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Welcome To Fibro-Haze Humor Page 6

  • You have just surfed into Fibro-Haze Land... sit down, kick your shoes off, get comfortable... you're gonna be here awhile! LoL :~)

    UPDATE: June 15, 2004 -
    To date, I have received 3,000+ Survey Responses from 14 Countries including, Australia, Belgium, Canada, Germany, Israel, Netherlands, New Zealand, Philippines, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, United Kingdom, and The United States!

    PLEASE SUBMIT YOUR STORY, AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO MENTION YOUR NAME, AS IN ALL OF MY "DISCLAIMERS", IT SPECIFIES THAT NAMES WILL NOT BE USED! Thanks, and be well! My life has been blessed and complicated... such is life... I do what I can, when I can... I am sure you understand.


    I plan to include some humorous stories in my book, and submission of your story serves as right to publish! These stories will be used for entertainment, including my own wacky stories!


    In my opinion, we basically have two choices of expressing ourselves regarding this syndrome, to laugh or cry, and personally, I'll take the laughter any day! ~Donna Heart

    This lady says her hormones have gone crazy since her Fibromyalgia diagnosis. When her pain is increased, she needs to sleep in a very cool room. However, she didn't realize how 'COOL' until she noticed her husband climbing out of their heated waterbed one morning. He was wearing sweat pants, a heavy shirt and socks. She asked why he was wearing so much clothing. He replied, "One must do something to survive sleeping in a freezor with a polar bear!" Also, she and her husband just laughed when they heard their two children outside the bedroom door discussing which one should 'brave the cold' to ask if they may have permission to watch cartoons! (What a funny story!)

    This lady commented that this story was not funny at the time, but is pretty hysterical now! She and her husband were driving back to Texas after a short trip to Illinois. He had driven all day. It began to get dark, so they stopped in Memphis, TN to eat and purchase gas. The lady offered to drive for a while, since they were driving straight through, and she knew he must be tired! She thought it would be nice if he could get some sleep in the back seat for a couple of hours. Approximately, one hour later, she pulled off at an exit, so she could stop at another gas station to buy a drink, and use the bathroom. She woke her husband to asked if he needed to "go" too, he declined. She told him she would be right back. She went to the restroom first, then walked around to the front of the service station to buy a drink, She got back in the car, and headed for the highway, knowing that she had thrown them off schedule by frequently stopping. Two hours later, she repeated the same scenario, by exiting the highway, pulling into a gas station, but this time decided to wake her husband to ask him if he needed to "go" yet! Hmmmm... no answer! She was feeling around in the back seat, and found an empty sleeping bag! Hmmmmm, no husband!! She immediately began to panic! She then realized that he must have got out of the car at the last gas station, while she was getting a soda, and ...OH, NO!! SHE HAD LEFT HIM THERE! (unknowingly, of course) She was very exhausted from driving, and in a major state of "haze"! She got back on the freeway heading back toward Memphis. As she drove, she cried, because she could not remember the 'exact' exit she used... She wasn't even sure how long she had been driving, or how far away he could be! Okay, now she's talking major panic! She couldn't remember if she had stopped in Tennessee or Arkansas. Suddenly, she burst into laughter, because it really was funny! But then, she could imagine the look on his face, and would break down in tears the next minute, because she knew he would be so ANGRY! So, she spent the next 3 hours back-tracking, getting on and off each exit ramp she came to, however, all the while, she was sobbing uncontrollably, but then in the blink of an eye, she would be laughing uncontrollably! Up and down ramps trying to find the service station where she left her husband, but still... NO HUSBAND! Finally, well in to hour 3, she found the correct exit! And, praise the Lord, there he was. However, I must tell you, this story comes to a 'SCREECHING HALT' with these 4 little words at the end of her humor submission, and until now, I didn't know they could hold so much meaning.... HE WAS NOT AMUSED! (I have laughed so much while trying to get this story on this humor page constantly wiping tears of laughter from eyes. What a wonderful story, and how BRAVE this woman is to share it with all of us! Evidentally, things must have smoothed over with her husband since I don't think she is in the 'Witness Protection Program'-Hiding! Ha!)

    This was a pre-diagnosis event! It was the height of this lady's career teaching fourth grade. Her nerves were in a high gear. She always had "chat time" for her students after reading a book to them. She had taken one of the old fashioned desks where seat and desk is attached, turned it around so she could sit on the desk, using the back of the chair to prop my book upon. The story was dramatic, scene was set, and every pair of little eyeballs were engaged in the story when, from behind, another member of the staff, had been listening to the story because she had heard how the "stories come to life" as this lady reads aloud to her class. She gently touched the lady on the shoulder to tell me how she enjoyed the story time. As the fellow teacher touched her shoulder, this lady BELLOWED this rather loud scream, the book flew into the air, all the students screamed, and she landed on the floor looking straight into the other teacher's horrible apologetic expression. Her fellow teacher said,"I am so sorry, I will never do that again." She was just about as frightened as I was. This was an uncontrollable adrenaline rush! The lady knew her reaction was abnormal, but then her whole body was in an abnormal state! Needless to say that this was and is a very dangerous position to be in to get that frightened, not to mention frightening everyone around me. THE RESULTS: She had to explain why she had yelled like that, and disturbed the WHOLE SCHOOL! (Great!)

    This lady was glad she noticed her toothpaste didn't look quite right on the toothbrush... IT WAS MENTHOL RUBBING CREAM FOR MUSCLE PAIN! (This is too funny! Ha!)

    This lady has a friend who uses massage as his way of unwinding/relaxing. He can work on someone for a couple of hours and carry on a conversation with someone else. His favorite method is a way of cupping the hand and using it to send vibrations down to the layer of muscles below the top layer of smooth muscles. Well, one day at a convention, a friend of theirs was complaining about hip and low back pain. There wasn't any place for her to lay down except on the coffee table (we have a room for pop, food, and general conversations). She laid down and Mike (the friend) proceeded to work on her hip and low back muscles. He was thumping away on her hip and she was saying,"Yes. Ohhh, yes. That feels soooooo good. Right there." and other comments. About that time two young boys (Looked to be around the ages of 15/17 years old) walked in. They looked at her being beaten on the side and rear by my friend, looked at each other with really strange looks, turned around and almost RAN out of the room. They laughed uproariously at their faces! (What a great story!)

    This lady was in a public lounge with some friends. As she was walking toward a tall table, she began to lose her balance, and just fell into it! As she was turning red, she said something about acting casual if you wanted to attract a man (as she was flipping her hair over her shoulder)! The others laughed at her and the tension was broken! (What a funny story!)

    This lady was diagnosed when her baby girl was a little over 3 months old. She knew things weren't quite right, but fully understood the magnitude of her problem as she was feeding her daughter one day. Her daughter developed diarreah, and it went all over her! She panicked and thought she must call the doctor since it was so BAD... until she noticed that her baby wasn't wearing a diaper! (What a great story!)

    This lady was folding clothes in the living room. Afterwards she decided to take them upstairs. The next thing she knew, she was wandering around with a FOOT REST. Upon going back downstairs she noted how oddly her husband and the family dog was looking at her! (I just love it! Great Story!)

    This lady was always having problems finding her van after leaving a shopping mall. She had a great idea. She placed a tiny ribbon on the aerial. This helped her get to HER van quickly, however, the observation of being responsible and not driving after drinking alcohol made this idea less helpful. She came out of the mall, surprised to see hundreds of vans with the tiny ribbon on the aerial! (What a great story!)

    This lady continues to go to her previous home, opposed to the new one built over one year ago. She 'snaps out it' when she crosses the train tracks, having to turn around, driving 5 miles in the other direction to her new home! (Great story)

    This lady stopped by her mother-in-law's home to pick up her daughter. When her mother-in-law answered the door, she asked, "Where's Sherry?". The mother-in-law looked confused, telling her she had no idea. The lady felt anxious for a moment, while the mother-in-law explained she had never brought the granddaughter! She then remembered dropping her daughter off at 'her' mother's home!(Too funny!)

    This lady has turned her inability to do normal things, into the 'Princess Syndrome'. Princesses are able to rest whenever they want! (I like this idea!)

    This lady took a trip to Chimney Rock in the mountains of North Carolina. She went with her mother, and children. They decided to hike the trail to the top. Before they had gone very far, her legs were hurting so badly, she felt as if she could not move another inch. The others were moving right along. She saw a small rain shelter on the side of the trail. Making her way directly to the bench, she said, "It was so GREAT of them to provide a 'pain shack' on this trail!" She said her mother was laughed very hard at this remark. (What a funny story!)

    This lady tells the story of trying to get her Dodge Charger unlocked, and finally gave up, asking her boss to try it for her. He tried to no avail. After this attempt had gone on quite a while, she noticed ANOTHER Black Charger out of the corner of her eye. Hmmmm... imagine her humiliation after realizing this car, 3 rows down, WAS HER CAR! She also said her mother's motto was... "IF YOUR MEMORY GOES, FORGET IT!"(Ha! Great Story!)

    This lady tells me her son’s bike was stolen, and this really rattled her nerves. She called 911 to report the crime. She was using her cordless phone as she talked with the dispatcher providing the necessary details. Suddenly, she heard a strange noise from the hallway. She told the dispatcher of the noise, and the dispatcher advised her to "Get out immediately"! She was in the ‘panic mode’ at this point, but did not want to leave her home unattended. The noise kept getting closer to her, and she began running up the hallway with SOMETHING following close behind her. Little did she know, that she was running from her son’s remote control car which the cordless phone had activated. She was spooked! And the good news is.... they found her son’s bike! (This story is so funny!)

    This lady opened a can of beans, drained them, and threw them in the garbage! She then placed the can in the pot continuing to cook dinner! (Very interesting... great!)

    This lady placed her pet ferret in the refrigerator, luckily finding it before ‘frost bite’! (Too Funny!)

    This lady was so ‘hot’ last summer, she decided to do her housework in the nude... Yes, in the nude! She knew Fibro-Haze was present when she found herself standing with one foot in, and one foot out of the shower. She was holding bath gel in one hand, and cleaning liquid in the other hand. She was so confused. She did not remember if she was supposed to clean the bathtub or take a shower! (What a funny story!)

    This lady gets hassled a lot for stopping half between her work and home for a nap. She is unable to drive the complete distance in one sitting. Her friends really give her a hard time about it! This particular year, she was the designated driver after their New Year’s Dinner. I am sure you can imagine how the party subdued when she, without warning, pulled over for her half-way nap! (I would be willing to bet her friends never mentioned the napping again! Ha!)

    This lady finished getting her hair done by her, not only hairdresser, but good friend. As she was writing the usual check, Fibro-Haze swept over her. She had to ask her friend of many years, "Hmmm, what was your name again"? (Great Story!)

    This lady went to a Specialist where she received a battery of testing. Upon receiving the results. The doctor told her all of the stress was coming from... HER MARRIAGE, and she should get out of the situation. She says that was 16 years ago, and her husband has been her biggest as well as best supporter! (Good thing she didn’t listen to that diagnosis, huh?)

    PLEASE keep these great stories coming... If you don't see your story on either one of the humor pages, please send it again, with the subject 'Duplicate'!

    If you like these pages, please send a note!

  • Donna Heart's Fibromyalgia Home Page!

  • To read the article about publicity information, check this out!

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    If you have any comments, click here to contact me!
    ~Donna Heart

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