As Ken was sitting on his favorite blender he made a very profound statement,"I'm bored." He looked up and his state of happiness changed in a jiffy. "Yay, it's the candy-striped happy chord!" he exclaimed in extacy. "YANK,""Weee,""FLOOMPH,""Weee some more,""WAHOO,""THUD,""CRACK,""AHH!" Ken had been flung from his blender pedastal and was now flat on his schnozz in the middle of a festering pool of toxic waste. "Oh, pffff. It's just my front yard." he said in disappointment. "what a jip! I usually end up somewhere interresting. Oh well. I guess I'll make the best of it. It's like granpappy always says: When life hands you a pile of chikcen legs, make cat food."
Looking to his right Ken spotted Ruby approaching him at an unhealthy speed. "Skreetch!,"ERT!" When the stench of burning shoe and smoke subsided ken saw his lovely neighbor. "Hi." said Ken. "Hello Ken. Wanna run away with me today?" proposed Ruby. "Where would we go?" asked Ken. "you've got a point." said Ruby matter-of-factly. "Well then just give Fi-Fi a big kiss and I'll be happy." Ken turned to face the tongue-lolling poodle. "Well alrighty then." "SLOOP!,""ARF,""Lick lick,""Hey now!,"Lick, lick BITE!,""Calm down ya little rascal,""CHOMP,"run, run, run." Ken was left with minor injuries as he watched Ruby chase after fi-Fi.
Ken looked around himself in a state of total mystification. he could feel some sorta vibes coming from seemingly nowhere. He felt like we was surrounded by a sphere of pure joy. Opening his eyes, he saw a zillion tiny bright lights starting to take shape before his person. "Twinkle, tinkle, tink, zing."
Before him stood Star. Beautiful in every aspect. The embodiment of good intent traped in a youthful female body. "Fucking shit! Where the hell did Ruby go!?" blurted Ken. Star stood open-mouthed. She was clad in light-blue silk, and after Ken's abrupt obscenity, the only light left surrounding her emminated from her long silver and gold hair. Ken felt the need to appologize. "Pardon my French." "Did someone mention France?"
A barret-wearing, escargo-eatin' Frenchman with a red & white striped shirt on his back stood on the sidewalk next to them. "I am Pierre. Direct me to the french bread stand si vous plait." Ken pointed down to a manhole in the middle of the street. " Merci, my tres bien amigos." "Hey! Wait for me." this came from a large trouser-wearing pickle...trodding down the street at a speed his akward shape seemed incapable of. "But of course." pierre said,"pickles first." He held the manhole cover up as the giant pickle squeezed through the hole in the street. Pierre quickly followed. Once the manhole cover was returned to it's propper place, Star and Ken placed thier ears onto the manhole. A loud "SNAP" followed by a stern, "Down boy!" then laughter, "Hoh, hoh, hoh." that followed by the sound of large reptilian feet rapidly retreating,"scamper, scamper, scamper.""No sludge-dwelling Alligator is gonna keep me from my breadstand.""Growel,""Heh,""Phoomph." Ken and Star quickly removed thier ears from the manhole as a cloud of green steam poofed from the holes.
"Well Ken, how are you today?" asked Star. "I'm fine thanks."said Ken."Say, why don't you follow me aimlessly around today? I mean, if you don't have anything else better to do, cause if you do...you don't have to...but if you can you should. Why? Don't look at me like that. Don't you like me? NO? Why!? Well I don't need you anyways, so why don't you take a hike!...Wait! Don't go! I didn't mean it! I love you! Come back! Wahh! Wahh! Wahh!"
"OH what a big baby." griped Star. "Why don't you shut up already?...there there, don't cry now. NOw isn't that better? Star loves you. "Eeeeeh....really?" asked Ken. "Sure." she said. "Oh joy!" piped Ken,"I think I'll just piss me pants in excitement." And he did.
Ken looked down and saw his dogs dangling in the air. Far below he saw what seemed to be..a baby shaving...no, no it's two elephants kissing...wait, it's ghandi doing that hiezman trophy thing...nope, it was just the neighborhood of Ned (dun dun dun!) far below. Star held Ken by a belt loop. They were streakin' through the clouds on a direct course to...the toilet. "Man I really gotta go."Ken bitched. "Well alright, but make it snappy." said Star in a slightly annoyed tone. "Hey didn't you just go?" "...yeah. But I gotta go again." said Ken. "SLam!""Zip.""Ok, all set!"
As I was saying, they were gliding through the sky on a direct course for the Tower. "I just know Dad will be happy. He doesn't get many visitors you know. That's mainly because of the jagged, razor-sharp, shark tooth-lined rocks just below us." said Star. "Gulp." Ken would have wet himself then and there but he didn't have any left.
"Well, here we are." Stated Star. "Neat." said Ken. "Wait here. I've got to request your admittance." "OK"
-3 weeks later-
On the city limit line to Skood-a-ly Wood-a-ly land, Ken opened a bloodshot eye. "Ooh. What a pretty herd of vultures flying circles around me. Maybe they won't peck at my eye balls today."
"Ding-a-ling-a-ling." A tiny bell rang. A short man clad in Antarctic expedition duds stepped outside. "Ahh, finally time for my cigarrette break,wha...well what do we have here? A dehydrated, near death vulture feeder? I've been meaning to stop by the pet shoppe and pick one of those up. Well I guess I don't have to now, how nice." "UGH." "What's that? You still have a little life left in ya, eh? Guess i'll hafta bring you inside then, huh?" the guard huffed and blew smoke in Kens direction."Alright then. Let's go! On your feet!" Ken didn't move. "Disobeying orders are ya? We have ways of making sun-parched ankle-biters such as yourself talk! Get ready. Here it comes. Prepare for pain and years of not being able to use the left side of you body. Ready? Here it comes. HY-YA!"
"WAIT." said a voice. "Whaaaat?" the guard whined."BRING HIM TO ME." "Well, if I have to..." "NOW." "Ok, ok. you don't have to yell, grumble, grumble, gripe, gripe, cigarrette break, grumble, vulture feeder,gripe, old fart, grumble gripe."
"Well how do you feel Ken?" asked Star. "Spanky fresh." replied Ken. "Say, since you're giving me room service anyway, do you think I could get a couple of hot towels and maybe a clamp and a hammer?" "NO." "Well fine. See if I ever come to this hotel again!" With that, Star vanished. "What a lousty secon-rate establishment this is," yelled Ken. "I'll be submitting a written complaint to the management. You just wait!..." "SHUT UP YOU INGRATE." said a commanding voice. "?" said Ken.
In a flash Ken was teleported to a very spacious Hall. Down the Hall in the shadows Ken saw a faint glimmer of light. In the space of a few seconds Ken floated forward in a whir to stand in front of and old man sitting in a high-backed chair upholstered in red velvet and made of black polished hardwood. "So what can I do for you today?" asked Ozwald, Master of the Tower. Ken thought for a long time...
..."Say, I've always wondered what it's like outside the neighborhood." "DONE." In a puff of smoke ken reapeared in a very strange place."?" said Ken again. "If my blender did it's job I wouldn't have wasted this whole day."he thunked.
At that exact moment Ken's Super Top Secret Keen Bean Spy Watch went off. "Wow. This thing was worth the chicken coin I spent on it."