching the whole thing from the balcony of their home. He is shocked, but he knows that deep in his heart, he still cares for her.)

Skimble:
When I look at you

She is touching me..

I would reach for her,

But who can hold a memory?

And love isn't everything,

That moonlight on the bed will melt away

Someday...

Oh you were once that someone

Who I followed like a star

Then suddenly you changed

And now I don't know who you are

Or could it be

That I never really knew you from the start?

Did I create a dream?

Was she a fantasy?

Jelly: *snif* How sad.

Jem: I love the music in this thing...

Jenny: *blows her nose QUITE loudly* Oh, and if you toms are gagging back there...

(Toms clasp their paws behind their backs and whistle innocently)

Tumble: Perish the thought.

Skimble: (adgitated that the flow of his song was interrupted)

I miss her so..

When I look at you

(Before our strained marriage has the chance to mend, Percy and his men are called away by the Prince of Whales to answer questions. It seems someone has tried to link them with the illusive Skimblenel and his league.)

Pounce: So we're found out, guillotined and that's a wrap, right?

Veroni: Wrong. What did you expect, genius?

Pounce: Can't blame a tom for trying.

(Trying to maintain their cool, Percy and his men carry on with the 'incredible fop' routine. They convince the Prince of Whales that their lengthy voyages to Paris were only to buy frills and frou frou. Percy explains that their only duty as TOMS is to 'uphold the banner of beauty'.)

Skimble: (looks at the script and groans) Okay, I've been good about this stuff up to now. But this is incredibly rediculous! Munkustrap gets the provocative songs and I get the leftovers!!!

Veroni: They are NOT leftovers! It so happens this is another of my favorites.

Skimble: You have the weirdest taste in songs.

Veroni: What? It's funny!

Skimble: Only if you're not the one singing it!

Quaxo: Peacocks!

Cori: Sink me!

Tugger: We're ALREADY sunk. (toms stare at him) What? Only Pounce gets to make the dumb jokes?

Skimble: Think ye sir!

How those feathered boys

Love to flaunt their tails!

Bill Bailey: Stallions!

Bustopher: (grumbling about being dragged into playing the prince) Zounds sir!

Skimble: Hounds, sir! Stags!

Of the goosie and the gander sir!

Which gender is the grander sir?

To render total candor sir

The splendor is the males'!

Munku: I'm impressed, Skimble! Maybe next Jellicle Ball you can help me out with 'Pekes and Pollicles'. That was a heck of a tongue twister!

Skimble: (parades Bustopher around)
Be an example to your sex!

Give your boot a dapper strap

Plato: And it's smarter if your garter has some snap!

Skimble: Cravats should be flounced about our necks!

George: Let the Royal coattails flap!

Quaxo: Be bewitching with some stitching on your cap!

All: Now drape your cape and puff your cuff!

Embroider those Lapels!

Skimble: Be the king of the beasts in pastels!

La, but someone has to strike a pose

And bare the weight of well-tailored clothes

And that is why the Lord created Toms!

Jenny: And we thought Tugger had the ego problem!

Tugger & Backstage Males: Shhh! The cat's here preachin' the gospel truth!

Queens: Puh-lease!

All:
La, but someone has to strike a pose

And bare the weight of well-tailored clothes

(Backstage cats run on to join the final refrain)

Each species needs a sex that's fated to be highly decorated

That is why the Lord created....

TO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OMS!

Queens: Alright, enough with the Testosterone parade boys!

Veroni: Although that was an 'interesting' display of male comraderie----

Exotica: I think I'm going to be sick.

Veroni: Ahem! We DO need to move on and finish up this act.

(Since the guys are taking an INCREDIBLY long time to clear the stage, we'll give you the cliff notes of what happens from now until the next song. The Prince realizes he must have the wrong toms and sends them back to England. While the men were away however, the baddies came out to play. Munkauvlin yet again approaches Cassurite, only this time his intent is blackmail. Her brother, Almond has been arrested in Paris in connection with the Skimblenel and is scheduled to be guillotined unless Cassurite agrees to help him snoop around for information on the Skimblenel the following evening at Lord Gusville's Ball. If she fails to come up with information, Almond will die. Percy arrives and the whole ensamble begins singing a song which questions exactly who can be trusted in this slippery world where everyone seems to have hidden agendas and secret lives.)

Munku: (opens his mouth to sing and the kittens squeal. He motions for them to hold their applause and he begins)
See the moon slink down in the sky darling

Let your fantasies fly darling!

Life is cold, and the game is old

Cass:
Just see how virtue repays you

You turn and someone betrays you

Betray him first, and the game's reversed

Both:
For we all are caught in the middle

Of one, long, treacherous riddle

Can I trust you? Should you trust me too?

Munku: We shamble on through this hell

Cass: Taking on more secrets to sell

Both:
Til' there comes a day

When we sell our souls away!

Skimble: (wobbles unsteadilly as he is rolled foreward on the guillotine--- get the symbolism?)
Through the Mist your lover is beconing

Comes that moment of reconing!

Faces change. Even smiles grow strange.

All Three:
And we all have so many faces

The real self often erases

Enticing lies flicker through our eyes

Feel the terror draw ever nearer

The more you stare in the mirror

But hold your own. Face the wind alone!

Reel on love! Toughen your scars!

Year by year we're falling like stars

Til' there comes a day when we sell our souls away!

(Skimble twirls Cass towards himself)

Skimble: Can I run to you?! Are you true to me?!

(Munku twirls Cass towards himself)

Munku: I'll do onto you as you do to me!

(Cass dizzilly wobbles to the front of the stage and lands in a heap)

Cass: Whee! The room's all spinny!

Veroni: Someone get her out of there!

(Several stage cats attempt to snag the now swerving Cassandra as the song continues)

All:
We all are caught in the middle

Of one, long, treacherous riddle

(Cassandra wobbles around and slams into the guillotine, Skimble topples off his perch and into Munku's arms)

Of who trusts who...

Maybe I'll trust you..

(Munku shrugs and lifts Skimble onto his shoulders to add to the drama... unfortunately Cass happens by at that moment and rams into the two males. They all land in a heap... Munku on the bottom, Cass in the middle, and Skimble on top.)

All: (try not to laugh)
But can you trust me?

Wait and see!!

Veroni: Well, we survived to intermission with minimal bruising.

Munku: (still under two cats) Speak for yourself!

Veroni: Well at least this time it wasn't the ENTIRE cast that piled up like in Cat Mis!

Skimble: (jumps off the kitty moshpit) I feel fine!

Cass: Yeah, cuz me and Munku broke your fall you little---

Veroni: Ah! Ah! Ah! Cass. G... okay, PG rating!

Cass: Well if you two hadn't put me through the spin cycle, we might have gotten through that without any problems!

Misto: Maybe.

Veroni: BREAK TIME!

Munku: Ah, yes. My adoring public awaits.

Kittens: Eeeee!!!! (chase after Munku)

Tugger: Hey! They're MY groupies! You guys come back here!