I read the poem,
about a week before Shane died.
It was right after,
he had pulled a stunt with the gun.
I read it, without reading it.
Or maybe I read in to it, what I wanted to see.
But not what He was saying.
I dont know.
But now, after, when I read it.
I see he was telling me what he felt,
how desperate he was, and saying goodbye.
Shane was not a great speller, So I am
typing it, next to the copies of the actual poem.

No words left to say Everybody sees it in a different way, A struggle for your life, to the end It starts as a baby, that's where you begin. You struggle through life, looking where you fit in, You find such a place, but all of a sudden You feel out of place, and its soon to end For all your life, you knew there was never Such a place where Someones arms you could forever embrace Its an illusion, a myth, that God put in this place. And all my life, I see such a waste. But sooner or later, its going to end And you look back on your life, and you say to yourself, why couldn't it end before it all began? So you find your self at such a loss And you wonder whats in your brain, And you wonder if there's a thing called insane If there is, In time you pulled out A 357 and blew out your brains. You would give it all away to see the end of the day. But hey, Mister, don't you walk away, You left everything to a woman, Who made you feel this way. Listen son, All I can say I hope all that stuff helps her Along her way, And I hope someday She finds out there is such a wonderful place. Author: Shane Farr. April 1999

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I'm not really sure what I am supposed to think, or feel, But one thing I do know, is there is nothing I can DO to change what is. I hate that! So very much. So many, what if's, I could of, I would of, I wish I hads, I want to just turn back time. To one minute before. To 6:07pm, April 21st. Then I could hug him, instead of snap back at him, when he snapped at me. Then he would be here. He would be here! And I wouldn't be writing this. I would be snuggled next to him, in our bed, in our home. And the all the world would be right. Too bad hind sight's 20/20. I am thankful and blessed to have known such a man. And even more so, and proud to be his wife. And I will always believe and know in my heart, this was an accident. I know some may say, your just fooling yourself. Or, it is easier to get through it thinking that. Well, I know what I know, I know what I saw and heard, And I know what he meant to happen, and this was not it. He has always felt no one loved or cared about him. But he knew I loved him! And I find great peace in that. Thank you so much for reading about my love. You don't know how much it means to me! When I miss him,I can find him, right here, in my heart.