The (un)official Matt Meltzer Disclaimer

  • This product is meant for educational purposes only.
  • Any resemblance to other persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.
  • Void where prohibited.
  • Some assembly required.
  • List each check separately by bank number.
  • Batteries not included.
  • Contents may settle during shipment.
  • Use only as directed.
  • No other warranty expressed or implied.
  • Do not use while drinking.
  • Postage will be paid by addressee.
  • Subject to approval.
  • This is not an offer to sell securities.
  • Apply only to affected area.
  • May be too intense for some drivers (not really).
  • Do not stamp.
  • Use other side for additional listings.
  • For all uses only.
  • Do not disturb.
  • If condition persists, consult your physician.
  • No user-serviceable parts inside.
  • Freshest if eaten before date on carton.
  • Subject to change without notice.
  • Times approximate.
  • Simulated picture.
  • No postage necessary if mailed in the United States.
  • Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement.
  • For on-road use only.
  • As seen on TV.
  • One size fits all.
  • Many suitcases look alike.
  • Colors may, in time, fade.
  • We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you.
  • Slippery when wet.(now what road isn't?)
  • For office use only.
  • Not affiliated with the American Red Cross.
  • Not affiliated with any other Smiths.
  • Drop in any mailbox.
  • Edited for television.
  • Keep cool; process promptly.
  • Post office will not deliver without postage.
  • List was current at time of printing.
  • Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward.
  • At participating locations only.
  • Penalty for private use.
  • See label for directions.
  • Substantial penalty for early withdrawal.
  • Do not write below this line.
  • Falling rock zone.
  • Lost ticket pays maximum rate.
  • Add toner.
  • Contains the recommended daily dose of IBUs (International Business Units).
  • Avoid contact with skin.
  • Sanitized for your protection.
  • Be sure each item is properly endorsed.
  • Sign here without admitting guilt.
  • Slightly higher west of the Mississippi.
  • Employees and their families are not eligible.
  • Beware of dog.
  • Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show.
  • Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery.
  • Lactose Free.
  • You need not be present to win.
  • No passes accepted for this engagement.
  • No purchase necessary.
  • Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton.
  • Shading within a garment may occur.
  • Use only in well-ventilated area.
  • Keep away from fire, flame, and guide rails.
  • Replace with same type.
  • Approved for all shape and size people.
  • Booths for two or more.
  • Check here if tax deductible.
  • Some equipment shown is optional.
  • Price does not include taxes.
  • No Canadian coins.
  • Gluten Free.
  • Soy Free.
  • Glucose Free.
  • Prerecorded for this time zone.
  • Reproduction strictly prohibited.
  • No solicitors.
  • No alcohol, dogs, or horses.
  • No anchovies unless otherwise specified.
  • Restaurant package, not for resale.
  • List at least two alternate dates.
  • First pull up, then back up.
  • Call toll free before digging.
  • Driver does not carry cash (Hopefully, they carry a permit or license.).
  • Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only.
  • Record additional transactions on back of previous stub.
  • Decision of inspector is final.
  • No trespassing.
  • No turn on red.
  • All rights (and lefts) reserved.
  • No fur-bearing animals were harmed during the creation of this document.
  • Allergy alert: may contain nutmeg, but we doubt it.
  • Return for refund where applicable.
  • Recommended for persons with sugar-restricted diets.
  • Proud sponsor of the 1934 penguin Olympic Games at McMurdo Sound, Antarctica.
  • Never causes irritability, sleeplessness or warts after prolonged use.
  • Walk, no running!
  • Contents under pressure.
  • BHT added to preserve freshness.
  • Shake well before using.
  • No vacuum tubes or other user-serviceable parts inside.
  • Not to be combined with other radioisotopes except under the advice of a physician.
  • Avoid prolonged exposure to ultraviolet light.
  • The truth is out there.
  • Use no hooks.
  • Printed on un-recycled dead trees and we're proud of it.
  • This supersedes all previous notices.

    A Letter from Matt Meltzer
    Did Someone Mention disabilities?
    Safe Driving Tips
    The Matt Meltzer Guarantee (and other information)
    How to Contact Matt Meltzer
    Payments I Accept
    The services offered

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