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A Day in the Life of a Stud Dog Owner,
by Robin O'Connor

Day one, call and have the "chilled semen kit" sent to my veterinarian.

Day two, have a hard time finding the new veterinarian, but do eventually get there. He collects dog and we put semen in box. Walk out to the car with the stud dog and semen box, and put box on top of car and stick stud dog in the back and drive to Fed Ex drop box. I am proud of myself because I have found the Fed Ex drop box and gotten there on time. Reach in the back seat to get box...... not there. Drove away with it on top of car. I go into hysterics. Call husband at work. He leaves work to see if he can find box. Call and get another "chilled semen kit" delivered to veterinarian. I cry all night. We never found box, hoping someone drank it ....

Day two, take stud dog to vet (my vet not there, but other vet will do it) Kit has not arrived. Call Fed Ex to try and find kit. It arrives while I am on hold. New veterinarian does not know how to collect stud dog. Must go to another veterinarian 20 miles away. Get Lost, go into hysterics, find vet. Veterinarian takes one look at kit, says she can not do it, but another vet can about 25 miles away. Get lost, have not gone out of hysterics for awhile, get to other vet, he really doesn't do these kits, but he will try. Collects dog, does his job (I guess). I am madly packing all the shit into the box, why won't it fit if it came in there in the first place??? Pay bill of $130.00 for the collection. It is now 6:10, must be to drop box by 7:30. Drive like a maniac (am a maniac) to drop place. Run in ask him, please, to pack box for me and I will call with information. He said "that would be fine, but the last pick up is 6:00 (it is now 7:00). Lean against wall and cry very quietly. Call husband. Tell him I cannot take anymore directions. I have been constantly lost since 1 PM. Husband comes to Fed Ex place, picks up box and goes to another drop off that is open later. Go home, get in bed and sob myself to sleep.

Day three, women calls and says sperm is great and veterinarian thinks bitch should have more semen. Call ICG to get another kit and make appointment with rich vet because regular vet is not back yet : (

Day four, call veterinarian to make sure kit is there. They do not know as they do not know what it looks like, but there is a small box in the fridge. Leave for veterinarian's at 3:30 (appointment is for 5:15). Want to make sure I have enough time if I get lost. Do not get lost and arrive at vets at 4:15. Must have been a girl in heat in the office because stud dog smells heat. Stud dog starts to hump on mommy's leg. Mommy looks at vet tech and says, "I hope the doctor will be here soon." Stud dog throws up on vet's floor (for $130.00 they can clean it up). Vet shows up, brings in teaser bitch (I knew there was one there). Stud dog goes wild, gets collected, throws up again. We pack up box, pay rich vet (ouch) drive home, wait for husband (do not know where the later drop box is). Husband comes home, we drop off sperm, and go out to eat. Thank you very much. The now somewhat competent stud dog owner.

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