Hey there it's Bill, you know ... the guy who sends all the poems, that feel good stuff and an occasional joke. I thought I'd try something a little different today, I'm going to share little of me.

On Sunday mornings around here is one of those news magazine type shows called, oddly enough, "Sunday Morning". It's a little different from most news shows though, in that it has a lot of good stories, not all the blood and guts that are so popular today in news programming. Now I don't really pay strict attention the whole 90 minutes the shows on, I'm usually doing other things while it's on, but when the last segment comes on I stop what I'm doing and watch. This last portion of the show is only about a minute long but it commands my attention. What they do is put a microphone and camera somewhere out in nature where a city boy like me doesn't often get to see or hear, a babbling brooke with fish catching flies, a field with grazing animals, some wild flowers swaying in the wind, no humans, no voice overs, just a few moments with nature, undisturbed. I try to allow the beauty of this peaceful segment of the show influence my mood for the rest of the week. Some times it works.

I live a few miles outside of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. It's called the suburbs, but it's so built up and over crowded here it may as well be part of the city. I drive a tri-axle dump truck for a living. I haul stone, sand, dirt, and blacktop for a local quarry or get rented to various contractors to haul material for them. My truck, when loaded, can legally weigh 73,280 pounds here in PA. 80,000 pounds if I'm in New Jersey. The average car weighs in at 2,000 pounds. Lots of hills here in PA make the truck very slow or really fast, what most people in cars don't realize is, gravity and momentum work big time with heavy trucks. I always have some one in a car jumping out in front of me, causing my heart to jump out of my chest, so that they don't have to be behind a slow truck. Near misses can make my days pretty stressful. But I do love to be outside, I don't think I could work in doors all the time.

Remember all the hype about the Y2K bug? Y2K kicked my ass. No, my computer didn't, nor any computer that directly affected me, crash. The world on January 01, 2000 was pretty much the same as it was on December 31, 1999. I was just in the middle of a real bad string of luck. My father died in 1999, my marriage fell apart in 2000, I had some extremely bad financial difficulties in 2000, and I put on a lot of weight so my health isn't that great. It seems like anything that could go wrong has, with one exception, I haven't escaped all this crappy luck in a bottle of booze or some other drug. One plus on a mile long list of negatives. Of course, for me, this one plus makes the list of negatives a whole hell of a lot shorter than it could be. All in all, the year 2000 (Y2K) was a rotten year. 2001 hasn't shown any signs of being different so far.

I get up to get ready for work every morning at 4:30am EDT. As a result I get to see the sunrise pretty often, but while at work I don't pay it much attention. I remember when my wife and I were still in love early in our relationship I would wake her and my step daughter up in what they called "the middle of the night" and drag them out to the car. I would then head to the New Jersey shore about 70 minutes away from home. There I would drag the family onto the beach and we would watch the sunrise over the Atlantic Ocean. It was an awesome sight, something very relaxing about the sunrise. Most people are still in bed, it's the most peaceful time of day for me.

Today, I had my own "Sunday Morning" moment and it lasted little over an hour. Boy, did I ever need it. While making a delivery a few weeks ago I passed by a spot, like so many others, that I said I'd have to come back to on a day off. I don't often go back or even remember it was there, my day to day life can be overwhelming at times. Well this time I did go back, I got on my motorcycle and it was towards the city, not away, I went. The City of Philadelphia has a pretty extensive park land set up called Fairmont Park. I went to a section called the Belmont Plateau. From here I sat on a hill with rolling fields and trees all around me. it was about a half hour before sunrise. I could see the Center City Philadelphia skyline (about 5 or 6 miles away) from my perch. It was beautiful with all the lights and shapes of the building tops. I could hear a woodpecker pecking away, song birds singing and the peacefulness of an undisturbed morning whispered hello, and there were a couple of squirrels chasing each other around the tree tops. Indeed this was a true "Sunday Morning" experience. As sunrise approached (6:13am according to the local weather service) the clouds thickened, bummer I thought, but even so, I've already enjoyed a peace I haven't felt in years. The power of nature is amazing, from total destruction to absolute peace, amazing. All of a sudden there was a small streak of orange peaking through one of the cloud layers, the clouds had opened a little area of sky for me, and through some trees, who only had a hint of green on their branches, there it was, a piece of the sun, getting ready to start a new day. There was just enough of an opening in the clouds I could see the whole sun as it climbed into the sky before it disappeared behind more clouds, bright orange, awesome. Like the trees just starting to grow new leaves I felt a sense of renewal. I hope to hold onto this peacefulness. I had my camera with me and shot a whole roll of film hoping to capture this moment. It was overcast so I don't know if the shots will turn out, but the ones in my memory are clear, for now at least. As the sun got higher in the sky the city started to wake up. I could now hear cars on the nearby, but hidden from view, Schuylkill Expressway, there were a few joggers in the park, and a dog forever chased a ball for a little girl. A fella pulled up and got out of his car, stretched and seemed to take in the beauty of the moment as well. "Good Morning" he said, yes, it is, isn't it, said I. I got on my bike and rode around the park a little longer, grabbing every last minute of this wonderment I could and headed home to do some chores I needed to get done.

The better times in my life weren't void of problems, I was just in a better frame of mind to handle them. The better times in my life were filled with little "time outs" like I took this morning. I hope I can force myself to do my own Sunday morning moments like this more often. I sure needed it. Be well, Bill

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I'm getting another day !!!  Hope you are too !!! Be Well.
Hey, if you have a few minutes and check out my web site:
(my pages are graphically intense and take a bit to load, so
relax and have a cup of coffee while you wait, hehehe)

Simply this:

What I am today . . . what I have become . . . I owe to the Program of
Alcoholics Anonymous.  I stand on different soil now than I have ever stood
on before.  I am cleansed to the bone.  I am reborn to a new life and a new
consciousness.  I know my place and I keep my place.  I have faith in the
process of life and I offer myself to that process with complete abandon.  I
walk with my heart first and my head last.  I am God's gift to me.

Reality is sufficient today.  I have no need to color it, change it, enhance
it or deny it.  Drugs and alcohol have lost their appeal altogether.  They
cannot offer me what I already have.

I am beyond harm.  I am beyond being taken advantage of.  Some may try, some may even think they succeed, but they are defeated before they begin.  I refuse to harbor resentments.  They are of utterly no use to me.  I am here
to learn and serve . . . that's all.

I am perfect in my imperfection.  But I say what is imperfect in me.

God knows better.

(Soberly submitted by Bruce D. from California)

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

I look at the Serenity Prayer and I see a powerful message for only being 26 words long.  For this alky, it is the best prayer I have ever prayed and I do use it at least on a daily basis, sometimes hourly depending on the situation.  For me it is my main express to peace of mind.

What can't I change?  People, places and things.  I have tried many times to change others and it does not work.  I can't change you but I can sure change me.

What does it take for me to change?  A great deal of courage.  It is real easy to get into a comfortable spot, but that usually leads to complacency for me.  I cannot afford complacency in my life as it leads to negative behavior.  Complacency leads to denial.  For this alky, I am a past master at denial, even today with all the time I have been sober.  I can get into denial at the bat of an eye.  So in order to stay out of this arena I have to be willing to change.  I sort of look at my life as still a work in progress and it will continue to be that until my last day on earth.  I am constantly changing and evolving. Today my main challenge is trying to change my employment situation.  I have been unemployed for almost two months and quite honestly have really enjoyed having the time off.  However, the bank book says it is time to go back to work.  It takes alot of courage to seek new employment as there is a search for some kind of security.  I am constantly fighting fear as my faith is somewhat lacking.  I know I have God in my life and He is the director, but I have a stubborn streak in me.  It is kind of like playing russian roulette, let's see how close to the edge I can get before I have to pull back.  Really stupid behavior.  With God's help, I can change and I will.

Ah, the wisdom to know the difference.  I believe this comes in time, it is not something that happens overnight.  It took me many years to attempt to change people, places and things.  It has taken me many years to apply the last sentence of the Serenity Prayer.  In any given situation, all I have to do is ask myself, do I have any control over the situation, if I don't then I have to accept it and if I do, then I have to get up the courage to change it if necessary.

The Serenity Prayer has truly taught me how to deal with life on life's terms and have a certain peace of mind, too.

(Soberly submitted by Mary Ann M. from Huntington Beach, CA)