Alex sat playing absently with his napkin, wondering how Fox was faring in a strange bed, in a strange house. He knew Mrs. Mulder meant well, but Fox wasn't used to any bed but his own. And he was used to Alex being there when he fell asleep.
He lowered his head and sighed.
Of course after that episode in the car earlier, and in spite of the incident with Aunt Alice and the look he thought he'd seen in the older man's eyes as his mother was accompanying him upstairs, he wasn't sure Fox would want him anywhere near him.
"I don't think he's going to sleep anytime soon."
Alex looked up into kind, blue eyes.
"I believe he'd like to see you."
Alex gave her a small grimace. "Are you sure about that?"
Fox's mother sat down on the edge of the coffee table. "All right. Tell me what happened."
Alex scratched the back of his head. "He gets very uncomfortable in unfamiliar surroundings. He'd decided, fifteen minutes from here, that he wanted to go home. I tried to reason with him, we ended up yelling at each other, and..."
"Oh, dear. Well, I'm glad you came, but I certainly don't want him feeling uncomfortable."
"Yeah, I think I goofed. I should have called you, made our apologies and taken him back home."
"Well, Alex, if it's any consolation, I think he's sorry too. Why don't you go up and talk to him?"
Alex gave the woman a grateful smile and with no more hesitation than that, headed for the stairs.
Fox switched on the small lamp by his bed and sat up. His headache hadn't subsided, but it wasn't getting any worse, either. He looked around at the strange pictures and furniture, trying to calm his anxiety by telling himself that these were things from his childhood, but it did no good. Maybe he'd be better able to cope if...
His thought was interrupted by the soft squeak of the door.
Alex stood in the doorway, casting a wary glance Fox's way. "How's your head?"
Fox looked away. "Same. Thought you were talking to my mother?"
"I was. I'm done." Alex approached the bed and cautiously lowered himself to the edge. "Can't sleep?"
Slow shake of the golden-brown head. Then, "I didn't want to tell her that I..."
"That you what?"
Fox's head dropped lower. "Can't sleep without you being there."
"Well, I'm here."
Fox nodded then lifted his head. "I'm sorry about what happened earlier, Alex. I acted like a spoiled brat."
"Yeah," Alex agreed softly, "but you've got good reason. It's not like you aren't under a tremendous amount of pressure."
"Still..."
Alex reached out and stroked Fox's stubbled cheek. "It's okay," he whispered. "I'm sorry too. I should have taken you home when you asked me to."
"No. I...I had to do this some time. I shouldn't have gotten so worked up about it. It isn't like you weren't going to be with me."
"Okay, so we're both sorry," Alex concluded. "We friends again?"
Fox gave him a tired smile. "Do friends generally share a bed?"
"Ohhh, yeah. I guess your mother thought she was being..."
Fox finished Alex's sentence for him. "Progressive."
"Hmm?"
"That's what she told me when she was up here. She's so proud of herself."
"Yeah...so...I guess I can..." Alex looked around. "...sleep on the floor..."
A look of disappointment crossed Fox's face. "The floor?"
"Better than the chair," Alex reasoned.
A hopeful hazel gaze met his eyes. "The bed is even better."
Alex stared in surprise. He thought Fox had given up on his little attempts at seduction days ago.
"The bed?"
"Yeah. It's big enough..."
"Uh...yeah, it is, but..."
Fox shook his head. "I'll behave, I promise. But I...I'd really like to sleep next to you...okay?"
Alex hesitated for a moment then agreed softly. "Okay. I'll uh...I'll be back." He disappeared into the bathroom and shut the door behind him.
"Oh, God," Alex whispered to himself as he pulled his toothbrush out of his bag. "Okay, come on. You've slept with him before and not done anything. It's easy. It'll be nice to just lie with him."
Yeah, but never when you haven't touched him for weeks and weeks.
Alex brushed his teeth, stripped, and pulled on a pair of mocha brown, brushed cotton pants and a t-shirt, grateful that it was long enough to help camouflage the erection that had instantly blossomed at the thought of sleeping next to his Fox after so long. He emerged from the bathroom and crawled under the blanket, lying as close to the edge of the bed as he dared. All was quiet for a moment, then Fox called to him.
"Alex?"
Don't look at him, Christ, don't look at him. I can hear the pout in his voice. If I look at him, I'll be finished.
"Yeah?"
No answer.
Dammit, he's going to make me look at him.
Alex turned his head slowly and looked into mournful, gold-flecked eyes.
God, he knew how to use those eyes.
And that mouth. Turned down into a perfect, beautiful pout.
Alex sobbed softly to himself.
"What is it?"
"Why are you so far away?"
Oh, kill me now.
"Sorry." Alex slid toward the middle of the bed, his weight shifting Fox into him.
"I won't bother you, I promise," Fox murmured, happily curling himself into Alex's side.
Is he kidding?
For the first time in many weeks, Alex felt the warm length of his lover pressed against him, and his entire body vibrated with joy.
"Alex?"
"Hmm?"
"You okay?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"You're shaking."
"I'm uh...a little chilled, I guess."
"Really?" Fox moved in closer, wrapping one arm around Alex's chest. "Better?"
Well, that all depends on how you look at it. Ah, hell.
Alex wound his arms around the older man, hugging him close. "Yeah. That's much better."
Fox nestled his head against Alex's chest, listening to the strong heartbeat, practically purring with contentment. "I feel better, too. 'Night, Alex."
Alex's hand involuntarily began to move, sliding up and down Fox's back. "Good night." He lay suffering in silence, listening to the older man's respiration slow and deepen.
Dammit, he was asleep.
Unbelievable.
Alex groaned softly and tried to focus his attention on something other than his aching cock, but the only thoughts that would come to mind were things like...how good Fox smelled and how his hair tickled the underside of Alex's chin...how beautiful he was, slouched in his seat in the car, pouting...God, how much he wanted to flip the man onto his back and rip the thin nightclothes from his body.
Stop, stop, stop. His memory is returning. It won't be that much longer...
He inclined his head, burying his face in Fox's hair.
Fuck it, it's not soon enough. I need him now.
C'mon, Krycek. You've been in worse situations than this. You're tough. You can take it. Besides which, you're in his mother's house, and neither one of you is exactly quiet.
At least another hour passed before Alex finally fell asleep, and when he woke a little after seven the next morning, a pair of alert hazel eyes were staring at him.
"Morning."
Alex gave the other man a sleepy smile. "How long have you been awake?"
Fox shrugged. "A while."
"How do you feel?"
"Pretty good considering that other than what I've been told, I have no damn idea where we are."
The smile faded from Alex's face. "I'm really sorry about yesterday, babe. We should've gone home."
"I thought we got through that already? I'm okay. I had to do this."
"I know, but I guess I'm still feeling guilty." Alex touched the older man's cheek. "I don't ever want to do anything to hurt you."
"You haven't hurt me. You're trying to help me. If it wasn't for you, I'd probably still be hiding in the apartment, afraid to come out and face my life. If I want my memory to come back, I have to take an active part in making that happen."
A tiny smile from Alex was all the response he got.
Fox pulled himself up, resting his head in his hand and looked down at the younger man. "You still look tired. Did you sleep?"
"Yeah."
"Why don't I believe you?"
"Don't know."
Fox sighed softly. "Well, I'm going to get up. I heard her moving around downstairs, so I guess I'll go down and keep her company. Why don't you go back to sleep?"
Alex shook his head. "I'll stay here as long as it takes for you to shower and dress, but then I'm getting up."
"Alex..."
"I had plenty of sleep," Alex insisted. "I'm fine." He waved Fox off. "Go on."
Fox cut him another suspicious look then slipped out of bed and headed toward the shower. When he was out of sight, Alex pulled a pillow into his face and groaned into it.
Jesus, he was gorgeous in the morning. Hair all over the place, falling down into his sleepy eyes...lips all rosy and swollen from hours of sleep...that impossible-for-a-blind-man-to-miss morning erection...
Alex moved the pillow down to his chest, hugging it tightly, trying to keep himself from thinking that in another time and place, they'd be lying in each other's arms, making love the whole morning. He missed those long, slow Sunday morning fucks that usually came after a wild Saturday night...
They would often go out on the weekends they were together, and whether it be just to dinner, movies, or dancing, for some odd reason they would usually end up driving each other into a frenzy and would be on each other like animals, sometimes before they even made it inside the apartment. And then, the next morning, whoever woke first would wrap himself around the other and rouse him with gentle kisses and caresses, and they would make love for hours, not getting up until mid afternoon, if at all.
The opening door startled Alex out of his reverie, and he pulled himself up, blinking at the man who had just entered the room.
"All yours," Fox smiled as he crossed over to his bag, returning his toiletries.
Alex nodded and dragged himself out of bed, gathering up his clothes. As he passed by Fox, the older man planted a soft kiss on his shoulder, taking him a bit by surprise. He stopped, staring for a moment, and when Fox's expression took on a look of uneasiness, Alex smiled and leaned in to brush his lips against the shaven jaw. He retreated to the bathroom, jerked off quickly in the shower, and joined Fox and Mrs. Mulder downstairs.
"Fox, stop apologizing. It's all right," Tina Mulder told her son for the second time. "I explained, and everyone understands. I thought that maybe seeing people you used to know would help, but if it makes you uncomfortable, we'll do it another time when you think you're ready."
Fox looked down into his orange juice. "Thank you."
She smiled hopefully at him. "Do you think you're at least up to looking at some pictures?"
Fox looked at the man who sat beside him, and the two burst into laughter.
The woman looked from one man to the other, confused.
"Sorry," Alex apologized. "But your mention of pictures reminded us of a conversation we had in the car yesterday."
Mrs. Mulder nodded, still confused, but she didn't ask Alex to elaborate. "I've got old eight millimeter films, too, Fox, if you'd like to see them."
"Okay, let's just start with the pictures and see how it goes, okay?" Fox asked.
"Of course, dear. Now, you two get out of here and let me clean up breakfast, then I'll get out the albums."
"Let me help you," Alex offered, already getting up and clearing the dishes from the table. Fox also rose to help, bringing a bright smile to Tina Mulder's lips.
"You know, I spoiled my family terribly," the woman said. "They never lifted a finger to help with the housework. I never asked them to. I suppose that was a bad thing, but I was just so old fashioned. I'm glad to see I haven't completely ruined my son."
The two men helped to clean the kitchen, and when they were through, Mrs. Mulder dragged out the photo albums.
Fox sat and looked at picture after picture while his mother identified each one, but he recognized not a single soul. Even pictures of himself as a young boy rang no bells for him. Two hours and a headache later, they had seen all the albums, and he agreed to try the home movies.
At Mrs. Mulder's direction, Alex pulled the old Bell and Howell projector down from the top shelf of the hall closet and set it and the screen up. He loaded the first reel, and they watched a very young Fox Mulder standing over his baby sister's bassinet and smiling into the camera.
"You were so happy when we brought Samantha home," his mother said softly. "You felt so grown up when we sat you on the couch and put her in your arms..."
Fox watched the small, black and white version of himself rock the tiny bundle. He smiled proudly, his mouth moving, obviously saying something to the camera.
"Do you remember what I was saying?"
"You were talking to your father. If I remember correctly, you were telling him that she smiled at you." The woman paused. "I didn't have the heart to tell you that a three-day-old baby didn't know how to smile...she grew very attached to you, though. Followed you everywhere once she learned how to walk..."
Fox watched, fascinated. This was his life. It obviously was. Even thirty some odd years later, there was no mistaking that the small boy was him, yet he couldn't remember.
The reel ran to its end, and Alex rewound then removed it. Mrs. Mulder handed him the next reel, and Fox watched himself and his now two-year-old sister playing on a beach while a much younger Tina Mulder sat beside them on a bench.
Alex's back straightened, squinting at the screen as the man in the background caught his eye.
Younger, yes. Darker hair and a few less wrinkles, but he was sure the man who stood a number of feet away was the smoking bastard.
As soon as he completed his thought, the man pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his shirt pocket and slipped one into his mouth. Now Alex was sure. He said absolutely nothing and let the scene pass by Fox's unknowing eyes.
Four reels later, he noticed Fox starting to get a bit edgy. The older man watched as he and Samantha, now in living color, waved from in front of the aluminum Christmas tree. He blinked rapidly as he watched himself unwrap a gift and hold it up to the camera. As he read the word Stratego on the box, he doubled over roaring as unimaginable pain pierced his head. In seconds, Alex was at his side, followed by his mother.
"Fox?" Alex called, trying to keep him from slipping too far into the pain. "Breathe, baby. Come on, work through it."
Tina Mulder's eyes filled with tears. "Fox, oh, my God, Fox." She turned a frightened gaze up to Alex. "Is this what happens to him?" The other man nodded his answer, and she stifled a sob. "My God...he's in agony."
Alex placed his hand palm side up under the older man's. "Stay with me, Fox," he instructed gently. "Squeeze my hand. Let the pain go."
Another wave hit and Fox's body contracted. He squeezed Alex's hand with all his strength, making the younger man wince.
"S...Samantha..."
Violent tremors shook him, and he began to sob.
"I tried...sorry...I'm so..."
"Fox," Tina Mulder whispered, "sweetheart, it's all right." She again looked to Alex. "It's like he's remembering."
"He is. That's what's happening when he experiences this type of pain. He must be remembering when she disappeared."
"Can't stop them...Samantha..."
"Fox. It wasn't your fault. You were just a boy. You couldn't have stopped it," his mother reasoned desperately. "I know that. It's all right, sweetheart..."
Fox continued to squeeze Alex's hand, moaning occasionally as the pain surged. A few minutes later, his grip loosened, and his body went slack.
"Baby?" Alex called softly. "Fox..." He stroked the perspiration-slick forehead.
"Hmmm..."
"Does it still hurt?"
The older man released a long sigh and pulled automatically to his left, blindly seeking the comfort of Alex's arms.
Alex held Fox to his chest, casting a wary glance toward Mrs. Mulder. "These episodes take everything out of him," he explained, stroking the older man's back. "I don't know if I can get him upstairs to the bedroom. Can we just put him down here?"
"Of course," Mrs. Mulder answered, quickly getting to her feet. "I'll get him a blanket."
As the woman hurried from the room, Alex laid Fox on his back and gently hoisted his legs up on the sofa. He sat on the floor by his lover's head, tenderly caressing his hair. "It's okay," he crooned, kissing Fox's nose and forehead while the other man fought to breathe evenly. "Easy..."
A blanket came down over Fox, and Tina Mulder took a seat at the edge of the sofa near his feet. She looked to Alex for an update on her son's condition.
"The pain's subsided. He'll sleep soon."
"Is he going to go through this every time he remembers something?"
"He has so far."
Mrs. Mulder covered her mouth. "How much can he take?"
"I don't know," Alex whispered, turning adoring eyes back to Fox. "I keep praying that the rest will all come back at once so he can be done with it." He looked back at the woman. "I uh...I hope your feelings weren't hurt earlier..."
Mrs. Mulder stared confused for a few seconds, then she realized what Alex meant.
"No. No, I ..." She gave him a weary smile. "All right, my mother's pride was hurt a bit, but it's perfectly understandable that he would turn to you. You've been his lifeline from that very first day. You were the one who found him, for goodness sake. It's you he trusts. I'm very grateful that he's got you."
They sat and talked for over an hour, and, when Alex was sure that Fox was out, he excused himself and went upstairs to pack their things for the ride home. When he returned some fifteen minutes later, Fox was still asleep with his mother watching him from the nearest chair.
Alex set the two bags down at the end of the sofa and lowered himself to the floor by Fox's head.
"He hasn't budged," Mrs. Mulder announced in a hushed tone. "Not a twitch, not a sigh."
"Don't let it upset you," Alex offered. "He's exhausted. He won't move an inch for hours sometimes." Alex pushed a few stray hairs away from Fox's face. "He needs time to recharge."
"So he can go through it all over again."
Alex nodded, his expression growing distant. "If I ever find that sonofa..."
"I'm sorry, Alex, I can't quite hear you. If you what?"
Alex took a deep breath and released it. "Nothing. Just thinking out loud."
Almost two more hours had passed before Fox began to stir. Mrs. Mulder set her teacup down and moved closer to the sofa.
"He's waking up."
Alex lifted his head from the cushion beside the older man and watched as Fox's eyelashes fluttered and lifted. The older man squinted up a him and lifted a hand to his face. Alex grasped the hand and pressed a kiss into his palm.
"Better?"
Golden-brown lashes swept downward then back up. "Just tired."
"Fox?"
Fox's eyes shifted from Alex's face to his mother's. Tina Mulder leaned over her son and kissed the top of his head.
"Goodness, Fox, you scared me half to death. Are you sure you're all right, now?"
Alex helped Fox sit up, and the other man nodded. "I'm okay. The pain's gone. It just leaves me kinda weak for a while."
"Would you like something, dear? Some juice, water...something to eat?"
Fox wrinkled his nose. "No food....some juice?"
"All right, dear. I'll be right back."
Once Mrs. Mulder was gone from the room, Fox turned his attention back to Alex, who had since risen to sit beside him on the sofa.
"How long was I out this time?"
"About three hours."
Fox grimaced. "Sorta late to drive back, huh?"
"No." Alex leaned in and kissed the older man's forehead. "Not too late."
"But by the time we get home, it'll be..."
"Doesn't matter," Alex interrupted. "I know you want to go home, don't you?"
Fox averted his eyes.
"Fox..."
"Hmm?"
"Tell me."
Fox nodded silently.
"Then we'll go."
"But you're tired too. I could see it this morning..."
"Would you quit worrying about me? I'm fine. We're going home."
Fox closed his eyes, leaning gratefully into the younger man's embrace.
Alex wound an arm around Fox and kissed the top of his head as he stroked his hair with his free hand. "That was an important memory you had," he murmured into the older man's hair.
"It was like I was right there and it was really happening."
"It did really happen."
"But I mean right then at that moment. Alex, is she dead?"
"No one knows for sure, really. Well, no one who would tell us the truth. That's one of the things that drove you so hard."
"Finding out what happened?"
"Yeah. You wanted so much to give your mother some kind of closure."
Fox was quiet for a minute, then began to speak. "But, Scully told me..."
"Here you are, dear."
Both men looked up as Mrs. Mulder entered the room with a glass of orange juice. "Are you sure I can't get you anything else?"
Fox took the glass. "No, this is fine, thank you."
"Alex? Can I get you anything?"
"No, thanks. I'm fine."
They talked quietly while Fox drank his juice. He reassured his mother three times that he was fine now and well enough to travel, and half an hour later, with the promise to call the moment they got in, the men left Tina Mulder's house and started home.
Alex watched Fox relax, sinking into his seat as they turned onto the highway, and he smiled.
"Feel better?"
Fox gave the younger man a relieved smile, then it faded a bit. "I hope she wasn't too upset that things didn't go exactly the way she'd planned."
"I don't think so. She just wants you to be all right, you know?"
"Yeah."
"Hey, what were you going to say a little while ago before she came back into the room?"
Fox lowered his head and thought. "Oh, you mean when we were talking about my sister?"
"Yeah, you started to say, 'but Scully told me', and then your mother came in."
"You had said to me that the search for my sister was the main thing that drove me."
"Yeah."
"But that day that Scully and I went to the office, she told me that you were what drove me."
Alex tossed him a curious look.
"She said that my work used to be number one, but now you took priority over everything. Is that right?"
Alex shrugged. "It's what you told me. It's certainly the way you made me feel."
Fox nodded. "I believed her when she said it, but I just wanted to know if you felt that way."
"Yeah, I did. That's why I left you. I was afraid of you throwing everything away for me. I didn't feel I was worth you losing it all."
Fox cast him an odd stare. "Alex, I don't remember what we had. I don't remember who you were three months ago, but I've gotten to know you, and the man I know right now is well worth any sacrifice I could think to make."
Alex's head snapped around to look quickly at the man in the passenger's seat, then he looked back at the road, blinking rapidly.
What did that mean? A declaration of love? No, if that was what Fox meant, it was what he would have said. So, what did it mean? And how the hell should he respond?
Having no idea, Alex chose to remain silent.
Watching the younger man's expression, Fox sought to elaborate but then thought better of it. He could just see himself getting in way over his head and probably doing or saying something to ruin everything.
He sat quietly for a moment, not moving or speaking, and when the silence got to be too much, he pitched forward and turned the radio on. Leaving the station where he found it, Fox slouched in the seat and closed his eyes, letting the music relax him. Only minutes later, he sat up and winced.
"What's the matter?" Alex asked, reaching across the seat to touch Fox's arm.
Fox let his head drop, squeezing his eyes shut. "Music. You and me in a car...not this one, another one." He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. "You were singing." He looked to Alex, trying to keep his focus through the slightly greater than average pain.
"That could have been almost any time," Alex said softly. "Come on, sit back and close your eyes."
"I'm okay, it's not that bad. I've never heard you sing."
Alex shrugged. "Not recently I guess, no."
"Guess I haven't really given you much to sing about lately, have I?"
"Come on, Fox, cut it out. You're here. You're alive, and we're together. That's more than I had two months ago. I couldn't be happier."
"Sure you could."
Alex released an exasperated sigh. "Would you please just shut up and close your eyes?"
Fox laid his head back against the headrest, obeying Alex's soft command with a deep frown.
Keeping his left hand on the wheel, Alex reached over with his right, petting the disturbed man's head. Minutes later he began to sing softly with the radio, watching the frown slowly fade from Fox's face. Just as he thought the older man was falling asleep, Fox emitted a long sigh, uttering a single word on the breath.
"Nice."
Alex rolled his eyes and smiled, continuing to sing even after he was sure this time that Fox was indeed asleep.
Fox rose from the warmth, beckoned out of his pleasant dream by a soft, comforting voice.
"Come on, babe, wake up. We're home."
Fox straightened up, yawning and rubbing his eyes. "Already?"
"Well, yeah, I guess it'd seem kinda fast when you slept most of the way."
He blinked over at the younger man. "I did?"
Alex gave him an amused smirk and a nod. "You'll probably be wide awake at three o'clock while I'm dead to the world."
"I don't know, I still feel like I could sleep for a week."
"Well, let's get upstairs then, before you wake up completely."
They made it up to the apartment, and Alex sent Fox directly into the bedroom while he locked up and fed the fish. That accomplished, he walked into the empty bedroom and looked around.
"Fox?"
He heard the faint sound of a toilet flushing then the sound of running water, and Fox entered the room, clad in a pair of charcoal gray pajama bottoms and a t-shirt.
"Still sleepy?"
The older man nodded.
"Well, get to bed." He kissed the side of Fox's head. "Goodnight."
Fox opened his mouth to protest as Alex walked out of the room, but stopped himself. Yes, they spent last night together in the same bed, but there was little choice. His mother had stuck them together in the same room, and there was no way he was going to let Alex sleep on the floor or in a chair when there was plenty of room on the bed. Plenty of room...leaving no real reason that they should fall asleep wrapped in each other's arms except that they wanted to.
Fox climbed into bed, his rambling thoughts prohibiting sleep.
It had felt so good to be cocooned in Alex's warmth, listening to the soothing beat of his heart...secure in the protective circle of his arms...
But the flip side of that wasn't nearly so innocent.
The intoxicating scent of him...the seductive flex of muscle beneath Fox's touch...the raging erection that screamed his name...
He covered his face with his hands, groaning softly.
What to do, what to do.
He knew if he asked Alex to come in and sleep with him, the other man would do so without question, but how fair was it? He knew Alex's feelings on the matter, and he also knew how easily the younger man would give in to coercion. So how could he ask him to once again suffer a night like the last one? Sleep had mercifully taken him before his growing lust could overwhelm the joy of closeness, but seeing the exhaustion on Alex's face this morning, Fox knew that the younger man had not been so fortunate.
It was an impossible situation, one they had no way out of. It seemed, for now at least, that they were doomed to drown in their desire for each other, never relieving the sensual agony outside of the regular jerk off sessions each seemed to have relegated himself to.
Fox flipped onto his stomach, groaning again at the sensation of his rigid cock pressing into the mattress.
Speaking of jerking off...
Out in the living room, Alex settled on the sofa for what he saw to be a long, sleepless night.
Waking up this morning next to Fox had been a divine thing. For a moment, looking into the eyes he so adored, he hadalmost been able to forget everything that had happened during the two months before. But memories of a night spent in frustration, arms wrapped around a man who couldn't recall his love, had raced in, shattering his peace.
He'd masked his suffering as best he could. He knew that Fox recognized his frustration; he'd already expressed his guilt over it, but Alex was fairly sure that the older man hadn't a clue as to the real extent of his torment. And as long as Fox remained in this limbo, Alex would see to it that he never knew the truth of his agony.
He turned onto his side, hands tucked between his thighs, recalling the feel of his love's body against his. So warm...soft skin stretched over tight muscles. The butterfly tickle of breath against his chest as Fox breathed...
Alex moaned and slid one hand up to cup his balls while the other grazed the underside of his stony erection. He turned his face into the pillow, muffling any sounds he might make, hoping that it would be enough to keep Fox from hearing.
Rapidly, he milked his cock, gently squeezing his balls as he thought of Fox's mouth, so hot and wet, sliding up and down on him, driving him up the walls...
Alex whimpered into the pillow as he quickened his pace, imagining Fox's hands caressing his ass, stroking and teasing over the puckered opening, making Alex beg for what he wanted. Then finally, two fingers, cool and slick, working their way inside, probing and stretching as his lover's exquisite mouth worked him over.
He whispered Fox's name into the pillow as he came, coating his hand and soaking the sheet that covered him. He lay panting for a few minutes, and when he recovered, he rose from the sofa, dragging the soiled sheet into the bathroom. He threw it into the clothes hamper, pulled a fresh sheet from the closet, and returned to the sofa where he promptly fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.
The following several days were scattered with bits of returning memory for Fox and, of course, by accompanying pain. Sometimes mild, sometimes severe, but always present at the slightest shred of recollection, the pain had begun to wear heavily on Fox. Hours of lethargy would often be followed by bursts of energy...and temper, and Alex was about ready to tear his hair out. After one particularly bad episode, he picked up the phone and called Scully.
"Scully."
"Hey. It's Alex."
"Hi. You sound like hell."
"Then I sound better than I feel."
"What's wrong? Bad day?"
"You could say that. I don't know how much more either of us can take."
"What's happening?"
"The pain and the frustration of remembering only scattered bits and pieces is wearing him down. It hits him three, four times a day, now. He's so tired."
"Where is he?"
"Asleep. He just had a really bad one."
"What'd he remember?"
"That day outside of his apartment when he was going to shoot me, and you shot him. He remembered quite a lot of it. More than I think he's ever remembered before. He was rambling about that, and then being in a boxcar with a bunch of skeletons, and an explosion..."
"That was extremely traumatic, Alex. If it weren't for Albert Hostein and his family dragging Mulder from under the rubble of that explosion, he would have died."
"Well, he just relived that today. And there was nothing I could do to help him. And then he got mad at me for trying to bring him out of it. He started accusing me of not wanting him to remember. I do want him to remember, Scully, but he was in so much pain..."
Scully could hear the grief in the man's voice. "It's got to be an awful thing to have to deal with day after day, Alex, but from the frequency of these events, I'd say he's pretty damn near close to a breakthrough. Hang on."
"I am, I...I just needed someone to talk to."
"Well, I'm glad you called me. It's been three days since I've talked to either of you. I'm trying hard not be intrusive, but look, if you need some time to yourself and you're afraid to leave him alone, I'll gladly go stay with him while you get out for a little while."
"He'd probably get pissed at both of us...accuse us of thinking he needs a babysitter."
"But you need the time off. I know you feel it's your responsibility to stick with him, and you've done that. Nobody could ask for more than what you've done. But, Alex, for your own sanity, you've got to get away from him for a little while. Just a few hours. Go to a movie. Go for a walk or a drive. I'll be perfectly happy to sit there and let him rant at me for a few hours."
Alex closed his eyes and breathed a relieved sigh. "That sounds great. Thank you."
"How about tomorrow? I can be there around two-ish."
"Tomorrow's good....yeah...great...I'll see you then."
Alex disconnected and tossed the phone down beside him on the sofa. As he picked his head up, a figure in the doorway caught his attention. Startled for a moment, he quickly recovered and went to the other man.
"Fox, what are you doing up? You've only been asleep for about half an hour."
"Surprised?"
"Yeah, I guess. You're usually out for hours after one of those bad trips."
Fox glanced at the phone and then at Alex. "I heard you talking."
"Yeah, I...I was talking to Scully. She wanted to know how you were."
"I didn't hear the phone ring."
"No, I called her."
"Why?"
"Because we haven't spoken to her in days, and I wanted to say hi."
"What was that about tomorrow?"
"She's going to come by to see you. What's with all the questions?"
Fox shook his head and looked down at the floor.
Alex's tone softened. "You look like you're about to drop. Come on, back to bed."
Fox let Alex lead him back to the bedroom with no fuss, and when the younger man pulled back the blanket, he slipped quietly into bed.
Alex leaned down and deposited a kiss on the other man's forehead, then pulled away and watched quietly as Fox drifted into sleep. He sat for a long while after, studying the unconscious man, watching the rise and fall of his chest, admiring the long, golden-brown sweep of his eyelashes...the relaxed set of his beautiful mouth, and a deep melancholy washed over him, bringing the sting of tears to his eyes. He blinked rapidly, fighting them back and again focused his gaze on his precious, tormented Fox.
"I love you," he whispered, barely loud enough to be heard. "And I swear on my life that I'll get you through every last bit of this. If I could take your pain away and make it mine, I'd do it in a heartbeat, baby, but I can't. All I can do is be with you and love you...and hope it's enough."
He placed a tender, lingering kiss on the sleeping man's lips, then left the room.
Fox sat in front of his computer, pulling his glasses up and down the length of his nose while he stared at the screen. "So, this Jersey Devil thing that I'm reading here is what I was remembering this morning," he tossed at Alex as the younger man crossed through the room.
"Yep," Alex called from the hall before he disappeared into the bedroom with an armload of laundry, then reappeared several minutes later. He pulled up a chair and sat on the other side of the desk, watching Fox bang away at the page down key as his eyes quickly scanned the monitor.
He'd awakened early this morning and in good spirits. Even the single memory he'd had just before breakfast did not dampen his mood. The pain was minimal, and the duration, short.
Good. Maybe it would be a good day. If Fox was still feeling fine in a couple of hours, maybe he'd suggest a walk...
Feeling the other man's eyes on him, Fox looked up over the tops of his glasses and gave Alex a leering grin. "See something you like?"
A bit taken aback by the question, Alex hesitated before carefully wording his response.
"You're the only man I've ever known who looked good in glasses."
Fox took the glasses off and looked at them. "Do I?"
"Yeah."
"Intelligent type of good, or sexy type of good?"
"Both."
Fox put the glasses back on and stared at the younger man. "That's a nice, safe answer."
"It's a truthful answer. You ever hear the phrase 'smart is sexy'?"
"I probably have, but I don't remember."
Alex read Fox's expression and immediately regretted his innocent remark.
"I'm sorry, baby. I...I didn't mean..."
"Yeah, I know you didn't mean...but it's hard not to slip sometimes, huh? Hard to remember all the time that you're living with a mental invalid."
"Fox..."
Fox ripped the glasses off and threw them down onto the oak surface, then shut the computer down and shoved his chair away from the desk. Spinning himself around, he stared sullenly out the window.
Alex buried his face in his hands, praying for strength. He sat for a brief time, hoping that Fox would snap himself out of his sudden mood, but no such luck. Quietly, he rose from the chair and walked out of the room, leaving the brooding man alone.
Alex rushed to the door, checking his watch as he walked. Noting the time, he deduced that it had to be Scully coming for her visit with Fox. He swung the door open and ushered her inside.
"So, where are you going?"
He shook his head, looking anxiously toward the bedroom. "I'm not going out."
"Why not?"
"Shh. I think he's sleeping. He had another episode about an hour and a half ago. Not as bad as some, but not nearly as mild as this morning."
"Okay, but, Alex...I'm a doctor. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of him. Go."
"I can't, I..."
"Yes, you can. This is as much for him as it is for you. I know he needs you, Alex, but sooner or later he's got to know that you can't be here with him twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. Besides, it'll give him time to miss you."
"But I...I haven't said anything to him about going out. I don't want him to wake up and not find me here."
"Oh, for God's sake, it's not like he's going to wake up to an empty house. I'll be here. I'll tell him you went out for a while."
"He was upset with me this morning. I don't want to upset him any more."
Scully studied the man, squinting up at him as he spoke.
"I just don't think it's a....what...what are you staring at?"
"Gray hairs."
"What?"
"Three of them." She pointed to the left side of his head. "Right there."
Alex gave her a disbelieving sigh and turned away.
"I'm not kidding. Haven't you noticed?"
"No."
Scully shook her head. "I'm not going to have two wrecks on my hands, Krycek. Get your jacket, grab your car keys, and get the hell out of here. I don't want to see you for at least three hours, are we clear?"
Alex cast a hesitant glance in the direction of the bedroom then looked back into determined blue eyes.
"Goodbye, Alex."
"God." Alex lifted his jacket from the hook, checking the pocket for his keys and cell phone, then slowly started for the door. "I'll keep my phone on. If there's a problem, call me."
"Don't worry," Scully assured Alex as she opened the door and shoved him out into the hall. "Everything'll be just fine." And with that, she closed the door in his face. Rolling her eyes, she heaved a long sigh and stalked into the living room. "God, what basket case."
Alex stood on the other side of the door, weighing his options.
Walk back into the apartment and insist on staying home, or do what Scully said, and take a few hours for himself, and risk facing holy hell when he returned.
Oh, come on. Scully's right. She's there; it's not like he's alone. She'll explain that you went out, and he'll be fine. He's a bit out of sorts, but he's not homicidal. What the hell can possibly happen?
He walked away from the door and headed for the elevators and three hours of peace.
"He lives."
Fox walked into the living room over an hour after Scully had arrived.
"Hi, Scully."
"How do you feel?"
"Not bad," he replied, eyes searching the immediate vicinity. "Where's Alex?"
"He went out for a while."
"Out?"
"Yeah."
"To the store?"
"No, Mulder, just out. He's been with you day and night for weeks on end. He just needed a little down time, you know?"
Fox's eyes immediately took on a wounded expression. "He said that?"
"No, I said that. I had to shove him out the door. He didn't want to leave you." She approached, taking Fox's hand and led him to the sofa. "But don't you see the condition he's in? He's knocking himself out trying to do and be everything you need. He's worn out."
Fox lowered his head. "I guess I haven't really gone easy on him."
"You need him, Mulder, I understand that. But maybe you've been clinging to him just a little too tightly, huh? He'll never, ever admit it...hell, I don't think he knows it. He loves you so much, in his eyes there could never be anything wrong with what you're doing. He'll continue to be at your beck and call until he drops, but is that what you want? I know you care more for him than that."
"I do, I..." Fox bit his tongue, choosing not to let Scully in on what he'd only very recently realized himself. "I don't mean to...I don't want to hurt him, Scully. I'm s-so tired. I want to remember, but it hurts so much when I do. I get so frustrated, and I guess I take it out on him because he's the only one here. I don't mean to. I don't mean to," he concluded on a broken whisper.
"Right. And that's why he needs to get away for a little while. It's not good for either of you to be constantly in each other's faces."
Fox nodded. "When he gets back, I'm going to..."
The ringing phone interrupted his statement.
"Probably him checking on you," Scully sighed as Fox reached for the phone.
"Hello?"
"...Alex?"
"No...Alex isn't here right now. Can I take a message?"
"Uh...n-no That's okay. Thanks."
After the caller hung up, Fox pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it.
"Mulder? Scully called cautiously, noting the disturbed look on his face. "Mulder, what is it? Mulder!"
Fox dropped the phone and lifted himself from the sofa. He walked into the bedroom, closing the door behind him, giving no indication that he'd heard Scully calling his name.
"Morris? Yeah, it's Steve. Listen, I gotta tell you this, 'cause I really can't believe it..."
Morris dropped into his favorite chair, phone tucked between his ear and shoulder, remote control in one hand and a T.V.Guide in the other. "Can't believe what?"
"It's been almost three months. I thought I'd call Alex and see how he's doing, you know?"
"That was nice. I wish I'd thought to do that. How is he?"
"I don't know. Check this out. I called his apartment, and a man answered. I wasn't sure that it wasn't him, but it didn't sound like the voice I remember. Not the voice that belonged to him, anyway."
"What? Steve, you're confusing the hell out of me."
"It sounded more like Fox."
"Uhhh...huh."
"I'm not crazy, I know it wasn't him, obviously, but it was someone who sounded like him. Shit, Morris, Alex has got another man."
Morris sighed heavily. "I...I can't believe that. You saw him, Steve. I saw him. He was completely shattered. There's no way in hell he's got himself a new piece this soon."
"So, who the hell would be there while Alex wasn't?"
"The hell I know! Did you talk to him?"
"Just for a few seconds. At first I was taken by surprise, and I didn't say anything. I thought it could have been Alex, so I said his name. The guy told me that Alex wasn't there and asked if he could take a message."
"So, did you leave a message?"
"No. I told him it was okay, and I hung up."
"You just hung up?"
"Yeah, I didn't know what else to say. I was just so stunned."
"Damn, Steve, if Alex does have somebody else, I hope you didn't cause any trouble by hanging up like that. You know what you'd think if you were in a new relationship with somebody and a strange man called your lover's house looking for him..."
Scully turned with a start as she heard the key in the lock. She stood up and waited for Alex to enter, glancing nervously toward the bedroom. The minute Alex saw her face, he stalked toward her, readying a barrage of questions.
"What's wrong? Why didn't you call me? Where is he?"
"Alex, Alex. Calm down. I can only answer one question at a time."
"You can start right now."
"Okay...in answer to your first question, I don't know what's wrong. You got a phone call a little over an hour ago, and Fox flipped out. I have no idea who it was. I tried to get him to tell me, but he won't talk. Second, I didn't call you because there was nothing to tell. He hasn't gone berserk, he hasn't tried to kill me or commit suicide. He's had no headaches or anything of that sort. Third...he's in the bedroom where he's been since the call. I keep checking on him, and he's okay...sort of..."
"Sort of?"
"He just refuses to talk. He's just lying on the bed, pretending to be asleep, I think."
Alex's mumbled question was more to himself than to Scully. "Ah, shit, what's this all about?"
"I suggest you go find out. I'll wait out here."
"No. No, you should go."
"But, Alex..."
"It's okay," Alex cut her off. "I'll deal with it, whatever it is. I really think it's best if you go home. Thank you, Scully, I appreciated the help."
Grudgingly, Scully departed, leaving Alex alone to cope with whatever darkness Fox was now immersed in.
Slowly, he approached the bedroom and pushed the door open. As Scully had said, Fox lay on the bed, curled on his side, eyes closed.
"Fox?" he called softly, hoping not to wake the older man if he was indeed asleep.
Hazel eyes opened and stared blankly at the wall they faced.
"Babe, Scully told me that something happened to upset you while I was gone."
"Have a nice time?"
"Nice? I...just took a drive. Walked a little..."
"Stop off anywhere?"
"Like where?"
"I don't know," Fox answered flatly even as he turned accusing eyes to the other man. "Someplace you could get a nice, quick fuck."
"What? Fox, what are you..."
"Haven't you told your playmates not to call while your amnesiac, overly-dependent, stupid former lover is home alone?"
"Playmates? What the hell are you talking about? Fox, who the hell called here?"
"Don't know. Sorry, he didn't leave his name. I'll try to take better messages in the future."
Alex turned away, hands clenched in his hair. "I don't believe this. I don't fucking believe this. What the hell else can happen? I don't have any fucking playmates, Fox. Even if I wanted to, when the fuck would I have the time? I'm with you twenty-four goddamn hours a day!"
Fox pushed himself off the bed and spun to his feet. "Where there's a will, there's a way. You're a resourceful man from all that I've learned about you. I should have known. I mean, it's impossible, right? To expect that you'd be satisfied with jerking off a few times a week...sooner or later you'd need a real man to fuck. Or men...how many have you found?"
Alex whirled around to face the irrational man. "What difference does it make? Huh? Whether I tell you none or twenty, it makes no difference. You're going to believe what you want to believe." He shrugged carelessly. "Okay, twenty's too much. Too unbelievable even for me. How about four? Good round number. I've got four young, horny little bitches on a string, and I'm having the fucking time of my life..."
Rage filled Fox's eyes, and he bolted forward, knocking Alex into the wall with a loud thud. He held him there, clutching the front of the younger man's shirt.
"You son of a bitch!" Fox's enraged sob echoed throughout the room. "You goddamn fuck! I trusted you! All that shit you told me...all those sweet lies. You made me believe, and then you put a knife through my heart." Tears shimmered in his eyes as he slammed Alex again into the wall. "You made me love you, you bastard..."
Alex's eyes widened with shock.
"You made me...and it took too long," Fox choked, his grip going slack. "It's too late, and I have nothing. I don't want to remember," he gasped, just barely retaining his hold on Alex's shirt. "I don't want to...not if it hurts more than this..."
"Jesus." Alex wrapped his arms around the limp man, holding him up. "Fox, please. Baby, listen to me." His eyes filled with tears, and he buried his face into the side of the older man's neck. "I love you. It's just you. I swear to God, I don't know who called. I don't know...but there's nobody else. It's just you," he repeated, trying to make himself heard and understood. "Only you."
"I'm sorry," Fox stammered, trembling as he clung to the man who held him. "I can't...I keep trying, but I...I don't want it to be too late. I love you, Alex. I s..I still don't remember loving you before, but I love you now. If it's not the same, I'm sorry, I...don't leave me..."
Alex shook as he fought to remain in control of himself while he backed Fox to the bed. Gently, he laid the other man back against the pillows and joined him, resting his head on Fox's chest. He wound his arms around his lover and felt himself wrapped in an answering embrace. "It's perfect," he choked, shuddering deeply, and then he let himself go, crying copious tears as he clung to Fox.
"I love you," Fox cried into Alex's hair. "Tell me it's not too late."
Alex tightened his hold on his lover. "It would never...never be too...late. I'll love only...you...only you till I die." He lifted his head, blindly seeking out the other man's mouth even as Fox sought his.
Their lips touched, the taste of salt and desperation strong on each. Alex pulled himself into a more accessible position, opening his mouth to Fox in offering, and the older man took it in violent haste, the kiss muffling his cry as pain exploded in his head.
Visions of the two of them naked and sweating, Fox pounding again and again into Alex while the younger man clawed at him flooded his head. Their snarls and whimpers resonated, compounding the pain. He fought it frantically, refusing to give in this time. He needed Alex more than he needed relief, and he would rather die naked in his lover's arms than stop this now.
Alex grunted in shock as he found himself spun onto his back. Fox fell on top of him, again finding his mouth while one hand tore at the buttons of his shirt. While he understood and shared Fox's desperation, he couldn't help feeling that there was something wrong. Already drenched in sweat, and his body extraordinarily tight, Fox presented to Alex a picture of a man in pain. He tried to pull to away, to ask the older man if he was all right, but Fox grabbed hold of his wrists, pinning them to the mattress beside his head.
"Fox..." Alex managed to grind out past his lover's bruising kiss. "Wait..."
Fox sobbed his protest as Alex struggled to free himself. "No," he pleaded, fighting back as his hips ground into the other man's. "Need you..." His body jerked and an agonized groan tore from his throat as more images of them writhing together in front of a fireplace filled his head.
Alex used the moment to catch Fox off guard, taking control and rolling the older man off of him. Now the one on top, Alex held him down, doing his best to soothe the tortured man.
"Fox....baby, stop," he pleaded, attempting to stop Fox's thrashing. "I know you're hurting. I can see it."
"Nooo," Fox wailed through gritted teeth then opened his eyes halfway. He panted heavily in a frantic attempt to regulate the pain. "Please..." He strained against Alex. "Fuck me."
"Baby, I can't," Alex gasped. "Not like this..."
Anger mixed with agony, and a loud roar escaped Fox's throat. "Fucking bastard!"
Alex wrapped himself around Fox, holding him tightly as the enraged man bucked and screamed under him. "I love you, Fox," he whispered into his struggling lover's ear, "I love you, baby...trust me...I won't let you go..."
Some of the fight ebbed slowly from Fox though he continued to spew curses at his captor...fortunately for Alex, as his strength too had begun to dissipate. He loosened his hold as Fox stopped bucking and soon was able to release him.
Still wracked with pain, Fox had barely enough strength left for a feeble whimper, but the deep furrows in his brow told Alex of his continued torture.
Alex lifted himself and lay alongside Fox, stroking his sweat-soaked hair. "I know it hurts," he whispered. "God, I wish with all my heart that I could take the pain for you...breathe, baby. Deep....slow....come on, focus on my voice. Please, Fox."
Fox released a hard breath, and his body twitched then returned to its limp state.
"Let him go, dammit," Alex grated softly, more tears welling up in his eyes. "He's had enough."
The memories continued to come fast and furious, a wild mix of times and events returning to their owner with no particular logic to their order.
Alex held Fox to him, unable to offer more than comforting touches and soft words of love. The helplessness he felt frustrated him beyond measure.
Fox lay shuddering in Alex's embrace for longer than Alex would be able to remember, his weary, pained moans sounding at longer and longer intervals until they had ceased altogether.
Alex lifted his head and gazed down at the man whom he was sure had fallen asleep, but to his utter surprise, exhausted, hazel eyes stared up at him from beneath a veil of moisture-spiked lashes. Tenderly, he dragged his knuckles down the older man's cheek and kissed the tip of his nose. "Is the pain gone?" he asked softly, unsure of what the answer would be.
Fox's eyes closed and he nodded once. His lids lifted again, just barely enough for slivers of green and gold to be seen.
Alex released a relieved sigh and kissed the flushed lips. "You need to rest. Close your eyes."
"No."
Alex's brow wrinkled, hearing the barely audible response. "Baby, this was the worst one yet. You're wrung out."
Fox took a difficult breath and licked at his dry lips. "So much."
Alex cocked his head. "So much what?"
"Remembered." The older man took a couple of slow breaths and continued. "I know them. Scully...my mother...Skinner..." He swallowed past the dryness in his throat. "...Cancerman...he was in the movie we saw..."
Alex nodded. "I know. I saw him."
Fox's eyes drifted around the room. "I know where I am," he said hoarsely. "And I remember loud music...a club...lots of people dancing...it was hot..." His brow wrinkled as he jumped from one memory to another, then he looked up at Alex. "I saw you..." He raised a weak hand to the younger man's face. "Snow...falling in your hair...trees and quiet. When you talked to me, the sound echoed..."
"Sounds like the cabin I told you about in Oregon."
Fox's gaze fell from Alex's face. "I...have visions, but...I don't know it. I need to know it."
"Okay." Alex kissed the older man's forehead. "As soon as you're better, we'll go up."
"No. Now."
"Fox, we can't. Not right now..."
"I need to go now." Fox's tone rose just a bit. "Please."
"Baby, you are in no shape to travel. Give it a couple more days."
"Nooo. I can't. It's..." His hand left Alex's face and touched his own temple. "...right here. I don't want to lose it. Please, Alex. I'll be all right. Please. It's there. Don't let me lose it..."
"Christ," Alex whispered. "I can't believe I'm doing this...all right. All right, Fox, but listen. I'm going to call Scully. I want your doctor there."
"No." Fox shook his head. "Just us. Just you and me. I'll be all right. I promise."
"How can you promise me that? You can't foresee these episodes. You've remembered a lot, but you've still got a ways to go. What if the next time is even worse? That cabin is in the middle of nowhere."
Fox turned to his side, burying his face in Alex's shirt. "Please, Alex. If you love me..."
"Oh, God, don't do that to me." And suddenly Scully's words came tinkling back to haunt him.
When it comes to Mulder, you're like...warm Jello.
Pleading, amber-flecked eyes turned up to Alex, and he caved.
"God, please don't let me live to regret this."
Making Fox promise to close his eyes and rest, Alex set about making the preparations for their trip. Three hours later, he gently shook the older man awake.
"It's all set, Fox. A jet is waiting for us at the airport, and I've packed a couple of bags. How do you feel?"
Fox lifted himself into a sitting position. "Tired."
"No pain?"
"No. Just really heavy."
"You gonna make it down to the car okay?"
Fox gave a brief nod as he rose unsteadily to his feet. "Just give me a minute to go to the bathroom and wake up a little."
Alex followed the older man to the bathroom, hand resting lightly on his back to provide balance. Once Fox was inside, he waited nervously just outside the door in case he was needed, but a few minutes later Fox emerged, looking pale and exhausted, but otherwise all right.
"I'm ready."
"Baby, are you sure?"
"Yes."
Fox's flat, insistent tone left no room for debate. Alex led him out of the apartment and on to what he prayed wouldn't turn out to be the biggest mistake of his life.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Scully. It's Alex. I didn't wake you, did I?"
"No. I was just getting ready to go to bed. How's Mulder? Did you find out what was bothering him?"
"Yeah, I did. He's all right. He's asleep."
"Well, what happened? Can you tell me? Who called?"
"I don't know who it was. Neither does he. That's where the problems began."
"Huh?"
"It was a man who called. He asked for me by name, and when Fox asked if he could take a message, the caller said no and hung up. His imagination started cooking up a bunch of bad explanations, and he tore into me when I went in to talk to him."
"He... he thought you were fooling around?"
"That's the long and the short of it, yeah."
There was a brief silence, then an amused female laugh. "He's jealous, Alex!"
"Ohhhh, yeah."
"That's great!"
"Ordinarily I'd agree, but in his state of mind, he really went off the deep end."
"Oh, boy."
"Yeah. I wasn't sure I was ever going to be able to calm him down." Alex began to smile. "Then he said something that knocked me on my ass."
"What?"
"He said he loved me."
"...Really?"
"Yeah."
"Oh, my God, Alex, that's wonderful... uh... isn't it?"
"Yeah, it is. But it gets really wild after that..."
"Oh...uh, that's okay. You don't have to elaborate on the hot, animal sex. I think I got a pretty good picture in my mind..."
"No. No, no."
"No?"
"I mean, we were heading that way...God knows he was pushing hard enough. But he'd starting remembering again, and the pain was horrible. It went on for what seemed to me like forever. He fought it...and me, every step of the way, but the pain broke him down."
Part Four
"My God. You're sure he's okay?"
"Yeah. As okay as he can be right after an episode as bad as that one. Scully, he remembers you."
"He does?"
"Yeah. And his mother, and Skinner, and a bunch of other stuff."
"Thank God. Maybe this is finally close to being over."
"I think so. He said there were images in his head of Oregon, but they were just that. He insisted on going there so he could remember."
"What'd you tell him?"
Silence.
"Alex?"
"Yeah?"
Scully placed a hand over her face. "Alex, where are you?"
"On a plane."
"How did I know? Krycek, are you insane?"
"Yes. I tried to talk him out of it, Scully, believe me. But you know how he is."
"Uh huh, and I know how you are."
"Don't say it."
Scully emitted an irate sigh. "No sense in screaming at you now. But I want communication, you hear me? I want you to call me, and I want to be able to call you."
"I'll keep my phone on."
"All right. Call me when you land."
"I will."
"Do not forget, or I swear I'll come looking for you."
"I won't forget. Talk to you later."
Alex disconnected and dropped the phone down onto the plush seat beside him.
"She very mad?"
Startled green eyes turned in the direction of the soft monotone.
"She's not real happy." Alex came to sit down on the sofa beside the prone man. "What are you doing awake? I thought you'd be out until we landed."
Fox shrugged.
"Want anything?"
"No."
"You sure?"
Fox nodded, shifting so that he could wind an arm around Alex's thighs and rest his head in his lap. The younger man's hand came down on his head, gently petting his hair.
"Alex?"
"Hmm?"
"I'm sorry."
"What for?"
"All the shit I've put you through. I don't know if I'll ever be able to make it all up to you..."
"Make it up...Fox, you don't have to make anything up to me." Alex leaned down, covering Fox's upper body with his own. "You didn't ask for any of this," he murmured against the older man's cheek. "It was done to you by a man who I swear on my life will die slowly and painfully if I ever get my hands on him..."
"You didn't ask for it, either," Fox countered. "And you didn't have to deal with it. But you did. It was more, I think, than most people would have put up with. I know I got pretty weird on you sometimes...like tonight."
Alex kissed the stubbled cheek. "It's all right. Don't worry about it."
"I'm taking you down to hell with me, Alex. It isn't right."
"It's right that I am wherever you are. For a few of the worst days of my life, I thought you were dead." Alex hugged Fox tightly to him. "And I wanted to be, too. I wanted to be where you were. There was no place else for me."
Fox pulled himself up, coaxing Alex to lie on the sofa, then he crawled into his lover's arms. "That thought makes me shudder, but...I know I would feel the same." He looked up with what for the first time in many weeks, Alex could unmistakably recognize as adoration. "I love you."
The three softly spoken words sent a rush of warmth spreading through Alex's body. His eyes drifted shut, and his arms constricted, holding Fox securely to his chest. "I wish I could tell you...God, I wish I could explain how good it feels to hear that."
A clipped gasp rose from the older man, and Alex looked down, tilting his head up. "What's the matter, babe?"
Eyes squeezed shut, Fox waited a few seconds before answering. "You and me...and Scully. On a plane. After you were shot. Guilt...relief..." More pain jerked his head back. "You were unconscious...doped up after...after Scully took the bullet out. Had to...carry you into the cabin. When you woke up..you w-wouldn't talk to me...wouldn't look at me."
Alex gently rubbed the older man's temple, raising a small sigh. "I told you that Scully and I weren't the best of friends back then. She didn't trust me. She'd managed to put doubt into your mind about me, and I was so hurt to think that after the time we'd spent together, you would go back to thinking that I was out to do you wrong."
Fox nodded slowly. "I know. I was so sorry. I told her that I would never doubt you again."
"And you never have. Now, relax."
"It's not that bad," Fox argued softly.
"But it's there. Come on, just lie here and let me hold you. It's been way too long."
Fox went silent for a moment, then murmured contentedly, "I remember this feeling."
Alex smiled, kissing the top of his lover's head. The older man looked up at him, eyes shining.
"And I know I've only ever felt it with you."
The statement earned him another kiss and a squeeze.
"Try to sleep," Alex instructed softly. "It'll be quite a while yet before we land."
Fox closed his eyes and dozed for a little while, but soon enough the headache returned, accompanied by more memories. He suffered the pain in silence while Alex slept, thankful that it was nowhere near as excruciating as it had been earlier. When they finally landed, he was exhausted but encouraged by all he had remembered.
As promised, Alex called Scully then rented a car, and they began the drive to the cabin. Fortunately, it hadn't snowed yet this season, so the drive was an easy one.
They traveled along for at least forty-five minutes in virtual silence, Alex hoping that Fox would nap, but the other man remained awake, eyes darting back and forth, taking in all that the moonlit sky would allow. Several minutes later, his head snapped around, staring at a motel they'd just passed. He raised his index finger to the window and turned to face Alex.
"We stayed there." He smiled at the flash of white teeth.
"Yeah, we did. Do you remember when?"
"After the first time we were here together. You stayed the night with me and left the next morning before Scully got there."
"That's right." Alex watched Fox's head lower. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I...I was just..." He took a stuttering breath. "...remembering what we did...we're pretty good together, huh?" The sound of soft, breathy laughter drifted to Fox's ears from the driver's side.
"We're damn good together."
"I can..." Fox frowned in concentration. "..I can hear someone telling us that we're...totally fucking hot." He paused then looked Alex's way. "Exact words."
Alex let out a louder, hearty laugh this time. "I believe that was Steve."
"Steve?"
"Yeah. One of the two guys I told you that we'd met at that club."
"Oh. You'd never told me their names."
"Steve and.......Morris. That was the other one. After you did me outside against the car, they just had to meet us. Heard one of them say that we were his new heroes. And it was Steve who introduced them and told us that we were 'totally fucking hot'. They were nice guys. They even came by the apartment after they'd heard on the news that you had died. They wanted to see me and extend their sympathy. Scully said they went to the funeral...hey....." Alex paused, thinking for a moment, then glanced over at Fox. "You know, I just had a thought. I wonder if it could have been one of them who called...you know, to see how I was doing."
"If it was, why would they call and not leave a message?"
"I don't know...maybe you scared him."
"Scared him?"
"Yeah." Alex began to chuckle. "Maybe he thought it was your ghost or something."
"Oh, God..."
"You've got a very distinctive voice, Fox; even on the phone, it's very recognizable."
"To you, maybe, but to a person I'd only met, what? Once?"
"Once is all it takes." Alex reached across the seat and stroked his lover's jaw. "No one could forget you."
Fox nuzzled the other man's hand. "You're prejudiced."
"I'm right. No one who meets you can ever forget you. You're too damn gorgeous."
Fox grinned. "You don't have to lay it on so thick, you know. I'm a sure thing."
"Oh, you think I'm just trying to get you into bed?" Alex asked, falling happily into a mild version of one of their familiar verbal sparring sessions.
"Aren't you?"
"Well...yeah...but I'm not just pulling your leg..."
"No? What else are you pulling?"
Alex laughed softly. "Oh, no, you don't. You're not dragging me into that."
Fox slid across the seat, pressing himself into the younger man's side. "Why not?" he moaned into Alex's ear, nipping lightly at the lobe.
"Jesus, Fox, cut it out."
"You don't like that?"
"Are you kidding? Fox...shit...come on, stop...." Alex managed to wedge a hand between himself and the older man, pushing him away. "I'm driving, here. You want to kill us?"
Fox moved back over to the passenger's side and slouched in his seat. "No," he said in a small, pouting voice.
Alex whimpered pathetically. "Don't do that. Come on, baby..."
"Don't do what?"
"That. You know how desperate I am for you. Teasing me like that is a damn dangerous thing to do right now. I'll never be able to concentrate on the road."
Fox sighed heavily. "Okay."
"Twenty minutes," Alex promised. "Twenty minutes and we'll be there."
True to his word, Alex pulled up in front of the cabin some twenty minutes later. The men pulled the bags out of the back of the car and walked up to the house. Fox surveyed the outside of the structure while Alex fumbled for his keys.
"I get a feeling of familiarity, looking at it."
"Good." Alex finally found the key and turned the lock. He opened the door and switched on the lights, flooding the room in a warm amber glow. "How about now?"
Fox stepped across the threshold, carefully studying his new surroundings. He moved forward, lightly running his hand along the back of the sofa which sat in front of a large, picture window. Glancing from the window toward the middle of the room, his eyes fell on the stone fireplace and to the plush throw rug in front of it, and a vivid image of him and Alex bedded on a blanket of fleece flashed in his head. The glow of the fire played over their bodies as they made love in front of its comforting heat. Every moan, every tiny whimper resonated in his mind and brought the now-expected pounding in his temples that signaled the pain to come.
"No..."
Alex dropped the bags by the door and rushed to the man who had begun to double over beside the couch.
"Again?"
Fox nodded, heels of his hands pressed to the sides of his head.
Alex lowered him onto the sofa and gently wrestled his jacket off. As he turned to toss the jacket onto a nearby chair, a shriek cut the quiet of the room. He fell to his knees beside the sofa, watching the man he loved suffer what seemed to be the most agonizing torment yet. A heavy sweat had broken out all across Fox's face, mingling with the tears that had begun to escape past his tightly closed lids. A protuberant network of veins appeared on the sides of his head as he strained against the pain that had yet again gripped him, and a short, harsh, intermittent groan sounded deep in his throat.
Fear, irrational perhaps, but strongly felt, filled Alex's heart as he tried in vain to make Fox comfortable. Always in the back of his mind, that thought, that goddamned nagging thought that this life he'd found with Fox was simply borrowed and not meant to keep shoved its way to the surface. And maybe...maybe those few torturous days he'd spent thinking that life was indeed over...maybe they were fate's cruel way of saying, "Check it out, Alex, this is what it's like. This is the blackness that'll be your life...but not quite yet. We'll give you a taste now, give him back to you, then yank him away again later at our leisure."
He couldn't help thinking of the irony of losing his love in the place he'd found him, and he screamed inside, protesting violently against that part of his mind that had never left him completely at peace.
No. Nooo. He's mine. I don't care...
"I don't care if I don't deserve you," Alex's thoughts took the form of a pleading whisper. "I don't care if you weren't meant to be mine, I can't...I...baby, please, I can't be without you." He stroked Fox's perspiration soaked brow as the older man's body continued to spasm. "Fox....baby, can you hear me?"
No answer.
Fucked up, didn't I? I shouldn't have brought you here. No matter how much you insisted, I shouldn't have. No matter how mad you got at me, I should have said no. He lowered his head to the sofa beside his lover, suffering his own torment. Minutes later, Fox's body began to slowly relax, his anguished moans fading away, and Alex lifted his head.
The creases on Fox's forehead and around his eyes had not disappeared, but they had softened. His fingers, clenched tightly in his hair, had loosened their hold, and his mouth, drawn into a thin line of pain, had relaxed into a pale, weary pout.
Alex watched the rise and fall of his chest, and though it wasn't quite the normal rate, it was far from the shallow, frantic heave of only a few minutes before. He closed his eyes and offered a silent thanks, then kissed Fox's cheek and lifted himself to his feet.
Keeping one eye on his unconscious lover, he first built a fire then moved about the cabin, putting away the groceries and other items they'd stopped to buy. When he was finished, he returned to check on Fox, who lay motionless on the sofa, now breathing slowly and evenly. He retrieved two fleece blankets and a pillow from the bedroom closet and draped one blanket over the sleeping man, tucking it securely around him. He sat for a while caressing Fox's hair, then he shut the lights off, wrapped himself in the second blanket, and lay down on the floor in front of the fireplace. Though he never would have believed it could happen, shortly afterward, he was asleep.
Weary, hazel eyes opened, unable to focus at first, seeing only hazy objects bathed in an orange glow. Fox blinked, scanning his surroundings until he found what he was looking for.
Alex, wrapped in a blanket on the floor, asleep.
His eyes closed and a slow smile curved his lips.
Alex. Not just the man who'd rescued him from certain death and spent every minute of the next few months caring for him. This was his Alex. God, his Alex. The man he'd loved for the past year with every bit of his heart and soul.
This moment of true recognition was worth every second of agony he'd suffered.
Everything he knew...every little detail about this man and their life came back to him. He was whole again...they were.
Taking a quick inventory, he determined that all the pain was gone, and though he felt like he could sleep for a week, sleep would have to wait. There were far more important things on his mind right now...
Alex moaned softly as he began to dream. Breath, soft as a whisper caressed his face and lips, then a mouth, warm and sweet, touched his.
Baby...
His lover's mouth left his, traveling down his chin and throat, stopping to nibble at the sensitive skin between his neck and shoulder.
Oh, God, I know you're a dream, but...it feels so good. Please don't let me wake up...
The moment he'd said the words, he felt himself rising out of the comforting darkness.
No....no, no, n...
He was waking. He was sure of it, but...the sensation of his dream Fox's mouth on his skin remained. In fact, it grew stronger. And now a definite presence settled itself over him...
Alex opened his eyes and nearly jumped out of his skin. Straddling him on his hands and knees, staring down into his shocked face, was Fox.
"You're beautiful in the firelight."
Alex blinked, emitting a quick breath. As he struggled for something to say, Fox lowered his head, rubbing the tips of their noses together. Finally, he managed to squeeze a few words past his constricted throat.
"What are you...Fox, what...are you all right?"
The older man nodded. "Very all right."
Alex frowned up at him. "What are you...what do you mean?"
"I mean," Fox whispered, slowly running his tongue along Alex's lower lip, "I remember."
Understanding lit Alex's eyes. "...Everything?"
"Everything. I feel complete. I feel like me. And you..." He sank lower, resting his full weight on top of the stunned man. "...you feel like heaven."
Unconsciously, Alex arched upward, pressing himself against his lover. "Fox....God....your head...how's your head?"
"It's fine. I'm fine."
"You're exhausted. I can see it."
"I'll sleep later."
"Later?"
"Yeah. When I'm done with you."
Alex's cock leapt, pushing into the solid heat just above it. "When'll that be?"
"I don't know." Fox brought his head down again, brushing his lips against the younger man's. "When neither of us can see straight?" He covered Alex's mouth, deep groans rumbling in the chests of both men. His tongue swept the interior of his lover's mouth, reacquainting itself with its taste and texture as Alex's arms wound around him, locking them together.
They kissed slowly and thoroughly, teasing each other until each man's body throbbed with its own need. Alex threaded the fingers of one hand through Fox's hair, trying to hold his head where it was as the older man released his lips and started to pull away.
"Baby," Fox whispered into his insistent lover's mouth as he wriggled out of his grasp, "I need...I need to feel you..." his words were cut off as Alex pulled him down for another searing kiss. When the younger man released him several dizzying seconds later, he drew a deep breath and frowned down into smoky green eyes. "What was I saying?"
Alex writhed against him, licking his chin. "You need to feel me..."
Fox emitted a soft, agonized moan. "Yeah." He began pulling at Alex's clothing and didn't stop until the other man lay naked and panting beneath him. He stared down at his lover, fingers touching and stroking the flushed skin with reverence. "How could I forget you? It doesn't seem possible."
"Doesn't matter," Alex replied, arching beneath the loving touches. "You came back to me. That's all I care about..." His eyes fluttered open. "Well...there might be a couple more things I care about right now."
Fox's grin sparkled in the firelight. "Yeah? Like what?"
"Like the fact that you're still dressed..." Alex's hands slid down to the front of Fox's shirt and started undoing the buttons. "...like...licking the sweat off your chest as you're fucking me nice and slow...and deep..."
Fox shuddered above the younger man as his shirt was pushed away from his shoulders. Quickly he moved his arms, letting Alex finish removing the garment, anticipating his lover's next move.
Before moving on to Fox's pants, Alex paused to pay homage to his lover's upper body, running his hands with gentle impatience over his back and arms while his mouth explored the convulsing throat and expanse of his chest. His head swam as the texture and taste of Fox's skin filled him, once again saturating his parched senses and promising long awaited sustenance to his love-starved body.
Patience ticking away like so many seconds on the face of a clock, Fox whimpered and moaned as Alex continued to explore, leaving no inch of exposed skin untouched. When finally he felt his lover's hands tugging at the buttons on his jeans, he sucked in a hard breath, praying for the strength to let Alex undress him at his own pace. On trembling arms, he lifted himself far enough for the younger man to get at the remaining buttons then push the pants down to his thighs.
"I can't reach," Alex breathed, squirming beneath Fox, trying to push his jeans lower. "Help me..."
Reluctantly, Fox pushed himself to his feet, kicking off his shoes and pulling the jeans down, taking his underwear and socks with them. He stood above the younger man, bathing in the lust-filled green gaze before sinking to his knees, straddling his lover's hips.
Alex's cock jerked, straining toward the presence that hovered just above it. He reached out to Fox, wordlessly begging the other man to come to him, but Fox remained where he was, out of reach, smiling down at his frustrated lover. Alex began to sit up but was promptly pushed back to the blanket. Passion-glazed eyes fought to stay open as Fox reached down, petting the virtually hairless chest.
"Did you miss me touching you, baby?"
Alex lost the fight to keep his eyes open. They dropped shut and he nodded slowly.
"Tell me about it."
Alex inhaled and exhaled slowly, measuring each breath as Fox's hands traveled over his chest and shoulders, leaving thousands of tiny pin pricks in their wake. "It was..." His chest inched upward then fell sharply as he spoke his next word. "...torture. I wanted you every second of every day. I thought about this. Fantasized...dreamed about it. Started thinking it was all I'd ever have." Apologetic eyes opened and turned up to Fox. "I'm so grateful you're alive. If it's all I could ever have, if you'd never learned to love me again, I'd still..."
Fox leaned in, taking his lover's mouth in a deep, soul-shattering kiss, and released it long seconds later. "I know," he whispered before gently sinking his teeth into the swollen lower lip and pulling. "But you're human, Alex. There's nothing wrong with wanting back the life you knew." He gave the younger man a tender smile. "It makes me happy to know that it meant that much to you."
"It means everything to me," Alex croaked against Fox's mouth, letting his hands glide over the older man's back and ass.
Fox grinned. "Yeah, but not at the moment, huh?"
"Always."
"Mmm hmm." Fox shifted and bore down, pushing his cock against Alex's. "What's that mean to you?"
"Ah, damn...means you're ready to fuck." He pushed back. "So am I. What do you say we get to it?"
Fox gave the younger man an evil little grin and sat up. "Soon." His hands again began to wander over his lover's smooth chest, the palms and fingertips just barely grazing the hard nipples.
"Don't think I can wait for soon."
"No?" Fox rose up on his knees, letting his hand drop down to Alex's groin, brushing his fingers through the short, dark curls. "But I wanted to make you feel good."
"God, Fox, if I felt much better, I think it'd kill me." Alex grunted loudly and arched his back as Fox's fingertips skipped over the length of his erection. His mouth fell open, allowing soft, gasping pants to escape as the teasing fingers closed around his cock and stroked it gently.
"You're not dead, yet..."
"Sadistic...bastard," Alex wheezed. "Mmmmmm, God, I love you." A low chuckle was all he heard before the hand released him. He waited, eyes closed for it to return, but when several seconds passed, one eye opened. "Aww, shit."
Fox kneeled over him, burning amber gaze on his face. He wrapped both hands around his own cock, stroking himself slowly. "You seemed to be enjoying it so much..."
Alex watched, entranced as his lover worked his own cock, a look a carnal bliss on his face. "Thank God," he whispered, stroking Fox's thighs.
"Why are we thanking God?"
"Nothing's changed. You're still an outrageous slut."
Fox laughed softly as two fingers passed over the head of his cock, swiping the bead of fluid from its tip. He offered the fingers to Alex, who quickly sucked them into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the two digits. The younger man moaned, tasting his lover for the first time ages, and when Fox tried to pull his fingers away, he encountered some resistance.
"Come on, let go," he coaxed.
Alex shook his head, growling stubbornly.
"I got something better for you..."
Grudgingly, Alex drew back, releasing the fingers and waiting. Fox crawled forward, now straddling his lover's head, and grasped his cock at the base, pointing it toward the anxious mouth. He sucked in a hard breath as Alex's mouth closed around the head and his hands clenched in Fox's ass, pulling him forward. In one jerk of his hips, his cock disappeared into Alex's mouth, and the younger man held him motionless while he greedily suckled the entire length.
"Oh, Jesus..." Fox half-laughed, half-whimpered, "how could I forget that mouth?" He smiled down at the man joyfully devouring his cock. "Who's the slut?"
Alex's fingers clenched in Fox's ass, and he moaned around the cock that filled his throat, the vibration sending a deep shudder through Fox's body.
Fox doubled over as a strong rush of desire weakened his body. Leaning on his hands, he attempted to compose himself and began to pull away, knowing that if he didn't, he'd be all done.
Alex knew also and let him go, allowing Fox to settle back into his original position. He watched his lover's lashes slowly rise, revealing eyes dilated to near-blackness.
"Come on, baby," he hissed softly, stroking Fox everywhere his hands could reach. "You know you wanna fuck me."
Fox inhaled sharply as Alex's fingers flicked lightly over his nipples.
"Come on, do it."
Fox's blood boiled as Alex arched upward in invitation. Jaw clenched tightly, he tried valiantly to hold himself in check, but the man beneath him...his love, his eternal weakness, was quickly wearing him down.
"Please, baby," Alex whimpered in that tone that drove Fox mad. "I need you." He clawed at Fox's nipples, drawing a low growl from the older man. "I know you need me." Alex urged him to shift position so that he was now kneeling between his parted thighs. He reached up, pulling the other man down on top of him, then promptly wrapped his legs around his waist. "Take it."
Unable to bear up under that kind of pressure, Fox tucked his hands under Alex's ass, stroking and squeezing the rounded muscles. As the fingers of one hand teased the small, puckered opening, Fox leaned in for a hard, hungry kiss. When he pulled away from the panting man, he paused, eyes searching his immediate vicinity. "Where's the lube?"
Alex froze, staring up at Fox in stunned silence.
"What?"
"Shit. I...I guess I got out of the habit of always having some with me..."
"You don't have any?"
"No, but...we must have left some here somewhere."
"You mean I have to get up and go look for some?"
"I'm sorry." Alex started to pick himself up, gently pushing Fox off of his chest. "I'll help you." He quickly found himself flat on his back with a hand on his chest. His breath caught in his throat as he looked up into Fox's eyes. At this angle, they reflected the firelight and looked themselves like twin balls of flame.
"No." The fiery gaze bore into him, searing everyplace it touched. "Don't you move. I want you hard and ready when I get back."
Alex moaned and squirmed as the flatly issued command sent tingles through him. "But I'm already hard...and ready."
Fox rose to his full height, spitting out one more order before he stalked away.
"Make sure you stay that way."
Alex watched Fox disappear from the room then turned his attention to his aching cock. While he knew that there was no way in hell he'd go soft during Fox's absence, he was happy to obey his lover's last order. He tucked one hand under his head while the other drifted down toward his cock, gently stroking and pulling at the engorged shaft. His respiration deepened, and his eyes closed as his body urged him to work harder, but his brain was apparently still functioning well enough to override the petition.
Nice and easy, Alex. Don't get too enthusiastic.
Meanwhile, in the bedroom, his patience just about reaching its limit, Fox rummaged through another drawer.
"Shit. Come on, come on...I swear to God," he muttered to himself, "I'll go get some fucking cooking oil if...ah, yes!"
He snatched up the tube and whirled back in the direction of the living room, freezing a few steps from the doorway.
Ohhhh, yeah...
Washed in flickering orange light, Alex lay sprawled on the thick bed of fleece, one hand lovingly caressing his erect cock. He was so immersed in his activity that his body jumped and he emitted a little gasp as Fox's voice sounded just inches from his ear.
"So pretty."
Alex smiled and stretched with feline grace, letting his hand slide upward until it came to rest on his chest. He stretched up, slowly licking Fox's mouth. "Find it?"
Fox grinned and held up the tube.
"Good. Now, fuck me."
"But you were doing such a good job by yourself," Fox teased as he unscrewed the cap.
"Don't take this the wrong way, Fox, but I've jerked off enough the past few months to last me a lifetime."
"Awww," Fox pouted as he squeezed some gel out into his hand and deftly applied it to his cock, "but I love watching you."
Alex groaned and pulled Fox down to him the moment the older man tossed the tube aside. "Okay, but later." He threaded his fingers through his lover's hair and covered his mouth in a bone-deep kiss. When they separated, Alex pulled his legs back and draped them over Fox's waist. "Come on, baby," he purred, anchoring his fingers in Fox's hair. "We've both waited way too long."
"I know," Fox breathed against his mouth as he positioned himself and slowly pushed at the tight entrance. He felt the muscle begin to yield to his gentle assault and the man beneath him shudder with joy, and his fortitude melted away. In one long glide, he buried himself to the root in Alex's heat, drawing a jubilant cry from them both.
Alex clung to Fox, his beautiful Fox...finally reclaimed, belonging once more. His eyes stung with unshed tears, and he softly whimpered his lover's name.
Fox lowered his head to Alex's shoulder, drowning in his love and the dazzling pleasure his body provided.
He was home. The comfort of Alex's arms and the slick heat that surrounded him attested to it.
Fox began to move slowly and carefully, afraid to end the dream. But his movements, gentle as they were, sparked a riot of sensation in both men, and they reacted.
The long awaited feel of his lover's cock moving deep within him released two tears, and to keep himself from crying, Alex let his head fall forward until his mouth met with the other man's flexing shoulder. His lips parted and his tongue dragged over a patch of skin before sucking the flesh into his mouth.
The mild pain jarred Fox out of the sensual fog he was lost in, waking him to his lover's need. He allowed Alex to mark him, then pulled away to look down into his eyes. He mouthed the words 'I love you' and moved in toward the younger man's waiting mouth. Just barely brushing his lips, Fox moved to his neck, fastening his mouth on the tender flesh.
Alex's back arched, a harsh moan rumbling in his throat. He gritted his teeth, enduring the sweet pain as Fox picked up the pace, thrusting harder into him. His cock screamed as the pressure built to a level beyond what he could stand, and he willed his tongue to work, begging his lover for more.
"Fox...oh, Jesus, I..." He clawed at Fox's back as his head pressed into the pillow, baring more of his throat. "Please, baby, please..." His mouth fell open, and a sharp cry tumbled out as Fox's teeth closed on his throat, and the older man worked a hand between them, grasping his cock.
Overwhelmed, Alex's head began to swim as he bucked against Fox, urging him to move faster. Fox finally tore his mouth away from his throat, leaving a mark so deep and red it would remain for several days, and the older man drove hard into him, grunting with every thrust.
"Come on, baby," Fox grated as he jerked his lover's cock. "Come with me..."
Alex whimpered frantically as Fox slammed into him again and again, taking him to within a breath of total meltdown. It was the older man's mouth closing tenderly over his that pushed him that final fraction over the edge, and his body filled with a prickling heat as he came endlessly, ripping his mouth from Fox's and screaming his name.
His hand drenched in semen, Fox continued to pump Alex's cock as he found his own release. Sobbing incoherent words of love, he exploded deep inside the younger man, filling him with slick warmth, and refused to stop thrusting until sheer exhaustion forced the issue. Finally, he collapsed on top of Alex's heaving chest and slipped into virtual unconsciousness. It wasn't until the other man had begun to shiver that he opened his eyes. He lifted his head and gazed down into moist eyes.
"Are you cold?"
Alex stared up at his lover and nodded as one tear dropped from the outside corner of his eye.
Fox kissed the dampness away and gently lifted himself off of Alex and lowered himself to the younger man's side. He wrapped them securely in the blanket and pulled Alex into his arms. "Is that better?"
"Better," Alex sniffed, burrowing into his lover's warmth.
Fox lay stroking Alex's back in silence for some time before calling his name.
"Alex?"
Another soft sniffle. "Yeah?"
"Is something wrong?"
"No."
"No?"
The younger man shook his head. "It's just...I'm..." He bit his lower lip and began to shake, able for the first time to really let go. "I thought...I thought I'd lost...you...even after I...found y-you, and you were r-right...in front...of me, it...it was like..." Alex broke into soft sobs. "Thought I was...getting what I deserved..."
"What? What you deserved?"
"My..." Alex took a few deep breaths. "...my punishment."
"For what?"
"Everything bad I've ever...ever done in my life."
"God." Fox tightened his arms around the younger man. "No, baby. Please don't think that way. Life is not out to punish you. Things turned out okay, didn't they? I remember everything, our life is back on track...we're here at the place we fell in love, in front of a warm fire..." He grinned into Alex's hair. "...naked and wrapped in a blanket...where's the punishment in that?"
Alex sniffed and shook his head, trying to get closer to the man he was already pressed as close to as he possibly could be.
"It's all right," Fox whispered, feeling Alex's trembling subside. "You and I have been to hell and back, and we're still here. We belong to each other, and nothing you've ever said, or been, or done is ever going to change that. Okay?"
"Okay." Alex turned red-streaked eyes up to Fox's. "I love you."
The older man smiled and took his mouth in a soft kiss. "I love you, baby."
Alex tucked his head under Fox's chin, breathing in the scent of salt and sex and Fox, and a tiny, contented smile curved his lips. Before another word could be uttered, both men wafted gently into sleep.
Fox snuggled down into the warmth of the blanket, moaning softly. Though his eyes were closed, he could tell that morning had come.
The first full day as the man he was.
Memories and life intact, he opened his eyes for the first time in several weeks, anxious to start the day.
But something was missing.
He looked around, rubbing the sleep from one eye. "Alex?"
No answer.
He listened, trying to detect some sound, but there was nothing. No footsteps, no rattling of pots and pans in the kitchen.
He looked to the window.
Outside, maybe, getting more firewood?
Fox stood up, shivering in the slight chill. Alex had not started a new fire which he found odd, seeing as there was enough wood there in the house to keep the blaze going well into the afternoon. He wrapped the blanket around himself and went to the window, looking toward the wood shed, but found no trace of his lover.
Deciding to search the house, Fox first checked the kitchen. He pushed the door open and glanced around, finding the room empty and cooking utensils untouched. Concern creeping in, he moved a little faster, checking the bedroom. That room was also empty, but now closer to the bathroom, Fox could hear sound. A muffled moan sounded behind the closed door, and he rushed over, knocking softly.
"Alex? Babe, you okay?"
There was silence for a moment, then a harsh, wretching sound, combined with more moaning.
Fox threw the door open and gasped, finding Alex on the floor, draped over the toilet.
"Shit. Alex?" He crouched down beside the pale man, tenderly stroking his hair. "God, you look awful. What happened to you?"
Alex shook his head weakly. "Woke up feeling sick. Stomach is turning." He squeezed his eyes shut. "My head..."
"Okay, uhh..." Fox located a washcloth and ran it under cold water, then gently swabbed Alex's face and the back of his neck. "Do you want to stay here a while longer?"
"No," Alex whispered. "Just dry heaves, now."
Fox frowned, kissing the top of the younger man's head, and helped him to his feet. Slowly, he walked Alex to the bed and, balancing the younger man with one hand, he pulled the blankets back with the other. "Come on, lie down."
Alex carefully lowered himself to the mattress, and once horizontal, he became restless, moaning with each increasingly labored breath. "Can't...can't..." He pulled himself up, and Fox stacked the pillows behind him, helping him lean back against them.
"That better?"
Alex took two deep breaths in through his nose and nodded. "Not so bad." He turned watery eyes up to his worried lover. "God, I feel like death."
"I don't get it. You were fine last night, weren't you?"
"Yeah."
Fox hesitated for a minute, thinking about what to do then stroked the hair away from Alex's ashen face. "You don't feel like you have a fever, but I'll take your temperature anyway, then call Scully." He vanished into the bathroom and returned seconds later, popping the thermometer under the younger man's tongue. While he waited, he checked Alex's pulse, then went for the phone. Punching in Scully's number as he returned, he pulled the thermometer out of Alex's mouth. "Ninety eight point...Scully. It's me."
"Mulder? Hey, how are you?"
"Good."
"Alex told me yesterday that you remember quite a bit. That's wonderful."
"I remember it all."
"All? Really? Oh, thank God. When did it happen?"
"Last night."
"How do you feel? How's your head?"
"I was really suffering last night, but I'm fine, now."
"Oh, Mulder, I'm so happy. Alex must be thrilled..."
"Alex is why I'm calling, Scully. He's sick."
"Huh? What do you mean, sick?"
"Sick. I woke up this morning and found him hanging over the toilet. His head is pounding, and he's throwing up."
"Any fever?"
"No, I just checked it. No coughing, no sneezing, no stuffiness. It's just his head and his stomach."
"Doesn't sound like anything serious. Just a bug, maybe. He felt all right yesterday?"
"He said he did."
"Did you eat anything after you got in?"
"No, nothing. Almost immediately after we walked in, everything I hadn't remembered yet came back, and I was in terrible pain. When it was over, I fell asleep for a while."
"Maybe he ate something while you were asleep."
Fox caressed the younger man's cheek and softly called his name.
Alex's eyes fluttered open. "Hmm?"
"Did you eat anything after I fell asleep that first time?"
"No."
"He didn't eat anything, Scully. When I woke up, he was asleep on the floor in front of the fireplace. I woke him up, told him that everything had come back to me...we made love and fell asleep. Next thing I know, he's throwing up in the bathroom."
Scully went silent for a moment, tapping her fingers on the phone, then shifted in her chair, draping one leg over the arm. "You know what, Mulder? I just had another thought. Since this seems to have come on so suddenly, I was wondering if it might not just be due to the let down."
"The what?"
"The let down. I can't think of a better way to phrase it at the moment. For a long time now, he's been running on pure adrenaline. Heartbreak, severe depression, worry, not eating right, not sleeping well, worry, worry...then everything he's been so uptight about all this time is all right. Your memory comes back; you know him; you love him. His mind is at rest...his body is at rest...all this after weeks and weeks of turmoil. He's coming down off a prolonged high, and it's shocking his system."
"Like withdrawal."
"In a way. Only not nearly so bad. Give him a day or two, and he'll be fine."
Fox sighed into the phone. "I can't believe I didn't think about that."
"You're too close, Mulder. He's sick, and you were too worried to think objectively. Just make sure he eats lightly, keep him hydrated, and let him rest. If he's absolutely no better tomorrow, call me."
"Okay. Thanks, Scully."
"No problem. Tell him I said hi, and I hope he feels better soon."
"I will."
"Good to have you back, Mulder."
Fox smiled into the phone. "Thank you. Good to be back. Talk to you later."
Fox hung up and dropped the phone down onto the mattress by Alex's leg. He covered the other man's hand and placed a chaste kiss on his nose. "How do you feel, baby?"
"Not good," Alex breathed softly.
"Can I leave you alone for a little while? I'm going to go get dressed then get you something to eat and drink."
Alex turned his face into the pillow. "Nooo, no food."
"You gotta put something in your stomach, Alex. I'm just going to make you some toast."
The other man grimaced. "The thought turns my stomach."
"As long as the actual food doesn't." Fox leaned in, kissing his lover once more, then gathered up some clothes and headed for the shower.
For the fifteen minutes Fox was gone, Alex lay trying not to move. The slightest disturbance seemed to upset his stomach, and he was in no condition to try and make a run for the bathroom. He whimpered softly into his pillow, wishing the hammer would stop clanging in his head and the midgets jumping around in his stomach would take a damn break if only for a few minutes.
God, just kill me now.
When Fox returned, he found Alex in the same position, looking as miserable as he did when Fox had left the room.
The depression of the mattress sent a fresh wave of nausea churning through Alex's stomach. He whined almost inaudibly, lifting one hand only an inch or two off the bed, splaying his fingers.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Fox said quickly, freezing his position. "God, it's that bad?"
Alex took in a few slow breaths, trying to quell the uneasiness. He nodded only very slightly and said nothing.
"Okay, Scully said that your body might just be reacting to all the stress it's been under for the last few months. You should be okay in a day or two..."
"Or two?" Alex inhaled sharply through his nose, stamping down another threat of revolt. He opened his eyes and spoke more calmly. "If I feel like this tomorrow, I want you to shoot me."
"It'll get better, I promise."
"Now."
Fox gently rested a hand on Alex's thigh. "Baby, if I could make it happen, I would. Listen, I'm going to go get your toast and make you some weak tea, and I'll be back." Very carefully, he stood up and again left the room. Running his hands through his hair, he walked into the kitchen and ran some water into the teakettle and set it on a high flame. He located the bread that Alex had bought last night and set two slices in the toaster, waiting until the water was boiling to make the toast. While he waited, he leaned against the counter, allowing himself to feel a little frustration.
He'd so wanted to wake up in his lover's arms this morning. He'd wanted to wrap himself around Alex's naked, warm body and kiss him awake, feeling the younger man's cock harden against his thigh...
The whistling tea kettle roused him out of his fantasy. He cursed softly and poured the hot water over the teabag he'd dropped into the mug, then toasted the bread. A few minutes later, he took Alex's breakfast into the bedroom where the younger man lay panting softly through his open mouth.
"Okay, babe, you gotta try and eat some of this."
"Don't want to," Alex whimpered, closing his eyes at the sight of the toast.
"Alex, you have to."
"No, I don't."
"Please try."
"Just the sight of it turns my stomach."
Fox studied the younger man for a moment, then softly called his name.
"Alex?"
"What?"
"Are you pregnant?"
Green eyes glided open and glared at the older man.
Fox cleared his throat and gave Alex a tiny, conciliatory smile. "Humor's the first thing to go. Guess you're really sick, huh?"
No answer.
Emitting a long sigh, Fox set the plate and mug down on the nightstand. He gently settled himself on the edge of the bed and picked up one of the slices of toast. Tearing it in two, he held the smaller piece up to Alex's lips. "Come on, take a little bite."
Alex flinched, moaning in protest.
"Alex..."
Each bite was a struggle, and when Fox finally got the other man to finish the small piece of bread, he reached for the tea. "Now, take a sip."
The first couple of sips went down well, but the third created a small tidalwave of queasiness. Alex groaned, wrapping his arms around his stomach, and Fox ran for the basin he knew was in the bathroom. He returned, diving for the bed just as Alex began to wretch. He held the basin, grimacing and looked away as the younger man vomited every bit of his breakfast into the shallow pan.
When he had finished, Alex pushed the basin away, bringing Fox's attention back to him.
"I'll uh..." Fox glanced down at the basin and looked quickly away. "I'll go get rid of...this.." He flushed the remains of Alex's breakfast and rinsed the pan, bringing it back to the bed in case it was needed again. "Here," he said to the whimpering man, placing the basin down on the bed beside him. "I'll go get you something to rinse your mouth. He disappeared and came back quickly, carrying a glass and a towel. Alex rinsed his mouth, spitting the mouthwash into the basin, then collapsed back against the pillows. Fox dabbed at his mouth and chin with the towel and again took the basin away to clean it out. When he returned, Alex opened his eyes part way and fixed a glassy green stare on him.
"Told you it turned my stomach."
"Yeah, you told me," Fox responded softly, caressing his hair. "I'm sorry, baby, but I'm just trying to help you." He leaned forward, gently resting his forehead against Alex's. "I don't want you to be sick."
Alex closed his eyes, too miserable to be aroused by Fox's proximity and the soft tone of his voice. "I'm not too thrilled about it, either," he complained and turned his head to the side.
Fox chewed on his lower lip and pulled back. "Why don't you get some sleep? I'll go get a fire started and find something to read, I guess."
"You're mad, aren't you?"
Fox tilted his head. "Mad?"
"At me."
"What? Why would I be mad at you?"
"I'm sure you thought like I did, that..." Alex took a deep breath and continued. "...that we'd spend all day in bed..."
"Yeah. I did think that, but, Alex...why would I be mad at you? You're sick, baby. And chances are, you're sick as a result of all the time you spent driving yourself crazy over me." He laid a tender kiss on the other man's lips. "We'll have our time together. By tomorrow you'll be feeling a lot better."
"I'll be dead by tomorrow if I have to deal with this the whole rest of the day."
"Weren't sick much, were you?"
"No. Couldn't afford to give in to illness. Couldn't lie around sick. Might not get up the next day."
Fox nodded. "Well, you're past that. And you're not going to die if you're sick for a day or two."
"Feel like it."
"I know." Fox kissed him again. "But try to relax. Go to sleep, and you'll feel better when you wake up. Then we'll try some food again."
Alex wrinkled his nose.
"Hey, remember when you were taking care of me up here? "
"...Yeah."
"Good. Keep that in mind the next time I come in here with more food."
Alex sighed softly and extended his fingers.
Fox slid his hand over to the younger man's, intertwining their fingers.
"Sorry I'm being a pain."
"It's okay." Fox raised Alex's hand to his lips. "You're not good at being sick." He shrugged and smiled. "I'm not very good at playing nursemaid, either."
Alex returned the smile. "Should've seen your face when you had to go clean out the basin."
"Find that amusing, did you?"
Alex nodded, moaning as his stomach flipped again. "It'll be funnier tomorrow," he whispered. "Gonna shut up, now."
"Okay." Fox sat quietly stroking Alex's head until he was sure that the younger man was asleep, then went into the living room and lit the fireplace. He ate a light breakfast then stretched out on the sofa with a book he'd dug out of the bookcase in a far corner of the room. Within an hour, he was sleeping soundly. Three hours later, the sound of Alex's voice woke him.
"Fox..."
"Hmm?" Fox sat up quickly shaking off the remnants of sleep. "What're you doing up?" he asked the man swaying over him as he reached for his hand.
Alex hitched the blanket he had wrapped around himself a little higher. "I called you but you didn't answer."
"I'm sorry, I guess I was in a pretty deep sleep." He pulled on the younger man's hand. "Come on, sit down before you fall down."
Alex sank down beside his lover and bowed his head, pulling the edge of the blanket up to his nose.
"Are you okay? You feeling worse?"
"No..."
"Why did you call me?"
The younger man shrugged. "I woke up and I didn't...I didn't want to be alone."
A slow smile lit Fox's face. He sat back against the arm of the sofa and stretched one leg out along its length. "C'mere." He held his arms out, and Alex melted into them. He kissed the top of the sable head and mumured against it, "Okay?"
Alex nodded, snuggling into his lover's embrace.
"You must feel a little better," Fox said. "You couldn't even move earlier without feeling sick."
"Stomach's not so bad. Head's still pounding."
"Well, if you'll try to eat, I can give you something for that...okay?" A few seconds ticked off before Alex answered.
"Okay." Alex wrapped his arms around Fox's waist, grumbling in protest as the other man tried to slip from beneath him.
"Baby," Fox chuckled against the side of the younger man's head, "I have to get up to get your food. I'll be back as fast as I can."
Reluctantly, Alex let him go and watched as he disappeared into the kitchen. When Fox returned some fifteen minutes later, he had tucked himself into a corner of the sofa and closed his eyes.
"You're not sleeping, are you?"
"No."
Fox set the tray down on the coffee table and took a seat beside Alex. "Okay, let's eat."
Alex looked down at the single, large bowl of chicken soup and stack of saltines and wrinkled his nose.
"I'll just give you the broth and the crackers," Fox explained. "I'll eat the rest."
Grudgingly, Alex opened his mouth for the first spoonful. He swallowed and made an unpleasant sound. "This is canned soup."
Fox looked at him with a deadpan expression. "What did you think you were going to get in fifteen minutes time? Homemade?"
"No," Alex pouted, "but the stuff in the package that you mix with boiling water tastes better."
Fox continued to stare. "The stuff in the package."
"Yeah."
"Why didn't you tell me that before I went into the kitchen?"
Alex sank lower into the blanket. "Thought you knew what I liked."
Fox raised his eyes heavenward, heaving a long sigh. "How can I know which of the two you prefer, Alex, when you make everything from scratch at home? Christ, you do everything but grow the vegetables and kill your own chickens." He looked back to the other man and found nothing visible but a pair of glazed, green eyes staring warily at the soup over the edge of the blanket. Fox lowered his head, smiling to himself, then tilted forward and planted a kiss on Alex's forehead. "Be back in a few minutes."
Leaving Alex bundled on the sofa, Fox again journeyed to the kitchen in search of the dry, packaged soup. After a brief search, he located a box and proceded to boil some water. He leaned against the counter, arms crossed over his chest, considering their latest obstacle. Though hardly serious, it was certainly frustrating to both men to be so ready and willing but unable. Yes, they made love last night, and yes, it was wonderful. But it was just a tease. An apetizer before the main course that fate seemed bent on delaying.
Fox sighed softly, turning to tear open the package and spill the contents into the bowl, and his thoughts turned to Alex himself.
Big, bad Alex Krycek. Ice cold assassin with a glare that could melt a glacier and an attitude as big as all outdoors...a man whose path people fell over themselves to get out of...acting very much like a six year old. The sight of him wrapped up to his nose in that blanket with that pathetic, puppy dog look on his face was as endearing as it was absurd. Fox laughed softly to himself as he retrieved the boiling kettle from the stove and added the water to the contents in the bowl. He stirred the mixture a few times and carried the bowl out to the living room. He sat at the edge of the sofa and, balancing the bowl in one hand, he dipped the spoon into the soup, holding it up in the general vicinity of Alex's mouth.
"Okay, here you go. Re-hydrated soup. Disgusting as it is..."
Alex looked from the spoon to Fox's face and back again before pulling the blanket away from his face and accepted the offering. Slowly, he ate about half the bowl and a few crackers, then refused any more.
Afraid to push the issue and make him sick again, Fox chose to give in without a struggle. He finished his own soup, polished off the remainder of the crackers, and removed the tray. By the time he returned, Alex's eyes were closing.
"Tired?"
Small nod.
"How's your stomach?"
"Little queasy, but not bad."
"Okay, well you try and go to sleep." Fox rose and started to walk away, but Alex's weary voice stopped him.
"Where are you going?"
"I was going to wash the dishes later, but you're going to go to sleep, so I might as well do it now." He groaned inwardly at the wounded expression on the younger man's face and again seated himself. "I'm sorry, baby," he said, petting his lover's head. "I'll stay until after you fall asleep."
Seemingly satisfied, Alex closed his eyes, sighing contentedly as Fox continued to stroke and pet him.
Soon enough, all sound ceased, and Fox determined that Alex was asleep. Carefully, he lifted himself from the sofa and disconnected Alex's cell phone from the charger, taking it with him as he passed into the kitchen. He turned the phone on and punched in Scully's phone number. When it rang a third time, he prepared to leave a message, but Scully picked up, voice soft and out of breath.
"H'llo?"
"It's me."
"Hi. Mulder, hang on for just a second, okay?"
"Okay."
Placing the antenna of the phone between her teeth, Scully picked up the grocery bag she'd dropped and hauled it and the other four into the kitchen. Bags now laid out on the counter, she dropped the phone back into her hand. "Okay, sorry. I had my hands full. How's it going? Alex any better?"
"A little. I just got him to eat a little soup, and now he's sleeping."
"Good. Sleep's just what he needs. So...what's up? How're you? Still no headaches?"
"Nope."
"Excellent. I can't tell you what a relief it is to hear that. I've been thinking about you all day."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. I guess whatever that was that those bastards injected you with had no long term effects."
"Guess not."
"I still want to find that smoking son of a bitch and put a bullet in his head, though. Of course, I'd have to take a number and get in line behind Alex..."
"He never told me, Scully. How many people did you find in that house?"
"Quite a few."
"He killed them, didn't he?"
"Yeah."
"All of them?'
"Yeah. Except for Lieber. Skinner got him."
"Skinner?"
"He was going to shoot Alex. Skinner killed him."
Brief silence, then, "Wow."
"They've been decent to each other ever since."
"Yeah, now that you mention it. Who the hell would have thought?"
"Not me, that's for sure."
More silence.
"So," Scully said, "you have any idea how long you're going to be up there?"
"I don't know. I'd like a few days of uninterrupted happiness, though, you know?"
"As soon as he's better, there'll be nothing left to stand in your way...Mulder? Are you laughing?"
"Yeah...yeah, sorry, but...speaking of him getting better...you'd have to see this to believe it."
"See what?"
"Alex. He's being such a baby."
"A baby?"
"Yeah. He really can't deal with this being sick thing. It's unbelievable. This man has been in worse situations than you or even I could probably ever dream of, yet a little nausea and a headache have turned him into a little boy."
Scully snickered into the phone. "Something tells me that if he was by himself, he wouldn't be doing that."
"I know. I think he's really enjoying being coddled. He'd done for himself for so long. Nobody to worry about him. Nobody to take care of him."
"I'm sure you're giving him all the attention he needs."
"I'm trying. God knows he deserves more than I could ever do for him after all the shit I've put him through, but I'm giving it my best shot."
"Mulder, none of what happened was your fault."
"It kinda was, Scully. I promised him I wouldn't go up to that house until he had some information for me, and what did I do?"
Scully sighed softly. "Okay, well I can't say much about that except that like always, Mulder, you do exactly what you want to do."
"I hadn't actually intended to sneak up there behind his back after I promised him I wouldn't, but according to the information I got, they were packing up and moving everything. I couldn't wait. I called Skinner and told him."
"I know. He still can't forgive himself for not believing Alex when he called and told him to stop you."
Fox pulled a chair away from the kitchen table and sat down. "Alex never told me that he called Skinner."
"He did. Skinner just thought he was up to something and refused to go after you. He finally was able to get in contact with me. I'd been watching him closely the last few months, and I was sure that he was genuinely worried. I got hold of Skinner and asked him to go to Vermont. He met me there, and you know the rest."
"Yeah."
"Even now, Mulder, with you being alive and well, he's eaten up with guilt. He feels if he'd believed Alex, a lot of what happened could have been prevented."
"He shouldn't be taking all that on himself."
"I know, but what he shouldn't do and what he is doing are two different things."
"I'll talk to him when we get back. I don't blame him. Alex doesn't blame him..."
"Well, I wouldn't go that far."
"What d'you mean?"
"I don't know how Alex feels about that now, even though they seem to have called some sort of truce. You'd have to ask him about that, but he went insane when he got up to Vermont and found out what we thought had happened. He tried to kill Skinner. Took four guards to pull him off. He laid every bit of the blame for what had happened at Skinner's feet."
Fox sighed softly in to the phone. "I guess I would've done the same if our situations were reversed. The thought of losing him...I can't explain to you what it does to me. I'd be looking for someone to kill, too."
"I understand. I mean, I really, finally understand. Watching Alex was heartbreaking, Mulder. He was in really bad shape."
"He hasn't given me much detail on that."
"He probably just doesn't want to relive it."
"Then, would you tell me about it?"
Scully finished putting the last item away then dropped down into a chair at the kitchen table. "Well...I told you about Skinner...after Alex went after him a second time, I had the guards take him outside. I tried to talk to him, but he wasn't listening. He got it in his head that you could be alive under the rubble of the house, and he spent hours digging with his hands, looking for you. He finally collapsed, and I took him back into the command trailer, cleaned and bandaged his hands, and he sat there. I mean, literally sat there not moving, not talking until I made him leave with me the next morning."
Fox broke in. "Why'd you let him spend hours digging for me?"
"I didn't want to, Mulder, but if I didn't, he would have had it in the back of his mind that you could have been under there and he didn't do everything he could to find you. He had to come to the conclusion himself that he wasn't going to find you."
Her statement was met with an understanding silence.
"Anyway, I finally got him home. Another horrific experience. First, he didn't want to get out of the car. Took me God knows how long to get him to come into the building. Then, when we got to the door, he refused to go into the apartment. He sat on the floor outside the door for hours. Fell asleep out there. When he finally came in, he went into the bedroom and started sorting laundry...talking about you in the present tense. I...I couldn't take it. I tried to get him to see what he was doing, and he blew up. We both did. We started screaming at each other, and the next thing I knew, we were both on the floor, holding on to each other and crying like babies. I think if I had to name the single most important point in our relationship, that would be it. We became friends that night. Anyway, we planned your service...or I did, though I promise you, Mulder, I tried to get him to make the decisions. He was just too far gone to do it. The only thing he had an opinion on, and was adamant about, was Skinner's involvement. I thought he should deliver the eulogy, and Alex flat out refused to let him have anything to do with it. I'm just grateful he didn't bar Skinner from attending the funeral..."
Fox sat draped over the table, eyes closed as he listened to Scully describe his lover's reaction to his 'death' and the details of his funeral.
"...and the turnout was huge. I couldn't believe all the people who showed up..."
"What, you didn't think I knew that many people, or you didn't think that I was that well liked?"
Scully smiled into the phone, hearing the humor in her partner's voice. "A little of both, actually. Anyway, I was worried to death about Alex. He wanted to be alone the night before, and when I called him that morning, there was no answer. I went to your apartment, and he wasn't there. I waited as long as I could, then met Skinner and your mother, and we went to the cemetary. I kept looking for him throughout the service, Mulder, and I couldn't find him. When it was all over and it was just your mother, Skinner and myself left, he appeared. Like out of nowhere. Again, I had a bad time with him. He draped himself over the casket and refused to leave. It was your mother who got him up and led him away from the grave..."
"My mother?"
"I was about as shocked as you are right now. She was wonderful to him right from the start. She had no idea who he was when he first appeared. I had to tell her. I felt I owed it to you both to tell her the truth..."
"I appreciate that, Scully."
Scully paused, then continued. "She took to him immediately. She was so broken up about losing you and, from what I could determine, was feeling all sorts of guilt over the way your relationship had deteriorated over the years. She actually thanked Alex for bringing you happiness. She stuck pretty close to him during the short time she was here, and though no one could really bring him any comfort, I think he appreciated her effort. He uh...he was practically catatonic during the reading of you will, until the lawyer got to him. He didn't want to hear it. He really came unglued..."
"I didn't mean for that to happen," Fox murmured, regret and pain tinging his voice. "I just wanted him to know how important he is to me."
"I know. He knows. He just was in no shape to handle it. Somehow, we managed to get through it, and a little while later, this man showed up at your door."
"Who was it?"
"Someone Alex knew. He's the one who gave Alex the heads-up on the smoker and Lieber. Told him where they were hiding. He tore out of the apartment, Skinner and I followed, and the rest, as they say, is history."
Fox blew out a long breath. "All that, and then he spent weeks more being tortured. No wonder he's sick now."
"His body just needs this little period of readjustment, and he'll be fine. Just keep doing what you're doing. He certainly does deserve all the attention you can give him."
"Thanks for talking to me, Scully. And thanks for sticking by him. I have to say, I'm amazed as well as grateful...to you and my mother. I know it was an impossible thing to bring him any kind of comfort, but I really thank you for trying."
"No thanks necessary. Just try and remember to talk to Skinner when you get back, okay? Everybody's doing okay now, but he's still having a tough time."
"I won't forget. I'll talk to Alex and then talk to Skinner."
They conversed for another few minutes, then Fox hung up and washed and dried the dishes. That done, he returned to the living room, finding Alex still soundly asleep. He sat on the coffee table, studying the younger man.
I'm sorry, baby.
Until now, he really hadn't realized just how much hell he'd put Alex through. Unwittingly, yes, but it did nothing to assauge his guilt.
Fox slid down to his knees, leaning over the sleeping man. He lightly touched Alex's cheek, watching his lover's mouth twitch. Unconsciously, his tongue flicked over his lips as the overwhelming urge to kiss Alex hit him.
Don't, you'll wake him.
Fox pulled himself away, picking up the book he'd settled down with earlier, and took a seat in the chair across from the sofa. He read for over three hours, looking up over the book every so often to check on Alex, who remained soundly asleep the entire time. Finally, he decided to go see what he could make for supper that might not upset Alex's stomach further. Aside from soup which he felt sure Alex would not want to eat again, he had no idea what to feed a sick man.
"Should've asked Scully," he mumbled, rooting around the cupboards and refrigerator looking for anything that could be considered non-threatening to an upset stomach. Finally deciding on scrambled eggs and toast, he took everything out he thought he would need, then moved back into the living room, where he found Alex just opening his eyes. He crossed over to the sofa and squatted before the sluggish man.
Alex moaned sleepily and blinked up at him. "What time is it?" he asked in a garbled tone.
"About six-thirty. I was just in the kitchen looking for something for supper. How does scrambled eggs and toast sound?"
"You really wanna know?"
"Can you think of something you'd rather have?"
Alex shook his head and closed his eyes. "Not even if you could cook."
Fox grinned, tilting his head to the side. "What? Is that humor I hear?"
"Nothing funny about the way you manage to mangle lemon pepper chicken."
"That wasn't my fault," Fox shot back, remembering the incident of six months ago down to the finest detail. "Frohike and Langly came by, and they insisted that cinnamon went in it."
"Cinnamon, Fox? Think about that. And then think about who said it to you."
Fox's mouth twisted into a thoughtful pucker. He looked down at the younger man then smiled. "You're insulting my cooking. You must be feeling better."
"Not wonderful, but not nearly as bad as this morning."
"Good. Then the eggs won't kill you."
Alex groaned as Fox stood up and headed in the direction of the kitchen. Minutes later, he heard the cheerful clang of pots and pans, and an uncontrollable smile came to his face.
Fox was trying so hard to make him feel better. Of all the things the other man had done for him, to date this had to be the sweetest. Alex knew how inexperienced he was at taking care of anyone other than himself, and the effort he was putting in, in Alex's opinion, was a true labor of love.
He sat contemplating his unbelievable good fortune until Fox entered the room, grinning broadly. The older man carried with him a tray containing a single plate loaded with what actually did look like scrambled eggs, several slices of toast, a cup filled with what Alex suspected was more of that damned tea, and a lit candle.
Fox set the tray down on the coffee table and pulled the whole thing closer to the sofa. "Huh? Huh?" He nudged Alex gently with his elbow as he sank to the floor beside him. For the first time since yesterday, he heard the younger man laugh.
"I'm proud of you."
Hazel eyes sparkled. "And guess what else I did."
"What?"
"I soaked everything in hot, soapy water so it'd be easier to clean, just like you're always after me to do."
Alex stared blankly. "Okay, who are you, and what have you done with my Fox?"
Fox smirked at the snide query then jumped to his feet. "Almost forgot." He walked over to the CD player, loaded a couple of disks, then resumed his position on the floor beside Alex. Kissing the younger man's forearm, he murmured, "Ambience."
Alex raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth, uttering a silent 'oh'.
Fox picked the plate up from the tray and held a forkful of eggs to Alex's mouth. Alex took only half of what was offered, afraid of swallowing too much at once, and Fox shoved the rest into his own mouth. He nodded, smiling as he looked hopefully to the younger man. "This isn't bad."
"Actually, it's pretty good," Alex agreed. "You got them fluffy like I showed you."
"See, you might not think so, but I pay attention."
"I'm impressed."
Alex ate far better than Fox expected, and when the meal was over, he removed the dishes to the kitchen, washed and dried everything, then returned to find Alex still awake and looking a bit more alert than he'd been all day.
"I think by tomorrow, you'll be back to yourself," Fox commented hopefully as Alex leaned forward, making enough room for Fox to sit in the corner of the sofa.
"I hope so. I've had enough of this to last me the next twenty years," Alex replied, lying back in his lover's embrace.
"You'd better never get the flu or pneumonia or anything," Fox laughed. "I don't think either of us would survive it."
"Have I been that much trouble?"
Fox kissed the top of Alex's head. "No. You haven't been any trouble at all."
"Liar."
"I am not. I'm completely serious."
"Uh huh."
Fox drew back, looking into dubious, green eyes. "Let me ask you a question."
"What?"
"All those weeks you were taking care of me, cooking, cleaning, worrying...dealing with my headaches and mood swings, and once in a while I'd thank you or apologize for being so much trouble, what would you say to me?"
Alex gave Fox a slow smile and lowered his head, but the other man refused to be put off. He slipped two fingers under the stubbled chin and lifted, searching his lover's eyes. "What did you tell me?"
"I told you that you were never any trouble."
"Why wasn't I?"
"Because I love you."
Fox nodded. "So, why can't you believe it when I say it?"
Alex's eyes again lowered, and he shrugged his answer.
"You know all that stuff I said to you in my will?"
Frowning, Alex looked up to the other man.
"I talked to Scully earlier," Fox said in answer to the silent question. "That was no bullshit, baby."
"I know..."
"I don't think you really do," Fox countered gently. "I don't think you really, truly understand how important you are to me. How necessary. This may sound sappy, I don't know. But I don't care...my heart beats for you, Alex. I can't breathe without you..."
Alex attempted to look away, but Fox wouldn't allow it.
"You know how you feel about me. You know what it did to you when you thought I was dead. What makes you think it'd be any different for me? What makes you think I love you any less than you love me?"
Alex opened and closed his mouth several times before he was able to answer. "I...I know you love me."
"Exactly the way you love me." Fox took Alex's hand and placed it over his heart. "I feel it as deeply as you do. For every reason imaginable. You need to know it, and remember it, and never, ever doubt it. Please, baby."
Alex wound his arms around Fox, pressing his head to his chest. His heart pounded out a joyful rhythm, beating in concert with Fox's. "I won't doubt it...never."
Stripping naked, the two men moved to the floor, Fox throwing down several pillows and covering them with the fleece blanket. They held on to each other, content to lie in silence, stroking and nuzzling until the soft music sent them into a sound sleep less than two hours later.
"Hmmmm...."
Fox writhed languidly, floating on a cloud of sweet sensation. Blindly he turned his head to the side, nuzzling the pillow beneath his face, sighing his lover's name. His only answer was an increase in pleasure, and soon his eyes began to flutter and open. A soft gasp tumbled from his lips as he woke, and he lifted his head, looking down at the sable head moving slowly between his legs. Automatically, one hand dropped, gently clutching the silken strands, and he again uttered Alex's name, this time on a louder, husky groan. The younger man's head lifted, and a devilish gleam lit his eyes.
"Good morning."
Fox's head dropped back against the pillows, and he groaned aloud. "Feeling good?" he gasped, earning himself a sly grin.
"You tell me." And with that, Alex's head dropped again, and he sucked his lover's cock down his throat.
"Shit! Oh, God, yeah. Aww, baby, you feel fantastic. Jesus, thank you," Fox panted, "thank you."
Happy in his task, Alex worked his mouth and tongue, stimulating every inch of his lover's swollen cock. Fluttering his tongue along the underside, he lifted his head until only the flared tip remained, then probed the tiny opening, tasting the drop of fluid that had formed there. He drew back, releasing Fox from his mouth, and slid up the length of the older man's body. He kissed Fox deeply, sharing the taste of sleep and arousal. "Aren't you going to ask me what I want for breakfast?" he purred against his lover's mouth.
Fox tried to laugh, but it came out as more of a groan. "Okay, what do you want for breakfast?"
"Mmm......." Alex licked a line across Fox's lower lip. "French toast."
Golden-brown eyebrows arched in surprise.
"...Big ass slab of ham..."
"I got a big ass slab of something for ya."
Alex grinned, running his tongue along the older man's chin then moved down the length of his throat. "...cocoa..."
Fox moaned as Alex moved down to his chest, first flicking at one aroused nipple and then the other. "What happened? I had a hard time feeding you toast yesterday."
"I know." Alex nipped at the hard, little peak beneath his lips. "But I feel great this morning, and I'm starving."
"So am I," Fox complained, restlessly running his fingers through Alex's hair.
"Okay, well, I'll go shower, and then I can get it started."
Fox's fingers tightened in the younger man's hair. "There's something else you started that you need to finish," he rasped between clenched teeth.
"Yeah?" Alex asked innocently, letting his hand slip down his lover's cock. "What's that?" He gasped softly as Fox pulled his hair, tipping his head back.
Fox stared down into a taunting green gaze. "Suck my cock," he whispered, the words coming across as a firm order...one Alex would be more than happy to obey...in his own good time. Fox's eyes closed, and a long, tormented whine escaped past his lips as Alex sucked a nipple into his mouth, lashing at it with the tip of his tongue. The whine turned to a harsh groan as he felt the younger man's teeth close around the nub and tug gently. "Baby, please," he begged, incurring another tug, sharper and more insistent this time.
A loud yelp rose into the air, followed by a soft moan as Alex soothed the reddened nipple with his tongue. Slowly, he worked his way south, licking and nipping at his lover's heated skin, following the light trail of golden hairs that led down to the darker, heavier patch of curls. He nuzzled the thick muscle that rose proudly from the patch, and it jerked toward his face, begging for more. Alex's tongue inched out, grazing the side of his lover's erection, working from base to tip, then again. He continued to lightly lick the shaft, listening to Fox's moans grow louder and more frantic, and when he was sure the older man could take no more, he swallowed the entire length of it, sucking and licking continuously, his mouth silently insisting that Fox give it up now.
Fox arched, his back coming several inches off the floor. He emitted a loud, sobbing gasp, hips thrashing as he now pumped his cock in and out of Alex's mouth.
Alex gripped Fox's hips, not to stop him, but simply to regulate his erratic movements. He forced the older man into a rhythm fast enough to satisfy Fox's need but controlled enough to keep himself from choking.
Beyond speech, Fox whimpered and sobbed as he drove again and again into Alex's mouth. His orgasm approached like the roll of thunder...an easy rumble churning in the distance, but growing with a steady intensity until it was directly overhead, and there was nothing Fox could do but ride it out. He gathered up fistfuls of fleece, groaning harshly through gritted teeth as he came down his lover's throat.
Alex tucked his hands under Fox's ass, tightly clutching the tense muscles as he sucked greedily at his lover's cock, swallowing every drop released into his mouth. When the groans had turned to exhausted whimpers, Alex released him, tenderly bathing the slowly diminishing erection. The whimpers faded into soft purrs of contentment, and Fox lifted a weakened hand to his head.
"Love you," Fox whispered, petting Alex's hair as the younger man continued to lick him clean.
Alex planted two kisses on the softening shaft and turned a smoldering gaze on the weary man. "Prove it."
Golden-brown eyelashes lifted, and glittering hazel eyes attempted to focus on the other man's face. The intensity of Alex's stare warmed Fox inside and out, and he smiled down at him. He took a moment to stretch then pulled himself into a sitting position, leaning forward to kiss his lover. The taste of himself on Alex's lips drew a low moan from him, and he pulled the younger man closer, deepening the kiss.
Mouths separating only for the amount of time it took to get to their feet, the two men stood locked together, feeding hungrily on each other as their hands roamed over hot skin and taut muscles.
"Shower," Fox ground out against Alex's mouth before again consuming the swollen flesh.
Alex nodded his agreement, and the two stumbled to the bathroom, reluctant to take their hands or mouths off of each other for the few seconds it would take to make the trip. They made it into the bathroom, and Fox groped inside the shower for the knob, turning the water on. That accomplished, his hand returned, gently rubbing over Alex's ass before cupping one cheek and pulling the younger man closer.
Alex groaned into his lover's mouth as their cocks pressed together, the sensation shooting a jolt of electricity straight through his body. He clutched at the older man's back, rubbing his head against the stubbled jaw. "Water must be warm enough," he panted, moving close enough to step backward into the tub. "Yeah. Perfect." He pulled Fox under the water, watching the spray immediately flatten his hair and spike his eyelashes. He combed the soaked strands back from Fox's face and moved in for yet another kiss.
Fox met his lover's lips with enthusiasm, sucking Alex's tongue into his mouth as his hands roamed over the wet, slick back, stoking and massaging the flexing muscles.
Alex bucked against the other man, his muffled moans barely heard in the swish of the water. As Fox pulled back then bit down on his lower lip, he groaned, wincing at the pain it created. Yet his cock throbbed in response, and he writhed frantically against the other man, whimpering for more.
Fox's teeth sank deeper into the tender flesh, released, then caught it again, growling as Alex's fingers dug into his ass. He moved forward, backing Alex against the tiled wall and abruptly freed his lip. Alex's gasp of relief died a fast death, catching in his throat as Fox shifted to his shoulder, sinking his teeth into that tender curve at the base of his neck. He felt the younger man shudder, and he paused, enjoying each little tremor that ran through the body in his arms.
"Do it," Alex hissed, clawing at his lover's back. "Please..."
Fox bit down a little harder then paused again, tightening his arms around the younger man, holding him still...
Alex's head snapped back and his eyes squeezed shut as Fox broke the skin. His mouth fell open on a silent scream as pure, animalistic ecstasy transcended the pain and took him to a place he'd feared he'd never see again.
Fox sucked and lapped at the blood that dripped from his lover's shoulder, shivering as the coppery taste flooded his mouth. His cock throbbed with renewed life, and he pulled his mouth away from the small wound long enough to spin Alex around and push him face first against the wall. The younger man whined, pushing his ass back against Fox's groin, and Fox pushed back, pinning him to the wall. Taking two hard swipes at Alex's shoulder, he moved up to the younger man's ear, pressing his lips to it.
"Don't move," he commanded softly, then turned away just long enough to snatch up the bath wash and sponge. He squeezed a generous amount into the sponge and began to gently wash Alex's back, moving down to his ass and legs. The entire back of the younger man's body now covered in suds, Fox moved the sponge over his own front, insuring that his quickly hardening cock was good and slick before he dropped the soapy puff by his feet. He moved up behind Alex, letting his slippery cock press into the crevice of the other man's ass.
"Please," Alex gasped, pushing back against Fox. "Fuck me...f...fuck me..."
"I plan to," Fox grated as he held his cock at the base and slowly worked the head into the tight opening. He paused, again fastening his mouth to the closing wound, and, with one hard push, buried himself inside his lover's heat.
Alex clawed at the wall, his knees almost giving out as pleasure crashed down on him from all sides. His lover's hand wrapping itself around his rigid erection took him outside of his own mind, snapping the constricting bands of rationality, and he screamed. A loud, desperate, feral scream that went on forever it seemed, as Fox sucked at his shoulder and pumped his cock in time to his urgent thrusts.
The sound of his lover's screams pounded in Fox's ears, driving him into a frenzied rhythm. Snarling against Alex's shoulder, he slammed into his ass, pumping a second flood of semen into him.
Alex immediately followed his lover, the scream turning into a sob as he came over Fox's hand and the tile in front of him. He sagged against the wall when it was done, choking on each attempted breath. Fox leaned into him, head resting on his shoulder while he gathered the strength to stand on his own. Long minutes later, the older man pulled out of him and straightened up.
"That just about killed me," Fox moaned, turning Alex to face him and wrapping his arms around the younger man. "Are you all right?"
Alex rested in his lover's arms, momentarily incapable of speech. He winced and moaned softly as Fox tenderly kissed the wounded flesh, then nuzzled the older man's chest. "Couldn't be better."
"This is going to leave a bitch of a mark," Fox informed him, lightly drawing his fingertips along his shoulder. "Maybe even a permanent scar."
Alex lifted his head and gave the other man an exhausted smile. "God, I hope so."
His response received a soft laugh, and Fox backed them under the water. "Better hurry up and get out of here before the hot water runs out."
They washed each other, kissing and teasing, then dried off. Fox insisted on cleaning the bite wound with an antiseptic, then they dressed and headed into the kitchen for breakfast.
Fox sat at the kitchen table, cheek resting in the palm of his hand, watching the younger man wolf down his breakfast.
"Making up for yesterday?"
"Told you I was hungry."
Fox sent him an amused grin. "I'm glad you're feeling better."
"Me too." Alex lowered his fork to the plate, returning Fox's smile. "This feels so good. I was terrified sometimes that we'd never get back to being us."
"You were very patient."
The smile faded from Alex's face. "I'd wait forever for you."
Silence fell over the room as the two stared at each other. Fox leaned in, reaching across the short distance and touched his hand to Alex's cheek. The action closed the younger man's eyes, and he turned into the caress, depositing a tender kiss in the warm palm. Fox drew his hand away slowly, trailing his fingers along Alex's jaw, then let the hand rest in his own lap.
"Glad it didn't take that long."
Not taking his eyes away from his lover's, Alex nodded in response.
"I'm sorry I didn't wait for you to call me," Fox said softly.
Alex's eyes widened in surprise. "Where'd that come from?"
"Talked about it with Scully yesterday. I caused you so much grief...but I had reason to believe that they were picking up and moving..."
"I know," Alex interrupted. "And I wish to God you'd waited, but I understand why you didn't."
Fox's eyes lowered to the table top. "Can you understand why Skinner didn't go running up to Vermont when you called him?" He looked up into dark eyes, waiting for an answer.
"I can understand it, but...it...I didn't care what his reasons were at the time. All I cared about was that you were on a collision course with disaster, and he had the best chance of stopping you. I was so focused on getting you out of there, I couldn't see that he felt he had plenty of reason to distrust me." Alex blinked several times and bowed his head. "When I finally made it up there and found all those emergency vehicles and what was left of the house...and Scully broke the news and handed me your wallet..." He shook his head. "I needed someone to blame, and Skinner fit the bill...and he was right there in front of me. I saw red...no, red isn't even what I saw...it was sort of a dull, reddish, blackish...I can't tell you how much I hurt. I can't tell you how badly I wanted him dead." He ran a hand through his hair and fell silent.
Fox pulled his chair closer and kissed the top of Alex's inclined head. "But you did get over it..."
"I realized toward the end that he really was feeling like shit about it. He put his ass way out there, following me to the place where I found you. He watched me kill a whole lot of people...he killed Lieber himself."
"To save you."
"Yeah. But you know I...even though I understand why, I still can't help thinking that if he'd only listened to me in the first place, what happened might have been prevented. I don't know that we'll ever be good friends, Fox, but we can at least be in each other's company without wanting to kill each other."
"More than I ever would have expected," Fox murmured into Alex's hair
The younger man picked his head up and laid a gentle but thoroughly arousing kiss on his lover's lips. "You wanna go out and get some firewood while I start cleaning up here?"
Fox nodded and moved in for another kiss. Meeting Alex's open mouth, his tongue swept inside, coiling around its mate even as Fox rose from his seat. He pulled away slowly, sucking on Alex's tongue as he moved. "Be back in a few," he whispered, brushing his lover's mouth with his own, then turned and vacated the room, leaving Alex squirming in his chair.
Alex sat for a few seconds more, calming the racing of his heart before he rose and started clearing the table.
Long trails of vapor streamed from Fox's mouth as he picked up as much firewood as he could carry. He turned his face upward, observing the sickly gray clouds and sniffing the air.
Snow sky.
He'd seen enough of them in his lifetime to recognize one.
As he walked toward the house, he lifted his head, sniffing the air. For some reason, this sky...the stillness in the air...it reminded him of Martha's Vineyard and the blizzard that had paralyzed the island in nineteen seventy-eight, his senior year of high school. It was the last winter he'd spent at home, and as it turned out, one hell of a sendoff.
Everything had come to a standstill as a massive winter storm rolled through and dumped three and a half feet of snow on Southern New England and the islands. He recalled how the howling wind had drowned out the sounds of his mother yelling at him from the doorway as he waded out into the yard and stood there marveling at the heavy snow and ferocious winds that had combined to inflict absolute chaos on the island. He'd closed his eyes, leaning a bit into the wind to remain upright as the blizzard had swallowed him, shutting out the world and creating a vortex of sound and sensation where only he and the storm existed.
The pure sensuality of those few moments consumed him, and though he'd always remember it, he'd never again experience anything like it until several years later when he'd rediscovered it in the arms of the beautiful, Green Eyed, walking contradiction who had all at once corrupted and cleansed his soul.
One year ago, Alex had enveloped him as the snow had, his devastating energy blinding Fox and taking him away from everything he knew. He was turned upside down and inside out, and for the first time he'd met the man inside himself. It was no one he'd recognized but was anxious to know.
He'd shocked himself as more and more of his hidden self emerged over the past year. He'd thought that even Alex might have been surprised, never imagining that he'd been equally matched. Fox's appetite for excitement was every bit as great as his, and together they were incendiary. The heat they created reached far beyond whatever space they inhabited, leaving no one around them unscorched...
He smiled to himself as he reached the door, balancing his armload and opening the door. Pushing it closed with his foot, he deposited the wood in its place by the hearth and looked toward the kitchen. From the sound of the running water, he assumed that Alex was doing the dishes. He rose and walked to the kitchen, carefully pushing open the swinging door.
He watched quietly as the younger man rinsed and stacked the dishes, and his heart swelled. As easily as Alex could heat him up, he could inspire the tenderest of emotions as well.
Domestic Alex Krycek had to rank up there as one of the truly amazing wonders of the world. Here was a man who'd lived most of his adult life in the most unconventional way possible, and now, for the love of one man, he was here in the middle of nowhere, standing in the kitchen of the cabin he owned but might have never set foot in again, washing and rinsing breakfast dishes.
Fox approached silently and let his hands slide up the length of Alex's back, coming to rest on his shoulders. He leaned forward, letting the tip of his nose and then his lips graze the back of the younger man's neck, and was rewarded with a tiny shiver.
Alex raised a damp hand and covered one of Fox's as he inclined his head, giving the older man better access.
Fox smiled and licked then kissed the fine hairs at the base of Alex's neck. "Goosebumps?" He rumbled, amused at his lover's reaction.
"You know how sensitive the back of my neck is," Alex moaned as Fox moved higher, getting closer to his hairline.
"Yeah, I know." Fox nuzzled the sable fringe. "I love the way your whole body trembles..."
Alex moaned and closed his hand around Fox's, dragging it to his lips. "Your hands are cold," he whispered, delicately licking at the pads of Fox's fingers.
The older man inhaled deeply and let the air out in a long sigh, ruffling Alex's hair. "Yeah. I think it's going to snow."
"I hope it does."
"Why?"
"I don't know," Alex murmured, lifting Fox's other hand to his mouth. "Just something about being inside, making love by the fire while it's snowing like hell outside...like the first time we were here..."
"Mmmm. You almost done with those?" Fox asked, referring to the dishes.
"Yeah." Alex released his lover's hands and went back to rinsing the dishes. A tiny smile curved his lips, and his eyes closed as Fox's hands returned to his shoulders, massaging gently. The older man continued to kiss and nibble at the back of his neck. "Not going to get anything done if you keep that up," he warned softly.
Fox's hands traveled down the other man's arms, slipping into the warm water, joining the hands already there. "How about I help you, then?" His hands glided over Alex's and took the plate from him, placing it in the rack. As his lips moved to the side of the younger man's neck, finding the throbbing pulse, he pulled a soapy glass from the other side of the double sink and plunged it into the clear water, rinsing it clean. As it joined the dishes already in the rack, Fox continued to rinse each item in the same manner until everything was clean and Alex was wrecked. He wrapped one arm around the younger man's waist and tilted his head back until it rested against his shoulder. His free hand wandered over Alex's chest, undoing the buttons of his shirt as his mouth explored the exposed throat.
Alex reached back, plunging his damp fingers into Fox's hair, holding the older man's head in place as he writhed against him. Fox's hands and face...even his hair might have been cold after his trip outside, but the stony bulge that pressed against his ass was quite warm, bordering on hot. He wanted that heat. He needed it, and he damn sure was going to have it...
Fox groaned as Alex pushed back against him, wedging his restrained erection between them. He undid the last button of the younger man's shirt and let his hand skim over the impressive mound at the front of the worn Levis. Feeling Alex's body jerk against him, he gently squeezed the protrusion and kissed a path up to his ear.
"You know what I want?"
Alex flinched and moaned as the tip of his lover's tongue teased the inside of his ear. "I think I have an idea, but you can tell me anyway."
"I want to make love to you in the snow." Fox smiled as a tiny shiver ran through the younger man. "Does the thought alone make you cold?"
"Cold? Oh...yeah, I guess it would be cold..." A soft, throaty chuckle and the feel of Fox's hand slipping past the waistband of his jeans sent a another shiver through him.
"I can just imagine the steam rising off your body as each flake falls on it." His teeth closed on Alex's earlobe, giving it a playful tug. "I could lick them off as they melted..."
"I can't believe I'm even considering it."
"Really? You?"
Alex's laugh faded into a groan as Fox's hand found his cock. His hips thrust forward as the hand teased him to greater hardness, and the sounds of his soft whimpers filled the room.
"Knowing you, I wouldn't be able to believe it if you hadn't considered it," Fox whispered.
"You trying to tell me something?"
"Nothing you don't already know."
"Oh, really?"
"Mmm hmm. I don't have to tell you how outrageously easy you are."
Alex turned in Fox's arms, coiling himself around the older man and rubbing his head against his jaw. "Only for you, baby."
Fox hugged his lover to his chest and kissed the side of his head. "Let's go see if it's snowing."
Hand in hand they walked to the living room, stopping in front of the picture window. Fox leaned against the back of the sofa and pulled the younger man back against him. "Not yet," he said, searching the sky, "but soon."
Alex nodded, eyes scanning the treeline. He froze for a moment then tapped Fox's arm. "Hey. Look."
"What?" Fox asked, presently more interested in the taste of the younger man's neck.
"Eagles," Alex whispered. "Remember?"
Fox looked up to the window and smiled as he watched the two birds rising above and dipping below the tops of the trees. "Yeah." He squeezed Alex to his chest. "I do remember."
They watched the birds in silence for a while, then Fox kissed his lover's jaw. "I read someplace once that they mate for life."
Alex turned his head to the side, looking into glowing pools of hazel. "Yeah?"
Fox nodded and moved in for a long, loving kiss. He concluded with a series of smaller pecks to Alex's chin, cheek and ear, then looked back to the window. "I think I see a few flakes."
Alex's gaze followed Fox's, and he grinned broadly. "I think you're imagining things."
"Am not. You don't see that? Look." He pointed to a spot just to the right of Alex's line of vision. "Right there. You see?"
"No, I really don't...oh, wait. Okay, yeah, I just saw one...one."
"There'll be more," Fox purred into Alex's ear. "You still up for it?"
Alex smiled and pushed back against the other man. "Why don't you see for yourself?"
Fox undid the button at the waistband of Alex's jeans and drew the zipper down. Gently, he reached inside and closed his fingers around his lover's raging hard-on. "Guess so."
Alex pushed himself away, leaving the warmth of Fox's arms. "Why don't you get our jackets? I'll go get a blanket." He smiled at the older man as he tucked himself back into his pants and moved off toward the bedroom.
Still leaning against the sofa, Fox pitched forward, bending at the waist and taking a few steadying breaths.
Down, boy. Easy...
"You okay?"
Fox straightened up, looking into concerned, green eyes. "Fine. I just..." He walked toward the younger man, pulling him into his arms. "Just a little overwhelmed, I guess. I've got my life back." He kissed Alex's mouth briefly. "And it's better than ever."
"We've been incredibly lucky, that's for sure," Alex said, running one hand up and down Fox's back. "Now, how about we go outside and play in the snow?"
The flakes were visible now, falling gently around the two men as they walked in silence. Alex squeezed Fox's hand and motioned with his head to a small grouping of trees at the edge of the forest. The older man gave him an approving smile, and they moved in that direction. By the time they reached the desired spot, the snow had become a heavy flurry, now sticking to their hair and jackets. Alex unrolled two blankets and laid them out on the ground, smiling up at his lover.
"Don't want to feel the cold ground under us." He sat on the blankets and pulled Fox down to him, immediately pressing their mouths together.
Fox's hands burrowed under Alex's jacket, running them over the chilled skin of his chest. Alex hadn't buttoned his shirt before putting his jacket on, citing the pointlessness of such an act, and Fox had to agree.
Alex moaned into Fox's mouth as the other man's fingers whispered over his taut nipples then traveled on down to his pants. The top button had remained undone, and the older man made quick work of the zipper. Alex sank down onto his back, allowing Fox to remove the clothing from his lower body. He shivered as the flakes fell down on his bare skin and as Fox moved in to lick a number of them away.
"Are you too cold?" Fox asked as his tongue swiped at a flake that had deposited itself in Alex's navel.
"Could be warmer," Alex stuttered, pulling at the other man's pants. "Friction works..."
Fox assisted in the removal of his lower garments and covered the younger man with his body. "Better?"
Alex grinned up at Fox, writhing against him. "Yeah. Your ass is gonna get cold, though."
"Hey, somebody's ass has got to freeze." He moved in, taking his lover's mouth in a hungry kiss. "You're worth the frostbite."
Alex stared up at Fox for moment then shrugged out of his jacket and shirt. "Fuck me, baby."
A rush of vapor puffed from Fox's open mouth, and he sat up, removing his own jacket and shirt, and for long moments, neither man moved, thoroughly entranced by the sight of the now steadily falling snow dusting their aroused bodies. Finally, Alex rose into a sitting position, facing the older man. "I think I changed my mind." He smiled at the older man's look of confusion and leaned in, licking the melting snow from his shoulder. "I want to fuck you."
Before Fox could respond, he was being pushed onto his back and covered by his lover's body. He wrapped his arms around Alex, feeling the heat beneath the cool, wet surface of his skin. As the younger man groped for his jacket and pulled the lube out of the pocket, Fox licked his chest and shoulder, swallowing the moisture and stoking the internal fire that raged in them both. He grunted as Alex pulled far enough away to unscrew the cap and squeeze the contents of the tube into his hand.
"Two seconds, baby," Alex reassured his impatient lover while he stroked on the gel. That accomplished, he moved into position as Fox wound his legs around his waist. He grasped his cock at the base and carefully guided it into the tight opening, gasping at the intense heat that surrounded him. "Oh, God. Ohhhh, God..." He stopped, fighting to maintain control as violent tremors passed through him.
"Easy, baby," Fox whispered, kissing Alex's shoulder and ear. "Easy..."
"I...I'm..." Alex looked down into his lover's face. The beauty of him lying there, heavily flushed skin covered in quickly accumulating snow, spiked eyelashes drooping to conceal oceans of sparkling amber...short puffs of steam pushing past those sinfully full, rosy lips was too much for Alex's overloaded senses to take. "Can't," he sobbed, digging his fingers into his lover's ass and pushing fully into him. "I can't..."
Fox pulled Alex down to him, hugging the younger man tightly to his chest and trapping his swollen cock between their bodies. "All right, baby. All right..."
Alex moved slowly at first, but quickly gained speed and strength, driving forcefully into the other man over and over again as he gasped for air.
"That's it, baby," Fox encouraged softly in Alex's ear. "God, I love you. Come on...right there...oh, shit, it's right...right there..."
The frigid temperatures and driving snow no longer stung Alex's skin. It all just disappeared, leaving only the sensation of his lover beneath and around him, and the sound of his voice, pushing Alex closer and closer to the edge of insanity.
"Don't hold it," Fox grated against the side of Alex's neck as he rocked against him. "Let it go. Come on, baby, I wanna hear you scream..."
Alex gritted his teeth, feeling the familiar tightening of his insides, and the roar built in his throat as completion danced within his reach. Fox's muscles contracted around him as the older man's own orgasm hit, taking them the rest of the way.
The virtual silence was pierced with echoing cries as both men came violently, thrashing against each other, then went still. Brief seconds later, both began to tremble as they came down from the high of intense arousal, and the cold started to register in their sluggish brains. Alex lifted his head from Fox's shoulder, kissing the older man gently before moving away to retrieve their clothing.
Fox shuddered as cold air came between them, and he sat up, taking the garments offered to him. Once dressed, they wrapped the dry side of both blankets around themselves, sharing a sweet kiss before returning to the shelter of the cabin.
Fox's hand held securely in his, Alex walked into the welcoming warmth of the cabin and went directly to the bedroom where they shed their clothing and wet blankets. Hanging everything up to dry, they stepped into a warm shower, tenderly washing then drying each other, then lay down in front of the fire, wrapping themselves in another thick blanket.
Fox inched farther down into the fleece cocoon, snuggling against Alex's chest and closed his eyes. Seconds later, he began to smile, then laugh softly.
"What?"
Fox laughed harder, prompting Alex to slip two fingers under his chin and force his head up. "What's so funny?"
"We are," Fox sniffed just before a fresh burst of giggles. "Freezing our asses out in the snow..."
Alex grinned down at his lover. "Yeah, it was your idea, remember?"
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Tell me you didn't enjoy it, though."
"I'd be lying if I did, and you know it."
Fox grinned, kissing the younger man's chest. "You think it's a bad thing?"
"What?"
"The way we feed off each other's insanity."
"Nah. It's definitely a good thing. We understand each other so well." Alex stroked his lover's hair as he stared up at the ceiling. "We share the same thoughts. The same needs and desires. I had a tough time believing it even though I wanted to with all my heart." He kissed the top of Fox's head. "But you'll be happy to know that you've finally drilled it into my thick head. We belong to each other in so many more ways than I can count."
"Hallelujah," Fox mumbled. "Light dawns."
Alex gave the older man a sharp smack across his ass, generating a surprised yelp.
"You prick," Fox complained, rubbing the sore spot. "That hurt."
"Good," Alex smirked. "Here I am, pouring my heart out to you, and what do I get? Sarcasm."
"Thought you liked my acid wit?"
Alex slid a hand down to Fox's ass. "And I thought you liked being spanked."
"What makes you think that?"
"I don't know," Alex purred, delivering another stinging slap to the older man's ass. "Could have a little bit to do with that sound you just made...and the way you're rubbing against me."
"I am not," Fox moaned softly, squirming against Alex's hip.
"No?"
Another hard slap.
Another yelp.
"No."
"Do I have to beat the truth out of you?"
The question got Alex a long, needy whine as Fox writhed lewdly against him.
"Damn, baby, didn't take you long," Alex commented, smiling at the feel of his lover's solid erection digging into his upper thigh. He rolled Fox beneath him and pinned the older man's wrists to the floor on either side of his head. "I love you, you beautiful, insatiable slut."
Fox lifted his head from the floor, trying to reach his lover's mouth, but Alex stayed just out of reach.
"Alex..."
"Yeah, baby?"
"Come on." He tried again, just touching the younger man's lips before Alex again pulled back.
"Nope."
Fox arched up, pushing his hips into Alex's. "Please..."
"You gonna admit you're a freak?"
"I'm not a freak."
Alex sighed, shaking his head. "Baby..." He lowered his head to Fox's ear, singing softly. "Baby, baby, baby, sweet baby..." The older man shuddered as the low, melodic tone vibrated along his auditory nerve. "You are, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the freakiest, kinkiest....freakiest..."
"You said that already."
"I know, shut up. Where was I? Oh yeah....sluttiest freak it has ever been my joy to know. Now, recognize it and let's move on."
Fox stared seductively up at the younger man. "No."
"Ah, my love," Alex crooned. "Your lips say no, but your dick says yes...so, I guess I'll just have to find better use for your lips."
Fox panted softly, waiting to hear what Alex had in mind for him. The younger man lifted himself away and sat back against the nearest chair. "C'mere, babe."
Fox crawled toward the other man and allowed himself to be positioned so that he lay across Alex's lap. He looked up into forest-green eyes, reading his lover's intention, and lowered his head, gently licking the length of Alex's aroused cock.
Alex's eyes closed briefly as he inhaled through his nose, then opened as he exhaled. His hand swept up and down the older man's back, just skimming the top curve of his ass.
Fox licked Alex from base to tip, reveling in the taste and feel of his lover on his tongue. As he reached the head, his tongue danced around the tip, teasing the small opening. Hearing Alex's harsh groans of pleasure, he opened his mouth, letting the head slip inside.
Alex slouched a bit, his respiration deepening. "Come on, baby," he whispered, kneading the muscles in Fox's back. "Suck me..."
Completely ignoring Alex's request, Fox kept his mouth slack, only lightly lashing at the head with the tip of his tongue. His disregard earned him a biting slap, and his ass tightened in response.
"I said, suck me."
Fox writhed shamelessly, his cock throbbing at the sting in Alex's touch and his words. His lips closed around the head of the other man's cock, and he applied a light pressure.
"Harder, Fox," Alex instructed softly. "All of it."
Fox shivered, moving lower on the velvety smooth shaft until, inch by inch, it disappeared completely past his lips.
Alex's free hand moved gently over Fox's head as he fought to steady his breath. "Oh, yeah...my baby. Jesus, that mouth..."
Fox whimpered as the head of Alex's cock hit the back of his throat. He wrapped his arms around the younger man's waist, increasing the suction as his tongue fluttered over the underside. As he pulled up, Alex's head fell back and he groaned though clenched teeth.
"God...beautiful, fucking beautiful....slut..." Alex inflicted another blow across Fox's left ass cheek, and the older man's body jumped in reaction. "Harder, baby. Faster."
Fox whimpered around his mouthful, and his head rose and fell in answer to his lover's command. The hand in his hair tightened, and Alex began to buck, now thrusting steadily into his mouth. Fox met each thrust, his moans becoming more frantic.
"Oh, God...Christ...don't stop..." Alex gritted his teeth, digging his fingers into Fox's ass as he came long and hard, pouring his semen down his lover's throat.
Fox swallowed all that Alex had to give him, refusing to let go until the younger man's body went limp and soft purrs of contentment rumbled in his chest. He pulled himself up, nuzzling the exhausted man's chest and throat, then licking at his lips. "Alex," he whimpered, trying to rouse his lover. A low moan was all the response he received, and he pressed closer, rubbing his aching cock against Alex's thigh. "Baby, I'm hurting. Please..."
Tired, green eyes opened halfway, studying the distressed face in front of them. Alex raised a hand to Fox's cheek, letting his thumb sweep over the downturned mouth. "Tell me," he whispered wearily.
"What?"
"That I'm right."
Fox whined impatiently, curling himself around the other man. "About what?"
"About you being an insatiable, incurable freak."
"You're right," Fox agreed without hesitation. "I am a freak. Okay? I'm an unbelievable slut. But all the blame belongs to you." Fox slithered against Alex, loving the feel of his lover's skin against his. "You did this to me."
"That's blame I'll gladly accept." Gently, Alex pushed Fox away then stretched out on his back. He held his arms out, and the older man fell into them, covering his mouth with ravenous kisses.
"I need you," Fox gasped between attacks on Alex's mouth. "Please let me..."
Alex moaned, threading his fingers through Fox's hair. He lifted the other man's head away from his and stared up into desperate, gold-flecked eyes. "You know I can't say no to you when you look at me like that. Where's the lube?"
Silently cursing himself for not bringing the tube with him, Fox leapt to his feet and stalked into the bathroom, snatching the lube from the edge of the sink where he'd left it, then returned.
Alex held his hand out as Fox kneeled beside him. "Give me that."
When the older man handed the tube to him, Alex motioned for him to lie down
on his back. He rose to his knees then straddled Fox's hips, squeezing some gel
out into his palm. Fox squirmed beneath him, anticipating his touch as he rubbed
his hands together, warming the gel. Smiling down at his lover, he gently
grasped his cock, applying a thick coating.
Fox bit down on his lip, making a low, grunting sound in his throat as Alex caressed his cock longer than he had to.
"What's the matter, baby?" the younger man teased. "Can't take it?"
Fox shook his head, whining pitifully.
"All right, all right. No more teasing."
Just as Fox's hands clamped down on Alex's waist, preparing to spin the younger man onto his back, Alex's hands closed around Fox's wrists.
"No."
Alex's eyes darkened to near-blackness, and his voice held that gravel and molasses timbre that said to Fox in no uncertain terms that he was in charge. He released Fox's wrists, and the other man let his hands drop to his sides.
For long minutes, all that could be heard was the crackle of the fire and the soft sound of a man trying desperately to control his breathing.
Alex raised a hand to Fox's face, tracing his hairline, then the curve of his cheek. He let his fingertips skim over the roughened surface again and again, loving the texture and imagining it rubbing against the inside of his thigh. He shuddered ever so slightly and moved on, following the generous swell of his lover's lower lip.
"You said..." Fox paused, his throat convulsing as he tried to swallow. "...you said no more teasing."
"I'm not teasing you, baby," Alex murmured. "I just wanted to look at you." His hand drifted down Fox's throat. "Just wanted to touch you. I love to touch you..."
Fox's eyelids lowered and his head rolled to the side as Alex's fingers closed around his throat, and the younger man leaned in, licking a path along his jaw.
"And I love to taste you..." A tiny smirk twitched at the corner of Alex's mouth as Fox sobbed his name. He found his lover's mouth, engaging him in a slow, deep kiss while he reached behind himself, grasping his cock. He felt Fox quiver as he raised himself a bit, positioning the older man's cock and helping the head push inside.
Fox pushed upward, unable to keep from trying to bury himself in Alex's heat, but the younger man backed off too quickly.
"Not so fast," he warned his lover, who was now snarling his frustration.
"I want it fast," Fox complained, bucking again, uselessly.
Alex shook his head slowly. "Look at this, baby."
Fox followed Alex's gaze to his half-erect cock.
"Give me a little more time," Alex purred, running his fingertips over the awakening shaft, "and I'll come with you."
Fox rolled his eyes up into his head and closed his lids over them. "God, what's this? Three?"
Alex reached for his lover's hands and brought them up to his chest. "Can't help it if I can't get enough of you."
Fox gave the younger man a pained grin and began moving his hands over the warm chest, lightly brushing then pinching the erect nipples. He watched Alex's eyes close, and he pinched harder, tugging insistently.
Alex's head fell back, and a hard gasp escaped his lips. His cock jumped in added response and began to thicken and pulse to life. He pushed down a bit more, feeling the added stimulation of his lover's considerable length filling him.
Fox gritted his teeth, doing everything he could think of to keep his full focus off of what was happening to his body, but with his cock wedged partway in Alex's ass, and the younger man moaning above him, chances were slim that he'd succeed. When Alex slid down the rest of the way and his muscles started contracting around the presence inside him, those chances suddenly went from slim to none.
Fox's mouth fell open, and a broken sob rang out as Alex began to move, still milking his cock with his muscles. "I'm ready, baby," Alex gasped, moving one of Fox's hands down from his chest to his rigid cock. "Let's do it."
Fox emitted a hoarse cry as Alex rose up a few inches. He jerked upward as his lover descended, quickly finding a driving rhythm that suited them both. His fingers tightened around Alex's cock, squeezing and pumping as Alex did essentially the same to him. He forced his eyes to remain open as he watched the younger man's face contort into a mask of fierce pleasure. Alex was about to come for the third, and somehow Fox thought, not the last time today, and he didn't want to miss it. Looking into Alex's face as he came was the closest he thought he would ever come to having a religious experience.
His beautiful, tarnished angel. A religion unto himself. And Fox his loyal disciple...
Fox watched, entranced as his lover's eyes turned to glittering slits and his teeth clenched as his body rose and fell repeatedly, harder and faster until loud, choking sobs tumbled from his lips, and he drenched the hand wrapped around him in slick warmth...
So amazing.
The idea that he could make this man whimper and beg for his touch never ceased to amaze Fox. The fact that Alex wouldn't...that he could never lose control for anyone else shook Fox to his roots. That he wielded so much power over a man who would never submit to another living soul...it was overwhelming.
And arousing beyond description.
Fox let go, his love's frantic cries of completion ringing in his ears. He gripped Alex's hips and slammed into him twice more, then exploded, his harsh groans drowning out Alex's softer, fading sounds. The younger man collapsed onto his chest, and his arms automatically encircled the heated, perspiration-speckled back. One hand glided over the slick skin as he kissed the damp, sable head, whispering soft, breathless words of love.
Alex snuggled into his lover's embrace, deep, satisfied moans rumbling in his chest. Neither man spoke a word, preferring to bask in the loving silence, and soon enough, both were soundly asleep.
"Hello?"
There was a brief silence, then a hesitant female voice sounded. "Sir? It's Scully."
Skinner pushed away from his kitchen counter, carrying his half-eaten bowl of soup with him. "Good evening, Agent Scully. Is everything all right?"
"Yes, sir. You'd asked me to keep in touch and let you know how Mulder was doing up in Oregon."
"Yes."
"I would have called you earlier, but I was out for most of the day. He's doing fine, sir. After a bit of a rough time, his memory has returned completely."
Skinner bowed his head, closing his eyes. "That's the best news I've heard since he was found. When did you speak with him?"
"Yesterday. He said he's feeling normal again."
"That's wonderful. Krycek must be relieved, too."
"Yes, he is. So much so that he was sick as a dog yesterday."
"Sick?"
"Yes. Well, he's been under a lot of stress, and now that it's all over, his body has more or less collapsed. I assume he's feeling better today, because I haven't heard from Mulder."
"I see. Any indication when they'll be back?"
"Nothing definite. Mulder wants at least a few days of real relaxation before they think about coming back. I think they're both very much entitled to that."
"Of course. The next time you speak to Mulder, give him my best."
"I will." Scully paused for a moment, debating whether she should ask how he was, then decided against it. Water Skinner was not a man who readily shared his feelings, and the no nonsense tone in his voice told her that such a question might not be very welcome. "Goodnight, sir."
"Goodnight."
Skinner hung up and stared down into his soup.
So, Mulder was all right.
No thanks to you.
Don't. Don't do it. It's done. Over. Water under the proverbial bridge. He's alive, he's got his memory back, and that's what's important. Just let it go.
He thought to himself, sitting alone in the quiet of his living room, that he should have asked Scully to give Mulder and Krycek his best. It wasn't that it hadn't crossed his mind; it had. But he and Krycek had been enemies for so long, it was difficult to treat him as a friend, even now after all they'd been through. Even after he'd seen how devastated Krycek was when he thought Mulder had been killed. Even after he'd saved the younger man's life and had been so supportive while Mulder was in the hospital...
He lowered his head into his hands.
Then there was that little matter of Mulder.
Fox.
Just because he'd resigned himself to the fact that Fox would always belong to Krycek didn't mean that he'd automatically stopped wanting the man.
He'd not spent much time in Fox's company these past months...a ban he'd imposed on himself. The more often he'd looked into those confused, unsure eyes, the deeper he'd felt himself sink.
And the more he'd watched Fox basking in the loving attention of a man he couldn't even remember, the more sure Skinner was that he needed to stay as far away as he could. He wasn't sure that time and distance would help him get over Fox, but one thing was damn sure. Being anywhere within visual distance of him was not good. Hell, just feeling the man's presence was enough to ruin his concentration and his day.
And now, Fox would be coming back to work. How soon, Skinner had no idea, but his return did seem inevitable...as did the prospect of more frequent cold showers and sleepless nights...and the terrible attacks of guilt he'd suffered whenever Fox looked at him. It resided there alongside the lust and other emotions he dared not admit to himself.
He had to find a way to deal with it. Soon he'd be back to seeing Fox every day, and he couldn't go through this every time they had to be in each other's company.
He tilted his head back against the sofa cushion, staring up at the ceiling.
You could quit the Bureau.
Who said that?
Well, what the hell else are you going to do? There's no other way out of this. So. You either suffer a perpetual hard-on and eternal guilt, or you leave and put as much distance between you as possible.
Skinner raised a hand to his forehead, massaging gently for a few seconds before taking his glasses off and swinging his square frame into a vertical position. His eyes closed, and almost immediately, thoughts of the object of his most ardent desires filled his head.
"Jesus..."
One hand involuntarily slipped down to the growing bulge in his pants as he imagined Fox naked and tangled in the sheets of his bed, smiling a sleepy smile as Skinner leaned over him, peppering his face and back with soft kisses...
He undid the button and zipper of his pants and let his hand slide down past the elastic band of his cotton briefs, seeing his fantasy Fox turn onto his back and hold his arms out.
Those eyes. Sparkling green with splashes of gold, alight with love and desire...that absurdly beautiful mouth curved into a welcoming smile...
Fuck!
Not even in his own fantasies could he have what he so desired.
Instead of himself, it was Krycek who sank into the other man's arms, covering those exquisite lips in a kiss that was meant to be his...playing his body with masterful precision, each touch drawing an ecstatic cry from the subject of his attention...
Skinner snatched his hand away from his flagging erection and turned onto his side.
Not even in your dreams, Walt.
He lay quietly for well over an hour, contemplating his life and the kind of impact having or not having Fox in his life would make on it.
Torture either way you look at it. Question is, which is the lesser of the two evils?
"I don't know," he sighed softly, flipping onto his back and covering his face with his hands. "God, I don't know."
"I haven't told you what they did to me."
Alex lifted his head from Fox's chest and looked into somber, dark eyes. "I knew you were thinking about something."
Fox kissed the tip of his lover's nose and allowed him to wriggle out of his embrace. The younger man propped himself up against the pillows, head resting beside Fox's as their arms and hips touched. "You've been through so much," he said, stroking the older man's thigh. "I figured you'd tell me when you were ready."
Fox gave Alex a grateful smile. "It's scary sometimes, the way you can read me." Alex planted a light kiss on his mouth in response.
"I got up to Vermont," Fox began, "and the place seemed deserted. I thought they'd already gone. I decided to have a look around anyway, just for my own satisfaction." Fox shifted so that his head was now resting on top of Alex's shoulder. "The house was dark. Furniture covered...I don't know how, but someone obviously snuck up on me, because the next thing I knew, there was a rag over my mouth and this sickening, sweet smell...that's all I remember until I woke up strapped to a bed. Two men were standing over me. One of them was Cancerman. I can only assume that the other one was Dr. Lieber. Everything was kind of hazy...felt like I was drunk. I couldn't move. I couldn't talk. They were talking about a phase one. Most of their words were garbled; I couldn't understand what they were saying. I remember the doctor sticking me with a needle, and the next time I woke up, I was in an almost bare room. It was cold. I was so damn cold...chained to the headboard of a bed. They only unchained me to let me use the bathroom or to take me to that other room."
Alex squeezed his eyes shut, a cold fury washing over him at the thought of Lieber and that fucking wrinkled bastard hurting his Fox. He slipped one arm behind the older man and brought the other arm around the front, pulling Fox against him. "There's no death violent enough for that fucker," he whispered into the crop of golden-brown silk at the top of his lover's head.
Fox turned his face into Alex's chest, inhaling the warm, comforting scent. "When I was in the other room, they'd keep shooting me up with stuff...I don't know what. Then they'd attach all these wires to me...my head, my arms and chest...I was always sick afterward. And so damn cold. I lost track of how many times they put me in that room, but I remember the fear. I remember fighting against it, but they always won." Fox wound his arms around Alex, hugging him tightly. "Then I remember you. I was scared and disoriented, but I remember the look on your face when you found me. And even though I didn't know who you were, I remember feeling so safe when you covered me with your jacket and talked to me."
Alex kissed the top of Fox's head. "I can't tell you, baby...it wouldn't be an exaggeration to tell you that I was dead from the minute I got to Vermont, and Scully convinced me that you were gone. Finding you in Leesburg started my heart beating again. I thought I was dreaming when I walked into that room. I thought maybe I'd finally lost what was left of my mind, but then I touched you. I looked into your eyes, and I knew I wasn't hallucinating. Even though there was more fear and confusion in them than I'd ever seen before, I knew it was you in there..."
Wrapped in the security of his lover's arms, Fox scattered several small kisses over his chest and throat. "I don't ...I can't imagine what it would feel like to live with you day after day, loving you as much as I do, knowing that we had a complete and wonderful life together, and all of sudden, you were looking at me and seeing a total stranger. You and everybody else were so worried about me, but I think you deserved as much attention and concern as I got. Your hell may have been a little different, but it wasn't any less important."
"Scully was good to me," Alex responded. "She was concerned, she really was. Did she tell you about the fight we had?"
"Oh, yeah, she told me everything."
"I didn't mean to give her such a hard time, but I was beside myself..."
"And she understood that...babe?"
"Yeah?"
"She told me how much my will upset you."
"Yeah. It really did me in. It was like...you were gone, and everybody was just accepting it...and the things you were leaving them were the consolation prizes that they got to take home. I didn't want any consolation prize. I didn't want to hear you telling me goodbye. I wanted you back. I didn't care how unreasonable I was being, and I didn't care what anybody thought." He took a deep breath and rested his cheek on Fox's head. "Scully tried so hard to hold me together. She kept telling me we had to respect your wishes...she threatened to sedate me...she didn't know what the hell to do with me."
"I'm so grateful to her for wanting to try," Fox murmured. "She really came through. And from what Scully told me, my mother did, too. That was the biggest surprise. I never would have thought she'd react the way she did."
"She was feeling a hell of a lot of guilt, apparently about your relationship or lack thereof. She said she was just glad that you'd had someone to love you. She loves you, baby. And she's really sorry that she let you slip away from her. She wants another chance to be the mother you should've had all these years."
"I'd like that. And since she's accepted you so well, I'm sure we can work on it."
"What has you mother accepting me got to do with it?"
"Everything," Fox answered. "If she wants to be in my life, that's great. As long as she and everybody else knows that you and I are a package deal."
Alex grinned into Fox's hair. "Yeah, I think everybody knows that. It's kinda hard not to know. But I wouldn't want your relationships with your family and friends to be contingent on whether or not they accept me. They don't have to, you know. They can't hurt me. There's only one person in the world with that kind of power."
Gold-tinged eyes sparkled up at him. "And you know I never would."
A tiny hint of a grin raised one corner of Alex's mouth. "Who said I was talking about you?"
Fox's head dropped forward, and a low chuckle shook his shoulders. "You're lookin' for trouble, Krycek."
"Yeah?" Alex asked, challenge oozing from his words. "And who's gonna give it to me?"
Fox sat up, jerking Alex's hips forward, and the younger man's head hit the mattress with a soft thud. In an instant, he was lying on top of the younger man, pinning him to the bed. "The only guy in the world who can..."
"Scully."
"It's me."
"I was beginning to think you two got buried in the snow or something."
"Why?"
"I haven't heard from you in four days, Mulder. I was about to call you."
"Sorry. We've been a little...distracted."
"I'm sure. I take it Alex is feeling better."
"Yeah, it only lasted for that one day, then he was fine."
"Good. So, are you calling just to say hi, or are you guys coming home?"
"Both. We'll be in at six tomorrow night."
"Do you need me to pick you up?"
"No, thanks. Alex's car is in the airport garage. I just wanted to let you know we were heading back."
Brief silence. Then, "I hope you two got some rest up there?"
"Oh, yeah. We got plenty of rest," Fox assured her. "There were days where we never made it out of bed."
Scully blushed at the thought. She knew that they were bad enough with people around, let alone left to themselves. It'd be a miracle if they were both still walking straight when they got back.
"Okay, Mulder, thanks for the image."
"What? All I said was..."
"I know what you said. And I know what you meant."
Fox smirked down at Alex, who just happened to have his face buried in the older man's crotch at the time. "You've got a dirty mind, Scully."
"Tell me I don't have good reason...where are you now?"
"I'm sitting on the couch."
"Uh huh. And where's Alex?"
"He's here. You wanna say hi to him?" Before Scully could answer, Fox put the phone down to Alex's ear. "Say hi to Scully, baby."
Scully closed her eyes and blushed a deeper crimson at the muffled 'hi Scully'.
"You two are unbelievable. Do you ever take a break?"
"Yeah," Fox answered softly, petting his lover's hair. "We had a long break. Can't say we much enjoyed it."
Not knowing quite how to respond to that, Scully emitted a long sigh. "Well, you get back to doing...whatever it is you were doing, and I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"
"Okay. Bye, Scully...Alex says bye, too," Fox added, watching the younger man's hand rise into the air and give an abrupt wave.
Once he dropped the phone onto the sofa beside him, Fox let his head fall back against the cushion. The hand in Alex's hair continued to stroke and ruffle the sable stands. "She thinks all we've been doing up here is having sex. You believe that?"
Alex lifted his head from Fox's lap, licking his cock from base to tip before smiling up at him. "Where would she get an idea like that?"
"I don't know," Fox mumbled, grasping his cock at the base and rubbing the head back and forth against the younger man's lips. "I never told her that."
Alex's tongue swiped at the flushed head with each pass. "Some people just live in the gutter. I'm surprised at Scully, though. I thought she was a nice, respectable Catholic girl."
Fox shook his head and sighed as Alex again swallowed his entire length. "You think you know a person..."
"Good morning, sir."
Skinner nodded his acknowledgment as Scully walked into his office and sat down.
"I've read the forensics report on the Kensington case. Seems pretty cut and dried."
"And boring."
Sharp brown eyes looked up over the tops of Skinner's glasses. "How so?"
"I've investigated a number of cases by myself since Mulder's been away, and they all seem to have logical, rational conclusions. I just don't seem to have his capacity for finding the paranormal elements in every odd occurrence."
Skinner looked down at his folded hands. "It has been different not having to brace myself for every meeting."
"I miss him too," Scully answered, reading the A.D.'s unspoken sentiment. "But he'll be home today, and since he's back to normal, I assume he'll be wanting to come back to work...sir?"
Skinner looked up into curious eyes. "Yes?"
"You looked a million miles away for a minute."
The A.D. shuffled a few papers from one corner of his desk to another, and back again. "I'm here."
Scully nodded, getting the distinct impression that he was lying but not wishing to push it any further. "Will that be all, sir?"
"Yes, I believe that's it."
Scully rose from her seat and walked to the door, pausing as she reached it. She turned and looked back at the man who sat so rigidly at his desk. As cool as ever on the outside, but chaos, she suspected, was bubbling on the inside. The guilt of all that had happened to Mulder weighed heavily on him; she could see it clearly. And to compound it, there was the matter of his feelings for Mulder. Though he'd never let on just how deep they went, Scully could tell that it was more than simple sexual attraction.
There was nothing she could do for him; she knew he'd never let her close enough to even try. He'd have to work through it on his own. But with Mulder inevitably returning to work, she thought as she headed back down to the basement, he'd have to do it quickly.
Respectfully submitted,
Walter S. Skinner
Assistant Director
Skinner stared at the monitor, reading and re-reading. Deciding it was finished, he hit the print key and sat back, listening to the hum of the printer. When it was finished, he removed the sheet of paper, studied it for long seconds, then signed his name to the bottom, and left the office.
The door to apartment forty-two swung open, and the two men tumbled in, falling over each other and their bags, trying to make it to the ringing phone. Alex made it there first.
"Hello?"
"Where have you two been?"
"Hi, Alex, welcome home. How was your flight? It was fine, Scully, thanks for asking..."
Scully heaved an impatient sigh. "Hi, Alex. I'm sorry, I don't have time to discuss your flight right now. Where's Mulder?"
"Standing right behind me."
"I need to talk to him."
"Sheesh." Alex reached over his shoulder, handing the phone to Fox. "Your partner would like to speak to you. She sounds agitated."
Frowning, Fox drew the phone to his ear. "Scully? Something wrong?"
"I've been trying to reach you for a couple of hours. Where the hell have you been?"
"The food on the plane was disgusting, we were hungry, so we decided to stop and get something to eat before we came home. Now, what's up?"
"Skinner quit."
Fox stood quietly for a few seconds, trying to process the two simple words. "What'd you say?"
"I said, he quit. Handed in his resignation."
"Why the hell would he...he can't do that!"
"That's what the director said. Apparently, 'personal reasons' isn't a good enough excuse for him to let his best A.D. just walk away. He's refusing to process the request. He told Skinner he wants him to think on his decision for a few more days."
"I don't..." Fox paced back and forth in front of his desk, a mixture of confusion and irritation evident on his face. "I don't get it, Scully. What the hell reason could Skinner have for resigning?"
A look of shock crossed Alex's face, then something that resembled comprehension.
"He said personal reasons, Mulder. I have a pretty good idea what they are, but I can't be sure. He did a damn good job of avoiding me all day, so I didn't get to talk to him."
"So, what do you think?"
"I think it's you."
"Me?"
Alex nodded, unseen by his pacing lover. He and Scully were obviously on the same page.
"Yes, Mulder, you. I told you how guilty he feels about what happened. And now with you better and most likely coming back to work soon, he'll have to face you every day. I guess he's decided that he either can't or doesn't want to do that."
"That's crazy, Scully."
"I know. That's why I've been trying to reach you. Only you can talk to him about this. You need to try and talk him out of it."
"I'll call him right now."
"Okay. Let me know how it goes."
"I will. Talk to you later."
Fox hung up and looked over at Alex, who had taken a seat on the edge of the coffee table.
"Skinner actually quit?"
"That's what Scully's telling me. She thinks it's because of..."
"You. I believe her."
"I gotta talk to him."
"Think it'll do any good?"
"I don't know, but I have to try. He can't keep carrying this guilt around."
"It isn't just the guilt, Fox. If it was, he'd probably be able to find a way to work through it. But he didn't just endanger the life of one of his agents. He endangered the life of the man he loves."
"Loves. Alex..."
"I know the signs, Fox," Alex interrupted softly. "I know what it looks like; I know what it feels like."
Fox lowered his head, knowing when he was on the losing side of a discussion with Alex.
"You don't just turn those feelings off," the younger man continued. "Ask me. I know. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually feel sorry for the poor bastard."
Fox took a deep breath then looked up at Alex. "I still have to talk to him. He can't quit, for Christ's sake."
"If he's got it as bad as I think he does, it might be the best thing for him."
Fox cocked his head, giving the other man a puzzled look.
"I'm just trying to look at it from his side," Alex explained. "If our situations were reversed and you were with him, and I knew that there wasn't a hope in the world for us, I wouldn't be able stay here day after day, looking at you... occasionally seeing you with him... I couldn't do it. I wouldn't be able to take it."
Still, Fox stood silently.
"Talk to him if you feel you need to, baby. Ask him if there's any way at all to work this out... I know how important it is to have an ally on the inside of the Bureau. But I know you also care about him as a friend, and in the end, you gotta let him do what he thinks is best."
Alex fidgeted a bit under the intense hazel stare, afraid that Fox might misinterpret what he'd just said and think that he simply wanted to be rid of Skinner. But when Fox moved forward and planted a long, tender kiss on his mouth, his fears were dispelled.
"I love you," Fox whispered against Alex's lips before punching in Skinner's number and bringing the phone to his ear.
Four rings later, the machine picked up, and Fox disconnected.
"No answer?"
"No. But I get the feeling that he's there." Fox gave his lover an apologetic look. "Babe, I'm sorry, I..."
"You want to go over there."
"Yeah."
Alex gave his head a little toss in the direction of the door. "Go ahead, you'll probably keep me up half the night if you don't."
Fox kissed Alex once more and, locating his car keys, headed toward the door. "I'll try not to be too late."
Alex smiled as the door closed behind Fox. "Yeah, don't worry about me," he called softly as he picked the bags up and headed into the bedroom. "I'll just be putting all these clothes away..."
Part Five
Buzz.
Buzz.
Fox drummed his fingers on Skinner's apartment door before ringing the buzzer a third time. Finally, when he still received no answer, he called out.
"Sir... Walt, it's me, Mulder. I know you're here; I saw your car. Come on, let me in."
Fox waited a full three minutes before preparing to ring again. Just before he touched his finger to the button, the door opened. He stared across the threshold into weary brown eyes.
Skinner looked so different without his glasses, Fox thought to himself. Much more receptive. More vulnerable...
"When did you get back?"
"Few hours ago."
"And you're out visiting already?"
"Tried calling you, but I got no answer."
"I wasn't here."
"Bullshit."
Skinner heaved a hard sigh. "Well, on that note...what can I do for you, Mulder?"
"You can let me in for starters."
"It's getting late. I was going to bed soon."
"It's not late, and why are you in such a rush to get to bed? It's not like you've got someplace to be tomorrow, right?"
Scully.
"Mulder, please. I really don't care to discuss it."
"Well, that's too bad." Fox pushed past the older man and didn't stop walking until he'd reached the middle of the floor. "Because I think we really need to."
One hand still on the doorknob, Skinner bowed his head, closing his eyes. "Isn't Krycek going to start wondering where you are?"
"Alex knows where I am."
Skinner finally closed the door and turned to face the younger man. "How are you?" he asked in a defeated voice. "Scully told me you have your memory back."
"I do. And I feel fine."
The other man nodded. "...And Krycek? Scully also said that he wasn't feeling well."
"He's fine, too....I heard that you saved his life."
For just a moment, Skinner looked confused. Then understanding dawned. "You mean Lieber."
"Yeah. Thanks to you, I still have him."
Skinner couldn't help the soft, snorting laugh that rose from his throat.
"What?"
"Nothing. I did what I had to do. Lieber would have killed him."
"I know. And I also know that you found something out about Alex during those few days you thought I was dead. Something that, until then, you'd refused to see."
Skinner nodded. "I freely admit it, now. Krycek loves you. The proof was undeniable. I'd never seen anyone grieve so deeply."
Fox looked down at the floor for a moment, trying to decide how to start. Then, coming to the conclusion that the direct approach was best, he jumped in.
"I know everything that went on. Between Scully and Alex, I've got the whole story..."
Skinner turned away, unable to face what Mulder had to say.
"You have to stop blaming yourself for what happened. Even if you had gone up to Vermont right away, there's no way of knowing that you would have made it there in time to prevent what happened."
"And there's no way of knowing that I might not have made it there in time. I should have listened to Krycek. I should have believed him."
"You did what you felt was right. You felt it was right not to trust him."
"After you'd been telling me for months that I could. Even if I didn't trust him, I should have trusted you. I...I don't know that it wasn't so much distrust as it might have been..." Skinner bit off his words and walked toward the glass doors, staring down into the street.
Fox followed, stopping a few feet behind the other man. "As it might have been what?"
Skinner shook his head slowly. "...Hatred....jealousy. I wanted so much to believe....I couldn't let go of the possibility that he was out to do you harm...it was all I had. I didn't want you to be hurt, but I wanted him to try, so I...so I could step in and save you..." Skinner rambled on, shocked at himself for saying so much with so little prodding. "I wanted so much for him to be the backstabbing, conniving son of a bitch that we'd always known him as. I hoped for it every day...so you could turn to me."
"I'm sorry," Fox whispered, unintentionally doubling the other man's agony. "But you knew...I told you..."
"I know what you said," Skinner answered roughly. "I heard your words every day in my head. I made myself hear them. And I knew that they were true. I knew it every time I saw you together. I knew it every morning when you walked into the building with that satisfied gleam in your eye...and that look of anticipation as you left every night. And still, I couldn't stop hoping. I suppose that makes me somewhat pathetic. I can't bring myself to care about what I look like. All I can think about anymore is what I let happen to you. There's nothing in the world I can do to even begin to make it up to you."
"You don't need to make anything up to me, Walt," Fox insisted. "But, please. If you feel you really have to, there is one thing."
Skinner turned to face the younger man.
"Stay in the Bureau. Scully and I need you there."
The other man shook his head, his mouth opening and closing but never uttering a sound.
"I guess I'm being selfish," Fox offered. "Alex and I talked about this before I came over here, and he told me that I needed to say what I had to say and then step back and let you make your own decision. He thinks he understands better than I do where you're coming from."
Deep brown eyes dropped to the patch of carpet between them. "I think he might."
"Be that as it may, I can't let you go without a fight. You're too important to too many people. The Bureau needs as many men like you as it can get. God knows there are few enough. Scully and I need you for reasons that must be obvious to you...the director needs you." Fox gave Skinner a bit of a smile. "If you leave, he's going to have to start a whole new search for his heir apparent, and you know how much that'll piss him off..."
Skinner kept his eyes to the floor, shaking his head. "I can't, Mulder, I...too much has happened. I don't think I can ever look at you or talk to you again without thinking of what almost happened and the hell my ignorance put you through...Scully...your mother...Krycek..."
"Yourself."
The older man turned his back to Fox.
"It's all fine. Stop kicking yourself in ass about this. I'm fine. My mother and Scully are fine. Alex is fine. You're the only one who's still out of whack."
"Do you just not want to get it, Mulder?" Skinner turned to face him. "You go home," he said in a low, tired voice. "Ask Krycek how he would feel if he was in my position. Ask him how easily he'd be able to let it go."
"I told you, we already talked about it."
"Well, maybe you should talk to him again. I don't think you were really listening."
"I heard and understood every word," Fox shot back. "I just believe that there are things...far more important things that you should be considering."
"In your will, you told me not to be afraid of my human needs and emotions. Well, I'm doing what you suggested. I'm thinking about what Walter Skinner needs. I'm thinking about how he feels. There's not a chance in hell that I'll ever have what I need, and I feel like shit about it. Now, should I stay in the Bureau and endure that torment every day?" He went silent for a moment then shrugged. "Maybe I should. It would be my penance."
Fox shook his head in disbelief. "I don't...I don't know what the hell else to say to you."
"Don't say anything else," the hoarse baritone instructed. "Just go home to Krycek and be happy in the knowledge that you've got your heart's desire. So few people are that fortunate."
Fox took two steps forward and stopped when the older man backed away. "Walt..."
"I really appreciate that you care enough to ask me to stay...and that you don't blame me for what happened."
"But you can't accept it."
"I don't...go home, all right? I'm very tired...please, Fox."
Assuming a defeated posture, Fox moved toward the door. Skinner followed, opening the door and silently cursing when the younger man turned and fixed a desolate stare on him.
"When's your last day?"
Unable to look at Fox any longer, Skinner averted his eyes. "The director refuses to process my resignation until Thursday."
"So...two more days."
Silence.
"I'll be in tomorrow, but...in case I don't see you in the next two days, I guess I'll say goodbye and good luck now."
Hazel eyes slid away just as Skinner gathered the courage to look up. He watched mutely as the younger man turned and left without another word, his heart thudding in time to Fox's every step. From his doorway he watched as the other man stopped in front of the elevator and waited, hands in the pockets of his jacket, head down. Even at this distance, that beautiful, brooding mouth drew his attention, swelling his heart and other parts of his anatomy.
The elevator doors opened and Fox walked through them, disappearing from Skinner's sight but not his thoughts as the long, sleepless night ahead would prove.
Clear on what he needed to do only an hour ago, doubt now seeped in. Skinner closed the door and moved toward the sofa, falling onto the cushions.
I shouldn't have let you in. I shouldn't have...you would have given up and gone away sooner or later. I should have known that you would do this to me. Now, I'm not sure what the hell to do.
Not sure? He wants you to stay. How the hell can you not be sure?
Because he's made his reasons clear. And none of them include wanting anything more than friendship. Because looking at him every day will be a painful reminder of what you did...because every time you see him with Krycek, it'll twist your guts.
And what'll never seeing him again do?
It'll hurt like hell for a while, then I'll get over it.
Oh. Right. Sure.
I will. I have to.
It's an impossible situation any way you look at it. Now, which torment would you rather suffer?
He thought of Fox looking as he did just moments ago. Dispirited and utterly gorgeous...eyes that had sparkled with determination when he had entered the apartment gone dim with dejection when he'd left. Parting words uttered in soft monotone, falling from that perfect, pouting mouth, completed the exquisitely somber picture.
Skinner flipped onto his stomach, burying his face into the cushion, moaning.
''God, the man was put on this earth to drive me insane."
Sable lashes drifted upward, and slits of emerald focused on the door as the key slipped into the lock. The green disappeared as the door opened and Fox stole quietly into the apartment. He crept over to the sofa, looking down at the still form of his lover. Alex's hand rose from the cushion, brushing his leg, momentarily startling him.
"How'd it go?"
Fox sank down to the sofa, stretching himself out over Alex's body. He rested an elbow on the cushion beside Alex's head and dropped his head into his hand. "Not good."
Alex's eyes opened at the sound of the disappointed voice. He lifted his hand to Fox's cheek, letting his thumb sweep back and forth across the roughened skin. "By that, I guess you weren't able to convince him to stay?"
Fox released a hard sigh and dropped his head to Alex's shoulder. "I don't...I don't understand. How can he feel this way? I mean, I understand the guilt, I guess. God knows I've got my share, but...Alex, I swear, I've never knowingly given him any encouragement. How can he feel so strongly?"
Alex laughed softly and wrapped his arms around the other man. "That's one of the things I love about you, babe."
"What, my cluelessness?"
"Sort of. You have no idea what people see in you. You're so low key. So damned unassuming. You don't see the way people look at you...how many want you...I could run down a list that would curl your hair...Scully and Skinner being at the top of it, of course." He kissed Fox's forehead. "Scully's done very well getting past it, though. More than anything she wants you happy, and she's willing to sacrifice everything, including her own feelings, to that end. I respect the hell out of that. I don't know that I could be that generous if I were in her position. I can identify more with Skinner, though he's still a lot more restrained than I think I could be."
Fox shook his head. "It's not worth him giving up an entire career."
"It is, baby, if he feels it's the only way for him to get over you. He's in for a rough time. Fox-withdrawal is damned painful."
"Alex, it's different. You and I were together. We were lovers. I know that kind of pain as well as you do. But Skinner...we've never even kissed..."
"Doesn't mean he can't love you."
"I don't want him to," Fox murmured into his lover's shoulder. "I don't want him to hurt. And I don't want him to leave."
"Unfortunately, Fox, it isn't your choice."
"But this is his career we're talking about. His life. He's going to give it all up because of a man he's never even kissed? It's not right. It's..." Fox lifted his head. "I wonder if he'd stay if I didn't come back."
Alex stared in shock. "What?"
"It's been months since I've worked. The place hasn't fallen apart without me. Maybe I just shouldn't go back."
"No. Ohhh, no. You're going back. A.D.s come a dime a dozen. Maybe they're not all Skinners, but there's no one who can replace you. Besides, baby, he'd only feel twice as much guilt, and he'd leave anyway."
Fox's brows drew down into a contemplative frown. "It's still not right," he whispered, snuggling closer as Alex stroked his back.
"No," Alex whispered back, staring into space. "I guess it's not."
Scully approached the basement office, keys in hand, and stopped abruptly at the threshold. The door was slightly ajar, and a soft shuffling could be heard within. Cautiously, she eased the door open and peered inside. A grin spread across her face as the figure of her partner at his desk, surrounded by mountains of files, came into view.
"Why didn't you tell me you were coming back today?"
"Sorry." Fox looked up over his glasses. "I was going to call you last night, but I got home late, and Alex and I started talking, and we fell asleep..."
Scully nodded and took off her coat. "So, did you see him?"
"Yeah."
"I don't like the sound of that yeah."
"I don't think I got anywhere with him, Scully." Fox dropped the folder in his hand and looked up at the redhead. "Not for lack of trying."
Scully sank into the chair in front of Fox's desk. "You mean he's actually going to quit?"
"Seems so." Fox leaned back in his chair. "I still can't believe it."
"God, Mulder, there's gotta be something we can do. There's gotta be some way to get through to him."
"Well, Scully, if you come up with some miracle plan in the next two days, let me know."
Beads of sweat followed one after another down Skinner's chest as he prepared to begin the last repetition of his bench press. He shifted ever-so-slightly, readjusting his position, and took a long, deep breath in through his nose. A loud exhalation whistled from between his lips as he raised the weights. At the count of three, he slowly lowered his burden and began the process again. Before he could raise the iron-laden bar again, a leather-gloved hand came down over his head, grasping the bar and holding it to his chest. Startled, he looked up into familiar green eyes.
"What the hell are you..."
"Morning, Walt."
"Krycek, what are you doing here?"
"I sure as hell didn't come to work out at this ungodly hour of the morning." He smirked down at the older man. "But I'll spot you if you want."
"No, that's okay."
Alex shrugged and removed his hand, allowing Skinner to lift the weights and place them back in the metal brackets on either side of his head. When the older man had swung himself into a sitting position, Alex turned and looked at the man who had just taken a seat at the bench next to Skinner's and was preparing to begin his workout. "Hey," Alex called softly to the man. "This bench is being used."
The man looked around. "By who?"
"Me."
The other man looked him up and down, taking in the tight jeans, boots, and leather jacket, and snorted. "Dressed like that?"
Alex turned to fully face the man and gave him an icy glare. "Yeah. Now, find another bench like a good boy."
Skinner jerked his head to the side, not willing to watch as the other man practically fell over himself to clear out. When Alex seated himself on the vacated bench, he turned back.
"You enjoy doing that to people?"
"What'd I do?" Alex asked, innocently. "I just told him that the bench was occupied."
"Never mind," the older man answered wearily. "What do you want?"
"To talk."
"About what?"
"This business about you resigning."
Skinner looked down at the floor. "Want to throw me a going away party?"
"Why would you think that?"
"I don't know. We may have come to an understanding, but I think you'll agree that you and I will never really be friends. There's too much between us."
"Maybe so, but the only insurmountable thing that I can see is Fox, and the guilt you feel for what happened." Alex blew out a long sigh. "We gotta talk about that."
"Why?"
"Because he's unhappy. I hate it when he's unhappy. He didn't sleep worth a damn last night, and consequently, neither did I. I get real cranky, Walt, when I don't get my beauty sleep."
"Once I'm gone, it'll be easier."
"No, because then he'll be eaten up with guilt. He already is. He can't see where he's worth you resigning, and it's bugging the shit out of him. It's not just all going to end when you're gone."
"Maybe not right away, but..."
"Yeah, I agree that in time he'll be able to live with it, but how long? Two days, as far as I'm concerned, is too long for my Fox to be upset."
"I'm sorry he's upset. It's the last thing I want, but...I thought you'd understand."
"I do. I really do. And whether you believe me or not, I sympathize. If our situations were reversed, I'd be having a real tough time with it too. But it comes down to this, Walt. Whether you leave or stay, you're not going to stop thinking about him. You're not going to stop wanting him. Once Fox gets under your skin, it's all over. You're finished. All you're going to succeed in doing if you leave is drive yourself insane."
Skinner shook his head. "I don't get it. You'd rather have me here, knowing how I feel about him?"
"You know, if you'd asked me that question a few months ago, I would have helped you pack your bags and given you a ride to the airport."
"And now?"
Alex sighed softly. "He loves me. I knew that then, but I was still insecure about it."
"Really? Could have fooled me."
"I did fool you. And Scully."
"And you're not insecure any more."
"No, I'm not. I know that he's as devoted to me as I am to him, and I have no fear. You can want him from now till you die, and you'll never get him."
The other man's gaze fell from Alex's face. "I can't decide if you're trying to help me or stick a knife in my gut."
Alex paused, rubbing the back of his neck. "All I'm...I'm just saying...I understand that you think you gotta get away from him. I even thought last night that you were right. I thought about it some more, though, last night while Fox was tossing and turning, and I think you're going to regret it."
"Actually, I'd already begun to reconsider it after I talked to him last night."
"Really? He came home thinking that he hadn't swayed you at all."
"Well, I tried to stay strong till he left, but it's tough, you know?"
Alex smiled. "Oh yeah, I know. It's hard to look into those eyes and not want to lay yourself down at his feet."
Skinner bowed his head, rubbing his hand over the perspiration-slick surface of his scalp. "God, I can't believe I'm going to torture myself like this."
"Yeah, well, you can alleviate some that torment if you'll just forgive yourself for fucking up."
"God." Skinner lifted his gaze to the younger man. "You're smooth, Krycek, you know that?"
Alex gave him an amused grin. "Fox says the same thing, only in a different context, I think."
The other man groaned and closed his eyes. "What about you, Krycek? You tried to kill me. Twice."
"I was crazy with grief, Skinner. I'm okay, now. I'm not saying I don't still harbor a little resentment. If you'd just managed to get past your hatred of me and listen to what I was saying, we probably wouldn't be where we are right now. But what's done is done. It all turned out all right, and I'm cool. I won't give you any shit. You know...no more than usual..."
"Wonderful. Thanks." Skinner cocked his head. "So, where's Mulder that you're out this early in the morning harassing me?"
"Work. He wanted to get an early start."
"He tossed and turned all night, and he's up this early and at work?"
"Yeah, well...I made him get a few hours sleep."
"How'd you manage that?"
The younger man gave him an arrogant smirk. "I fucked him into unconsciousness. See ya, Wally."
Skinner watched Alex rise from the bench and slip out of the gym as quietly as he'd entered. Grunting softly, he picked up his towel and headed for the showers.
"They were just glad to see you, Mulder."
Fox removed his jacket and tossed it over the back of his chair.
"They never used to be happy to see me. In fact, a lot of those people actually dislike me."
"That's not true," Scully countered. "Well, okay. A couple of them maybe. But they all showed up for the funeral."
"Did any of them stay to dance on my grave?" Fox paused a moment then started to laugh.
"Something funny?"
"Yeah, I was just thinking that Alex should meet Farrel and Watson. He thinks everybody loves me. They'd change his mind."
"Oh yeah, Mulder, by all means go ahead and tell your psycho lover that there are people out there who dislike you so they can be found dead in their homes the next morning."
"He's not that bad, Scully."
"Oh, nooo, of course he isn't."
Just as Fox was drawing breath for another comeback, the phone rang.
"Mulder."
"Agent Mulder, this A.D. Skinner's secretary."
Fox shot Scully a curious glance. "Yes, Kimberly?"
"Mr. Skinner would like to see you and Agent Scully in his office as soon as possible."
"All right, we'll be there in a few minutes." Fox dropped the phone back into the cradle and picked up his jacket. "He wants to see us."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I was positive that after last night I'd never see him again." Fox waved in the direction of the door. "I guess we shouldn't keep him waiting."
The soft knock at the door closed Skinner's eyes. When he reopened them seconds later, he cleared his throat and called for his agents to enter.
The door opened, and Scully entered, followed by the only person in the world who, just by walking into a room, could cause Walter Skinner to lose his train of thought.
"You wanted to see us, sir?" Scully waited for a response. "Sir?"
"Yes," Skinner snapped quickly before Scully could ask a third time. His eyes went back to the man standing behind her. "Yes, I did. Welcome back, Agent Mulder."
Fox studied the seated man for a moment, uncertain how to read him. "Thank you, sir."
Skinner motioned to the two chairs in front of his desk, and the agents assumed their usual seats. He adjusted his glasses and sat back, folding his hands at the edge of his desk. A full thirty seconds passed before he spoke.
"You both know that a couple of days ago, I turned in my letter of resignation to the director. He insisted that I take a few days to carefully consider my reasons for leaving the Bureau, and to make sure that it was indeed what I wanted..."
Fox lowered his head, not really wanting to hear the rest.
"I'll tell you both that I'm now grateful for his insistence."
Fox lifted his head and looked into hopeful blue eyes. Both agents simultaneously turned to the man behind the desk and waited.
"I've reconsidered my request. I won't be leaving after all."
A relieved smile lit Scully's face. A slighter, more reserved smile curled Fox's mouth as well.
"We're so glad to hear that, sir," Scully breathed.
Skinner looked from the woman's face to the man's. "I uh...realized that it might not be the best thing."
Fox nodded once, eyes never leaving the other man's.
"Well..." Skinner forced himself to look away. "I didn't want to keep you, I just thought you'd both like to know."
Fox nodded again. "Thank you for telling us. We couldn't be happier."
"Thank you." Skinner's gaze went again to Fox. He paused for a number of seconds then looked away. "That's all, agents."
The two rose from their seats and vacated the office, grinning broadly when they made it out into the hall.
"What do you think changed his mind?" Scully asked. "I mean, you did say that you don't think you'd made any headway at all, right?"
"Right. I don't know what turned him around, but I'm glad for it. I can't imagine what..."
The ringing of Fox's cell phone interrupted his comment. He pulled the phone out of the breast pocket of his suit jacket and raised it to his ear. "Mulder."
"What are you wearing?"
The grin on her partner's face told Scully exactly who had called.
"What was I wearing when I left this morning?"
"Besides that worn out, satisfied grin?"
"Yeah."
"Didn't really notice. I was too busy watching your ass as you walked down the hall. It's a pretty ass..."
Fox laughed softly. "So, is there some reason you called...other than you wanting to tell me that you like my ass?"
Scully looked nervously around as they walked, praying that no one was catching any bit of this conversation.
"No. Just wanted to know how your first day back was going."
"Actually, it just got a whole lot better."
"Yeah? How so?"
"Skinner's staying."
"Oh, really? That's...that's great."
Fox's brows drew down into a slight frown. "Yeah. Alex, are you up to something?"
"Up to...what are you talking about?"
"I know that tone. It usually means you've done something or are about to."
"Fox, what could I possibly be up to? We only got back yesterday."
"And your point would be? Alex, only you could get something cooking that fast."
"Aww, you're sweet. But while I appreciate your confidence in me, I really haven't done anything."
"...But you tried to."
"What?"
"Spill it, Alex."
A soft sigh could be heard on the line, then Alex began to speak.
"We just talked."
"We...you and Skinner."
"Yeah..."
"When?"
"This morning. I tracked him down after you left."
"And you talked him into staying?"
"No, he'd already pretty much made up his mind about that. I just sorta reinforced the decision...you know, let him know he was doing the right thing."
"But you didn't know that when you went looking for him. You went to find him with the intention of trying to convince him to stay. Why? I thought you told me it was his decision and that you thought it might be best for him if he left?"
"Can't a guy change his mind?"
"Yeah. But why?"
"Because of that look on your face last night. Because I had to wear you out to get you to sleep...not that I didn't enjoy the hell out that..."
Fox couldn't help the smile that crossed his face. "You're too much."
"I love you," came the soft response. "I want you to be happy."
As he and Scully stepped onto the half-full elevator, Fox whispered into the phone, "When I get home, I'm going to make you happy." He smiled at the soft moan.
"How're you gonna do that?"
"Think I'll just let you wait and wonder until I get there."
"Not nice to give me a hard-on so early in the day."
Fox chuckled into the phone, drawing some mildly curious stares. "Don't you touch that. It's mine."
"You expect me to suffer until you get home?"
"If it's any consolation to you, I'm in the same boat."
"Yeah? Well, how about I meet you in the parking garage at lunch time? You can fuck me in the back seat of your car..."
"Uh, I don't think that's a good idea."
"Top of your desk? We can kick Scully out for half an hour or so. Unless she wants to watch..."
The elevator doors opened, much to Scully's relief, and the remaining few passengers debarked. Fox moved into the hall and headed toward the office, phone still to his ear. She followed a few steps behind, shaking her head. These two were unbelievable. Separated for mere hours, and here Mulder was, murmuring and laughing into the phone like a teenager.
"You're a twisted bastard."
"And?"
Fox walked into the office and dropped down into his chair. "And I love you. Now, you be good, remember what I said about keeping your hands off, and I'll see you in a few hours." He disconnected and turned sparkling eyes up to Scully. "Sorry 'bout that."
"Oh, yeah, you look sorry." Scully tried to sound stern, but her smile gave her away. Happiness oozed from every pore of her partner, and she couldn't be more thrilled.
"He just wanted to know how my first day back was going," Fox smirked, playing with the antenna on his cell phone. "He's thoughtful like that."
Scully gave him a sarcastic grunt. "Well. Now that Skinner is staying put, you've had your mid-morning Alex fix, and all is once again right with the world, might we get some work done? Please?"
Fox shrugged, his smirk turning to an innocent smile. "Sure, Scully." He plucked a folder off the top of the pile he'd been organizing and tossed it onto his desk. "Why don't you tell me what you know about this one?"
Scully picked up the folder and glanced at the contents. "Classroom full of preschoolers who swear they've all seen the ghost of a child sitting in their class. Wonderful. I had this one at the bottom of the list, Mulder, how'd it manage to work its way to the top?"
Taking the file back from his partner, Fox grinned and tilted himself back in his chair. "Didn't you miss me, Scully?"
Alex hung up the last pair of jeans in his closet and closed the door just in time to be spun around and slammed back into the wall.
"You jerk off today?"
The younger man smirked at the question rasped against his ear. "You told me not to."
"Since when do you do what I tell you to?"
Alex gave him a slightly wounded pout. "You don't believe me?"
Fox ground his hips against his lover's, groaning at the hardness he found there. "Mmmmm. That's nice. And you're telling me you've been holding onto that all day for me?"
Alex nodded, still pouting.
"Such a good boy," Fox whispered just before his mouth came down on Alex's. The younger man wound his arms around Fox's shoulders, whimpering as his mouth was assaulted mercilessly. Fox pulled away only for as long as it took to get a better lock on Alex's mouth, and he was back, feeding voraciously as he wrenched his lover's arms away from his back, pinning them to the wall beside the sable head.
Alex writhed against his captor, begging silently for the full heat of his passion, and Fox did not disappoint. He delivered a stinging bite to Alex's lower lip before drawing back and grasping the neck of the younger man's t-shirt in one hand and jerking the material away. Alex's cock pushed insistently against his jeans as the thin, white material was ripped away from his chest, and Fox dove for a nipple, sucking the pebbled flesh into his mouth.
"Fox...oh, God...oww! Ah, shit. Baby...baby, please..."
Fox inflicted another bite before he looked up into sparkling emerald pools. "Please what?"
Alex drew two hard, shallow breaths before answering. "I need you now. Please fuck me."
Fox backed off and began to pull at his tie. "Take your pants off."
Alex obeyed quickly, removing his pants. Having had no shoes on, he slipped his socks off and straightened up to find that Fox had removed his holster and shirt and was now unbuckling his belt.
Fox returned his lover's heavy-lidded stare as he did away with the remainder of his clothing, then doubled up the belt in his hand and stepped forward.
Alex's eyes dropped from Fox's face to the strip of black leather. "What..." he asked softly, licking at his lips, "what are you going to do with that?"
The older man grinned, tapping the belt against his own thigh. "You're not nervous, are you?"
"Nervous?"
That wasn't what he'd call it. Curious, maybe. Anxious, certainly. So turned on he was afraid his knees would give out on him, definitely, but it had never occurred to him to be nervous.
Fox drew the belt up the outside of Alex's thigh, traveling to his waist, up over his chest and throat, stopping at his mouth, and letting the leather whisper over the swollen flesh.
"Are you nervous?"
Alex's eyes closed and he shook his head as his tongue inched out to lick delicately at the belt.
Fox laughed softly. "Silly of me, I suppose to think that you would be." He let the belt slide south, hitting Alex's ticklish spots and avoiding that one area where the younger man most needed stimulation.
"Fox..."
"Hmm?" Fox asked absently, currently taken with the way Alex's muscles rippled and twitched under the caress of the leather.
"I'm gonna die..."
Hazel eyes flicked up to the younger man's face. "Can't let that happen, can we?"
"It wouldn't be a good thing, no," Alex gasped as the belt slid up his inner thigh.
"Where's the lube?" Fox asked. "I know it's gotta be around here somewhere."
"You don't need it," Alex groaned as his lover rubbed the cool leather over his cock and balls.
"No?"
Alex gave Fox a lazy grin and shook his head. "I'm ready." He watched the older man's cock twitch at his announcement, and seconds later, Fox was there, dropping the belt and pressing him to the wall as he slipped his hands under Alex's thighs, lifting the younger man with a soft grunt. Alex wasted no time in wrapping his legs around Fox's waist, whining softly as the older man made a few adjustments. The whine turned to a groan as he felt the head of his lover's cock stretch and enter him.
Having little patience for gentleness, Fox surged forward, his fingers clenching in the younger man's ass. As Alex's muscles tightened around him, that small thread of composure unraveled, and he began to thrust quickly, pressing his face against the other's shoulder. He inhaled the warm scent of Alex's skin, then allowed himself to taste, sliding his tongue over the younger man's collarbone. Reaching the base of Alex's throat, Fox sucked the flesh into his mouth, feeding hungrily as he continued to execute short, hard thrusts, driving the breath from Alex's lungs in harsh bursts.
Uttering breathless sounds of encouragement, Alex worked a hand between them, wrapping it around his own erection. As he tightened his free arm around his lover's neck, he began to pump his cock, easily catching up to Fox and joining him on the narrow ledge of madness.
Fox tore his mouth from his lover's throat, leaving a dark patch, evidence of his ownership, and thrust as hard as he could as he bore Alex's weight. A deep, sobbing groan filtered through his gritted teeth, and his body trembled as he felt the steady approach of orgasm. It hit hard, taking him over like a sea squall, enveloping first himself then Alex in beautiful, blinding violence.
The room vibrated with combined cries of satisfaction as Alex joined his lover, his body spasming several times, then sagging in exhaustion. His erratic hand movements slowed, lazily sliding over his drenched cock, and he vaguely heard Fox's soft whimpers as the older man began to weaken. He shifted, unwinding his legs from Fox's waist and removing the burden of his weight. Fox leaned into him, still panting heavily, seeking the warmth of the circle of his arms.
"I gotta lie down before I fall down," Alex whispered into his lover's hair and moved them both to the bed. He fell back, gathering Fox into his arms, kissing the top of the golden-brown head. "Hey," he called, rubbing the older man's back. "You alive?"
"No," Fox mumbled into his chest, just barely heard.
"So, I guess you're not hungry. Too bad, I was gonna take you out to Knotty Pine for Black Angus and that strawberry chocolate thing you like so much."
Fox's head lifted and he gave the other man a weary but mischievous smile. "Can we have 'em put the dessert in a doggy bag and bring it home for later?"
Alex returned the smile. "You got evil on your mind, babe."
"I'm wasted, Alex. What makes you think I've got the strength to think bad thoughts?"
"That brain of yours never gets tired. And I'll be willing to bet that if we go out to eat, by the time we're ready to come back home, your dick will have caught up to your head."
Fox shook with silent laughter. "You really have a way with words, you know?"
Alex grabbed a handful of his lover's hair, pulling him up for a thorough kiss. "And when we get home, I'm gonna have my way with you. Now let's go take a shower. I'm starving all of a sudden."
As the next few weeks progressed, life more or less settled back into that which Fox and Alex had known before the turmoil. Word that Agent Mulder had returned and was again himself had finally completed the circuit around the Hoover Building. The handshakes, smiles, and words of welcome had faded to Fox's relief, and he was able to fully settle back into work. Meetings with Skinner were as brief and businesslike as possible, much like any other meeting they'd ever had. The A.D. made no more mention of his request for resignation or his repeal, and in deference to his obvious feelings on the matter, neither agent spoke of it in his presence.
The only discernible difference was Alex's apparent refusal to make any out of town trips. Fox had heard, on more than one occasion, Alex telling callers that he would not be available for a specific job or meeting and giving instructions to be carried out by others in his stead.
One day, after a particularly heated exchange, Alex disconnected and hurled his cell phone at the sofa. Fox watched quietly from the doorway as his lover brooded by the window, then approached him.
"Alex?" he called softly, laying a gentle hand on the other man's back. "Babe?"
Alex turned, immediately draping his arms over the older man's shoulders. "Yeah?"
"What are you doing?"
"What do you mean?"
"Hanging around when you've obviously got things you should be doing."
"There's nothing I should be doing. I've got people who are perfectly capable of..."
"You don't believe that," Fox interrupted. "You're that do-it-yourself type of person. That's why you've made so many trips in the past. How is it that all of a sudden you consider these people of yours to be so capable?"
Alex's gaze lowered to Fox's tie.
"What are you afraid of, baby?"
"He's still out there, Fox," Alex whispered flatly. "I...failed to eliminate him, and he's still out there. Planning his next move. I can't..." He looked up into almost gray eyes. "I won't leave you unprotected again. Look what happened the last time I did that. I almost lost you."
"Alex, you shouldn't..."
"You can talk yourself blue, Fox, and it won't do you any good. Until I'm satisfied that there's no more danger to you, I'm not going anywhere."
"But, Alex...we're not together during the day. I'm at work..."
"And have you noticed that Scully's with you every second that you're not with me?"
Fox tilted his head to one side. "Have you spoken to her?"
Alex nodded. "She's concerned for your safety too. Fox, I know that bastard. This is a game to him, and he won't give up until there's a clear winner." He wove a hand through Fox's hair, looking straight into the older man's eyes. "He almost took you from me once. He won't do it again. He will not win."
Fox let his head drop. "Yeah, but...I haven't been on any out-of-town cases yet. You know it'll happen sooner or later. What are you going to do, go with me?"
Sable eyebrows arched upward as the younger man smiled and nodded.
"God..."
"What? You getting tired of looking at my face already?"
"Of course not. If anything, I'm getting spoiled having you home all the time. I just don't want you to jeopardize any mission for me. There's a lot more at stake than just my safety."
"Baby, your safety is my only concern. Everything else comes a distant second."
"I'm one person, Alex. We're talking billions."
"Yeah. I know. Look at it this way, okay? You are key in the preservation of those billions of people. Without you, their chances for survival decrease significantly. I know that's a lot to carry on your shoulders, baby, but that's how it is. So, think of my constant presence as me doing my part for world salvation."
Fox shook his head, stroking the younger man's cheek. "I love the way you rationalize things."
Alex grinned and planted a soft kiss on his lover's mouth. "Whatever works. Now. Can we forget about this and talk about something else?"
Fox slipped his arms around Alex's waist, drawing him into a slow, rocking movement. "What do you want to talk about?"
"Tomorrow."
"It's Friday."
"Yep. Let's go out."
"Okay. Where?"
"Someplace we haven't been in months."
A slow smile curved Fox's lips. "The club?"
Alex nodded, spinning Fox in a forty-five degree turn, and resumed the swaying motion. "I'd like to go....dancing."
"Okay, so we'll go..." Fox smirked as he said the next word. "...dancing."
"Good. Now that that's settled..." Alex grabbed Fox's tie and wound it around his hand. He sashayed in the direction of the bedroom, pulling the older man along behind him. "Let's get you out of your work clothes..."
Friday.
Alex had spent the better part of the day cleaning the apartment, and now he was ready to let go and have a good time.
Fox had called earlier, telling Alex that he would be late getting home but to go ahead and get ready, and he'd be there no later than eight. At seven-thirty, Alex took a long, warm shower, brushed his teeth until they sparkled, then splashed on Fox's favorite cologne. Deciding not to shave, he padded naked out to the bedroom and opened up his closet, perusing his wardrobe. Thinking that tonight called for a little more than jeans, he pulled a pair of black leather pants out and laid them on the bed. He returned, smirking to the closet, and withdrew a celadon-green, silk shirt and placed it down above the pants.
"Works for me."
After changing, he stood in front of the full length mirror, inserting a silver hoop into his ear when the phone began to ring. He snatched the phone off the nightstand and answered.
"Hello?"
"Hey, babe."
"Hey."
"What're you doing?"
"Getting dressed....why doesn't it sound like you're in the car?"
"I'm...not."
Alex sat down on the bed, disappointment seeping into his tone. "Where are you?"
"The office."
"Oh."
"No, no, don't worry, we're still going out. I just got a little delayed. I'll be leaving here in about half an hour."
"You sure?"
"Positive. Listen, I've got an idea."
"Yeah?"
"Why don't you go on ahead and I'll meet you there."
"No," Alex protested, "I'll wait for you..."
"Uh uh. You go on ahead."
Alex's eyes narrowed suspiciously at his lover's tone. "Why are you so insistent that I get there before you?"
"No reason."
He could hear the fiendish amusement in Fox's voice and decided to let the other man have his fun.
"Okay, okay, I'll meet you there."
"Good. See you in about an hour and a half, then."
Alex hung up and sat, drumming his fingers on the phone.
What the hell is he up to?
He rose from the bed, checking his appearance once more.
"Goddamn, you're gorgeous."
Picking up his jacket and keys, he headed out the door.
It was early, but there was already a good crowd when Alex arrived at the club. He paid the cover charge and walked inside, immediately drawing the attention of many men.
Arrogance securely in place, he slithered through the crowd and took a seat at the bar.
"How's it goin'?" The bartender asked, handing a drink to a patron then turned his full attention on the new arrival.
"Good," Alex answered. "Uhhh, gimme a rum and coke."
The other man nodded, turning away just long enough to mix Alex's drink, then returned, placing the glass in front of him. "You look familiar."
"Do I?"
"Yeah." The man fixed a narrowed blue gaze on him. "You've been here before, haven't you?"
"Couple of times."
"I knew it. Hard to forget a handsome face."
"I'll go along with that."
Alex turned in the direction of the unfamiliar voice and quickly sized up the blonde behind him.
"And now that I've seen you," The man smiled, his eyes raking over the seated figure in front of him, "I know that I sure as hell ain't ever gonna forget you. Hi. I'm Max. Can I buy you a drink?"
Alex snorted softly and turned toward the bar. "Got one. Thanks."
"I'm patient." The other man sat down beside him. "I can wait till you finish that one."
No response.
"Is that a yes?"
"Did you hear a yes?"
"No. But I didn't hear a no. Come on, sexy, what do you say? A little drink...a little dance..."
Alex was vaguely amused by the man's clumsy attempt at a pickup, and he was content to string him along until Max made the mistake of touching him.
The sable head snapped around, and laser-green eyes burned into the blonde, causing him to withdraw his hand from Alex's arm. "Did I give you permission to touch me?"
"Jeez, it's not like I grabbed your crotch or anything," Max explained. "It was just your arm."
"My arm. Not yours. Keep your fucking hands to yourself and step off."
The commanding tone left no room for argument. The man slunk away, leaving the bartender laughing heartily.
"Gorgeous and tough. My kinda guy...hey." The other man pointed at Alex, nodding. "Hey, I know. The last time you were in here, you were with another guy. Tall as you. Fucking beautiful. Longer hair than yours...lighter. A mouth that wet dreams are made of..."
A smile twitched at Alex's lips, and he looked down into his drink.
"Right?"
"Right."
"Oh, God, don't tell me you two broke up. That'd be a fucking crime. You guys lit this place up."
Alex chuckled softly as he turned his back to the bar, having no intention of answering the question.
The bartender sighed and moved away to serve a customer at the end of bar, leaving Alex in peace. He nursed his drink, taking in his surroundings while he fended off at least three more advances. Checking his watch, he turned his attention to the dance floors and smiled. There were at least two dozen people on each level, thrashing in time to the music, but none of them possessed that feral quality that he and Fox did. No one drew the kind of attention that they had up there, writhing together on the third tier...
He checked his watch again.
Come on, baby, get here already.
Nearly twenty minutes later, a small crowd approached the bar. Four men hovered around one, smiling brilliantly, offering drinks, begging for dances, and Alex laughed to himself.
Stupid, horny shits.
Well, he was glad that they'd found someone else to latch onto.
One of the men stepped to his right, and Alex's jaw went slack.
There, with a beautifully serene and somewhat bored look on his face, stood Fox.
Alex sat frozen in his seat, eyes raking over skin-tight faded jeans, black silk shirt and leather jacket, and he felt his cock stiffen in appreciation. His first thought, of course, was to go over to the group and claim his man, but the mischief in Fox's tone when they spoke earlier had come back to him, and he sat clenching his jaw while the other men went about competing for Fox's attention.
He could only catch a few words here and there over the blaring music, but he watched closely as the others did everything from offering rides in Mercedes to flat out offering cash for one dance.
Vaguely amused, hazel eyes drifted from one man to another as they spoke, and finally Fox said something which Alex could neither hear nor read. He pushed away from the bar and glided by Alex within two feet at the most, followed closely by the other men.
Okay, this was definitely part of some game Fox had decided to play. Alex knew it for sure, now. There was no way in hell Fox had gotten that close to him and not realized he was there. They could zero in on each other in a room far more crowded than this one. Hell, they could smell each other at a distance greater than the one Fox had just previously stood at.
Alex kept a watchful eye from his place at the bar as Fox moved to the dance floor, picking the most visible spot on the third tier. As he began to move, the four men closed in around him, each trying for the best position. Finally, one man, a tall brunette, won the coveted spot behind Fox, and he moved in as close as he could, but everytime he got too close, Fox would inch forward, putting some distance between them.
If it weren't for the loud music, the sound of Alex's grinding teeth would be able to be heard as he watched the four men and most especially the fucker behind Fox do everything short of molest his lover. Even as his jaw clenched to the point of discomfort, his cock throbbed, watching his beautiful Fox work those men into a frenzy. He pushed away from the bar and moved closer in case things got out of hand. Not that Fox was incapable of handling himself, he certainly was, but Alex just felt better being closer...sort of.
Now within better range, he could see just how close these vultures were to Fox, and he felt his blood pressure rise another few notches. When the man in front of Fox inched forward, backing him up until he was tightly sandwiched between the two, Alex's reserve snapped.
The two men dancing on either side of Fox were the first to see the dark man with murder in his eyes approaching, and they backed off as soon as they realized it was them he was heading for. The other two were so wrapped up in the man between them, they didn't notice until the soft voice, gravel-rough and deadly serious, sounded just inches from them
"You gentlemen don't mind if I cut in, do you?"
Fox closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, letting the vibrations of his lover's voice course through him.
The man in front of Fox saw the look in Alex's eyes and reluctantly backed away, smart enough to know that this was more than just some guy wanting a dance. The man behind Fox on the other hand, was not so smart. He made the unfortunate mistake of grasping Fox's hips and holding him in place while he snorted at Alex.
"Sorry, handsome. He's mine. Now if you wanna get behind me..."
At the exact moment Fox had broken from the man's grasp, Alex had him by the throat, cutting off most of his air. "Wrong, asshole," he growled close to the man's flushed face. "He's mine. If you so much as look at him again, I'll snap you in two. Are we clear on that?"
The other man nodded then gasped for air as Alex shoved him away. He joined the others at a safe distance, watching as was most of the third level as Alex and Fox stood staring at each other. Turbulent green eyes clashed with amused hazel, and Alex took a long breath before speaking.
"Come here."
Fox held back, still staring into the other man's eyes.
Alex did not ask again but merely pointed to the spot on the floor in front of him.
Slowly, Fox stepped forward, looking at his lover through a curtain of lashes. When he stopped in the spot indicated, Alex wound an arm around his waist and jerked him forward. "Are you insane?" he rumbled against Fox's temple. "Are you trying to get someone killed?"
Fox wound his arms around Alex's shoulders and nuzzled the side of his neck. "I was just having a little fun. You know I knew you were there at the bar the whole time."
"Fun, huh? You call nearly giving me a stroke fun?"
Fox laughed softly, grinding his hips against the younger man's. "Tell me you weren't turned on. You're hard as a rock."
"That's beside the point. What if I hadn't stepped in? How far would you have let it go?"
"Come on, Alex, I knew where you were every second. And I knew exactly when you'd had enough. I let them get that close to me because I knew it'd only be a matter of seconds before you broke it up. By the way," he licked a path along the stubbled jaw. "You look damn fine." Letting one hand wander down over Alex's leather-clad ass, he bit lightly at the younger man's chin. "How come I've never seen these pants before?"
Alex's hand clamped around Fox's wrist, pulling his hand away. His fingers bit into the sensitive skin on the inside of the wrist, and he hissed softly to his aroused lover.
"You wanted to get me worked up? You wanted to turn me on...maybe get me a little angry?"
Fox heaved shallow, gasping breaths as his lover spoke. Never moving his eyes from Alex's, he gave no answer.
"Huh?" Alex emphasized the single word by releasing Fox's wrist and plunging his hand into the older man's hair, yanking his head back a bit.
Fox's tongue moved slowly over his dry lips...an action that served to further agitate the other man.
With a hard grunt, Alex pulled Fox's head forward, and their mouths met with violent force. Unable to remain still, Alex broke the kiss again and again, each time losing a bit more control as he reclaimed his lover's lips.
Fox clung to the younger man, the discomfort of Alex's brutal kisses hardening his cock to near intolerable levels. He whimpered frantically when Alex finally pulled his head away, holding them a few inches apart.
"What's the matter, baby?" he purred, brushing his lips against Fox's. "Need some more action? You want me to call your playmates back?"
Fox shook his head, running his hands over Alex's chest. "Want you. Just you." He leaned forward, licking at Alex's mouth. "Please..."
"Baby, I think if I fucked you right now, I'd seriously hurt you." Alex backed away, holding out his hand. "Let's go get a drink. I need to cool down a little."
Fox took the outstretched hand and followed Alex to the bar. When they reached their destination, Alex waved to the bartender, and while they waited, he pulled Fox against him, allowing the older man to lick and nibble his throat and jaw.
"Did it turn you on, Fox?" Alex asked, running his hand gently up and down his lover's back. "Hmm? Did you enjoy being pressed between those two men? Could you feel that guy's cock against your ass?"
"Yeah, I could feel it," Fox whispered against Alex's throat. "But what turned me on was knowing that you were turned on...and pissed."
"You enjoy driving me insane with jealousy?"
"I love it when you get possessive."
Alex's eyes darkened to a deeper shade of green. "Is that so?"
"Yeah."
The younger man nodded then leaned foward, pressing his lips to Fox's ear. "You let some guys crawl all over you again, and you'll see possessive."
Fox shuddered at his lover's words. Before he could respond, the bartender approached, smiling.
"Now that's more like it. I recognized your man here when he walked in, and then I remembered the two of you here together," he said to Fox. "I didn't want to believe that you weren't a couple anymore; you were so gorgeous together..."
Fox gave the bartender a tiny trace of a smile and wrapped himself around the man beside him, tucking his head under Alex's chin.
The bartender indulged himself for a few seconds, watching as the Green Eyed man tipped his lover's head up and laid a long, possessive kiss on his mouth. When the kiss was broken, he discreetly cleared his throat, gaining the attention of both men.
"Uh...drinks, fellas?"
Alex ordered for them both, then turned his full attention back to Fox.
"Have I told you how magnificent you look tonight?"
"No," Fox murmured into Alex's throat. "You were too busy fuming."
"I'm still fuming, but I'm not blind. And as stupid as they are, neither are those assholes you were dancing with. You might have walked in here looking like that for me, but when somebody like you walks into a place like this alone, half the place is bound to be all over him...like you didn't know."
Fox grinned and writhed against the younger man. "Yeah, I knew. But who am I with? Hmm?" He nipped at Alex's lower lip, tugging gently. "Who do I want to fuck me right here up against the bar?"
Alex studied the older man for all of five seconds before he spun him around, pressing against his back as he unzipped his own pants. He undid Fox's jeans, pulling them down just far enough to gain access to his ass, then withdrew his cock. Quickly, he pulled the lube out of his jacket pocket, slathered some on himself, then unceremoniously drove into the other man.
Fox's eyes snapped shut and his head fell back against Alex's shoulder as the younger man wrapped him in a tight embrace.
"How's that?" Alex whispered in Fox's ear, pressing deeper. "That what you want?"
Fox nodded, turning his head to whimper into Alex's neck.
"Yeah. Feels good, doesn't it?"
Another nod.
"Answer me."
"Yes."
"You think your dance partner's dick'd feel this good?"
"No."
"Damn right." Alex kissed the corner of the other man's mouth. "I'm not going to move, Fox. You're not going to move either, but I want you to make me come." He entwined the fingers of both hands with Fox's and crossed their arms over the older man's chest, holding him firmly. "Go ahead, baby," he breathed. "Make me happy."
Fox moaned softly at the dull ache in his own cock but put it aside for the moment and concentrated on obeying Alex. He repeatedly tightened and relaxed his muscles, gently milking his lover's cock while he kissed and licked the side of his neck. As Alex's respiration shallowed, Fox's teeth came into play, nipping at the moistened flesh just hard enough for him to notice.
Alex groaned softly, tightening his hold on Fox just a bit more. He was a mere eyeblink from orgasm...Fox's little performance with those men had driven him to it, and every minute after that had just brought him closer to this irreversible state he was now in. He nudged Fox away from his neck, burying his own face in the curve of his lover's shoulder as his body began an uncontrollable trembling.
Fox continued to work his muscles, increasing the strength and speed of his contractions as Alex moaned and bit into the padding of his shoulder to keep from crying out. On the last contraction, he held the tension and jerked his hips back and forth, the movements so minute, none but the most interested observer would notice, but for Alex, it was enough to send him over the edge. Fox's mouth dropped open and a long hiss escaped as Alex bit down harder, spasming several times as he emptied himself into his lover.
Alex slumped against Fox, breathing deeply for several seconds before withdrawing and reaching toward the bar. "Give me some napkins," he panted. Fox obeyed, plucking a handful of white napkins from the bar and handing them back. Alex wiped the stickiness from his cock then cleaned away the semen that was now running down Fox's thighs. He tucked himself back into his pants, then pulled up Fox's jeans and refastened them.
Fox emitted a tortured groan as the material dragged against his neglected cock, and turned in Alex arms as soon as the younger man had finished zipping him up. "Alex," he whined, butting the other man's shoulder with his head.
Alex kissed the top of his lover's head and wrapped his arms securely around him. "What?"
"C'mon, baby, you can't leave me like this."
"Why not?"
"'Cause you love me and you don't want me to suffer."
Alex laughed softly. "Yes, I do love you, but you're wrong about me not wanting you to suffer. You made me suffer, watching four men paw you..."
"They didn't paw me..."
"...and now you gotta pay."
"Jesus. Can't I pay later?"
"Nope. Punishment must be swift and deliberate."
Fox groaned, knowing that there was no talking Alex out of whatever he had in mind. And, if he was being honest with himself, he'd admit that he really didn't want to. Alex's special brand of punishment was something to look forward to...something to aim for, and his whole body vibrated with joyful anticipation of the night to come.
Alex paid the grinning bartender and handed Fox his drink. He took his own glass in one hand and Fox's hand in the other and walked away from the bar in search of someplace to sit. Finding a vacant loveseat, the two men sat, Alex in a careless sprawl, arm thrown over the back of the sofa, with Fox pressed to his side. As he sipped his drink and looked around, Fox contented himself with licking his jaw and ear.
"You haven't touched your drink, baby. Aren't you thirsty?"
"No," Fox whined, pulling at Alex's earlobe, "Just horny."
"Have your drink. It'll relax you."
"There's only one thing that's going to relax me."
"And that is?"
Fox crawled into his lover's lap, straddling his hips and rocking against him. "I need to come."
Alex smirked up at Fox and slouched against the cushions as his hands lightly rubbed up and down the older man's thighs. "You think?"
Fox nodded, running his fingers through Alex's hair. "Please," he whispered. "Any way you want. Just please let me come."
A bit of a smile twitched at the corner of Alex's mouth. "Any way I want, huh? Hmm. I gotta think about that for a little bit. In the meantime..." He pushed Fox off of his lap and got to his feet, pulling the other man after him. "...let's dance."
"He's not going to be here, Morris."
"How do you know?"
"Okay, I don't know. But, so what? So what if he is?"
"I don't want to see him."
"So, don't look at him. You really wanna give him the satisfaction of knowing that he upset you? You dated the guy for all of two weeks, for God's sake."
"Yeah," Morris brooded, "but I thought he really liked me."
"I'm sure he liked you. Problem was, he liked about five other guys at the same time."
Morris heaved a long sigh and looked around.
It wasn't quite ten o'clock yet, but the place was fairly full. Even if Warren was here, maybe they wouldn't see each other.
"Come on," Steve tugged at the other man's arm. "What're you gonna do, never go out again? Fuck 'im." He glanced around, seeking out prospects. "There's plenty other fish in the sea, my friend. Come on, let's get a drink."
The two men moved to the bar and ordered a couple of beers. They stood nursing their drinks, more interested in searching the crowd...Morris for the man who had dumped him, and Steve for someone to replace him. Steve pointed to a large blonde several feet to their left.
"Hey. Look at him."
Morris wrinkled his nose. "Looks like a cross between Conan and Fabio."
"And you think there's something wrong with that? I'd love a man big and strong enough to toss me over his shoulder, carry me off and ravage me..."
"Oh, please...look at him, Steve. I bet he hasn't got an ounce of brains under all that hair. And he hasn't taken his eyes off of his reflection in that mirror over there. Besides I bet he's got a two inch dick," he added under his breath.
"Bitch-ee."
Morris shot his friend a dirty look.
"Fine." Steve looked around, pointing out man after man, but Morris took no more than a passing interest in any of them. Finally, as he'd just about decided that he was wasting his time, a good-looking young man with dark hair and eyes approached and asked Morris to dance.
"No, I don't think so. Thank you, though."
"What? Nooo, no." Steve smiled at the man who was about to leave. "C-could you wait here for just one second?"
A bit confused, the young man nodded and waited while Steve dragged Morris out of earshot.
"Are you out of you fucking mind? He's adorable! And he's young. And...and he wants to dance with you!"
Morris shrugged. "I'm just not in the mood."
"Well, get in the mood." Steve smiled and waved at the young man and turned quickly back to his friend. "Hurry up before he loses patience."
Morris heaved a long sigh and glanced at the man standing rather awkwardly a few feet away. "He is cute."
"Damn right, he's cute. Now, go."
Morris rolled his eyes and preceded his smiling friend back to the young man. "I'd like to dance if you still want to," he said, giving the man his warmest smile.
Steve waved frantically as his friend disappeared into the crowd with his dance partner. Sighing contentedly, he brought his beer bottle to his lips and took a long swallow as he scanned the dance floors. A split second later, he practically spit the liquid out as he caught sight of a man dancing on the third tier, dressed in leather and silk. His eyes narrowed on the figure, and with each passing second he became more and more sure that the man was the same shattered wreck that he and Morris had visited several months before.
Squinting, he took a few steps forward, trying to get a better look at the man dancing with Alex, but the unidentified man was behind him, moulded to his back, face pressed into his neck.
Steve watched disbelieving as the man's hands wandered over Alex's body, caressing his chest, massaging his crotch, and as shocking as that was, the look of sheer pleasure on Alex's face made it ten times worse.
Steve sighed, disappointment weighing heavily on his heart. He'd met Fox and Alex only briefly, but their apparent devotion to each other had made a lasting impression on him. He couldn't believe that only months after Fox's death Alex would be here dancing with another man...letting himself be touched like that...
The music changed to something slower, and Alex turned around, he and the other man instantly wrapping themselves around each other.
Still unable to see the other man's face, Steve cursed to himself and went off in search of Morris. He found his companion on the first level, in a rather cozy clinch with the man who had asked him to dance. Silently hoping his friend would forgive him, he burst forth and tapped Morris on the shoulder.
"Hey." He looked into the young man's curious gaze. "Sorry, man. I gotta talk to Morris."
"Steve," Morris sang softly. "What the hell are you doing?"
"I'm sorry, buddy, I really am, but you gotta come with me."
Morris lifted his head from the other man's shoulder and glared at his friend. "Why?"
"You gotta see something."
"And I can't see it after this dance?"
"No. I'm really, really sorry, but...guess who's here?"
Morris' eyes grew wide. "Not..."
"No, not him....Alex."
"Alex? What Alex?"
"How many damn Alexes do you know?"
"Well...there's Alex Morgan, Alex Young..."
"For Christ's sake...snap out of it for second, would you? I mean Alex. You know, Alex and dead Fox, Alex."
"Oh! Really? He's here? Alone?"
"No. He's with somebody...probably the guy who answered the phone that day. C'mon, I want you to see them before they stop dancing."
Morris apologized to his new friend and promised him another dance before the evening was out, then followed Steve. When they reached a spot where they could see the third tier, Steve stopped and looked around.
"Damn! I don't see them now."
Morris scanned the area. "Nope. I don't see him anywhere. So what'd this other guy look like?"
"Don't know. I couldn't tell from the way he was coiled around Alex."
Morris studied his friend, noting the distaste in his tone. "You know, Steve, I'm as surprised as you, but there are some people who cannot be alone. They need to have someone. Maybe Alex is like that."
Steve shook his head, still looking around. "I just...it's so hard to believe. You were there. You saw him. He was completely unhinged. Judging from the condition we found him in, I'd have figured it'd be weeks before he was together enough to spell his own name."
"Maybe he isn't together," Morris reasoned. "You're right. He was really bad shape. Maybe...maybe he's worked himself into some state of denial."
"Maybe. That sure as hell sounds more logical than him being over what happened. But if that's true, then he needs help."
Morris could hear the wheels turning. "Don't you think that friend of theirs, what was her name...Dana...don't you think she'd try?"
"Yeah," Steve agreed, "but if she was having any success, do you think he'd be here?"
"I don't know. But, Steve...if Dana tried and failed, what makes you think we'd fare any better? 'Cause I just know that's where you're headed with this."
"I don't know that we will, but we gotta try. C'mon."
Morris grabbed Steve's arm and spun him around as he walked past. "Whoa. Just hang on there a minute, Doctor Steve. What the hell are we supposed to? Are we supposed to walk up to him, say, 'Hi, Alex, how the heck are ya. You remember us, Steve and Morris. We're the guys you've seen and talked to all of twice. Yeah, we're here now to tell you that we think you're fucked in the head. That's right, Alex, you're in denial about your lover's death, which is the only reason you're standing against a wall, with your boy-toy on his knees in front of you, sucking your dick. You're making the biggest mistake of your life, buddy. By the way, hello boy-toy. No offense, kid, but Alex is only letting you share his bed because he doesn't want to be alone...at least that's what we think..."
Steve stood with his arms folded over his chest, listening to Morris' diatribe. When the other man's voice faded away, he snorted and looked up. "Are you finished?"
"Maybe..."
"Look. I don't plan on saying anything of the sort. I just want to see him up close. I want to talk to him and see for myself what his state of mind is." Again, he began to walk away, and this time Morris followed, keeping his questions and comments to himself.
A fifteen minute search finally netted success. The men found Alex sitting in the shadows, sprawled over a sofa, and very much alone.
Steve stepped forward, giving Alex a kindly smile. "Hey, Alex."
The seated man smiled back. "Hey, Steve." He looked past Steve to the other man. "Morris. How've you been?"
"O-okay," Morris answered, looking around then bringing his gaze back to Alex. "How've you been?"
Another bright smile. "Great!" Alex motioned to the scattering of empty chairs. "You guys want to sit down for a while?"
"Sure." Steve pulled a chair up, and Morris followed suit. The two men sat stiffly, not knowing exactly what to say, but Alex spoke first.
"How long have you been here?"
"I don't know," Steve answered, "less than an hour, I'd say. You?"
Alex shrugged. "A little longer than that. An hour and a half. Maybe two."
Steve nodded then went silent for a moment before speaking. "S-so, I uh...I saw you a little earlier. You were uh...you were dancing."
Alex nodded, just realizing that these poor saps had no clue. His Fox voice told him to speak up. For whatever reason, they obviously didn't see who he was dancing with, and he should clear things up, but his Alex voice spoke louder, telling him to have a little fun with them. Fox would be back shortly, and then they'd know the truth...
"Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was dancing a little while ago."
The other two men waited, hoping Alex would elaborate, but he simply fell silent, fixing an easy stare on them. Steve cursed under his breath and bit the bullet.
"The uh...the guy you were dancing with. Was that someone you met here tonight?"
"No."
Shit, he was not making this easy.
"Oh. S-so you know each other."
"Yeah." Alex continued in his most nonchalant tone. "We live together."
As if on cue, both men lowered their eyes.
"I guess you guys think that's a little strange. But you'll understand when you see him..."
Steve and Morris looked up, not knowing what to say.
Alex suppressed a grin and went on. "He just went down to get us a couple of beers. He should be back, soon." He leaned forward, grinning. "He's gorgeous. Tall...thick, brown hair with these red and gold highlights when he's standing in certain light...beautiful, expressive eyes that change color with his mood...and a mouth like..." Alex closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. "God, what a mouth."
The other two stared at each other, dumbfounded. Finally it was Morris who spoke up.
"Alex...do you realize who you just described?"
Alex gave them an innocently curious stare.
"Fox, Alex," Steve said softly. "That's his description. Does this man look like him?"
Alex shrugged. "Well..." He looked past the men, grinning as a fourth approached.
Morris followed his gaze and almost jumped into Steve's lap. "Shit. Oh, shit!"
Steve gaped, unable to speak a word as the other man placed the bottles on the table in front of the sofa and dropped down beside Alex.
"Hi, guys. It's been a long time."
Alex drew Fox back against his chest and dropped a kiss into his hair. He grinned at the other two men, who were nearly white with shock. "Breathe, guys," he murmured, enjoying the hell out of the moment.
"You're...y-you're..." Steve gasped, trying to put his thoughts into actual words.
"You're dead," Morris blurted out, saving his friend the trouble. "We went to your funeral!"
"Yyyeah, uh...that was kind of a mistake."
"A mistake?" Steve nearly screamed, finding his voice. "That's one motherfuckin' big ass mistake!" He pointed to Alex. "He was beside himself!"
"It's a really long story," Alex explained, kissing Fox again as his lover nuzzled his throat.
"I got all night," Steve said, leaning back in his chair. "How 'bout you, Morris?"
Finally steady enough to walk, the other man returned to his seat. "I got no place to be."
Over half and hour and two drinks later, Fox and Alex finished their story, and the others sat awestruck.
"You gotta be shitting me," Steve finally said after a long silence. "I mean, that's the shit movies are made out of."
"Yeah," Alex sighed, petting his lover's head, "our life is pretty much one big, long movie."
"Damn. You know..." Morris shook his head, unable to rid his mind of the images now implanted in them, "I'm sorry, I...I've...we've been in a state of shock since you showed up. Fox, we're so damn glad you're not dead."
"Oh, yeah," Steve added. "You'll never know how glad."
Alex broke into laughter. "You guys thought I'd gone off the deep end, didn't you?"
Morris grinned sheepishly. "Well, the thought had crossed our minds. Can you blame us?"
Fox looked curiously from Alex to the other men. "What're you talking about?"
"Our friends here thought that I was out with someone else. Steve saw us dancing...well, he saw me. He couldn't see who I was with. As far as they knew, you were dead, so naturally, he assumed that it was just some guy."
Fox tipped his head back, looking up at the other man. "And you let them believe it."
Alex shrugged. "I was just having a little fun." He stretched over to plant an upsidedown kiss on Fox's lips. "You were coming right back. It wasn't like they were going to go home thinking I'd lost my mind."
"God, I'm so relieved," Steve breathed. "I just couldn't imagine...I didn't want to believe..."
"That I could get over him that quickly," Alex finished, gaining a nod from the other man. He tightened his arms around Fox, laying his cheek on the older man's head and closing his eyes. "I'd never have gotten over him. Ever."
Fox raised one arm, winding it around Alex's neck, and turned his face up for a long, tender kiss.
Steve and Morris looked on, smiling uncontrollably until a thought occured to Morris. He hit his friend in the arm and pointed to Fox.
"It was him."
"Huh? Oh! Oh, yeah!"
Alex broke the kiss and looked over at the other two. "What was who?"
"Him," Steve answered. "I called your apartment one day to see how you were doing, and someone answered the phone. I told Morris that it sounded like Fox, but since we knew he was dead..."
"You?" Alex grinned. "Do you know the trouble you got me into?"
Morris smacked his friend again. "See? I told you! You should have identified yourself."
"What good would it have done, though?" Steve argued. "He wouldn't have known me..."
"It's okay, it's okay," Alex laughed. "You did us a favor. It pissed him off so much, while he was screaming at me, he admitted that he'd fallen in love with me."
"You mean, like...all over again?" Steve whimpered, his faith in magic fully restored.
"Yeah," Alex looked down at Fox, speaking so softly, Steve and Morris could only read the word as it left his lips. He moved in for another kiss, letting his mouth whisper over Fox's before taking it completely.
The other two watched, entranced as Fox turned in his lover's arms, deepening the kiss and writhing against him.
Alex pulled Fox closer, letting his hand sweep up and down over his back, then cupped his ass and squeezed gently. Fox moaned into his mouth, as easily as that, forgetting about the two who sat a few feet away.
After thoroughly arousing the older man, Alex pulled away and smiled down into half-closed eyes. "I got it."
"Got what?" Fox asked, stretching up for another kiss.
Alex avoided the tempting mouth. "Any way I want."
Fox's brow wrinkled. "Any.."
"Remember? Or has the moment passed?" Alex's hand slid over his lover's hip and down to his denim-covered cock, sighing at the solid bulge he found. "I guess it hasn't."
Fox's eyelashes fluttered and closed as Alex stroked him gently. "Tell me," he whispered, arching into the younger man's touch.
Alex grasped Fox's wrist and planted a soft kiss in the palm of his hand before guiding it down to his crotch.
Fox forced his eyes to open and looked up into a smoky, green gaze. Still staring up at Alex, his hand began to move in circles over his own erection. It hardened further under his touch, now pressing insistently against his zipper. His eyes began to close again, but a gentle hand on his cheek stopped them.
"Look at me."
Satisfied that Fox would obey him, Alex moved his hand away and glanced over at the two men who sat hypnotized. "Fox was very bad ealier this evening," he explained softly, letting his eyes fall back to his lover's face. "Weren't you, baby?"
Fox nodded, never taking his eyes from Alex's face.
"He decided it might be fun to tease me. Now, I enjoy being teased as much as the next guy, but when your lover..." He inclined his head, briefly rubbing his nose against Fox's. "...your sweet baby knows that you've got a jealous streak a mile long, and he decides to dance with four guys while ignoring you completely, well..."
Morris tore his eyes from Fox, momentarily meeting Steve's gaze. "Four guys?"
"Oh, yeah, you guys missed it," Alex purred. "Four mongrels in heat, sniffing around my Fox. They would've torn each other apart to get to him. I let him have his fun for a while, then I finally had to break it up." He turned his attention back to the man in his arms. "So, baby...what d'you say? You enjoyed putting on that little show for me earlier, how about another one?"
Fox stared up at him, waiting.
"Unzip your pants."
Fox undid the button at the waistband of his jeans, then drew the zipper down. His cock rose as high as it could, still partially restrained by the tight material near the base. Alex helped him pull his jeans down a few inches then withdrew his hand.
"Entertain us, baby."
An audible whimper floated from across the way as Fox brushed his fingertips over the length of his cock. "Goddamn," Steve groaned. "All the shit they've been through and they're still the fucking hottest couple I've ever met."
Fox blinked slowly, his gaze still on Alex. His lips parted on soft, stuttering breaths as he tenderly caressed himself. A bead of fluid appeared, shimmering at the tip of his cock, and Alex touched his finger to it, lifting the moisture away. He brought his finger up to his own mouth, taking the opaque liquid with his tongue and immediately lowering his head to share it with Fox.
"Jesus, why couldn't I have one like them?" Morris whined, clasping his hand to his forehead.
"Are you kidding?" Steve murmured, never taking his eyes off the two men. "You wouldn't survive past the first two days. Now, shut up, I can't hear."
Alex shushed Fox's whimpers of protest as he broke the kiss and sat back. He shifted the older man so that he was lying across his lap, then, cradling Fox in his arms, he motioned for him to resume. He caressed the stubbled cheek while still holding the smoky, amber gaze. "Feel good, baby?"
Fox nodded as he closed his fingers around his cock and began to pump it slowly.
"You're ready to come right now, aren't you?"
"Yes," Fox sobbed softly, his back involuntarily arching at the thought of letting go.
"I know you are," the younger man cooed, petting the golden-brown head. "Maybe if you asked me nicely, I'd consider it."
Fox gasped, rubbing his head against Alex's shoulder. "Please, Alex. I need to come. Please, let me."
"That was nice," Alex said, smiling. "But I didn't quite feel it."
Steve and Morris groaned along with Fox, feeling the other man's agony.
"God, Alex, I'm begging you. Please. I'll do anything." Fox slipped his free hand between them, rubbing it over the bulge in Alex's pants.
"You'll do anything for me, anyway." He removed Fox's hand from his crotch. "Hold onto that thought, okay? Right now, just concentrate on you. But remember, I want your eyes on me." Alex kissed the tip of Fox's nose. "Okay, baby...a little faster..."
Fox shuddered, increasing the speed of his hand. His tongue crept out, sliding over dry lips as he fought to keep his eyes open.
"That's good, baby...God, isn't he beautiful?" Alex asked the other men, his eyes still locked on his lover's. "Slow it down a little, Fox."
The older man whimpered his refusal as he tightened his hand around his cock and jerked it harder. Alex's hand immediately clamped around his wrist, stopping him.
"Slow down," he said softly, "or I promise, you won't come at all tonight."
Morris gasped at the threat. "You wouldn't do that to him..."
Alex sent the man a trace of a smirk. "Would I do that to you, baby?"
Quivering at the thought, Fox nodded.
"Is that what you want?"
"No."
"Are you going to do what I tell you?"
"Yes."
"Good. Now. Nice and easy."
"Jesus Christ, Alex," Steve panted, watching Fox's jaw clench as he did as he was told. "I'm dyin' for him."
"He loves it," Alex reassured the other man. "As much as I love it when he does it to me. Trust me, he'll pay me back in spades tomorrow. Won't you, sweetheart?"
"Till you cry," Fox growled softly through gritted teeth.
"Mmmm." Alex brushed his open mouth over Fox's. "Promise me."
"Bet on it."
Alex reached into his jacket pocket, withdrawing the extra napkins he took from the bar, and held them under the head of his lover's cock. "Okay, baby. Do it."
Fox's head fell to the side as he began to frantically pump his cock, but Alex's hand in his hair jerked it back.
"I want to see your eyes when you come," Alex hissed, prompting a desperate whimper from Fox as he struggled to oblige his lover. "That's right, baby...harder...oh, that's good, isn't it? Come on, Fox," he whispered against the sobbing man's cheek. "Don't forget your audience. Make it good..."
Fox's mouth fell open and a gurgling moan slipped out as his hand flew over his cock, jerking it harder and faster until he came, bucking and crying out his lover's name.
Alex caught each burst of semen in the napkins, folding them up and stuffing them into his glass when Fox was done. He kissed the older man tenderly as he tucked him back into his jeans and drew the zipper up.
Fox moaned softly and curled up in Alex's arms, luxuriating in the warmth of his caresses.
"God, I'm totally wrecked," Steve groaned, looking over to his friend who sat with his head in his hands. "Morris, you okay?"
The other man lifted his head. "I...I gotta do one of two things. I gotta find a snow bank to dive into, or I gotta find that guy I was dancing with and fuck him senseless."
Alex's laugh reached their ears. "I suggest your second choice."
"Yeah." Morris rose to his feet, wincing at the stiffness at the front of his pants. "God, I hope he's still here."
Steve heaved himself out of his own chair. "Does he have any friends?"
"I'll ask him."
Both men turned back to the two wound around each other on the sofa. Steve gave them a pained smile.
"I've never known torture like this," he mumbled, shaking his head, "but, God, I love it. I'm so glad you're all right, Fox."
"Yeah," Morris added. "Me too."
Fox lifted his head from Alex's shoulder and gave their friends a weary smile. "Thanks."
"We'll see you again soon," Alex added, noisily kissing Fox's forehead. "I think we'll be frequenting this place."
"Oh, yeah?" Fox murmured into the younger man's chest. "What if I don't want to?" He flinched and grunted as Alex delivered a hard slap to his ass. A smile immediately followed, and a long moan.
"Damn slut," Alex whispered in his lover's ear then smirked up at the other two men. "We'll see you soon."
"God, I don't know if I can survive it, but I'll have a hell of a time trying." Steve motioned to his companion. "C'mon, let's see if we can find your friend before he leaves or gets snapped up."
"See ya, guys. Thanks for another uh...interesting evening, and for scaring the shit out of us," Morris called as he and Steve began to walk away. Alex's laughter followed them as they disappeared into the crowd.
"That was rotten, letting them think I was dead," Fox said, stringing a line of kisses up Alex's neck. "Did you see the looks on their faces when they saw me?"
"Yeah," Alex snickered softly. "Wish I had a camera."
"Sadistic bastard," Fox purred into his lover's ear with all the admiration he possessed. "Let's go home."
"Tired?"
"No."
Alex moaned at the scrape of teeth along the underside of his jaw. "Then, why do you want to go home?"
"Because," Fox responded, moving to Alex's mouth and brushing their lips together, "this place is great for satisfying our kinks, but we can't make love here. I need to be home in our bed." He kissed the younger man, letting his tongue push too briefly into Alex's mouth. "I need to feel your skin all hot and slick, sliding against mine..."
A long, low hiss trembled over Fox's mouth just before Alex took it in a hard kiss. Breaking away, Alex pulled them both to their feet. "Since you put it that way, I guess we should go home."
Hand in hand, the two men made their way through the crowd, Fox almost slamming into Alex when the younger man came to an abrupt halt. He followed Alex's gaze and found, sitting at a table in front of them, the man who had earlier tried to claim Fox. Alex gave the man an icy smile. Fingers still intertwined with Fox's, he brought the older man's arm up over his shoulder, letting Fox wrap the arm around his neck. Fox's other arm wound around his waist, and he laid his cheek on Alex's shoulder, giving the seated man a sweet smile.
"Look, baby, your friend is still here."
The other man looked up at the two then averted his gaze.
"What's wrong?" Alex purred, acid filling his soft tone. "You couldn't keep your eyes...or your hands off of him earlier."
No answer.
"We're leaving, now." Alex reached back, petting his lover's head, smiling as Fox nuzzled the side of his neck. "Fox wants to go home and make love. Don't you, baby?"
Fox licked a path from the base of Alex's neck up to the line of his jaw. "Yes, I do." He ground his cock against Alex's ass. "I need you, baby. Please, let's go home, now."
"Damn, sweetheart, hard again already?" Alex grinned down at the man who was blushing furiously in the presence of his curious companions. "God, he's insatiable," he hissed in a conspiratorial tone. "Well, let me get him home before he gets too worked up. I'd hate to have to fuck him right here on your table." Alex moved Fox to his side, winding an arm around his waist. "Say goodbye, love."
Fox wriggled out of his lover's grasp and leaned on the table, stopping only inches from the other man's face. "Bye. Thanks for the dance." As he straighted up, the man's gaze flicked from him to Alex, then quickly skittered away.
"Don't worry, I'm not mad at you anymore," Alex explained. "After I fucked him against the bar, I was able to think a little more clearly. I know you couldn't help yourself. He's got that effect on people."
"Well, maybe you oughta keep a leash on him," the man snapped, trying to regain a little a dignity in the presence of his companions.
Instead of becoming angry, Alex raised his eyebrows and flashed Fox an interested grin. "Hmm. You know, he may have a point. How 'bout it, baby?" Alex stroked Fox's hair, drawing a soft purr from him. "Would you wear a collar and leash for me? I'll buy you a real pretty one." His hand wandered down to the older man's ass, rubbing gently. "There's an S&M club just down the street that sells all kinds of toys. We could stop and see what they've got."
Fox let out a deep, sighing breath and dragged his tongue over Alex's mouth. "I'll wear anything for you, baby."
Alex growled into his lover's open mouth as their tongues slid around each other. "God, it's going to be a long night." He winked at the man and his fascinated friends. "Night, boys." Arm draped low on Fox's hip, Alex steered him away from the table and out the door.
"Goddamn, they're hot," one of the men at the table finally breathed. He turned to his flustered companion. "So, what was that all about?"
"Nothing," the other man muttered, looking sullenly into his drink.
"C'mon, Larry," another spoke up. "We heard him thank you for the dance. You danced with him?"
The fourth at the table began to snicker and then broke into a full laugh. "Yeah, he did. I had just come in and saw them. Larry here thought he was gonna get lucky; I could see hope all over his face. By the time I reached them, the dark one was there too, claiming his property. Larry gave him some shit and was promptly put in his place."
Larry glared at his friend. "Thanks for telling the world, asshole."
"Aww, lighten up, Lar. It was funny!"
"Oh, yeah, sure it was funny. Because it didn't happen to you." He slumped in his seat. "I'm never gonna try to pick anybody up again. Every time I do, it gets fucked up somehow."
One of the other men patted him on the back. "Poor bastard. You must be horny as hell, too, having danced with that."
"I'll live."
"You sure?" The man winked at the others. "Cause I just happen to know where you can find a horny, unattached, easy guy right here in the club."
Larry's mouth twitched. "You're full of shit. If he's so easy, why haven't you picked him up yourself? He's a dog, right?"
"Nope. Good looking. Not gorgeous like the two who were just here, but nice. He just came in about half an hour ago."
"So, answer the question. Why don't you want him?"
"I'm being a friend! You're in rough shape. You need some action, and I'm helping you out, that's all."
"Where is he?"
"He usually hangs out on the second level. He's wearing chocolate brown pants and a taupe shirt. About five-ten...light brown hair and dark brown eyes. Name's Warren."
"You're not shitting me?"
"Nope."
Larry sat drumming his fingers on the table for a while, then got up. "If you're fucking with me, I'm gonna kill you." He got up and stalked off, leaving the other man snickering softly.
"What'd you do to him, Andy? There is no Warren, is there?"
The man looked to the one seated to his left. "Oh, there's a Warren. And he is easy. He's also a cheating dog. Dumped this guy named Morris a couple of weeks ago, who also happens to be here..."
"Larry!"
"Don't worry, Morris won't kill him like that other guy would have done, but it won't be pretty."
"You troublemaking prick. Poor Larry." The other man broke into a wide grin. "Let's go see if we can get a ringside seat for the fireworks..."
Fox opened his bag of gifts, peeking inside and grinning. "I can't believe you bought this stuff."
Alex hung his jacket up, grinning at Fox. "I didn't exactly hear any words of protest."
Fox sat down on the sofa, pulling out the ball gag and inspecting it curiously. "Would it have done me any good?" He dropped the item into the bag and removed the leather thong. "What the hell do you think is going fit into this tiny pouch?"
Alex sat down beside the older man, his hand sliding across the seat to the impressive bulge in Fox's jeans. "Not a whole hell of a lot," he rumbled, petting his lover's cock through the denim. "Can't wait to see you in it."
Fox shook his head, pulling out a black leather, spiked collar. "You know, these things are actually sharp, Alex."
"Mmm hmm. They'll keep the other dogs away."
"God..."
"We can reserve that one for the S&M club."
"You really think you're going to get me there, huh?"
"Oh, hell yeah."
Fox cocked one eyebrow and withdrew the other two collars. "I hope you know that at least one of these is for you. The silver one, I think. I like you in silver."
"That's fine, cause I like you in gold. It goes nice with your hair and eyes." He sent the other man a wicked smirk. "Will you wear it for me tomorrow?"
"You want to go out again?"
"No. I'd just like to test it out at home, first."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah. I got plans for you, mister." Alex smiled, feeling his lover's cock jump beneath his hand. "Anxious?"
"No."
"Liar." He squeezed the bulge. "I can always depend on your cock, though, to tell me the truth. It loves me."
"I love you," Fox complained. "I let you buy me all this stuff, didn't I?" He asked, holding up the complicated network of leather and chains. "What is this thing for, again?"
Alex laughed softly and kissed his lover's cheek. "Tomorrow." He took the restraints from Fox and dropped them back into the bag. "Right now, I want to go to bed."
The corner of Fox's mouth twitched as Alex drew him to his feet. "Tired?"
"No," the younger man answered, undoing the buttons of Fox's shirt. "But I expect I will be when we're finished." He pushed the shirt away from Fox's shoulders, running his palms slowly over the smooth muscles. Their eyes met and held as Alex stepped closer, letting his hands slide around to his lover's back. "I could touch you forever," he whispered, letting his warm breath flow over Fox's lips.
Fox closed his eyes, gently brushing his lips back and forth across Alex's. "You won't get any argument from me."
Alex smiled as he moved in for a long, deep kiss, stealing his lover's breath and turning his bones to hot liquid. Fox clutched at his shirt, loving the feel of silk beneath his fingers, but wanting skin even more. Alex pulled away from the other man's mouth, coming in for another brief kiss before removing the shirt completely.
Fox reciprocated, first unbuttoning then pulling Alex's shirt away, leaving them both naked from the waist up. His hands traveled down to the softness of the leather pants, skimming over Alex's hips then around to his ass.
"Were you really upset with me, tonight?"
"Upset? No. I knew what you were up to. Can't say I wasn't seething with jealously, though. I also can't tell you that seeing you in the middle of four men wasn't an incredible turn-on. Not that another man will ever fuck you, but knowing that you've got the power to drive them crazy like that, and that power is all mine...what can I say? It makes me hotter than hell. Turned you on, didn't it?"
"It wasn't them touching me that did it for me," Fox whispered, stroking Alex's ass. "It was that you were watching. I could feel the heat in you. Turning you on, turns me on."
Alex moaned, slipping his hands between them and undoing Fox's jeans. "So, you'll trust me to take you to the leather club one day?"
"Yes."
The younger man drew the zipper down slowly. "You'll wear the things I bought for you?"
"Yes."
One hand slid inside, caressing the older man's cock, winning a soft gasp. "You'll let me have complete control?"
"Yes." Fox thrust against Alex's hand as he spoke the word.
Alex groaned and covered Fox's mouth with his own. He broke the kiss long seconds later, but maintained contact. "Fox," he breathed into his lover's mouth.
"Hmm."
"Let me make love to you."
Fox nodded and let Alex lead him into the bedroom where the younger man finished undressing him and lay him down on their bed.
Fox stared up at Alex, unable to stop writhing as the other man slowly stripped off the rest of his own clothing, then straddled Fox on his hands and knees. His eyes fluttered closed as Alex moved in, planting a tender kiss on each fringe of eyelashes, the tip of his nose, then finally settled again on his mouth, depositing several short, gentle kisses on the pouting flesh. His hips rose and fell seductively, unconsciously seeking the hardness that remained poised just inches above him.
Alex felt the movement and shook his head. "No," he whispered. "Not yet, baby. Not even close."
Fox whimpered softly as his lover moved a bit lower, licking the underside of his jaw, then his throat. The younger man moved to his shoulder, thoroughly bathing every inch of skin there, then methodically worked his way down the length of Fox's arm. Fox lay docilely, weakened by the strength of his desire. His eyes rolled up into his head, and his lids dropped over them as a long gasp sounded. His lips moved in a feeble attempt to form a word, but no intelligible sound would come out.
Intoxicated by Fox's taste, Alex continued to draw his tongue over his lover's skin, slowly working his way down to the very tips of his fingers. Fox's hand twitched as Alex tickled the sensitive skin of his palm, but aside from his fluttering eyelashes and the shallow rise and fall of his chest, it was the only other sign of life he displayed.
Alex licked his way back up Fox's arm, over his shoulder, across base of his throat, and repeated the process on the other side. When he made it back to Fox's throat for the second time, he slid a little lower, bathing every inch of his chest, paying special attention to the erect nipples. Tenderly, his tongue whispered across each one, prompting a long gasp from the older man. Insuring that each nipple was sufficiently moistened, Alex blew on them, smiling as Fox shuddered. He moved on, dragging his tongue over his lover's quivering abdomen, pausing to tease his navel.
Fox's head rolled to one side, and a deep frown creased his brow. As hard as he tried, he could not get his brain to work. Couldn't pull himself far enough out of the fog he was immersed in to speak. He wanted to say something...to tell Alex how much he loved him...how incredibly good this felt, but he couldn't. Dammit, he couldn't make anything work.
Alex had made it down to one of Fox's legs, somehow managing to completely avoid his aching cock and balls. He bathed Fox's right thigh, stopping to put his brand high on the inside, then moved along, covering the rest of the leg, and pausing once more to tease the ticklish sole of Fox's foot. He treated the left leg similarly, only he did not mark the inside of that thigh. When he finished, he sat up beside the older man and dropped a soft kiss on his mouth.
"Turn over, baby."
Fox moaned softly, trying to repsond, but Alex's attentions truly had sapped his strength. The younger man smiled and helped him roll onto his belly, making sure he was comfortable before touching his tongue to the back of his neck. A muffled moan drifted up from the pillow as he delicately licked the sensitive patch of skin which contracted and errupted into dozens of goosebumps.
Alex licked each tiny bump before beginning a lazy exploration of Fox's back. His tongue flowed over the broad expanse of constricting muscles, dipping into the shallow valleys in between, then traveled south to the tapered waist.
Fox twitched almost unnoticeably as Alex nipped at the light scattering of golden hairs at the small of his back then soothed the tiny stings with his tongue. Slowly, he felt the moist warmth move on, climbing the taut muscles of his ass then descend, working its way to his thigh.
Taking all his sweet time, Alex paid homage to the back of each leg, licking and occasionally nipping at a particularly sensitve area, then recommitted himself to proper worship of his lover's ass.
Letting his fingers dance over the rounded surface, he followed their path with his tongue, the velvety texture of Fox's skin sending tingles of extreme pleasure through him. Unable to help himself, he fastened his lips over an small area of flesh and sucked it into his mouth, leaving a second mark as Fox's hips bucked weakly beneath him. He listened to the soft, frustrated whimpers and gently shushed the older man.
"Let me love you, baby," he whispered against the smooth skin as his fingers gently slipped into the crevice then parted the clenching cheeks. "Just wanna love you..."
Fox pressed his face into the pillow, letting the thick padding asborb his sobs as his lover's tongue flickered across the small, tight perforation. He clawed ineffectually at the sheets as Alex circled the opening, then slowly and gently worked his way inside. Sight and sound disappeared, turning Fox's world into a silent, reddish-black haze where he could neither speak nor move. All he could do was lie there in his paralyzed state and feel.
Liquid heat spiraled through his body, stretching out to the very tips of each nerve and beyond, lending an incandescent glow to the haze which he had become part of. The gentle presence inside him quivered and probed, each tiny movement sending another shower of sensation whirling through him. Trapped between his body and the mattress, his cock screamed for release, and he unconsciously obeyed the demand, thrusting erratically into the sheets.
Lost in his own world of sensual bliss, the sudden flurry of movement jarred Alex and alerted him to Fox's precarious condition. Reluctantly, he withdrew and turned his protesting lover onto his side.
"Shhhh." Alex slid up behind Fox, wrapping an arm around his chest. He laid a trail of tender kisses up the side of the older man's neck to his ear, then whispered into it, "Let Alex take care of you." He rolled Fox onto his back then reached into the nightstand drawer for the lube. Quickly unscrewing the cap, he squeezed a generous amount onto Fox's thigh. The sudden chill made Fox twitch, and Alex smiled, replacing the tube in the drawer. He scooped most of the lube from his lover's thigh and applied it to his cock, gritting his teeth to prevent a moan of pleasure from escaping.
"Alex," Fox breathed in a barely audible voice. "Can't..."
Alex spread Fox's legs, kneeling between them, and leaned in on his hands. He let his lips brush back and forth across the older man's before speaking.
"Yes, you can."
"No...n-no. Please..."
"Just a few more minutes, baby, I promise. Promise..." Alex delivered a long, deep kiss then stretched out over his lover's body. He lifted Fox's legs, coaxing him to wrap them around his waist, and he pushed home in one long, gentle glide.
Fox took one deep, gasping breath and forgot to release it as Alex paused, quivering with the intensity of sensation. Finally, Alex began to move, withdrawing as slowly as he had entered, pulling out almost to the tip, then sliding forward again, the motion reminding Fox to exhale. He wrapped his arms around Alex's neck and found his lover's mouth, open and willing. His tongue slithered into the inviting warmth, joining with its mate and drawing a soft moan from each man.
Alex completed three more lazy thrusts then tucked his hands under Fox's hips, carrying the other man with him as he reared back. Fox's legs fell to the bed, and he was now in a sitting position, resing on top of Alex's thighs as the younger man sat back on his calves. Alex tilted his hips, moving in a slow, rhythmic manner, and Fox followed suit, moving in counterpoint as they kissed and caressed each other gently.
Fox looked down into the bottomless depths of his lover's eyes, seeing everything he was, everything he felt, right there...laid bare for no one but him. He threaded the fingers of one hand through Alex's hair, still holding the exquisite, green gaze with his own. "Love you," he croaked while struggling to maintain his composure. "S-so much..."
Alex's eyes dropped shut and his head tipped back for a few seconds, then he again looked up at Fox, his eyes sparkling in the warmth of his lover's stare. He swiped the rest of the lube from Fox's thigh and wrapped his hand around the older man's cock, applying a thin, slick coating as he tenderly stroked the rigid shaft. "I love you, baby," he whispered shakily, taking Fox's mouth in a bone-melting kiss.
They continued to move together, refusing to break the kiss until lack of oxygen and the undeniable approach of orgasm forced them apart. Fox hugged Alex to him, resting his cheek on the younger man's head as Alex leaned into his chest, his movements becoming more and more insistent.
A warm tingle began at the base of Fox's spine and spread quickly, enveloping him in a trembling heat. A loud, guttural cry broke past his lips as he exploded, pumping streams of semen over his lover's hand. His convulsing muscles milked Alex's cock, shredding what remained of the younger man's control. Clinging desperately to Fox, he erupted, feeling his body shatter into thousands of pieces. His wails vibrated against his lover's chest, eventually fading to soft, contented moans, and the two slumped against each other, exhausted.
Eventually, they shifted, Alex moving forward and settling Fox back against the pillows. He draped himself over the older man, finding himself immediately wrapped in a loving embrace.
Several minutes went by before a finger began poking lightly at Alex's back. When he issued no response, the poking became more insistent and a soft voice sounded, pulling him back from the edges of sleep.
"Alex...hey..."
"Hmm."
"I'm hungry."
Alex lifted his head and cast a bleary-eyed stare on his lover. "You know what time it is?"
"Yeah."
"And you're thinking about food?"
"I didn't eat supper. When I got home, I changed and went right out to the club. Now, I'm hungry."
Alex lowered his head to Fox's shoulder and yawned. "Go to sleep and you'll forget all about it."
Fox went silent, staring up into the darkness. Less than five minutes passed before pushed Alex off of his chest. "I gotta get something to eat."
Alex dropped to the mattress beside Fox, gathering a pillow to his head and groaning. The older man slid out of bed and turned to face him.
"You want something?"
"No."
He smirked at the muffled answer. "You sure?"
"Yes."
Fox shrugged and padded naked out to the kitchen. Fixing himself a ham and cheese sandwich, he poured a glass of milk and came back to the bedroom.
Alex was now lying on his side, eyes closed. As Fox dropped onto the mattress, they opened. His eyes followed the sandwich as it rose to his lover's mouth then came to rest on the paper towel draped over his thigh. Suddenly, he was hungry.
Fox jumped not realizing that Alex was awake until his hand reached out and snatched the sandwich from its resting place.
"I thought you said you weren't hungry?" he asked, watching the younger man bite into his sandwich.
"I wasn't. But it looked good." Alex smiled up at Fox who responded with only a glare. His gaze fell away, and he held the sandwich up, offering it back to its original owner.
Fox heaved a loud sigh and got out of bed. Moving to the door, he stopped and looked back, finding Alex now propped up against the pillows, happily munching on his stolen snack. Muttering to himself, he trudged off to the kitchen and made himself another sandwich. Returning minutes later, he stopped two feet before the bed, staring. A pair of sparkling green eyes blinked at him from over the rim of what had been his glass of milk. Alex lowered the glass a few inches and gave Fox an irresistible grin.
"That ham was salty...I got thirsty."
"Of course." Fox placed his sandwich down on the nightstand and once again turned to the door. Halfway to his destination he stopped, backed up, gave Alex another scowl, and snatched the sandwich up, taking it with him.
Alex drained the glass, chuckling softly, then another craving hit him.
"Hey!"
"What?"
"We got any ice cream?" he called, loud enough to be heard two rooms away.
"No!"
"You didn't even look," he complained.
"Yes I did, there isn't any."
"I think you're lying."
"I am not, there's none!"
Alex folded his arms across his chest and sank down into the pillows, too lazy to get up and look for himself. Minutes later, a smile curved his lips as Fox came back into the room, balancing his sandwich, a new glass of milk, and a bowl of chocolate ice cream. He set the glass down on the nightstand and slid onto the bed, dropping the bowl into Alex's lap.
"Here's your damn ice cream."
"Thought you said there wasn't any?"
"There wasn't. I drove naked to the store and bought you some. You owe me."
Alex giggled and held the spoon to Fox's mouth. "Here, you can have some."
Fox turned his head away from the offering. "Oh, no," he said around a mouthful of ham and cheese. "Don't think that's gonna get it. You owe me a lot bigger than that."
"Okay," Alex rumbled, resting his head against Fox's shoulder as he ate his ice cream. "You tell me what I owe you, and I'll pay up."
"I'll think of something tomorrow," Fox sighed, lifting his glass to his lips.
"Sleepy, now?"
"Mmm hmm." Fox turned his head, smiling into his lover's contented face. "That was amazing, by the way," he said, referring to the hour they'd just spent making love. "You're such a hedonist."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
"Please do." Fox leaned in, searching for his lover's mouth. He gently kissed the cold lips, licking the taste of chocolate from his own when they parted. "I thought that after a year, you'd be through surprising me..."
The younger man smirked. "Never been rimmed?"
"No."
"Well, it was a first for both of us, then."
"Really?" Fox chuckled. "And here, I thought you knew what you were doing."
Alex grinned, giving Fox a playful tap on the side of his face. "I'd never have done that to anyone else, so, no. I've had no practice."
"Well," Fox purred, rubbing his face into Alex's hair, "it worked for me."
The two finished eating then snuggled down together under the sheets. Pressing his cheek to Fox's chest, Alex released a soft sigh.
"God, I'm glad tomorrow's Saturday."
"Today."
"What?"
"Today," the sleepy montone said. "Today is Saturday."
"Whatever. I'm just glad we can get up whenever we want to."
"Mmm."
Alex grinned, nuzzling his lover's chest. "Then we can play with all your new toys."
"Oooh, can we?"
"You know you want to."
"I can't believe how much you've corrupted me."
"Took very little effort. Now, go to sleep, would you? I don't want to hear any whining later about how tired you are."
Fox let one hand slide up and down Alex's back, relaxing the younger man into and almost catatonic state. "I don't whine," he whispered.
All Alex could manage was a semi-sarcastic grunt before he passed into sleep.
Fox hugged the younger man to him, kissing the top of the sable head and offering deep thanks as he had every night since regaining his memory, for the return of his life, and the joy of knowing his only love.
END
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