Chapter 10
Janet stood at the foot of Daniel's bed, eyeing the sleeping archeologist with regret. Daniel had been in the infirmary enough times to know from his "bedtime" body language, he would probably sleep over the projected 6 hours, if he was allowed. She couldn't even give him the two hours General Hammond allotted her. It was necessary for her to run some scans before departing and she needed him awake. That is why she came prepared with some tools of bribery: A steaming hot coffee and chocolate croissant. Walking over to the bedside and placing the coffee and pastry on the nightstand, she leaned over to shake his shoulder.
"Go 'way," Daniel said, turning over to the other side of the bed.
"Come on, Daniel!" Janet grabbed the coffee cup and walked around to the side of the bed that Daniel was now facing. Placing the cup under his nose she waited patiently for the desired results.
"Hmmmm." Blindly, he reached for the coffee cup. "Starbucks?" he asked, opening one eye.
"Yes…but don't tell anyone I gave you coffee in the infirmary or my reputation will be ruined," Janet begged. He pulled himself to a sitting position with Janet's assistance and grabbed at the cup. "Daniel you are a coffee slut…do you know that?"
"Well Janet, you are the enabler in this situation," Daniel said, eyeing the Starbuck's bag on the table. "Janet?"
Sighing, she threw the bag onto the bed. Daniel leaned down to gaze inside at his prize and Janet noticed that, as he bent his head, his expression turned into a grimace of pain.
Grabbing the cup and bag away she entered full doctor mode. "Daniel…"
"Janet, I'm fine, you woke me…you have to expect some slight dizziness after giving me a sedative and then letting me sleep like what, 20 minutes….can I please have my coffee and whatever was in the bag that smells delicious ….Jaaaanet, I may be a slut, but you're a tease," he whined, as she deposited the items out of his immediate reach.
Janet sat at the end of the bed and briefed Daniel regarding the General's conversation with her and Leske. Daniel's eyes lit up in anticipation…"Janet, I need to get ready, there are things that need to be done, the devices from Area 51…."
Putting up her hand to halt his tirade. "The devices are here and Leske is assisting Sgt. Siler in refitting them. Daniel, you've just had an alien device switched off in your head. I need to do some scans…"
Softly Daniel answered "Janet, it won't make a difference what you find, I have to…I need to go back. I could never live with myself if I don't. Even if you find something you need to …"
Janet knew where this was heading. "No Daniel….I won't trade one life for another."
Daniel continued like she never said anything. "Janet, do the math…it would be my life for three. One for three, I would say the odds are pretty good in my favor. You have to tell General Hammond that everything is fine, that I'm fine."
"Make you a deal…you have the scans and the tests, finish your coffee and danish, and fill in the blanks on how you received those marks on your face…and this discussion will be continued upon the results of the tests."
Daniel knew for Janet this was a compromise. He also realized how different the other "Dr. Fraiser" had been. The little nuances… did he not see them? Did SG1 not see them? They were in the infirmary enough…he was a scientist…how could he have missed the little glances, the touches, the impatience, the caring? Thinking back, he was ashamed for not realized something had been wrong.
So Daniel had his scans and his blood tests and he was now sitting in Janet's office drinking his nuked coffee and danish dressed in a fresh set of BDUs.
"Didn't want me drinking the coffee in the infirmary?" Daniel mumbled his mouth full of danish.
Thinking she should have brought him two danish, Janet laughed. "No…I didn't want crumbs on the bed." She had cleaned and treated his marked face on his first visit to the infirmary. Janet had questioned him them, but he mumbled something and refused to elaborate when prodded. Now cornered, she waved her hand in the direction of his face. "Sharp object?"
"Glass…shattered glass." Putting down his coffee and lacing his fingers together, he placed his shaking hands on is lap. He could feel himself begin to hyperventilate as he thought of Talin, the control room, and the power that mad man still had over the remaining members of SG1.
"Daniel." Janet leaned forward and touched his clenched hands. "You only told us in the debriefing that you ascended…would you like to possibly give me more information than that?"
He rewarded her with a smile that never touched his eyes. Daniel began as he told the story of Kelona, the Naquadriah, the weapon, Jonas, what he did to save the planet and then what was done to him. "Talin took me out of the scenario about 3 hours after I entered the infirmary. He let someone else be me…then he made me watched the outcome. Everyone believed….believed I ascended like Orlin or Oma Desala."
"Orlin, Daniel?"
"Yeah, you remember. Sam was pretty…" Noting the blank expression on Janet's face, Daniel's eyes widened and suddenly, he jumped up, unabashed horror evident on his face. "That son of a bitch. That goddamned SOB." Daniel hung his head, running his hands through his hair.
Visibly taken back by Daniel's abrupt change in attitude, Janet attempted to placate him with a soothing tone. "*Who*, Daniel?"
Janet was shocked by the emotion and anger now reflected on Daniel's face; his whole body visibly vibrated with it. "Talin…he screwed with my…our minds. Janet, I have a whole year of vivid memories," Daniel screwed his eyes shut, tapping at his temple for emphasis, "of missions that did not exist. People and planets…" Daniel opened his eyes, dark with anger, pounding his chest. "And the feelings he made us feel in here. The anger…do you know Janet, by the time Talin had me ascending, Jack and I barely spoke… And enemies he gave us… enemies and new Goa'ulds…and Sarah…I saw Sarah again." Daniel stopped his pacing, realization dawning on his face. "Knowledge, he gave me knowledge and showed me cultures and languages. In my reality the Tollan were destroyed. He destroyed my friendship with Jack and the rest of the team. God, he made me alone again."
Janet stepped up to Daniel, she made an attempt to comfort him, thinking how he really needed to be asleep or have an IV sedative running through his veins at this moment. What he didn't need, and was going to get, was a possible one-way ticket through the stargate to regain the teammates he believed he left behind.
"No!" Daniel yelled, putting out his arms to ward off Janet's approach. "How do I know he's not messing with my mind now? Hmm? Janet, answer me that. How the hell can I be sure this is real and not just another *scene*. Give me an answer Janet, tell me how can I know this is really my home."
Janet couldn't think of an answer that would pacify Daniel. All her lack of response accomplished was to add fuel to the fire of anger growing inside of Daniel. "You can't answer me…because there is no answer…I don't know if this is home." Out of anger, frustration and countless other emotions Daniel took the first breakable object off Janet's desk, her half filled coffee mug and threw it against the cement wall. It shattered on impact, sending the remaining coffee cascading down the green walls in Janet's office.
Janet saw a rage in Daniel that the Colonel had only referred to once or twice before. An anger usually harbored towards Apophis…and now Talin. Janet and Daniel stood transfixed on the shattered remains littering Janet's floor. After a few moments they both looked up, Janet's heart constricting at the fatigue and resignation on Daniel's face as he softly said, "I don't think I will ever be able to differentiate between reality and the nightmare that was the past twelve months of my life." Janet was spared having to answer the heartbreaking statement by a knock on her office door. "Come in."
"I have the results of Dr. Jackson's scans" said Janet's charge nurse, Christine. Christine smiled at Daniel. "Glad to have you back, Dr. Jackson."
Daniel smiled. "Thanks."
Janet took the results of the tests, thanking the heavens above for Christine. She was more than a capable nurse, a leader, and always willing to "adopt" Cassie when Janet needed to go away for a few days. Daniel's one word of 'Thanks' didn't surprise Janet. After listening, Daniel probably felt he was in limbo…neither world feeling comfortable enough at the moment to call home.
"Well?" Daniel inquired standing in front of Janet.
"Sorry…let's see." She placed the films on the backlight and opened the report to read it.
"Janet?"
"Daniel wait a minute…give me a chance to absorb the material," Janet replied tersely.
Properly reprimanded, Daniel sat slumped in the office chair, head down, ensconced in a body hug.
Sitting across from him, she slid the report to him. "Well, Daniel…it could be better, it could be worse. From this standpoint, if we were staying earthside, I would say, no problem. But since we are going to attempt gate travel…well, I'm not sure of any residual effects."
"Show me."
Janet stood and pointed to the scan. "There is a slight swelling around the area of the neurofilter. That is what's concerning me."
"I told you it's my decision."
"But I will have effectively signed your death certificate if you die on Leske's world."
"But you will have signed my death certificate if you don't permit to me to go."
Great, now Janet had another concern. "Are you blackmailing me, Dr. Jackson? Telling me you will kill yourself if I don't let us go through the gate?"
Daniel couldn't trust himself to speak. Couldn't trust himself to meet Janet's eyes. Couldn't trust himself to go on without his team, his family. Couldn't trust himself if he lost anymore people in his life.
The ringing phone caused them both to jump. "Fraiser."
"Yes, General, all finished. Nothing showed up that will affect his gate travel." Closing her eyes as she blatantly lied to her commanding officer. "Yes sir, we will be good to go in about 45 minutes."
Hanging up the phone, she met Daniel's gaze head on. "Before you say thank you …listen to me. I want you to take steroid medication for the swelling. If you exhibit any signs out of the ordinary, headache, vomiting, nausea, tiredness… you must let me know. And also antibiotics. Oh …I'll be doling them out. I will be reminding you and giving you the medication. Do you understand me?"
Daniel nodded his head in agreement, a smile lighting up his fatigued features "Thank you Janet." Standing, he continued. "I need to get ready."
"Don't make me sorry, Daniel. Please. Meet the General in the briefing room in 45 minutes."
Daniel was out of the office before Janet even finished, and was on his way to his sanctuary. He needed something. He hoped he could locate it, knowing somehow it would convince at least one member of his team that he had never ascended.
Entering his office, he kept the lights subdued. He hadn't admitted to Janet the headache that was forming as they spoke. He went to his desk and extricated an aspirin bottle. Dry swallowing three, he stood in his room, his face a mask of concentration, thinking of the location of item he was seeking.
Daniel had a method to his madness…he actually knew where every item in his office was. To the lay person, his mess looked… well, it looked like a disorganized mess. But if anyone needed research material, Daniel was able to find it in seconds. 'Controlled disorganization,' Jack had called it, Daniel recalled with a smile.
Silently praying, he stepped up to the cork board hanging next to his desk. Briefly scanning the top layer of papers hanging from it, he shook his head and began pulling them down, revealing another, slightly thinner layer. His eyes lit up as he caught a glimpse of his quarry. "Yes," he said excitedly. There it was…one of the tiny note cards that are sold in the stationary section of a card store. The type you buy when you realize you have forgotten to purchase a regular card. Reading it and smiling, he knew that this was going to tip the scales in his favor when shown to Sam. Knowing when she saw it, she would believe him.
He placed it carefully into one of the many pockets of his pants and zipped it closed. Turning, his eyes fell on the couch in his room. He took a deep breath, aware that the hint of a headache was blossoming into a full blown migraine. He found a bottle of painkillers and took two. Grateful, for having the Danish and coffee to absorb some of the stomach upset, he knew how he would be feeling from the combination of the pills. Setting the timer on his watch for 30 minutes, he stretched out on the couch to sleep, hoping to catch a few moments to clear the fogginess that was settling in on brain.
* * * *
The beeping of the watch in his ear awoke Daniel. He took a few minutes to orient to the surroundings, stretching. Inhaling deeply, he was aware of how much better he did actually feel after this short nap. Time to go and retrieve the rest of his team. Standing, he placed both the aspirin bottle and bottle of painkillers in another of his pants pockets. His little secret. Janet need never know. When his team was safely home, there would be enough time to worry about how he felt. Leaning down, he patted the pocket holding the card. Satisfied that it was there, he left to join the others in the General's office.
Daniel entered, surprised to see Leske and Janet already there. Waving Daniel to a seat, the General gave them some last minutes instructions. Daniel and Janet were surprised at the brevity of the meeting. What they didn't know was that General Hammond himself was working against the clock. The NID had gotten wind that Dr. Jackson was back at the SGC along with an alien bearing advanced technology. The NID were on their way to the compound now, to ensure that neither Dr. Jackson nor Leske went through the gate. They didn't care that the remaining members of SG1 would be left on the planet, they just wanted to get their hands on Leske's neurofilters.
"Okay folks, that's it. You have a go."
No MALP was permitted through the wormhole. The coordinates were programmed into the computer and the chevrons began to lock. Leske placed the devices on herself, Janet, and Daniel. "Remember, when Ronar gets my signal, we need to go into the wormhole as my planet's Team 7. He will escort us to a holding area. Whatever you do…do NOT turn these devices off. There are cameras everywhere. Daniel, especially you….do not turn it off, that would tip Talin off. We need to bide time. Got it?"
Daniel and Janet nodded their heads in agreement, Daniel again leaning down to check the card in his pocket. Satisfied of its placement, he gave the all clear sign to the General in the observation window as the seventh chevron locked. The General rewarded him with a salute and a thumbs up. Leske gave the signal to initiate the devices. The last words Daniel heard before stepping into the horizon to bring his teammates home were Janet's. "A guy Leske? I've morphed into a man? I'm gonna kill you for this."
* * * *
Talin strode into Hammond's office, struggling to keep a wide grin off his face. Everything was going exactly as planned. Why shouldn't he be happy?
Major Carter was, predictably, down in the control room, wearing a rut in the floor, awaiting news from SG1. They had been gone for 12 hours and she had barely been able to sit still for fifteen minutes since they left. The minor level of paranoia he had induced through the neurofilter had also gone a long way toward increasing her anxiety. Perfect.
Talin sat down at the General's desk and glanced at the clock on the wall, before redirecting his attention toward the open door of the office. *Any time, now, Sorit…*
Just then, the klaxons began to blare, and Talin gave in to his urge to smile for just a second.
"Incoming wormhole," came the nameless voice over the PA. Talin composed himself and picked up a pen, trying to look busy as Sgt. Davis knocked on the doorframe and poked his head in.
"General, sir? We're receiving a signal. It's SG1, sir," the white-haired man said quickly, pausing just long enough to get a nod from the General.
Talin stood up, absently brushing off his uniform, and walked out of the office, down the stairs, and into the control room, where he took great pleasure in seeing Major Carter wild-eyed, seated at a computer, knuckles white as she clenched her fists on the counter.
Davis, who took his seat again just before Hammond had entered the room, had his headphones on and turned to Carter and the General. "Sir, there's no sign of a traveler, but we are getting a radio signal."
"Pipe it through the speakers, Sergeant," replied 'Hammond', holding his breath. Talin couldn't wait to see what would happen next.
"…acob Carter to … Repeat, this is Jacob Carter …GC. Do you copy? …ome in."
Talin spared a glance at Major Carter as the color drained from her face upon hearing her father's troubled voice and the staff blasts in the background.
"We read you, Jacob. What is your status?" 'Hammond' replied.
"Jack and Teal'c have been captured," Jacob shouted through the radio. Carter put a hand to her mouth and shook her head. "… inned down at the DHD… n't get to … gate. George, you gotta…" The room was filled with the sound of a staff blast in glorious stereo, and the radio went silent.
Major Carter remained seated for a moment, staring listlessly at the gate as the wormhole disengaged. Then, without a word, she stood and stiffly walked out the door, as though she could fall over at any moment. Talin smiled.
* * * *
*He promised. He promised. He promised. He promised. He promised…*
Sam wandered aimlessly through the endless corridors of the SGC, unable to comprehend much more than the fact that she was well and truly alone. When she tried to think the situation through logically, her head just got cluttered with irrelevant information. It was too hard, so after a while, she just stopped trying.
She settled for getting comfortable with her quiet, welling anger and guilt. Let it consume her.
This was all her fault. Somehow… she hadn't figured that out yet, exactly, but it had to be her fault. She must have done *something* to deserve losing *everyone* she cared about within two week's time. She should have been there.
*No one else should suffer because of you*, she thought, and suddenly, Sam wasn't so aimless anymore. She found herself almost running toward her quarters, ignoring the people she passed in the halls, ignoring the sound of the klaxons warning an incoming wormhole, ignoring what Siler… Ronan had told her. She forgot, and out of habit, trusted herself. Trusted that she had nothing left.
She slowed down when she reached her door. Those damned klaxons were still going off. For just a moment, Sam had enough clarity of mind to hope that it was the Colonel, Teal'c, and her father… that they were home and safe and that everything was okay. But the hope was fleeting and as she reached for the door handle, her world crashed around her again, and she managed to stave off hysterics just long enough to close the door behind her.
She was able to take four steps into the dark room before falling to her knees. She didn't want to cry. She hated crying. Hated *herself* when she cried, but now she couldn't help it. She moaned in pitiful agony and let the tears come, wrapping her arms tightly around herself as she rocked on her knees. She sobbed until her vision blurred, until her fingernails drew blood from the palms of her clenched hands, until the anger came back, and drew her slowly to her feet.
She clenched her jaw and threw the nearest object she could find, taking perverse satisfaction in hearing glass shatter on the gray concrete wall. She ran to her small desk and turned on the lamp so she could see the mayhem she intended to create. She tore through the pile of papers sitting on the desk, threw the pencil can at the wall, and followed it closely with the metal chair that had been pushed neatly under the table. It made a wonderful, almost melodic, crashing sound when it hit the concrete.
Having exhausted the resources of the desk, she moved toward the nightstand next to her bunk and pulled the single drawer out, flinging it at the door. It's contents spilled all over the room, leaving a trail of papers and knickknacks in its wake. She watched it and perceived it in slow motion, hypnotized by the almost beautiful display, until an unexpected clatter pulled her back to her senses. She looked to where the drawer had landed, and was almost surprised when a glint of metal caught her eye. Her Beretta.
Sam had never liked killing, but she loved guns. She loved the way they looked, she loved feeling one's weight in her hand, loved the sound they made and bracing herself against the recoil when she pulled the trigger, she loved the physics behind propelling an object at so great a velocity from something so small.
Slowly, she walked toward the door and crouched to pick up the gun, checking to see if it was loaded. She didn't know why, probably just out of habit… she *never* kept it loaded when she was on base. When she pulled the clip, though, she discovered a single bullet remained. She stared blankly at it for a moment, then stood and walked over to her bunk and sat down.
Sam turned it over in her hands, examining it, admiring its construction. She took a deep breath before clicking off the safety and chambering the round. She smiled a bit as she realized that her head had finally cleared and her thoughts boiled down to two things: One, her hand did not shake as she brought the gun to her temple, and two, no one else was going to suffer because of her.