HEALTH
Jack's fingers drummed a staccato beat against the steering wheel of his car. The tapping increased in volume as his impatience with his companion grew.
"Daniel." The light turned green and Jack pulled the SUV into the urban traffic.
"Hmm…Jack could ya' do me a favor and stop tapping." Daniel paused, pushing his glasses up his nose never lifting his head from the papers and photographs on his lap. "It's really distracting…I'm trying to read these reports that SG7 filed regarding their mission to PX720..." Stopping at another traffic light, Jack slid his eyes over to Daniel, interrupting him again. "Why are you reading, Daniel?"
Jack heard, rather than saw, Daniel close the report folder. "I just told you what I was reading, Jack." Jack smiled at the exasperation clearly evident in Daniel's voice.
"I know, Daniel," Jack answered, with mirrored exasperation in his voice. "Pay attention. I asked *why* you were reading." Jack maneuvered the SUV in front of Daniel's apartment building and shut off the engine. Jack undid his seat belt, lifted the armrest and awkwardly maneuvered his 6 foot, 2 inch frame sideways towards Daniel. Jack repeated his question. "Why are you reading, Daniel? Your being released from the infirmary today was contingent on my signing my soul over to Doc Fraiser that I would make sure you did the three R's."
Though Daniel's head was hanging down, fingers tracing designs on the folder still on his lap, Jack could make out a hint of a smile on the younger man's face. Jack was disheartened as Daniel made an effort to unbuckle his seat belt with his right hand. Jack's hands made an involuntary move to assist him, but before Daniel noticed, his hands quickly changed their path, carding through his graying hair instead. Doc Fraiser's words echoing suddenly in Jack's mind. 'The muscle on the right arm was weakened, Colonel. It looks worse than it is. I know you want to help him pick up the pace, but don't, Sir. He *needs* to use it. The exercises the physical therapist showed Daniel will help. Just make sure he does them religiously.' The click of the released seat belt brought Jack back to reality.
"Um, Jack…The three R's. Reading, 'riting and 'rithemtic."
Rolling his eyes, Jack responded, feigning annoyance. "Do you think? No Daniel, rest, relaxation, rehabilitation."
"Read. Read begins with an 'r', Jack."
"I know, Daniel…I know it begins with an…."
"Research begins with an 'r' also."
"Daniel, I know…"
"Can I substitute, Jack? Take out two of the three 'R'"s that Janet gave you and substitute in reading and research?" Daniel laughed.
"Daniel, you need to…"
The laughter died and Daniel closed his eyes, hanging his head. Daniel took a deep breath, lifted his head and kept his eyes straight ahead…out the front window. He swallowed audibly. "I know I was ill…I know I was very ill. I know I scared a lot of people." With a snort Daniel continued, "Hell, I scared myself." He turned to face Jack, a ghost of a smile visible. "I know every time I became aware in that infirmary, someone from SG1 was sitting on that chair next to the bed. And I know, Jack, the majority of the time, it was you."
"Daniel, that's what ..."
"…friends and family do for each other. I know, Jack, you told me. And you also told me family members are honest with one another. So can I be honest with you now?"
"Of course, Daniel." Jack replied, concern evident in his voice.
Jack's heart began to pound in his chest as Daniel chewed on his bottom lip, concentration evident on his gaunt features. Daniel took a deep breath and exhaled noisily, "The truth of the matter is, Jack, I will go nuts up in your cabin fishing for a week if I can't bring my two R's with me."
Jack smiled, shaking his head. Glad to see Daniel back, kicking and screaming all the way. Fighting now, as he fought back from the coma once the illness took full hold of him in the infirmary. The smile froze on Jack's features as he remembered Daniel flat lining moments after Jack placed him on the gurney. The thought of 'What if he had gone fishing instead of going to see Daniel' replaying now in his mind as it did then.
A gentle tapping on his knee brought him back to reality. "Jack, I'm okay. Please. A week of your hovering over me is not my idea of rest, relaxation or rehabilitation."
"No?" Jack answered with a lopsided grin.
"No…" Daniel lifted his carryall from the floor of the car, placing the folder inside. Jack leaned over and snatched the carryall from Daniel's arms.
"Hey! Jack, give that back," Daniel cried indignantly.
Jack stuck his hand in the opening and pulled out a stack of mission folders, as well as Daniel's laptop. "Care to explain, Daniel?"
"Jack, there was an unbelievable amount of work in my "In" box, on top of my desk, all over my office." He scrubbed his face with his left hand. "How relaxed do you think I could possibly be, knowing what was sitting waiting for me to return?" A hint of anger was apparent in Daniel's voice.
"Daniel, you have a great support staff. Nayan…"
"I know Jack, but…"
Agitation apparent in voice and body language, Jack realized that this wasn't the best way to start off for a fishing expedition. Softly, he asked, "Compromise?"
Daniel paused…"Possibly, Jack. Compromise may be doable. What did you have in mind?"
"Laptop…"
"Laptop…that comes. No argument, Jack."
With a sigh, Jack folded on that front. "Two mission reports."
Daniel laughed. "No." He leaned over and grabbed an overflowing handful.
"Half." Jack countered. "Key word is compromise, Daniel…Compromise."
"Okay, Jack", Daniel agreed. Daniel placed the pile in his lap, separated them and handed them slowly back to Jack using his right hand. Daniel followed Jack's gaze to the arm and the two men shared a comforting smile. Daniel took the proffered carryall back from his friend and settled the folders atop the laptop resting on the bottom of the bag and closed it.
"I'll take the rest of these back to SGC and give them to Nayan, with love, from Daniel. Go pack…I'll be back as soon as I'm done." Daniel nodded slowly, averting his eyes.
"You okay, Daniel?" Jack asked, taking note of Daniel's awkwardness in opening the car door.
Daniel didn't turn as he replied, "Caring is good Jack. Smothering is bad…it makes for a very long week."
* * *
Daniel closed the door behind him, assaulted by a vicious odor in his apartment. Thoughts ran rampart through his mind. "Rotten garbage, dead fish, dead body?" Dropping his carryall and depositing his keys in his pocket, he made his way precariously through the loft. Surprisingly, only one of his fish had died in the time he had been sick here and then two weeks recovering in the infirmary. The dead, but not decomposing angelfish, would not give off the horrific odor still wafting through the apartment.
Daniel recognized the bag. 'Thai food. Or what had been Thai food was sitting on his counter with a container of Starbucks coffee and a bag of…' Daniel decided he didn't even want to go there and open up the grease-soaked bag to see what it had been or what was now living in there. He assumed that Jack must have brought them over for dinner the night he'd found him. The only salvageable item was the plum wine that Daniel deposited on the opposite counter…he contemplated the coffee…he had been caffeine free for days and it was so tempting. Realizing the milk most definitely had curdled was the deciding factor in trashing the coffee and the Thai food. Trying not to inhale, Daniel deposited it in the garbage and removed the offending bag to the garbage disposal in the hallway.
Reentering the loft, the items were removed but the smell still lingered. Daniel picked up the phone to call Jack's cell. "Jack…do me a favor. Don't be in that much of a hurry to come round and get me. Yeah…guess what I found. Give you a hint. Well the thing I totally recognize is the Starbucks coffee and the plum wine." Daniel paused, trying to locate some of air freshener under the sink…That's right, Jack…got it in one. The Thai food on the counter. I know …oops, you forgot. Thanks for the thought. A gift that keeps on giving, especially when it is left on the counter for about 2 weeks in an unventilated apartment. I know… other things on your mind. Yes…no, I didn't call to make you feel guilty."
Daniel hung up the phone, a slight smile reflected on his face. He lit the various candles scattered through his apartment. Closing his eyes, he remembered Teal'c's presence in the infirmary. Furrowing his brow, he tilted his head in an attempt to bring the memory closer. Teal'c had argued with Janet about lighting candles in the infirmary…but there was something else… Teal'c arguing with Jack in the infirmary. About… Daniel shook his head, the memory lost.
Walking over to the terrace and throwing open the doors, opening up various windows in the living room, he relished the breeze that drifted through the apartment. A cleansing breeze…wiping away all offending memories. Offending memories…Teal'c telling Jack to be honest. Honest about what? Daniel went out and sat on the terrace. Honest about what? Daniel reiterated in his mind. Sitting on the terrace chair, he tilted his head back and basked in the sun. Three weeks without sun, on PX2005, and then being sick here and then in the infirmary. The sun felt good and the air felt clean, not like the recycled air from the mountain.
Jack had apologized to Daniel, and his timing was impeccable, as Daniel was confined to the infirmary with a multitude of IVs and medical equipment attached to his body. Antibiotics, as well as some type of serum extracted from the offending plant found on the planet, and a recently administered painkiller, running through his veins made Daniel a very compliant participant in this one sided conversation.
"I'm sorry Daniel. You have every reason to be angry with me…for everything a very subdued Colonel stated.
In the present, Daniel tried to grasp at something more, something that was missing. Left unsaid. But it just kept slipping through the fog of the past week's illness.
Daniel reentered the apartment, needing to pack before Jack returned. He crossed the doorway into his bedroom and over the wood floors to open the windows, then paused, puzzled that the vile smell in the apartment had not permeated the bedroom. The door had not been closed and the bedroom had not been far enough from the decomposing Thai food to *not* enter this room.
Sand…the bedroom smelled of sand, and heat, and sun, and Abydos. Inhaling orgasmically, Daniel smelled Abydos. Home. Sha're. He remembered Sha're visiting him, lying with him, soothing him, protecting him. Daniel sat on the bed as a wave of loneliness constricted his soul and took his breath away. Tears, as involuntary as the beating of his heart or the breath in his lungs, sprang to his eyes. Picking up the pillow, he held it to his face to smother the sobs he felt encroaching his body. He hated himself for this show of emotion, this weakness, this helplessness, and this need for someone else in his life to be able to function.
Taking a cathartic deep breath, Daniel felt cleansed, maybe at peace, for the first time in a while. Leaning back to replace the pillow, he smiled at the grains of sand, scattered amongst the sheets and blankets of the bed… remnants of Sha're's visit. Abydos sand…sand from the home of his heart.
Daniel grabbed some clothes and toiletries for his fishing trip with Jack. Closing the bedroom door behind him, he hoped that his piece of Abydos would stay until he returned.
Daniel was surprised to see Jack already standing in the living room. Daniel walked over to place the articles of clothing for the trip in the carryall. "Daniel …you ready? Wow, not kidding about the smell. Sorry about that." Jack shrugged apologetically as he walked over to the terrace doors and shut them subconsciously.
Without forethought, Daniel turned to Jack. "Why did Teal'c want you to be honest with me?"
A look of confusion blossomed on Jack's face. "Daniel?"
Shrugging his shoulders, Daniel began to pace around the room. "I don't know Jack…something about…you were arguing."
Jack sighed deeply and hung his head. "I don't know."
"Please, Jack…you told me families were honest with each other. You know when we argued in the gateroom and you accused me of not knowing where my loyalties lied?"
"I didn't mean it Daniel. In the heat of …"
Quietly, Daniel answered, "You were right. I wasn't comfortable in the place I had made for myself. The person I had allowed myself to become. I had backed into a corner and the only way out…Suffice it to say, I needed to go to Abydos before I took the only other way out."
"Daniel Jack's voice rose in questioned panic.
"I was leaving the SGC, resigning, without a backwards glance. Without a goodbye. Hammond knew…he gave me six weeks to make my decision. The sixth week will be when we come back from fishing."
Hesitantly Jack questioned, "What's your answer, Daniel?"
Daniel screwed his eyes shut and asked, "What were your arguing about in the infirmary, Jack? What did Teal'c want you to tell me?"
"I can't, Daniel." The thought of barring his soul scared him worse than letting Daniel go and his team fall to pieces.
"You can't, Jack, or you won't? Fine line."
"You will really leave."
"Friends and family are honest with each other. Lack of honesty equals lack of family. Empty equation."
Jack nodded and took a deep breath. "Daniel, why did you fire the torpedoes to blow up the Russian sub with the replicators?"
"Because you needed me to… what the hell, Jack. What are you getting at?"
Jack walked over to Daniel's kitchen and found the bottle of Scotch in the cabinet. Pouring a glass, he downed it in a shot. "I'll tell you what I'm getting at." Jack began to talk, revealing to Daniel the epiphany he had on his rooftop under the stars while Daniel was on Abydos.
* * *
Jack had talked and Daniel listened. Really listened as Jack really talked. As he finished, he caught Daniel looking at him and smiling. A true smile, that Jack hadn't seen on his face for what seemed like and eternity. "What…you okay?" he asked his flustered commanding officer and friend. "You're making me nervous Daniel. Fly open?" Jack asked with a quick check.
Chuckling now, on the verge of progressing to full laughter, Daniel shook his head. "Okay…Daniel, let me in on the joke". Jack stepped forward and placed a hand on his forehead. "Daniel, healthy?"
Daniel took a step backwards, trying to maintain a semblance of protocol. "Remember, Jack. I'm an adult."
"Oh, yeah. Right." Jack looked away, placing his hands in his pockets, fully chastised by Daniel. "But you're okay, right? You're alright with this…what I told you. You're healthy?"
"Yes, Jack…healthier than I've been in a while," Daniel replied, knowing that health takes on many forms…health of body, health of a rediscovered friendship and glancing towards his closed bedroom door, the health of being able to find a place in your heart for love.