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Welcome To Fibro-Haze Humor Page 8

  • You have just surfed into Fibro-Haze Land... sit down, kick your shoes off, get comfortable... you're gonna be here awhile! LoL :~)

    UPDATE: June 15, 2004 -
    To date, I have received 3,000+ Survey Responses from 14 Countries, including Australia, Belgium, Canada, Germany, Israel, Netherlands, New Zealand, Philippines, Spain, South Africa, Sweden, Switzerland, United Kingdom, and the United States!
    Publishers have shown great interest in my idea for this book! I want to thank you all for your support and encouragement!

    This lady and her husband were having a party in the fall of the year. She had gone to a lot of trouble and expense making preparations for this party! They had invited all of their closest friends. The first couple arrived. The lady was experiencing a great deal of pain, no doubt, from the work she had done during the day! She curled up on the bed for just a moment, planning to join the party briefly! The next thing she remembers is waking up and asking her husband what was going on....hmmm... NOTHING! The party was over. The friends had already gone home! She had done all of that hard work, and missed her own party! (Bless her heart!)

    This lady, her mother and her husband had gone into the big city. They would arrive at their destination much quicker, if they would take the subway, which by the way, they had not previously done! The lady said she had already sat down, and her mother was making her way to a seat. Without warning, the train "took off" like a bullet from a gun. Her mother was flying in mid-air directly toward her husband, nearly killing him. Since no one was seriously injured, this seemed extremely funny as the lady looked around, at EVERYONE LOOKING AT THEM. She could just imagine them all thinking... Yep, there goes another tourist! (I love it!)

    This lady takes a small clipboard with her grocery shopping. One day while shopping, she became so tired half-way through the store, she just had to sit down. She pushed her cart to the side, then sat down on the floor in the canned good section. She began to feel a little embarrassed, however, her quick wit saved her pride! When people would glide their carts by her, she would hold her clipboard pretending to be taking inventory! (This was such a clever idea!) Luckily when a gentleman asked where the ketchup was located, she had shopped there enough to direct him to the proper area! (What a funny story!)

    This lady read a message in her local newspaper. It was basically a request for anyone else with Fibromyalgia to please phone. She did and the two became friends. Only weeks later did she find out that her new friend was her teacher's wife! (Small world, huh?)

    This lady was riding with her friend when they came upon a Christmas Tree Farm. She wanted to point it out to her friend saying, "Look! Ice Cream Trees!" (Great!)

    This lady was watching a rental movie with her friend. The friend wanted to point out a Windmill, because the lady is part Dutch, and has a fondness for them. Purely, by chance there was a huge pile of "hay" next to the Windmill. When the scene appeared, the friend yelled, "Hey, look!". The lady was confused as to why her friend was pointing out a "pile of hay". She said they both began to laugh so hard, they had to turn the movie off until they could re-group! (This is suttle, but really funny to me!)

    This lady "forgot" that when you pour oil into your car it disappears, flowing downward. She was really concerned after adding a 3rd quart, and STILL couldn't see any trace of oil! However, the service station attendant "struck" oil when she took her car in to be checked. The problem? Nothing major, just 3 too many quarts of oil! (Smile! Don't you just love this one?)

    This lady had a terrible reaction to a particular medication. It made these sores all over her body. But talk about "making lemonade out of lemons"... she says she can now have the apartment complex pool all to herself, because WHEN SHE JUMPS IN... EVERYONE ELSE JUMPS OUT! (This is just too funny!)

    This lady purchased a new set of dishes while shopping. The manager kindly offered to carry them to her car. (This was his 1st mistake!) Then followed her ALL OVER the parking lot, lugging the heavy box of dishes behind her! (Hmmm... this was his 2nd mistake!) The more embarrassed she became, the more confused she became! By the time she actually found her car, he was NOT interested in knowing WHY she lost it in the first place! (What a great story!)

    This lady had been feeling unusually well. She decided to book a little outing with her social group. She had actually forgotten about the little excursion until this energetic woman rang the doorbell at 7:00 am on a Saturday morning. The van was waiting for her. She jumped in some clothes, kissed her husband goodbye, telling him she would be back in about four hours. Ha! Only when the bus was well on its way, did she discover that it was 4 HOURS to the 1st Mall. They visited 3 malls that day. It was well beyond midnight when she arrived back home. Needless to say, she was in a little trouble with her husband! She said that is the LAST time "healthy" people will talk her into a "little excursion"! (I love it!)

    Guess who? D'OH, me again... I was a little distressed one day when my daughter came home from school, after I had been released from a long hospital stay. I had kidney stones. The pain was terrible. While in the hospital, the doctor was giving me morphine. He was hoping the stone would pass, avoiding surgery. No such luck! My daughter (probably 4th grade) was telling me about the drug prevention (DARE) program assembly they had that day. The officer in charge of the discussion told the kids that "drugs are bad", and if you know anyone using drugs, you should tell someone about it. My daughter, most politely raised her hand. When the officer called on her she told him... "MY MOTHER DOES MORPHINE"! My reaction? YOU TOLD HIM WHAT? (Luckily, the officer is the son of my friend Kay! This wasn't too funny at the time, but brings tears of laughter to my eyes now.)

    This lady got up during the night to ‘tinkle’. Only when she was finished, did she realize she didn't lift the fluffy seat. (Oh, My!)

    Oh, it must be me again... One night after I had been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, I was experiencing great pain, and logic did not play a role in my life at this point! I hadn't slept for days, and my mind was truly playing tricks on me. I honestly thought I heard someone in the attic. So, I phoned 911 to report the strange noise. Well, I hung up with the dispatcher, and by the time the door bell rang, I had forgotten that I had phoned 911(talk about short term memory). I looked through the key hole and saw a policeman. Paranoia consumed me, because there had just been a news bulletin about a weird guy using a 'blue light' to pull women over, and harm them, in the area where I lived! So, there is this policeman standing in the freezing rain. I finally just went close to the door and yelled... "How do I know you are not the blue light bandit?". He stood there with ever-so-much patience, finally saying, "Lady, YOU phoned ME, and the blue-light bandit usually strikes victims while they are in their car."! ~DING... my logic was back, but hope I never run into that person again!

    This lady says she regularly finds things in the fridge like clothes and paint. (Been there, done that!)

    Through her many years of gardening, she has still not grown too fond of spiders, especially the large variety. Now, you must picture this... she lives in a London townhouse, a terraced house with shoulder high walls separating the garden from the neighbor's garden. There is a beautiful fig tree at the end of this 1 ft. wide, and 30 ft. long wall. It's branches throng over the variety of shrubs and the spiders, create a natural barrier so she can not pass through to get the newly ripened fig. She has a fleeting thought of using her balancing skills to walk the wall. Suddenly, she is on the wall! She has to walk on her neighbors side, holding to the trellises, which are not very supportive. But she can hear the fig calling her! She is almost at the tree, then finally she pulls a branch near her, and gently wraps her fingers around the fig. No sooner did she have it, until, 'Snap', the branch pulled away from her, and so did the fig, even though it was slightly unattached to the branch. She had to balance all the way back down the wall, knowing she would never have that dreamy, delicious fig. After, she owned up to being frightened of spiders, her fellow bravely, without armour, slayed the spider webs, retrieved the fig, and took it to his princess. They shared the delicious fig together! (What a Wonderful and Romantic Story!)

    This lady was at her regular check up with her Rheumotoligist. As he was checking her tender areas, she lost control of her reflexes and SMACKED him. She said he backed away to compose himself and then continued the examination. She said he truly acted nervous during the rest of her visit! (Can you blame him? Ha!)

    During a bad flare of Fibromyalgia this lady filled out the form to order baseball pictures, sent the check and everything was okay, until they came back. She had ordered huge team pictures, and small individual picture's of her children. (I think a team picture is better than no picture! Ha!)

    Here I go again... One night I was experiencing one of my severe migraines. This was before the actual diagnosis of Fibromyalgia, so I didn't have any strong medication on hand. My sweet little daughter (probably 7 yr. at the time) climbed on the waterbed with me. I was crying and the pain was relentless. I began to dig through my nightstand, desperately searching for anything which may relieve my headache pain. I happened to find an unopened tube of Ben Gay Menthol Rub. So, Hmmm... I thought this may be soothing around the temple area. I placed a small amount there, and it did seem to help! So, I proceeded to squeeze ALL of the full tube into my hand, and began to rub the Ben Gay all through my scalp, on the back of my neck, and my shoulders. If you have ever used this product, you know it takes a while for the 'burning' effect to kick in! Well, let me tell you..... IT KICKED IN! I began to cry, then panic took over! I asked my daughter in a frantic voice, "What if the 'active' ingredient seeps into my brain and does damage?" She solemnly looked at me, with eyes as dark as night and sweetly replied, "But, mommy, how would we know if it did brain damage?". I began laughing, while still crying, still in pain, but hugging her, and asked, "What do mean, HOW would we know?"! She snuggled up to me... and she feel asleep, giggling and so did I! By the way... THIS DID NOT HELP... DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME! (LoL)

    A lady came back from her visit with her doctor telling her roommate he had diagnosed her with Fibromyalgia. The roommate said she could have told her that... The lady asked, Well, why didn’t you? The roommate told her, she didn’t know it had a name.(Cute story!)

    A lady said she and her son were watching television, when a public service announcement came on about Fibromyalgia. It mentioned that forgetfulness in a symptom. She looked at her son, and said, "Hey, I forgot that forgetting was associated with Fibromyalgia". (I never forget to forget, very proud of that, you know? Ha!)

    A lady went to the doctor’s office for a check up while having a very bad day of ‘haze’. The nurse showed her to the examining room, told her to undress, then slip on the paper gown. When the doctor came in, he looked at her with a questionable raised eyebrow. She looked down, realizing she had put the paper gown OVER her real clothes. Backing out of the room, the doctor said, "Let’s try this again"! (This one makes me smile every time!)

    This one lady keeps finding Unopened Cans of Folger's Coffee in her bedroom closet! (This poor lady said she used to cry for hours when this would happen. Now, it has become so commonplace, when she runs out of coffee, she just goes to the bedroom closet!)

    One lady is out of the house to do errands. As she is driving around, she has to use the cell phone to ask her husband where she is supposed to be going? (This is such a funny story to me, but I wouldn't be able to remember my home phone number! Ha!)

    As we all know, people with Fibromyalgia have problems wording things properly sometimes. After a difficult day with her eight year old son, the mother was frazzled and told the father, "Your son was so angry, he had a temper tampon". (Guess that statement ended the whole discussion, huh? Ha!)

    A lady was making a reservation at a hotel in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. She wanted everything to be perfect for her romantic weekend with her husband. As she made the reservations, she told the reservation clerk that she and her husband MUST have a large zucchini in the bathroom. After moments of silence, the clerk said, "Well, I suppose I could go to the market and purchase one." Knowing his reply sounded strange, she asked him what she had said... Then replied, No, No, I meant to say Jacuzzi! (This is one of the funniest stories submitted! Sometimes I'll just break into laughter when this crosses my mind!)

    Yes, it's me again... This guy I communicate with on the Internet, maintains a Fibro-Page for his mother. One day he asked me what state I was in. I thought he meant, what state of 'mind' I was in and proceeded to tell him this long elaborate story! I quickly received an e-mail from him, and he had meant what 'geographical' state was I in... This just made me laugh until I was crying.

    This lady was making out the usual bills for the month. A few days later, her check from the Wisconsin Light Company was returned with no explanation. She gave them a call, asking why they had returned it. The employee told her that it was made payable to, Lynn ______. Not thinking, she asked, "I wonder who that is?". The employee on the other end of the phone said, "Mamn, I think that's you!".(Great)

    This lady is a Registered Nurse in Labor & Delivery. She was assisting a patient during a contraction, when the patient grabbed her arm rather hard. The nurse couldn’t help showing the pain, and shouted, "Ouch"! The patient looked at her with amazement saying, "I heard the nurses here were empathetic, but I think you are going a little overboard!" (What a great story!)

    This lady began her new job preparing meals at a Nursing Home. She was clueless to the fact that the ‘Master Chef’ (who wrote the cookbook) had left out some significant instructions! She cooked vegetable soup, however, forgot to taste it before serving. It wasn't long after the soup was served in the dining room, that it came back labeled... DISH WATER! She rescued her pride by saying it was the ‘Low Sodium Recipe’! It seems she had forgotten to add the beef base! (What a great story, and quick thinking too!)

    This lady was driving to her Fibro-Clinic on the other side of town. She realized 1/2 an hour later that she was driving in the wrong direction. This route was not new to her. But the members spent the rest of the class comforting her after arriving LATE! (How kind! Bless her heart!)

    This lady just can’t remember to rinse the conditioner from her hair, until loooong AFTER her shower! (Great!)

    This lady says her husband swears that he must be a carrier of Fibromyalgia! First, she was diagnosed. Then, a female singer in his band was diagnosed. Later, one of his wife's aunts was diagnosed. Then, they discovered at a FMS support group, the lady who handles the bands fan club has Fibromyalgia! (Wow... maybe you should have that man checked out! Smile!)

    This lady tells me that when you have problems with your vision, you learn to place your glasses in the EXACT same place every night! (I know this feeling! I need glasses in order to FIND my glasses. Ha!)

    This lady says her husband swears that he must be a carrier of Fibromyalgia! First, she was diagnosed. Then, a female singer in his band was diagnosed. Later, one of his wife's aunts was diagnosed. Then, they discovered at a FMS support group, the lady who handles the bands fan club has Fibromyalgia! (Wow... maybe you should have that man checked out! Smile!)

    A couple of years ago, this lady and her husband decided to take their youngest son to a movie. Well, she wasn't feeling very good at all, but thought she would feel better. They purchased the tickets and went in to the theater to find seats. There weren't any seats left. The lady lost it with the manager! Angrily, she demanded her money back. The manager did refund the money. They went back to the car. She got her son strapped into the seatbelt. She and her husband got into the front seat, and were still quite angry about missing the movie. They pulled out of the parking lot and into the street, when the people in other cars would yell at them while waving madly. She began to cry because she didn't understand why those people were being so rude. She was getting a migraine, crying, and asked her husband to please pull over to the side of the road for a minute. She felt as if EVERYONE was "out to get her"! When her husband parked the car, she needed to get out for some fresh air. It was then she found her coke (still unspilled), as well as her purse on top of the car! Those people were NOT "out to get her at all"! They were trying to tell her she was riding around with a drink and a purse on top of the car! She really cried that day! (What a great story!)

    This Christmas (1997) Eve, this lady and her husband were wrapping their kids presents. He went to the closet in the laundry room to check for any other hidden gifts..... Well, he found 2 more, however, these two gifts were at least 2 years old because her children were too mature for them. She doesn't remember if she actually bought the toys this year or if they had been in the closet for 2 years! She was very confused. She decided leave them unwrapped on the doorstep. She told the boy's that Santa must have forgotten their ages... (sure, blame Santa... This is GREAT! Poor Santa!)

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    ~Donna Heart