I hate ties. I really do and although I'd like this page to be humorous, I must stress that I am serious. I hate ties and refuse to wear one ever again under any circumstances. Why do I hate ties, you may very well ask (I hope)?
In an age when hatred causes so much suffering let us use hatred for a higher purpose. Hate not your fellow man, but his paisley print cravat by all means despise.
It is no sin to loathe an inanimate object, especially when it is wrapped around your throat.
I present to you:
Why Hate Ties?
i.a. Constriction. It's like having a noose around one's neck.
i.b. Why not just carry a piece of rope around with you to be strangled with by an assailant?
ii. Convention. Why should we (men)* have to wear a tie to be considered a professional. Imagine if women were expected to wear dresses only, or should I say, if it were enforced.
iii. Ties are ugly. I will conceed this is a subjective opinion (as all opinions are) but if I find ties displeasing isn't it a violation of civil rights to be discriminated against for not wishing to wear one? Imagine being expected to wear a hat. (Hats are another thing I must discuss with you but first ...)
* As of 1998 ties became part of the dress uniform for females in the Canadian army.
The Revolution
I wish to implement an international Anti-Tie Day Campaign. On this day no person shall wear a tie and will encourage others not too as well. I believe it should be held annually on either Feb. 28 or Mar. 1 so that on leap years it can be The Anti-Tie Days. Or it could be a two day festival and on leap years it would be a three day Anti-Tie extravaganza. This might be pushing the establishment too far, too fast, however. In any event, if you feel remotely as I, DO NOT WEAR A TIE ON AT LEAST ONE OF THESE DAYS. At the very, very, very least PLEASE don't wear a tie on February 29.
It is time for liberation. Burn the ties! Unlike the senseless bra burning of the past where articles of clothing that served a perfectly good function were destroyed, this will be a true emancipation, a shedding of cervix shackles and a metamorphic blossoming into ... Sorry, I did get a little carried away but damn it, BURN THE TIES ANYWAY!
But nor need it be noosed
Yes, by all means E-mail me and tell me just precisely how lame this page is. A warning: in the near future poetry and prose may be added.
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