Tuesday, Feburary 13th 2001
Truth is I am Pissed at God/dess. That slow-simmering resentment anger and fear that creeps in whenever I am completely overwhelmed.
In early sobriety I expected my life to be chaos...and then I learned to get things straightened out a bit and reduce the insanity. I had more and more glimpses of serenity and peace flow through my life and as time went on I noticed them staying longer.
My favorite saying was "Serenity is not freedom from the storm but Peace amid the Storm." Every single tough thing I went through I felt the "overwhelming sense of my Creator" in and through me. Its not there right now...and hasn't been for most of the month.
Okay its been a real bitch...but in reality no bigger than any other nightmare I've walked through....in the top ten...but comparatively speaking...about the same.
I have done steps on it...I have journalled and talked and the bottom line is that I feel severly betrayed by God......one more time He/She didn't stop the nightmare and they left.
In my mind its categorized kinda like my parents....I love them dearly but don't always like the shit they pulled. I never did buy that "this hurts me more than it hurts you" crap.
Faith comes in the list of times that God/dess has been there regardless of my want or desire. The times I was ready to quit and all the miracles that have been brought to my doorstep, all show me, undeniably,that I am loved and protected by this God/dess. This one just hurts like hell....making the vision cloudy and the heart closed. It will pass. Always does...faith carries me when I don't want to believe...when its easier to talk myself into giving up(NOT THE SAME AS SURRENDERING)....when I refuse to see the light because my eyes are tightly shut against any ray of hope.
And then it changes...always...that's my faith in my higher power.
Soberly submitted by Jo E. from Phoenix, AZ.
Welcome To The Fellowship
Welcome to the fellowship
Here take this chair
When you walked through our doors
We'll show you that we care
We will love you
Until you can love yourself
Put the plug in the jug
Keep the drugs on the shelf
All you need is a desire to stop
That's all it takes
To join our way
We'll share our program
Show you how to live in today
You will never again be lonely
Unless you choose
As long as you don't pick up
You'll never lose
We will teach you
How to work the steps
One by one
We will teach you
That in sobriety
You can have fun
Surrender to win
Is a good place to begin
First you have to clean up the past
In here no one is first
And no one is last
We have a way that is simple
But not easy you see
Rest assured we'll teach you
How to live free
In here we know
How you feel inside
Because we have been
Where your at
But no longer hide
Welcome to the fellowship
Of pure love
This program was given to us
By God above
Have some coffee
Sit right down
We are so happy
That you have come around
We'll show you how we
Make our way
Then you can be blessed
Yourself
As you give it away
Welcome to the fellowship
Daniel M C.
1/6/2001
DMCDREAMER@aol.com
Monday, February 26, 2001
What's the topic? Did I see something about
relationships? Piece of cake. We've all heard it many
times in these rooms. Can't have a friend if you can't be a
friend. That particular phrase makes me work hard at living
the 12 Steps of any recovery program. I have got to respect
others in order for any one to respect me. It's simple for
me. The Old Man told me in the beginning that If I can't get
along with some one to take a good look at myself before judging
that person. What I have found out is all I have to do is
lower my expectations of certain people and all of a sudden I see
that they are just OkeyDokey. Had been all the time.
It was me putting conditions on them. I must always
remember to give ppl the dignity to be who they are. Who am
I to try to change any one?
Now, relationships RE man and woman. Easy stuff in sobriety.
Once again, I must give Rosie the dignity to be who she is.
And guess WTF I get in return? Yep, she gives me that same
gift. We both have a life. Kind of like walking two
different paths, only they are side by side and quite often we
share the road together.
Good relationships takes work. Anything positive takes a
certain amount of effort. I see allot of ppl who just don't
get that. They think that true love is just an automatic
thing. I think not. I enjoy "working" on a
relationship because the rewards are heavenly. Sobriety is
heavenly.
Had a guy ask me once how he could make his wife a better wife.
My answer was for him to stop trying to make his wife a better
wife. He was confused for a moment, then he got it.
About a month later I ran into him at a meeting and he told me
that he never knew what a wonderful woman he was married to until
he stopped trying to control her.
Enough out of me for today.
Maverick, alcoholic. I come to these rooms because I'm
powerless over alcohol, people, places and things and I thank my
HP that I know this today. Love ya all and there ain't a
damn thing you can do about that except maybe love me back a
little.
Remember, keep a rainbow in your heart and the world will be a
better place.
Be safe, be sober, be "still" O.K., bye!
The Mav
