Am I the only person in America who is sick of watching live police shows? First there was America's Most Wanted, hosted by John Walsh, whose son was abducted and murdered many years ago by a stranger. I liked America's Most Wanted - it was about REAL criminals who committed awful, dangerous crimes against other, innocent people. And you were left with the impression that such people, though terrible, were rare.
Then there was "Cops" where camera crews rode along with the city's finest of America's finest cities. It seemed innocent enough at first - after all cops are the good guys, aren't they? Surely, just because they burst into homes in impoverished neighborhoods at dawn in numbers large enough to overthrow a small third world country wearing flack jackets and toting automatic weapons against unwed mothers and stoned teenagers doesn't mean they're terrorists, right? After all, the American public deserves to be protected from such an insidious criminal element as unlicensed and uninsured drivers who have failed to appear, don't they? Why, you could be living right next door to one of these menacing threats to the very fiber of western society. You could BE one of these menacing threats to the very fiber of western society.
It seems that you can't turn the television on at all today without being presented with endless videos of high speed chases or yet another episode of your-tax-dollars-at-work putting a dangerous drug addict behind bars for the heinous crime of possessing marijuana. And what's with these high speed chases? The police try to pull someone over for driving with expired tags, the guy panics and runs. Why chase him on the ground? This response seems only to make them drive faster and more recklessly. According to the programs I've watched, there seem to be plenty of helicopters available to track the culprits. And if the cops got close enough to read the tags on the car (assuming it's not stolen), why don't they just drive to the guy's house and wait for him there? That's usually where these drivers seem to be trying to go - home. If the car IS stolen, then track them from the air at a discreet distance until they either stop or run out of gas. If the tapes are to be believed, most of these drivers are drugged or intoxicated - they'll either go home or fall asleep at the next stop light. But chasing a DRUNK driver at speeds of over 100 miles per hour doesn't sound like the best way "to serve and protect."
Today, we have more live action police programs than ever. There's "Cops," "Real TV," "Busted on the Job: Caught on Tape," "L.A.P.D.: Life on the Beat," "America's Dumbest Criminals," and a assortment of seasonal collections of the ilk of "Most Dangerous Police Chases." Next we'll be seeing, "Seven-Eleven's Fuzziest Checkout Videos," where we can watch people try to get away with taking too many pennies out of the little bucket on the counter, or watch a daring bust of teenagers trying to buy tobacco products. That ought to put a stop to all those people who try to read the magazines without paying for them first.
I think Fox is planning on airing "Meter Maids: Preventing Perverse Parking" next fall and there's a rumor that cable television is adding a new police channel with such great shows as "Parochial School Hall Monitor," and "Sidewalk Spitters: Caught in the Act." I understand that NBC turned down the pilot for "Bicycle Bodyguards: Protection on Campus" in favor of "College Cops" for their Tuesday night lineup. Naturally, "College Cops" will be followed by "Safe and Secure," featuring warehouse security guards wearing mini-cams. Specials for sweeps week may include "Grammar School Gum Chewers," and the long-demanded "Fashion Police."
Thanks to the installation of new highway cams, we can look forward to such treats as "Litterbugs on Parade," and a really special special about folks who break the rules in Master Planned Communities. Segments include people who live on golf courses and (gasp!) DON'T GOLF, and lawn-and-garden-variety lawbreakers guilty of such offenses as painting their mailboxes or installing birdhouses that haven't been approved by the Homeowner's Association. Yes, we have them on tape, too!
I think what I'd really like to see is a different spin on these law-enforcement reality-television programs. For instance, the City of El Paso, Texas recently approved an expenditure of $112,000 a year, payable to a private security firm. Their job? To guard the El Paso City Police Station. How about a different reality-based program called "America's Dumbest Cops?"
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